Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween



Halloween is not a favorite amongst the parents of kids with D. It complicates things a bit. But, Riley is excited and he'll be happy to eat one little piece of candy at the end of the night.



I wish everyone a safe,happy, low carb as possible Halloween.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I thought some of you might find this list to be helpful. I found it on the CWD site.
Carbohydrate Values for Common Candies
Candy

Size/Package Carbs (g)

3 Musketeers 16 gram fun-sized bar 12g

3 Musketeers 2.13 oz bar 46g

Baby Ruth 2 oz. bar 37g

Baby Ruth 1 fun size 17g

Blow Pop sucker One sucker 13g

Butterfinger 2 oz. bar 41g

Butterfinger 22 gram-fun sized bar 15g

Candy corn 15 pieces 15g

Dum Dum suckers One sucker 5g

Gummy Bears 11 pieces 30g

Heath Bar 1.4 oz. bar 25g

Hershey's Almond 3 minis 15g

Hershey's Almond 1.45oz. bar 20g

Hershey's Kisses 6 pieces 16g

Hershey's Milk Chocolate bar snack size 10g

Jolly Rancher 1 piece 6g

Kit Kat bar 3 piece bar 10g

KitKat 1.5 oz. package 6g

Licorice 3 6-inch Twizzlers 15g

M&M's "Halloween" mini box 10g

M&M's, plain mini pack 15g

M&M's, plain 1.69 oz bag 34g

M&M's, peanut mini pack 13g

M&M's, peanut 1.74 oz bag 30g

M&M's, peanut butter 1.69 oz bag 27g

Milky Way 2.15 oz bar 43g

Milky Way fun-sized bar 14g

Nestle's Crunch 1.5 oz 28g

Nestle's Crunch 4 mini bars 26g

Reese's Cups 2 regular-sized 1 oz cups 18g

Reese's mini cups 4 1-oz mini cups 16g

Skittles 15 pieces 15g

Skittles mini pack 17.5g

Snicker's fun size 12g

Snickers 2.07 oz. bar 36g

Snickers 20-gram fun-sized bar 12g

Starburst 4 pieces 16g

Sweet Tarts mini packs - 5 packs 13g

Tootsie Pop 1 pop 16g

Tootsie Roll midgets 12 30g

Tootsie Rolls 2 bars 23g

Twix 2 2-oz. cookies 37g

Warheads 5 13g

Whoopers 8 Pieces 15g

Whoppers 1 small pouch 16g

Wonka Pixie Stix Each (about 6 in. in length) 2g

Friday, October 26, 2007

The Magazine Article

I don't know why I didn't mention it on here before. (An email yesterday reminded me of it.) But, back in May there was an article in Diabetes Self Management magazine about blogs. And, My Son Has Diabetes was one of the blogs that was featured.

The article was written by the OC's own
Allison. Other OC'ers mentioned are George, Amy, Kerri, and Rachel.

If you get a chance
check it out and then take time to give Allison a pat on the back for writing such a great article.

To read other articles from Diabetes Self Management go
here. I actually ordered a subscription to the magazine and have found a lot of useful articles there.


(One more plug: Beth has now created a website for Diabetes 365. If you get a chance check it out too.)

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Diabetes 365 Project

A few days ago I signed up to do the Diabetes 365 Project. If you haven't heard of it yet it's a project being administrated by Beth and Bernard to promote awareness of diabetes.

It's a project done in pictures. What you are asked to do is to snap a picture related to diabetes every day for 365 days. It's really not as hard as it seems. Diabetes is always there, so there seems to always be a photo op.

These are my first 3 pictures.


Feeling Low; Day 1, October 22, 2007


This is one of the pictures I took when doing the Word in Your Hand Project. Riley's sugar was 59 at the time. You can see it in his eyes.

When a person's sugar goes low, they must have a fast acting carb (sugar) ASAP. Untreated lows can lead to seizures and ultimately death.

There is no cure for diabetes.



Off To School; Day 2, October 23, 2007




Riley's book bag packed for school. His meter case is hanging out of the pocket.

It is more important that he have his blood sugar machine than his books. He tests his sugar an average of 12 times a day.

There is no cure for diabetes.


Site Change Day; Day 3, October 24, 2007




Every three days we must change the needle on Riley's pump.

This is a picture of the old infusion set that I removed. If you'll look closely at the cannula you will see that it is pink. It should be clear. It has blood in it.

That might help explain why Riley's sugars ran high most of the night. He probably was not receiving all of his insulin.

There is no cure for diabetes.

If you'd like to sign up go here. You will need to make a flickr account if you don't already have one.

There is also a link in my sidebar for the project as well as a link just to look at my pictures.

(Side note: If you haven't heard of the Word in Your Hand Project go to tudiabetes and check it out. And, for you parents out there the theme this week is children, so submit your pictures and you might win a prize.)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Im Not A Idiot

Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz

I just wanted to prove that Im not the idiot that I appear to be on this blog. I no I make many a grammatical arrow on hear. But, I'm actually a sticker win it comes to grammer and stuff like that there.

Im glad I found this quiz. Just this morning I typed "It takes too much time and I question it's accuracy." in a blog comment. I really need to proofreed more before hitting "publish".

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Why Be Different?

Yesterday I found this email in my inbox:


"...while at first I was encouraged that you'd found an outlet to talk about your son and his disease and your feelings, I was quickly unnerved by your post titled, "A Disjointed Post".

It didn't take much more reading until I realized that this was an ongoing theme. Do you have something against Type II diabetics? Do you really feel that they deserve a cure less than Type Is?? Because with very little reading through the lines, that is what you seem to be implying. You also seem to be saying that while your son, who I believe does deserve a cure and doesn't deserve this disease, didn't do anything to get this disease, that Type II diabetics are sick and it's their fault. And that they are all old people. As a nurse I wouldn't expect you to be so one-sided."



To tell you the truth I was pleased to see it. First, because the author chose to reveal who they are. And, secondly, because I thought it was nice to debate it in a private forum rather than in my blog comments. I love a debate, but only if those participating are going to be adults about it.

Here is my response:

"I did not in any way mean that those with Type 2 do not deserve a cure nor did I mean to imply that those with Type 2 caused it themselves. I am a nurse and probably about 80% of my patients are diabetic (all of them Type 2). So, I see what type 2 is like also. Also, you are right, not everyone with Type 2 is old, just like every one with Type 1 is not young. I am also a member of tudiabetes and see many Type 2s on there that are both old and young.

Actually, if you go to
this post you'll see that I said myself that those with Type 2 did not cause their disease. My grandmother and dad are both Type 2.

The point I was trying to get across is that Type 1 diabetes and Type 2 diabetes are NOT the same disease. I am assuming that you (or someone close to you) has Type 2 diabetes. So you probably know that Type 2 diabetes makes an individual unable to effectively use the insulin that their pancreas is creating, an insulin resistance if you will.

Type 1 is caused when an auto immune response in the body kills the beta cells in the pancreas (the cells that produce insulin). So, those with Type 1 don't produce any insulin at all. If my son went just one day without insulin injections he would die.

I'm not saying Type 1 is worse. I don't even want to debate that. But, you must understand that since my son has Type 1 that is where I will push for a cure. While a cure for Type 2 would be great, it would not help my son at all. He doesn't have insulin resistance. He doesn't make insulin at all. I feel that by lumping both types of diabetes together it diminishes the possibility of my son receiving a cure.

Secondly, when I said that Type 1 is not you grandmother's type of diabetes it was because I get comments from people all the time whose grandmother have Type 2 so they think they can tell me what my child can and cannot eat. While those with Type 2 may have to limit their carb intake to help control their sugars, those with Type 1 can pretty much eat whatever they want as long as they cover it with insulin.

Of course, I think people should keep their opinions to themselves about what anyone is eating. Would they tell a morbidly obese man in McDonalds that he shouldn't be eating that Big Mac and fries? Probably not. Why does someone feel the need to tell my 5 year old he's being bad when he eats certain things?

So, that is where I'm coming from. There was no ill will wished towards those with Type 2. As I said, my son has Type 1, so that is where I'm pushing for a cure. But, that doesn't mean I don't want those with Type 2 to be cured also. It's just that the cure is not going to come from the same place because they are caused by different things. To me it's like someone saying, " I donated to breast cancer research so I don't need to donate to leukemia research. " You see, they are the same, yet different.

Again, thank you for your comment. I think it is great that you took it upon yourself to email me. I wish more people would do that when they feel passionate about something."

I just wanted to post this because I realized that someone else could read my disjointed post and perceive the same thing. That is not what I want. I am not looking to push those with Type 2 to the side.

I do believe, however, that it is not helping either type by lumping the two together.

(The author of the above email replied with a very nice email this morning. He/she also gave me permission to use their email in this post.)

Monday, October 22, 2007

Email Ellen Degeneres for Diabetes

I mentioned a couple of posts ago about emailing The Ellen Degeneres Show to make her aware that November is National Diabetes Month and also to let her know that World Diabetes Day is November 14.

Bernard took it upon himself to do this also. So, why don't you try it too? My goal is to create awareness about this disease. If we can at least get her to talk about diabetes on World Diabetes Day that is a step in the right direction.

Bernard posted his letter on his blog. Mine started out praising her for creating awareness about breast cancer during October. Then, I spoke of the difference between Type 1 and Type 2 and why a cure must be found.

I also made them aware of World Diabetes Day and listed a link.

Email Ellen. What's it going to hurt? It's just a few minutes out of your time and who knows the impact it could have.

Also, if you have any other shows you think might be responsive let me know and I'll send them a letter too.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Thursday, October 18, 2007

A Disjointed Post

I have a lot of thoughts swirling around in my brain today. I can't seem to make sense of them all.

For one thing, I am TIRED. Riley started running high at bedtime last night. After a few corrections and still having a sugar of 363, I changed his set at around 1:30 this morning. Then, because he tends to run low after site changes, we were up several more times just to check. He never went low. He woke with a sugar of 159 this morning. He must have been OK since then. His teacher has orders to call if his sugar is less than 70 or more than 225. She hasn't called today.

I want to DO something about this disease. I want to scream from the rooftops that my son has this disease and how often he must stick himself with needles and how I had to wake him at 1:30 this morning to jab a long needle into his delicate flesh. I want to scream that I'm terrified of complications and low blood sugars.

But, mostly, I want to scream that my son did not get this disease because he ate too much sugar. He does not have "bad" diabetes (as opposed to the good kind other people have?). Neither he nor I did anything to cause this disease and it is not your grandparents kind of diabetes.

I want to change the name of the disease that my son has. Let Type 2 keep the diabetes term. Someone at
this discussion over at tudiabetes recommended that we rename it Catastrophic Ruthless Attack on the Pancreas or CRAP for short. I like it. Or maybe we could call it beta cellosis. Or pancreaspoopedoutitis. I don't know. I want people to know that the disease my son has is not the disease that their grandmother has.

I want to make people aware. How do I do this? I blog, but my readers are already painfully aware of this disease.

I wasn't going to share this for fear that people would think it was a little off the wall, but at this point in my sleep deprivation I really don't care.

I emailed The Ellen Degeneres Show yesterday with statistics about diabetes. I made them aware of the difference between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes. I told them that November is National Diabetes Month. I also made them aware that November 14 is World Diabetes Day and provided them with a few links. I asked that they consider mentioning diabetes on the show to create awareness.

I didn't get back a reply so I'm sure my email was promptly deleted. But, hey, I tried.

I've thought about emailing other major shows also. I figure even if it doesn't help it won't hurt either. I'm only one little mom with a blog. But, if we all flooded them with email about November being National Diabetes Month and our own personal stories, maybe they would pay attention. Maybe they would at least mention it on their show. Anyone with me on this?

My dream is to have gray ribbons everywhere in the month of November much like the sea of pink we see in October.

Is that so much to ask?

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

A Couple of Things

Just a couple of things I want to mention.

First, it's flu shot season. And, because I'm a nurse, I feel I have to push this issue. Everyone should get their flu shot. My whole family gets it. But, those with chronic conditions (ie: diabetes) should most definitely get the flu shot.

The CDC says that 36,000 deaths occur from the flu every year in the US. And, there are 200,000 hospitalizations from the flu. We all know what a bad cold does to your sugars, so imagine the havoc the flu would reek.

This comes directly from the CDC website:

"The CDC recommends influenza vaccination for those at high risk for complications from the flu, including individuals aged 65 and older and others with chronic medical conditions such as heart and lung disease and diabetes, as well as health care workers. All other groups, including household members of high-risk persons, healthy people ages 50-64, and others who wish to decrease their risk of getting the flu should begin receiving vaccinations in November. CDC also encourages children aged 6 months to 23 months to receive influenza vaccinations."

Secondly, I went a little crazy one day and signed up for NaBloPoMo. National Blog Posting Month is in November. If you sign up for it you are saying you will post every single day in November (no cheating by copying and pasting previous posts)



Why don't you sign up too? November is also National Diabetes Month. So, you can hone your writing skills while getting the word out about diabetes.

If you click on the button in my sidebar it will take you to my page. If you click on the "Main" tab at the top you can find out how to sign up.

I hope to see you there.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Primal Scream

Not much sleep last night,
lows, lows, lows
over treated lows

Site change this morning
draw up, peel, swab
wait for it to dry

He tries to run away
to the hall, to his room, to the moon
I hold him in place

He needs a distraction: I ask about Spongebob
one, two, three
click

His chin wrinkles and his eyes moisten
hands fly to the site, trying to grab, to rub
I pull his hand away

He lets out a primal scream
hug, kiss, pat
he clings to me

My primal scream is buried
by fear, guilt, will
I must not let it escape

Friday, October 12, 2007

Balus and Bosal

I'm at my wit's end (is that supposed to be possessive? it's my wit right? whatever that is) when it comes to Riley's numbers lately.

One good thing is that the average on his machine has come down about 30 points since his last endo appointment. But, we've had quite a few lows.

The problem is the lows come at different times. If he's having consistent lows at around the same time every day then I know what to do. But, when his lows (and highs) are all over the place I'm at a loss.

He had a low in the 50s night before last, just before bedtime. I don't sleep well anyway, but a low like that just before I tucked him in to bed didn't help any.

I guess we overdid it because he ran high all night. Oh wait, he runs high all night every. freaking. night.

I have increased carb coverage. I've increased his basals. We correct him at night and still he stays high. Again, not good for my sleep pattern. Because when I correct him in the middle of the night even though he hasn't really been coming down I still worry that he will eventually crash.

His basal rates look crazy to me. He always had his lowest basals leading up to bedtime, but now his highest rate is from 9 PM- 12 AM. And, still, he's high. All. night. long.

Is it because he's growing? Is it because he's not active at night? Is it because his pancreas is helping me out during the day, but at night it need it's rest too?

I don't know. I try and try not to let the numbers get to me. But, they do. Still, it's better than it used to be. Before ALL the numbers got to me. Now, it gets to me when he runs high for a while or we have a lot of lows close together.

Yesterday at school he was high all day. We kept pumping the insulin in. He'd drop some, but he still stayed in the 200s most of the day. And, someone had a birthday party yesterday. So, he ate a cupcake with a sugar of 268.

He usually gets snack at my mom's after school but the birthday party was at the end of school so I told my mom not to give him snack. But, he'd gotten quite a bit of insulin at the party so I told her to check his sugar at some point just to make sure he was OK.

She checked him at 4:05 PM (1 hour and 15 minutes post-party insulin) and he was 168. At 4:58 PM ( a mere 53 minutes later) he said he felt low. His sugar was 50. He got a juice box and 15 minutes later he was 42.

When Michael walked in the door I looked at him and said, "I give up." I'm just so frustrated with it all.

Then, last night before bed he was in the 300s. Rebound? Maybe. His pancreas screwing with me? That's more likely.

I'm just at a point now where I feel like I can't win. I look at his numbers and I'm at a loss of what to do. The words basal, bolus, insulin on board, and carb ratio swim around in my brain and end up looking like balus, bosal, carb board, and ratio on insulin.

It's just stopped making sense to me. Riley's endo said I could fax his sugars to her and she's see what she could do.

But, what can she do, adjust here and adjust there only to adjust here and there again in a few days? All the while I get to see Riley's eyes glaze over with every low and have my heart ache with fear with every high that just won't come down.

Sorry to be such a downer but I'm feeling a little inadequate right now caring for Riley's diabetes. Nothing I'm doing seems to be helping.

Sometimes I feel like diabetes and I are in a race. And I'm so afraid it's going to win.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Saturday

We woke up early on Saturday morning. I still had some last minute things to do.

As usual the first thing I did was go into Riley's room and check his blood sugar. But, before I did, I just sat for a while and looked at him and held his little hand. Two years ago life had been so carefree and then, with one finger stick it all came crashing down around us.

As I sat and held his hand I prayed a prayer of thankfulness to still have him in my life. Things could be so much worse and I am truly blessed.

We got up and got ready and went to the walk. We had more people come out and show their support this year. Still, I raised less money. This year we raised $1,920.00 (almost $800 less than last year). But, I know that every little bit helps and even a little is better than none at all.







The walk went well. Riley went low a couple of times. I had decreased his basal but he still dipped down probably from a mixture of excitement and increased activity.


Our plans were to take Riley to a movie and out to eat to celebrate 2 healthy years with this disease. But, there weren't any children's movies playing.

Riley chose a Japanese steakhouse as his restaurant of choice. He loves that place with the flames and throwing of various food objects. And the rice, we can't forget the pile of rice they give you.

I don't carry a purse. I hardly ever do. I just don't like having to lug something around. So, I carried Riley's machine in my hand and laid it on the table.

We had been there a few minutes when one of the waiters came up and poured Michael some more Diet Coke.

"Are you diabetic?", he asked Michael nodding to the blood sugar machine.


"No, he is.", Michael said pointing to Riley.

"Me too. I got it when I was 4."


"Riley was 3.", I said.


Then, the waiter was gone. Michael and I just looked at each other. When I pointed the waiter out to Riley and told him he had D too, Riley's eyes lit up.

Later, when he came back to fill up Michael's glass once again, he asked if we knew what had brought on Riley's diabetes. We said no. He said his was brought on by being attacked by fire ants.

As he was leaving the table this time he glanced over his shoulder and said, "Good luck to you guys. It's not easy."

Yes, you are right Mr. Nice Waiter Guy. It is not easy.

I had to spend the rest of the time trying not to stare at him as he made his way around the restaurant. Being in the presence of others with Type 1 tends to make me do that sometimes.

After that we went to a county fair. Riley had a wonderful time riding rides and I had a wonderful time watching him.

His favorite ride was a boat that swung back and forth. It went kind of high for a kid Riley's age. But, he thoroughly enjoyed it.

I stood there and watched him. He had a huge grin on his face, one of those grins where I swear his eyes are lighting up. And, the tears welled up in my eyes.

All I could think was that 2 years ago I never thought I'd see that smile again. But, there it as was as bright as ever.

When we got ready to leave he got the ice cream he was promised. And, once again, I thought about how 2 years ago I never thought he'd eat ice cream again.

The whole day and night only reminded me of what Riley had told me the night before.

He really is going to be OK.

I just love my kid

Friday night as I was tucking Riley into bed, I asked him if he knew what the next day was.

"The walk."

"Yes. But, it's also the day you were diagnosed with diabetes. Two years ago you were in the hospital and mommy and daddy were learning how to take care of you. So, tomorrow after the walk we'll do something special."

"Ice cream!!!!!!", he yelled with a huge grin on his face.

"OK, we'll do something special and you can have some ice cream."

"And, I hope we get a cure one day. Then I won't have to check my sugars anymore."

I pulled the covers up under his chin.

"But, if they don't ever find a cure I'll just have to keep checking my sugar and taking my insulin."

"And, that will be OK, won't it?"

"Yeah, that will be OK."

Saturday, October 06, 2007

730 Days

730 days ago diabetes slipped quietly into our house. It crept in and wound itself into the fabric of our lives. It permeated every pore of our being. It smelled like band aids and tasted like sea water.

Two years ago today, I thought the world had ended.

Looking back it seems like it was a lifetime ago. Was there ever a time when Riley didn't have diabetes?

I've learned a lot in the last 730 days.

I've learned how many carbs are in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I've learned that Lantus really does only last for 28 days.

I've learned that you can't keep syringes in the bottom of a pocket book just in case you need them. The numbers rub off.

I've learned Animas' 800 number.

I've learned that sometimes when Riley is low, he starts to cry.

I've learned that sometimes when Riley is high, I start to cry.

I've learned all sorts of things I never, ever wanted to know.

But, I've also learned that some of the most wonderful people in the world have diabetes.

I've learned what it's like to love so much your heart feels like it is going to burst.

I've learned to be thankful for every day I get to spend with my family.

I've learned that, no matter what, life goes on.

And sometimes it's better than I ever thought it could be.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Picture Pages

My baby's very first day of school.




Working diligently.




He was excited and I was terrified.






Soccer





Riley and Michael



Yes!







Thursday, October 04, 2007

Hope

While looking up some things for Walk of Hope I came across this quote. I thought I'd share it with you. It describes perfectly how I feel.


"Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent" -- Jean Kerr

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

A Strange Question

I was speaking to another mother of a child with D today about Walk of Hope. I had invited her daughter to come out and walk as well as to be included in my Faces of Hope presentation. I didn't even ask for a donation because I knew they participated in a JDRF walk.

She said she had never heard of The Iacocca Foundation. I wasn't surprised. I'm sure plenty of people haven't. So, I gave her the whole spiel I usually do. It was founded by Lee Iacocca whose wife died at the age of 57 from complications brought on by Type 1 diabetes, and so on and so forth.

Then, she asked, "So does all of the money from The Iacocca Foundation go just to the children too?"

Huh?

I think I just stood there a second. I didn't really know what to say.

I said, "Well, it goes to research to find a cure for Type 1 diabetes."

Then she said, "I know that all of JDRF's money goes to the kids. And, the ADA usually gives their money to adults."

I said, "Well, the money given to The Iacocca Foundation goes to research to find a cure for kids and adults with Type 1 diabetes."

I didn't know what else to say. She said, "That's nice." And, that was the end of our conversation.

As I was walking to my car I was thinking, "All of the money goes to the kids? What does that mean?"

Then, I remembered a comment I had read on tudiabetes by someone (an adult with Type 1) who said she went to a local JDRF meeting and was told that it was just for the parents of kids with Type 1. She was saying that she didn't support JDRF because all they care about is the children with Type 1 and their parents. At the time I didn't think much of it.

But, now, I'm just befuddled. How can the money just go to kids? If they find a cure are they only going to let the kids have access to it? Do they think that once someone reaches adulthood their D just disappears? Do they think only kids develop Type 1?

I've never thought of Type 1 as a kid's disease. Kids grow up to be adults, adults with Type 1 diabetes. It would be great if they outgrew it, but they don't.

There is enough division between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes. Do we really need to break Type 1 into sub-categories?

Sorry, the question just blew my mind. I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on what she said.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Hodge Podge

I'm doing much better today. I'm still a little on the emotional side. You know, songs on the radio make me tear up and things like that. But, I'm not mad at this stupid disease like I was yesterday.

I think it was just everything happening all at once. With Riley recently starting school and me working on the walk and Riley's anniversary coming up, I just seem to be on edge all of the time. I can feel the tension in my back and shoulders.

I know that things will get back to our kind of normal once Riley's anniversary and the walk are over. And, I know that at some point I will feel the weight of this disease baring down on me once again.

I'm just grateful that I have you guys to listen to my rants and complaints during my whiny times. And, that I have you to share my blessings with also. ___________________________________________________________________

As I mentioned in my last post, Riley's A1C has gone up to 7.8. Riley's endo smiled when she told me because she said, "I think it's just fine, but I know you don't. So, let's see what we can do."

Riley's sugars have been running high at night for a while now. All. Night.Long.

By breakfast they are usually back down to normal. But, no matter what we did at night he ran high even with correction after correction. Because of this, I'm getting even less sleep than usual. I can't sleep as well when Riley has all that extra insulin floating around. Even though he's been running high the chance of his sugar dropping dangerously low while he's asleep is still enough to keep me up at night.

Dr. M adjusted some basals and some carb ratios. She decreased his range from 140-180 to 120-130. And, things have evened out a bit.

He went down into the 70s in the middle of the night last night (at around 4 AM). I had to give him some fruit snacks, but 30 minutes later he was still hovering in the 70s, so he got more. I guess I overdid it because he woke up with a sugar of 196 this morning.

________________________________________________________

At last count I have about 25 hopeful faces.

And, I have to add that if there is a gene that causes Type 1 diabetes it must be linked with a cuteness gene. Because the kids in Faces of Hope are some of the cutest kids I have ever seen.

It is still not too late add your child or yourself to my hopeful faces.
________________________________________________________

Riley's teacher called at snack today because Riley's sugar was 66. She was getting ready to give him some fruit gushers and when she looked in the box there weren't any.

I think she started to panic a little bit. I told her it was OK and that I thought the snack he was eating would bring it up OK. (It did.)

She called me back a few minutes later to explain what happened. She said that she was keeping a check on the fruit snacks so she could let me know when they were getting low and that he had fruit snacks in his box yesterday. (He also has juice boxes in the fridge.) She said that she brings her lunch to school for the whole week and had noticed that some of her things were missing, but she hadn't said anything.

But, when Riley's gushers went missing today she marched down to the principle's office and told him what had happened. She said that when her food started missing she didn't say anything, but when the health of a child is at stake something had to be done. He said he thought he knew who the culprit was and would take care of it.

I'm happy with the way the teacher handled it. She is very protective of Riley. And, I like it that way.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Cycles

You know, most of the time I try to be understanding. Most of the time, I give people the benefit of the doubt. Even if I don't agree with what they are saying, I at least try to see where they are coming from. I try to keep my judgements to a minimum. I haven't walked in their shoes and they haven't walked in mine.


Today I'm not doing so well with that. I think I'm having a mini pity party and I'm the only one invited.

It all started last night. I'm not really sure what brought it on. Maybe it's the walk and the lack of response I seem to be having this year. So far, I've only raised 1/3 the amount of money that I did last year. And, this year, I've asked more people for donations than I did last year. So, I'm a little discouraged about that.

Or that fact that Riley's 2 year anniversary is coming up on Saturday. I think back to how bad he probably felt two years ago and I was oblivious to it. And, the guilt kicks in.

Or maybe it's because Riley had an endo appointment on Friday and his A1C has gone up from 7.0 to 7.8. I keep thinking that if only I had paid more attention to his numbers that wouldn't have happened.

Last night ended with me crying in my pillow, much like it did every single night a little over two years ago. I feel like we are no better off now than we were that fateful day that Riley was diagnosed.

I'm not in the best of moods today.


So, when I heard someone talking about how a child cried because his parents got him the wrong flavor of ice cream, I want to scream, "He should be glad he could have ice cream at all. Riley would probably eat mud flavored ice cream without complaining if someone offered it to him."

Usually I just let those things slide. They don't understand how much their words sting. There is no way they can. Which is why I usually keep Riley's diabetes stuff to myself.

But, for some reason today I want to tell everyone I meet that my son has diabetes and what he must do to survive every single minute of every single day.

I want to somehow make them feel what it's like to have diabetes in the back of your mind 24 hours a day 7 days a week. What it feels like to watch your child cry and scream about how much he hates his disease. I want them to feel the sick feeling I get in my stomach when Riley is having a particularly bad low. Or the anger that burns in me when a high number is ravaging his body. Or the helplessness that I feel because I want to take this disease away with every fiber of my being, but knowing no matter how much I try it is always there.

I want to make them care, just for a minute.

Like I said, I'm in a bad mood.

I haven't been doing this as long as many of you. But, I've been doing it long enough to know that there are cycles with this disease. Some days I feel like everything will be OK. But, every once in a while I have a day like today.

I know that eventually my anger and frustrations will fade and be replaced by happiness and optimism. But, I also know the happiness and optimism will fade again too.

I guess the key is to have the good days outweigh the bad. And, they do. They do, by far.

It's funny how I do have great days, days where diabetes is way back in the background, but I don't seem to appreciate them as much as I loathe the days that really, really suck.

I need to work on my perspective. I want my happiness to be as all-consuming as my sadness.