We attended a candle light service at church tonight. It was really nice and I had to choke back tears the whole time. I've been a little emotional lately. That's one of things about Riley having diabetes. Some days I think "Well, this isn't so bad. I can handle this." Then there are other days that even when his sugars are OK, I just feel sad. I don't know why. I think sometimes I just suck it up and trudge ahead, and then some days it hits me that you can never let up, never forget that he has diabetes. Never, really just be.
But, looking at Riley tonight, with the candlelight on his face and singing "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" just a few words behind everyone else. As I was holding back the tears, I suddenly realized that it was almost Christmas and I had almost not even realized it. I've let diabetes consume my life. My little boy is so excited about Christmas and I'm just worrying over what pump to chose. So, tonight as I was looking at Riley and thinking how blessed I am that he's mine, I made a vow. I thought I was doing OK living as normal a life as possible, but I was wrong. I made a vow to make diabetes a part of my life, not my whole life. We'll see how it goes.