Monday, December 31, 2007

My year in 12 sentences

I got this from Kerri last year and decided to do it again this year. If you'd like to do it too just post a link to a definitive post from each month last year along with the first sentence of the post.

I have enjoyed going back and looking at old posts. I am reminded of how far we have come. I am really in a good place right now. I am the happiest I have been since Riley's diagnosis.

Also while looking at old posts I re-read some of the comments and I must say how awesome all you guys are. I don't know what I have would have done these past 2+ years without your kind words. I look forward to another year with you guys.

January: "Because I Have To"

"It was 4:30 in the morning."

February: "FULLREWINDREQUIRED"

"Riley had been running high for a while."

March:
"A little help"


"One day last week I was sitting at a local restaurant waiting for my food."

April: "Because I have a four year old"


"When Katie Couric told me about a 'possible new treatment for Type 1 diabetes' I sat on the edge of my couch wide-eyed with my hand over my mouth."

May:
"Talk me down"

"You know, I had many parents tell me in the beginning of this disease that checking sugars and giving insulin would just become second nature."

June:
"Choking back tears"

"About three weeks after Riley was diagnosed he checked his sugar for the first time."

July:
"Proud"

"I've been spending a lot of time on tudiabetes lately reading stories of other parents."

August:
"He's at school"

"Well, Riley is at school and , somehow, the world didn't end."

September:
"Choices"

"A lot of people's emotions and attitudes are what they allow them to be."

October:
"730 Days"

"730 days ago diabetes slipped quietly into our house."

November:
"Walk of Hope 2007 Video"

"This is a video I made for Walk of Hope this year."

December:
"Bigs Oops"

"Riley's teacher was out sick yesterday."

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 28, 2007

Being Resolute

I don't usually make New Year's resolutions. To me January 1st is just the first day of a new year, not really any more special than other days.

But, I do have a few things I'm trying to work on. Some I have started on already. Others (like #3) I will start after the new year. I'm eating like a pig right now.


  1. Getting my house organized and keeping it that way. I have a small house with too many things crammed in it. I have to downsize the clutter. I need to clean out closets. I also need to do a little painting.
  2. Daily Bible reading. I'm kind of hit and miss with that right now. For Christmas I got a daily devotions Bible that maps out how to read the Bible in one year.
  3. Lose a few pounds. I'd like to lose 15, but I'll settle for 10.
  4. Eat healthier. That will help me achieve #3. Plus, I want to be a good role model for Riley.
  5. Not let blood sugars dictate my mood. I really think this will be the hardest one to achieve. Riley's sugars have been awesome for the last couple of weeks. For the most part they have stayed right in the middle where they should be. We've had very few highs and just a hand full of lows. And, because of this, my attitude has been much better. The hard part comes when his sugars go out of control again. Why do I let it affect my mood so much? I don't pat myself on the back for the good sugars. Why do I beat myself up for the bad ones? I really need to work on that. (While I'm on the D subject, I would also like to see an A1C under 7.)
  6. Save some money. We are planning a trip to Colorado this summer to see Michael's family. It will be a long trip and very costly. Also, I'd like to start saving for a house.

I guess that's it. Oh wait, I have one more. This isn't really something I can do, but rather something I want to see happen.

  1. A Cure for Type 1 diabetes.

Every single year since 2005 right after watching the ball drop and kissing my husband, I turn to him and say, "Maybe this is the year they will find a cure for diabetes. "

I hope this is the last year I get to say that.

Happy New Year to you all!!!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

No thanks

I just received an email from NaBloPoMo making me aware of a new group that is being started. If you join this group you are supposed to post every day in 2008.

Sadly, I've let my diabetes 365 project go. I just couldn't keep up with it.

I can't imagine trying to post something every day for a year. I tip my (imaginary) hat to anyone who has the guts to do it, but I think I'll pass.

I'll try to get some Christmas pictures up tonight or tomorrow night. I hope everyone had a great Christmas!!!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Happy Holidays!!

The other day I told my husband that this is the first time I've been excited about Christmas in 3 years.

This is the 3rd Christmas that we must share with diabetes. I have begrudgingly let diabetes into our family. I didn't want it around, but it's here to stay for a while, so I figure I might as well make the best of it.




I hope that you all have a very Merry Christmas a blessed New Year!!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Opionions of the Cleo

Riley had an endo appointment yesterday. Everything was fine. She didn't make any changes to basals or carb coverage so I felt pretty good about that. His A1C is 7.3. (It was 7.8 in September). And, he has gained two pounds over the last 3 months.

Anyway, when she looked at Riley's old pump sites she recommended trying another set. She gave me a couple of Cleo sets. I got one out last night and played with it. I like that it has less adhesive on his skin. (We use insets now.) But, I'm worried that since it has less adhesive I might get pulled out more easily.




I would love to hear your opinion of the Cleo from those who have used it.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Maybe some education is in order

While we were eating supper last night I told Riley to tell his dad what he'd had for snack that afternoon. A kid in his class had a birthday party.

"I had a cupcake and cheese doodles and ice cream, chocolate ice cream." (55g of carbs, more like a meal if you ask me)

"Was it sugar-free ice cream?" Holden asked with a smirk on his face. He was referring to the famous
sugar-free ice cream incident from last week.

"No, smarty it wasn't sugar-free. It was regular old chocolate ice cream and he even got insulin for it this time."

I looked at Riley. He had a look of utter horror on his face.

"It wasn't sugar-free? Oh no."

"What's wrong?"

"You know I can't have sugar, Mama. Am I going to be OK? "

Agh. Here I am blasting other people for not knowing and my own son doesn't even know that he doesn't have to or need to eat things that are sugar-free.

I think dingbat RN got to him last week and filled his head full of nonsense. Either that or I've fallen down on my job.


I want to believe the former but I really think it's the later.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Christmas Meme

1. Wrapping paper or gift bag?

I prefer to give wrapped gifts, but I’ve become lazy and put more in gift bags than I actually wrap. I wrapped or bagged a lot of presents night before last. I think there are about 5 wrapped gifts and maybe about 10 in bags. I know. I’m horrible. But, in my defense, I got a lot of people gift cards this year. It doesn’t seem to make sense to wrap them.

2. Real tree or artificial?

I prefer a real one but I have an artificial one. But, I think this is the last year we’ll be using it. When I put it up this year some of the branches came apart. So, I’ll either buy one on sale after Christmas or I’ll have a real one next year. I like real because of the smell. But, they are more trouble what with the cutting and trying to get it to stand up straight in the stand, or remembering to put water in it and trying not to spill water on the present. So, I use artificial and buy a cedar Yankee Candle to create the real tree smell.


3. When do you put up your tree?

The Friday or Saturday after Thanksgiving

4. When do you take down your tree?

A day or two after Christmas. I like my tree, but I get tired of it taking up space in the living room. I’m glad to see it go.

5. Do you like eggnog?

Ick.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

I remember receiving a dollhouse with little doll furniture when I was about 5 or 6. I loved it. It looked huge to me at the time. It was about as tall as I was. I also remember one Christmas when I was about 10 I got a bike I had been asking for. I didn’t think I’d get it. It was green and had a banana seat with “Sweet Pea” written on it.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?




No, but I would love to have a Willow Tree Angel one.










8. Hardest person to buy for?

My dad. If he wants or needs something he buys it. So, it is very hard to get him anything. This year he is getting a Black and Decker light. I’m hoping it will come in handy at work.

9. Easiest person to buy for?

Riley. He is young enough that anything is exciting for him. Holden is easy to buy for too except that he’s 16 so everything that he wants is expensive.

10. Worst Christmas gift you've ever received?

I don’t remember.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards?

I didn’t do either this year. But, if I send cards it is through the mail.

12. Favorite Christmas movie?

“It’s a Wonderful Life”; I also really enjoy “National Lampoons Christmas Vacation”

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

Usually right after Thanksgiving (but not the Friday after, that's too much of a crowd for me)

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

Guilty

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Ham, turkey, mashed potatoes, lima beans

16. White or colored lights?

I think I’m one of the few people who still use colored Christmas lights on my tree.

17. Favorite Christmas song?

“O Holy Night”; “Mary Did You Know?” is a very close second

18. Traveling for Christmas or staying home?

We go to my mom’s on Christmas morning (about 4 miles down the road). Then later in the day we go to my aunt’s house about 15-20 minutes away. So, I travel but not very far.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

No, I always forget one or two. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph; Is that right? I don't know. How many reindeer are there anyway?

20. Angel or Star on top of tree?

I don’t have anything on the top of my tree this year. Last year when I took down the tree I realized the angel had seen her last days. I haven’t bought one to replace her. But, if I were to buy something I would buy an angel.

21. Open presents Christmas Eve or Morning?

We open one present at my mom’s house on Christmas Eve. It is always PJs to wear on Christmas night. We open all the rest of the presents on Christmas morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?

Having somewhere to be almost every single night

23. What I love most about Christmas ?

Being with my family; seeing my kid’s faces on Christmas morning when they see what they got from Santa


Feel free to play along if you'd like. And, in case I don't get back before Christmas I hope all of you have a very Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah and a blessed New Year.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Follow Up

Thanks for your comments on my post yesterday. My anger has subsided a bit for now.


I'll try to address some of the comments here.

D-RN does not know the error of her ways yet. I sent the letter to school with Riley this morning, so the parents should get it today. I am hoping that when she reads it she will see that she screwed up. We'll see. I guess it just depends on how much of a dingbat she really is.

I don't really feel the need to push the issue. What's done is done. While D-RN is at fault I feel that the responsibility really falls on the sub.

Regarding the sub, she is the sister of Riley's teacher. She is a retired school teacher. Since she is retired she comes to school almost every day to help her sister with things. So, she sees what P has to do with Riley on a daily basis. She sees him get insulin every time that he eats.

Also, regarding having a standard letter for all subs, there is a whole notebook full of information in the classroom regarding Riley and his diabetes. I gave it to P the week before school started. She has commented often about how thorough it is. It is plainly written in there that anytime Riley eats he must check his sugar first and then get insulin based on the amount of carbs he eats. I can provide the info but I can't make them read it or understand it.

So, since the sub is P's sister, it kind of puts me in a bad place. If it were anyone else I would probably already ripped her a new one. But, since P is so good to Riley I don't want to make too many waves.

When I talked to P on the phone she sounded upset with her sister also. I'm pretty sure her sister heard a thing or two from her.

We are so blessed that Riley has P for a teacher. She is very protective of Riley. And, if she ever has a question she calls. For example, Riley's sugar at lunch yesterday was 93. I forget how many carbs he ate, but it must have been a lot because the pump said to give him 1.60 units. This is a lot for Riley, so P called first to check and make sure she should give it all. Or, a week or so ago she called to tell me Riley's sugar at lunch. A few minutes later she called again. She said Riley said his needle burned when she gave him the insulin. She was worried that there was something wrong.

Or, there's the time Riley said his sugar felt low but it wasn't and she called to see if there was anything she should do. Or, Monday when Riley's sugar was 267 at morning snack, she called and said, "I feel so helpless. Is there anything I'm doing wrong? Is there something I can do better?"

Riley was out sick on Tuesday. He woke up with eyes almost swollen shut. I took him to the Dr. and he had conjunctivitis and an ear infection. At 8:30 that morning P called from school to check and make sure Riley was OK because he never showed up at school. I'm sure she doesn't do that to all the kids. I think she has a soft spot in her heart for my little man.

I just can't say enough wonderful things about this lady. God was really looking out for Riley when he gave up P for a teacher.

Last night they had a Christmas program at Riley's school. I had to stay after because I'm on the hospitality committee. That's a hoot if you know me. I'm not a very hospitable person.

Anyway, Riley was running around the gym with the little girl of the mom who brought the sugar-free ice cream for Riley. When she came in to tell her it was time to leave I bristled a little. I just knew she was going to mention the ice cream party and it is a sore subject with me.

"Riley really is a cutey. C. has a crush on him."

I nodded my head and smiled. Please go away, I thought. Just turn and walk away.

But, no, she couldn't.

"We had an ice cream party yesterday. I'm not sure if you heard about it or not."

"Oh, yes, I heard about it."

"Well, I brought sugar-free ice cream for Riley." She said it with a huge grin on her face. You could tell she was very proud of herself.

"My mom is diabetic so I knew sugar-free was better for him."

I'm not sure what the expression on my face was, but I don't think it was pretty. I saw her expression change.

Then she said, " I brought some other things too, but he checked his sugar and it was high, so we decided to just let him have the ice cream."

By this time my brain was screaming "Go away before I scream at you. Just go away." Riley's sugar had been 152 at the ice cream party. This was a very lovely sugar considering he had just eaten 2 hours earlier and probably still had plenty of insulin on board. His sugar was by no means high by my standards.

I just stood there with this fake smile on my face. I knew she would get the letter the next day. It explained that Riley doesn't need sugar-free foods. I just didn't feel like dealing with any of it right then. I was afraid that if I started to speak I would start to yell.

And, really, this mom had done nothing wrong. She has actually been very sweet by thinking of Riley and bringing him sugar-free ice cream because she thought it was better for him. It's not like him eating sugar-free hurt him or anything.

But, Michael was standing next to me.

"You know, you don't have to bring sugar-free for Riley. He can eat whatever the other kids are eating, " he said.

"Oh, it was no problem. We had it at home anyway. It's what C eats all the time. So, that's what she ate at the party too."

Then, she gathered up her kids and left.

I made sure to write her a personal note on her letter thanking her for thinking of Riley and bringing the sugar free ice cream. I didn't want her to think that the letter had anything to do with her.

She was trying to do something good. But, really, if she hadn't brought the sugar-free ice cream Riley probably would have gotten insulin.

It's water under the bridge now. I hope the letter clears things up for some people.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Big Oops

Riley's teacher was out sick yesterday. I found this out when Holden called me at snack time before he gave Riley his insulin.



Holden called again at lunch. He always calls before he gives insulin. Riley's sugar was fine at snack and lunch. After I hung up I said a little prayer that he'd stay fine and not go low before getting out of school. I know Holden is fine giving the insulin, but when Riley has a sub I worry that when he goes low she won't react quickly enough.



I didn't get a call from my mom when Riley got home from school and ate snack so I assumed everything was fine.



At about 4:15 yesterday afternoon my cell phone rang. It was Riley's teacher. She sounded like death warmed over.



"Hi. I was just calling to check on Riley."



"He's OK, I guess. My mom hasn't called since he got home from school."



"Well, I wasn't there today and Holden gave him his insulin."



"I know, Holden told me."



"The class had an ice cream party this afternoon."



My stomach dropped. I never got a call from Holden about insulin.



"The mother who brought the ice cream brought sugar-free for Riley."



"Well, that was nice, but most sugar-free ice cream has more carbs in it than the regular."



"The sub didn't know if Riley needed insulin or not since it was sugar-free. She was wondering if she needed to call Holden or not. But, there was another mother there and she is a RN. She told the sub that he would be fine and didn't need any insulin."



"What!?!"



"I know. I'm so sorry. I told her that from now on anytime Riley eats he has to take insulin."



"P, you know I don't mind being called at anytime."



"I know."



"Why didn't someone call me or go get Holden? Why did that mother think she knew what to do? I imagine she's never seen an insulin pump in her life."



"I know, someone should have called you."



"Yes, they should have." My face was warm with anger.



"I'll call my mom now and see what his sugar was when he got home from school."



"If you don't mind, will you call me back and let me know? Otherwise I'll worry all night."



I called my mom.



"Hello."



"How high was Riley's sugar when he got home?"



"I don't know. I haven't checked it."



"Why not?"



"He told me he ate snack at school so he didn't need to eat snack when he got here."



I told her what happened. She said she didn't know that he didn't get any insulin. She checked his sugar. It was 277. That's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.



She gave him a correction dose.



I called Riley's teacher.



"Riley is fine. His sugar is 277. And, as you know, it's been much higher than that before. But, I'm glad you called me because my mom wouldn't have checked his sugar otherwise."



"OK. I'm so sorry this happened."



Mistakes happen. I understand that. We all forget to do things sometimes. I've forgotten to give Riley insulin before. Remember
his first day of school?



But, what makes me mad is that they stood there and debated if Riley needed insulin or not and yet they never consulted me. Heck, they could have asked Riley and he would have either told them, yes, I need insulin, or I don't know, you need to ask my mom.



The thing that angers me the most is the RN who chose to make a decision about my child's medicine without ever consulting me.



Riley's teacher said she told the sub never to listen to that lady because "she's a dingbat".



I told her that even if she was brilliant, just because she's a RN doesn't mean she knows everything about everything. I'm a RN and the only thing I knew about Type 1 when Riley was diagnosed was that people with Type 1 couldn't take pills, they had to take insulin.



I have typed out a letter to distribute to all the parents telling them more about Type 1 diabetes. I put some things in there about how they don't need to bring anything special for Riley to eat and that he can eat whatever the other kids are eating.



I explained a little bit about carbs and that the amount of insulin that Riley gets when he eats is based on the amount of carbs he eats and not the amount of sugar.



I also put that Riley must have insulin ANYTIME that he eats. Maybe dingbat RN will learn a little something.



Riley's teacher called me this morning to let me know she was feeling better and that she would be at school today. That makes me feel better.



Yesterday was a learning experience for everyone. I just hate that Riley is the one that is affected by it all.



This is reason 1,500,555,784 why I wish I had diabetes instead of Riley. It's very hard to be a pancreas for someone when you are miles away from them. If it was me I would have kindly told DRN that she was clueless and I would have eaten the regular ice cream and bolused accordingly.


I hate this stupid disease.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Task Completed



Now I will be taking a blogging vacation.

Talk to you guys soon!

Friday, November 30, 2007

Love Does Not Conquer All

Riley stood in the living room. I had just dried him off from his bath. I was holding his pump tubing up to the light to check for bubbles as I do every night when I put on his pajamas.

My mind was on bubbles and priming. That's when he hit me with one of those questions from out of the blue.

"Mama, how did I get diabetes?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know, how did I get it?"

I explained it to him as I put his pump in his pocket and tucked the tubing into his waistband.

"Well, you got a virus and that virus killed the cells in your pancreas that make insulin. That is why you have to take insulin. It doesn't happen to everyone who gets a virus, just some people."

I looked at my son. His head was hung down and his lips where poked out.

"Why do you ask? Does having diabetes ever make you sad?"

"No." He looked up at me with his big brown eyes and said, "I just wish I could be normal like everyone else."

"What do you mean? You are normal."

"No I'm not. I have to take insulin and wear a pump and that's not normal."

I bit my lips as the tears stung my eyes and threatened to spill out. I took a few deep breaths and gathered him up into my arms.

He sat on my lap with with his pajama bottoms on. He lay his damp head on my shoulder.

"I'm not normal. I'm not normal."

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm not. I'm not normal."

"Riley you are normal. Just because you take medicine doesn't mean you're not normal."

"Is there anything the other kids in your class get to do that you don't?"

"No."

"Then why are you not normal?"

"I don't know, I'm just not."

"Does anyone ever make fun of you because you have diabetes?"

I held my breath afraid of what the answer might be.

"No."

"You know why? Because they know you're just like them."

He looked deep in thought.

"Mama, do I have to go to bed right now? Can I lay in your lap for a little bit?"

"Yes, for a few minutes."

He got his Winnie the Pooh blanket that he used to have in his crib when he was a little baby. He wrapped up and lay his head in my lap.

I let him lie there for a while while I stoked his hair. My heart ached with love for him and I once again held back the tears that where stinging my eyes.

After a while I tucked him into bed. After his prayers he reached out and gave me a big bear hug, a little bit stronger than most nights, then he gave me a big kiss and another tight squeeze.

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you too baby bear."

I really wish love did conquer all.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

NaMeMo?

I think November should be NaMeMo (National Meme Month). Because of NaBloPoMo I think there are more memes done in November than any other month.

Here’s one more. (taken from
Beth’s blog)

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?



Heaven



2. What is your greatest fear?




One of my children dying before me.




3. Which living person do you most admire?




I don’t admire any one person. I’ve met a lot of great people. Of course I admire my mom. I mostly admire people who are genuine and kind.



4. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?



I guess it’s not something I do, but rather something I don’t do. I feel like I’m not assertive enough sometimes.




5. What is the trait you most deplore in others?




Apathy




6. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?




Being open-minded about everything . There is nothing wrong with having values and sticking to them.




7. On what occasion do you lie?




I really try not to lie. I’ve been told before that I’m honest to a fault. But, being the southern girl that I am I will usually lie to spare someone else’s feelings. Unless I am asked point blank what I think I’ll usually just keep my mouth shut to keep from lying.

8. What do you dislike most about your appearance?




My skin.

9. What is your greatest regret?




Honestly, I can’t say that I regret anything. Every decision, good or bad, has made me who I am today.

10. What or who is the greatest love of your life?




Michael. I can’t imagine my life without him.




11. Which talent would you most like to have?




I would love to be able to sing well.

12. What is your current state of mind?




Sleep-deprived

13. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?




Just one thing? I would like to be more organized.

14. What do you consider your greatest achievement?




My two boys. I think they are both pretty good, well-mannered kids.



15. If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?




With my luck I’d come back as an insulin syringe or a lancet where my job would be to stick a little kid all day. OK, let me think. I think I’d come back as me.



16. What is your most treasured possession?




I’m not big on possessions. Let’s see. I have Santa Clauses that my grandmother collected and gave to me. I would hate to see anything happen to them. They are decorating my mantel right now.

17. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?




OK, these questions get kind of deep don’t they? I think realizing all the bad things that are done to children and not being able to change it. This answer is probably going to make me sound crazy, but if I hear of a child being abused or abandoned it makes me cry, not just tears well up in my eyes, but full-blown boo-hooing with soaked tissues and everything. When I think of all the children out there right now who are being abused, starved, beaten, molested, when I think of all the children that don’t have anyone to look out for them it makes me very sad. I’m crying now as I type this. Children are so innocent. Adults are supposed to protect them and nurture them. When that doesn’t happen it just breaks my heart.


18. Where would you like to live?




I probably wouldn’t go far; just a few hours west of where I live right now would be fine.


19. What is your most marked characteristic?




Honesty.



20. Who are your favorite writers?




Ayn Rand, Laura Ingalls Wilder

21. Who is your favorite hero of fiction?




Atticus Finch

22. Who are your heroes in real life?




Those who do good for others, not for accolades or money, but because they truly care and want to make a difference in someone’s life. Those who stand up for what they believe is right even if no one understands why.

23. What is it that you most dislike?




People who think they are better than someone else.

24. What is your motto?




I don’t really have one.

25. Favorite Journey?




A family trip we took to the mountains of NC the summer of 2005. We had such a wonderful time. Riley was diagnosed a couple of months later. We will never have another vacation quite as carefree as that one. We all went down Sliding Rock, even 3 years old Riley went down it with Michael. It was the coldest water I have ever been in, in my life. We’d stop and picnic when we were hungry and we’d stop to sleep when we were sleepy. There where no schedules, nothing we HAD to do, just things we wanted to do.


26. What do you value most in your friends?

Honesty. Dependability.

27. Which words or phrases do you must overuse?
Freaking. For example: Riley’s freaking blood sugar is 400!

I say “OK” a lot too, but in a sarcastic way. Like if Michael says, “My left great toe is itchy.” I’ll say, “OK” as if to say, “That was something I really didn’t need to know.”

28. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

None

29. What is your greatest extravagance?

Food. We eat too nice around my house. I cook a full on meal pretty much every night. We could really cut back and save if we’d eat sandwiches every once in a while. And, if we go out to eat I always want to go somewhere nice (nice=expensive). Yes, I spend way too much money on food.
30. If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
Diabetes wouldn’t live there anymore.

31. What is your favorite occupation?
stay at home mom

32. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Being strong in the face of adversity

33. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Genuinely caring about other people.

34. How would you like to die?

In my sleep at a very, very old age, possibly after a wonderful day with my kids, and their kids, and possibly their kid’s kids.

35. If you could chose what to come back as, what would it be?

A very well taken care of house cat. Eat, drink, sleep, ah, that’s the life.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

First game of the year

Not much time to blog today. I'm getting ready to leave for Holden's first basketball game of the year. He missed the first two games because of his back.

He is so excited that he actually slept in his basketball uniform last night. He says if they win tonight he's going to do that every time they have a game.

So, I'm off to the game. He's practiced the last two nights and his back has done OK. But, tonight will be the true test. He'll get pushed around a lot more tonight than he does in practice.

I hope everyone has a great rest of the day and night.

(2 more posts to go and NaBloPoMo will be over. Yay!!!)

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Because It Is NaBloPoMo I Must Meme

I got this email a week or so ago and I saved it because it's NaBloPoMo and I need material. If anyone would like to play along, feel free.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes, my great, great grandmother on my mom's side. Her name was Mary Penny. My great-grandmother wanted one of us named Penny. It turned out to be me.


2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

The last time I really boo-hooed was on November 8th. It happened at work and I HATE to cry in front on people. I won't go into details, but I got screwed over for some money. I was more mad than anything and that's what caused me to cry.

3. Do you like your handwriting?
It's OK. A lot of people tell me that I have nice handwriting, but I don't find it to be anything special.


4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

roast beef

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Yes, two boys: Holden (16) and Riley (5). Three, if you count my husband, Michael (26)


6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I'm really not sure. I don't make friends easily. I'm not a very social person. Some people may think I'm stand-offish. But, if you do become my friend I am fiercely loyal. So, I guess the answer is I would be friends with me if I took the time to
really get to know me.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Could their be a dumber question?

8. Do you still have your tonsils?
Yep.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
The only way I would bungee jump is at gunpoint or if I had to do it to cure diabetes.


10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Apple Jacks


11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Most of the time. I hate having to untie them in the morning. (I'm not a morning person.)


12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Physically, not at all. Emotionally, I have my moments.


13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Breyer's Mocha Almond Fudge but I don't think they make it anymore:(


14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their eyes


15. RED OR PINK?
Red. I don't like the color pink. I don't own anything pink.


16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
Probably my poochy belly. I keep thinking I'm going to do something about it, but as of yet I have not.


17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST
My Pop Pop. He died 14 years ago.


18 WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Ceil blue nursing pants, New Balance tennis shoes that are white, gray, and blue.


20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A peanut butter and jelly sandwich for supper last night. I had a cup of coffee this morning which is my usual breakfast.


21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The sound of the computer keys clicking as I type.


22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
yellow


23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Michael


24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
A patient, Mr. J. I called to see what supplies I needed so I can take them with me when I see him later today.


25 FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Basketball. I particularly like to watch Holden play and Duke University. I also like to watch the Charlotte Bobcats play, but they hardly ever show their games on TV.


26 HAIR COLOR?
brown


27 EYE COLOR?
brown


28 Do you wear contacts?
Yes, for the last 18 years. I have never worn glasses,
only contacts.

29.FAVORITE FOOD?
Ribeye steak and baked potato


30 SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
I love scary movies. Happy endings are OK too, but they always seem kind of cheesy. Unlike the serial killer that is indestructible and the heads that roll off and onto the ground with a look of shock still on their face. That it totally life-like and not cheesy at all :-)

31. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. Next to It's A Wonderful Life, it is my favorite Christmas movie.


32 WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Ceil blue nursing shirt. I'm
also wearing a nursing jacket that is blue with teddy bears and Christmas trees on it.

33. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer, I detest cold weather. I wouldn't do well in Alaska or Antartica or Wisconsin for that matter.


34. HUGS OR KISSES?
If I have to do either I pick a hug. I am not a touchy-feely person. I don't even like to shake hands.


35. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Pineapple cake, particularly my mom's


36.What book are you reading now?
"Where Have All the Leaders Gone?" by Lee Iacocca. It's a really good book.

37. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
At home I don't have one. At work it has an advertisement on it for a local home care agency.



38. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Heros. I don't really like it, but Michael does. It was on because he was watching it and I was too lazy to do anything else so I watched it too. You know, they saved the cheerleader, yet they still haven't saved the world. What's that about?


39. FAVORITE SOUND?
Holden's car pulling safely into the driveway (usually I hear the music blaring first)


40. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles. I do not like the Rolling Stones. I know, I know, I take a lot of heat for that. I've just never liked them.


41. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
New Orleans, Louisiana. I went to Mardi Gra. I do not care to ever go back.


42. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I can play the piano, but not very well. I'm also pretty darn good at guessing at carb counts. That comes in handy as a mom of a child with diabetes.


If any of you do decide to play along let me know so I can read your answers too.

(There are actually 41 questions because I didn't number correctly. But, I'm too lazy to fix it so I'm leaving it that way.)

Monday, November 26, 2007

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

I've been going through one of those good periods lately. You know those times when all seems right with the world and diabetes is way back in the background. It rears it's ugly head every now and then, like the 45 Riley had just before lunch on Thanksgiving. But, mostly we've just been rolling with the punches.




Still, every once in a while, when I'm least expecting it, one of those punches lands squarely on my jaw and I feel the sting as tears well up in my eyes.



I was sitting at my desk this morning, when I saw this picture out of the corner of my eye.











These were taken when Riley was one year old. I looked at his bright smile (the boy smiled constantly in those days) and his chubby little legs and instead of nostalgia, I felt sadness.


Sometimes I look at pictures of Riley before he had diabetes and I can't help but feel a loss all over again. I love my Riley with diabetes fiercely. But, I can't help but think of what it would be like to love a Riley without diabetes.


This morning when I looked at his picture I started trying to imagine what life would be like now if Riley had never gotten diabetes. But, I can't fathom what life would be like without pricking my son with needles and praying for a cure, both of which I do several times a day.



Would I be happier? Would he be happier? Would I appreciate life as much as I do now? Would he be as generous and loving as he is now? Would Michael and I be as close as we are now? Has it hindered Holden's life in any way?



Most of the time I can dodge and weave and every once in a while diabetes lands a glancing blow. But, sometimes, like today, it hits with a force that momentarily knocks the breath out of me.

But, just like many other days, I shake my head, rub my jaw, and wipe the tears from my eyes. Diabetes may not fight fair, but it still won't beat me. It won't beat my son.

I won't let it.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

35 Days of Pictures

I have 35 days of pictures up at Diabetes 365. Here are a few of the most recent ones.

(To read the description that goes along with the picture go to
my diabetes 365 page. )







































Saturday, November 24, 2007

Some Blog Things

You Are 72% Good

You are a good person. You do the best you can to be ethical, fair, and moral.
And as you know, being a good person means making hard decisions... and following them through.
If you're confronted with an ethical dilemma, you will usually do the right thing.
Of course you do slip up. No one's perfect. But you do your best to correct your missteps.

You are also probably: incredibly honest, especially with yourself

Right now you are on track to being: A respected leader

To be a better person: Be kind to someone who is not very kind to you






You Are 63% Tortured Genius

You are smart. Brilliant in fact. And while it's a blessing, it's also a curse.
Your head is filled with everything - grand ideas, insufferable worries, and a good deal of angst.




You Are 35% Selfish

In general, you are a very giving person who treats others very well.
But at times, you insist on getting your way - when it matters most to you.




Have a nice weekend!!

Friday, November 23, 2007

On the Agenda for Today

Later today Michael and I are going to go out. You know, on a date. It's something we rarely ever do. Riley and Holden will be staying the night at my mom's.





We're doing it to celebrate my birthday, a little late. About the only times we go out alone during the year is for our birthdays and for our anniversary. We were going to do it last Friday, but Holden had a basketball game. (Speaking of Holden, his back is doing well and hasn't hurt him for a while now. He'll start back with basketball practice on Monday, so keep your fingers crossed that his back will continue to do OK.)





Anyway, I will be getting a new cell phone for my birthday. The hinge on my cell phone broke and now it won't stay open, so I need a new one. I don't plan on getting anything special. I don't care what features it has as long as Riley's teacher and Holden can reach me when they need me.





We will also go out to eat, probably at Outback since it's my favorite. Or, I might go somewhere else to save a little money.





And, since we're ending up having to go out in the traffic on Black Friday, we will probably brave at least one store. Riley wants a Fur Real Parrot for Christmas and they are on sale at Walmart today about $12 cheaper than usual. When you're on a budget, $12 is enough of a savings to push through the crowd.





And, yesterday was awesome, by the way. We went to my grandmother's and had a great meal and spent time with the family. We were there pretty much all day. And, the best thing was that Riley's sugars cooperated. They were excellent all day (except for a 45 after a hike in the woods).





I hope every one's Thanksgiving was as great as ours.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

A Song

I am thankful for all the usual things that everyone else is. I am truly a blessed woman.

So, instead of listing everything, I decided to share this song instead.

I hope you enjoy and I hope all of you have a safe and happy thanksgiving.


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Late to the Tag

If you read any blogs at all in The OC then you've seen this meme.

I've been tagged by
Shannon, Donna, and Bernard.

I will not be tagging anyone else because I think the entire OC has been tagged already.




#1 I don't own my house. We rent. I've never owned a house. I've always rented. My biggest dream right now is to own a house.




#2 I am a fan of Eminem. I am not a fan of cursing. I am also not a fan of rap. So, that is why it is weird that I like Eminem.


#3 Both of my children go to a private school. That may lead someone to think we have money. It is exactly the opposite, my friend. The payment to school is our biggest monthly payment, by far. Education is very important to us, so we sacrifice other things, so the kids can get good educations. Sometimes it sucks. (Refer to #1)


#4 I am a nurse. I have been bled on, peed on, pooped on, cursed at, bit and spat upon by patients. I have smelled things that no human nose should smell. I have cleaned up things that some may think require a HAZMAT team. And, I can handle it all. I cannot, however, clean false teeth. It makes me nauseous. When I used to work at the hospital if I had a patient that needed their dentures removed and cleaned I would bargain with the nurse's aides. I would change all of the adult diapers if they would take care of my patient's dentures. (I also have an aversion to cutting toenails. Feet give me the heebies jeebies. Not my own feet, just other people's feet.)

#5 I am the statistician for the high school basketball team. I love it. I keep up with assists, turnovers, steals, offensive rebounds, defensive rebounds, and blocked shots for all the players.

#6 I once stayed awake for 39 hours straight. I was working night shifts at the hospital and Holden had a field trip the next day. So I went into work at 7 PM one night and when I got off the next morning I went on the field trip with Holden. Then, I went back into work again that night at 7 and didn't get off until 7 the next morning. I'm lucky if I can stay awake for 14 hours at a time now.

#7 I am totally creeped out by dead bodies. OK, I guess that's not weird. Let my clarify. I'm OK with dead bodies, I just don't like them after they've been cleaned up and embalmed. Because I am a nurse I've seen plenty of dead bodies and I've been in a room alone with plenty dead bodies. People who have just died do not bother me. But, once they've been embalmed and have on nice clothes and makeup it totally freaks me out. I cannot stand to be in the same room with a dead body in a coffin. But, a dead body in a hospital bed doesn't bother me at all.

(Sorry, there seems to be a nursing theme to this meme.)

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Walk of Hope 2007 Video

This is a video I made for Walk of Hope this year. It has taken me a while to figure out how to get it into a video player.

The song playing in the background is "He's My Son" by Mark Schultz.











Monday, November 19, 2007

2 Year Blogaversary

Two years ago (on my birthday, no less) I started this blog. My first post started with Riley's diagnosis story. Since then I've written 291 more posts.


I've shared
stormy times, as well as times of calm. I've shared times when I was sitting on the box and times when that box had spilled and I knew I'd have to pick everything up and stuff it back in because I had to. I've shared family moments and some personal information about me.

These last two years have been tumultuous to say the least. I had no idea two years ago that starting this blog would lead me to meet
some of the best people in the world.

Thank all of you for sharing your stories and for listening to mine.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Update

Just an update on what's been going on in our household lately.




Riley had his last soccer game on October 28. The very next day, Holden's basketball practice started. That's how it usually is around here, we just move from one sport to the next.





Holden has a degenerative disk in his back. Usually he does just fine with it. But, sometimes it flares up and causes him quite a bit of pain.




Starting basketball caused it to flair up. So, he only practiced the first few days of practice. Then, he took a week off. When he went back it hurt the worst it has ever hurt.




So, we went to the doctor the next day. He told him to rest it and take 800 mg Ibuprofen twice a day. He also gave him strict orders not to work or play basketball at least a week and maybe more.




Holden works at a local grocery store, so he had to take a few days off of work. He has sat out a week at basketball practice. What has bothered him most is that he also missed the first game of the season. You see, Holden LOVES basketball and it was all he could do sit on the bench and not jump out onto the court to help out him team.




He went back to work this weekend and so far, so good. But, we've decided he will sit out the next game on Tuesday too, just to be safe. Their next game after that is on November 29, so he'll have plenty of time to rest his back. He has an appointment with a back specialist on December 6. His biggest fear right now is that he will have to stop playing basketball.




Michael is the assistant coach for Holden's team and he loves that just as much as Holden enjoys playing.




Riley is still thoroughly enjoying school. I am amazed every day at the things he is learning.





Me, I'm in the midst of deciding if I want to stay at my job or move on to something else. There is a story behind it, but I really don't feel like going into it.




And, I'm turning 34 tomorrow.




Well, got to go take some pies out of the oven. We are having a thanksgiving supper and service at church tonight and it's almost time to go. Riley is going to sing at the service. It will probably make me cry. (big surprise)

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Friday, November 16, 2007

What to say, what to say

Since I signed up to do one post a day, I had decided that today I would be lazy and just give everyone the link to the DOC awards.

But, there are not going to be an DOC awards this year. (See Allison's post for an explanation.)

So, now I have to come up with something else to say.

Hmmm.

Uhhhhh.

Well, that went well.

More tomorrow.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Smart Alec

About a month ago Riley came home with a note in his book bag saying his class would be going on a field trip. He was so excited. When I read the note, I felt my stomach clench up.



I had just gotten used to sending him to school.....



Yesterday was the field trip day. Riley had been talking about it for days. They were going to see a play a few towns over. He didn't care about the play. What he cared about was how they were getting to the play. They were just taking a school bus, but to a kid who has never been on one, it seemed very exciting.



"Hey mom, school buses don't have seat belts, you know." He's said that a few times over the last few days with a devilish grin on his face.



Right after I got the note I spoke with his teacher to see if she was comfortable taking Riley on the field trip. She was fine with it.



The day before the trip I sent a note to school letting her know that Riley would still need to eat morning snack even though the other kids were not. I told her I would pack a bag for her to take with her with all the essentials in it. You know, juice, fruit snacks, meter, glucagon, the normal fare for most 5 year olds.



When I tucked Riley into bed Tuesday night, Riley looked up at me and smiled, "My field trip is tomorrow!!!" He went to sleep with a grin on his face.



Riley got up at 1:41 AM to use the rest room. While he was up Michael checked his sugar. It was 175. That's about where I like it to be at that time of night.



2 hours and 27 minutes later we were up again to check, just in case. His sugar was 53. Michael woke him up and he drank a juice box in a sleepy haze.



I set the clock to get up again in 20 minutes, but I never got to sleep.



20 minutes later I heard the meter beep and Michael said, "It's 51."



What?!? It went down?



Even though I hadn't gone back to sleep Riley had. He had to be awakened again and this time he dined on fruit snacks.



Twenty minutes later the next sugar check showed a much nicer number, 108.



But, I still couldn't sleep. I knew that all the carbs he had meant he'd run high later. And all I could think about was how rebound sugars were going to ruin his field trip.



His breakfast sugar was 201, about what I expected. He had the same breakfast he has every morning. I gave him a bolus, reminded Holden 500 times how important it was to give Riley's "diabetes bag" to the teacher, and sent him out the door to school with a prayer on my lips.



He would be off away from me. What if something bad happened? What if his site came out? What if....


I was at work when my cell phone rang at 9:15 AM.



"Hello."



"Hi, Penny, this is P. You're never going to let Riley go on another field trip again."



I couldn't control the panic in my voice when I nearly shouted, "Why?" into the phone.



"Well, it's not even his normal snack time, but his sugar is 42."



It took a while for the number to register. 42. That's the lowest he's ever been at school. And, this low wasn't actually at school it was in the middle of a theater around hundreds of other kids.



"I gave him a juice box and he's eating his granola bar. What do you want me to do about his insulin?"



"Don't give him any", I said.



"None?"



"No, don't give him any insulin. And, please, remember to check his sugar in 15 minutes and make sure he's come up. He had a low in the middle of the night that didn't want to come up."



"I'll be sure to check."



I tidied up some things on my desk and got some supplies together for a patient. As I was getting ready to walk out the door, my cell phone vibrated in my pocket.



"Hi, Penny, this is P. I just wanted to let you know Riley's sugar has come up to 103. And, I wanted to let you know that I've got him sitting right beside me."



"Thank you, so much for calling and letting me know. I was worried about it."



"I know you were."



I barley hung up the phone before the tears welled up in my eyes. If I could teleport myself, I would have been in that theater right then and my baby would have been in my lap. But, I can't so just had to trust that everything would be alright.



They were back at school by lunchtime. My phone rang again at 11:53.



"Hi, Penny, it's P. We're back!!!" I could hear the relief in her voice.



I figured she was calling now because Riley was high. He did get 32 grams of uncovered carbs.



"Riley's sugar is 75. I gave him a couple of fruit snacks and he's eating his lunch."



"75? Are you sure? "



"I've put everything in the pump and it says to give him 1.15. "



"Um, let's give him .9 since he's been running on the low side."



The rest of the day was punctuated by more lows.



At 4:13PM it was 49. Once again he got a snack with no insulin.



5:48, he was 188. I only covered the carbs for supper. I didn't correct the sugar.

At bedtime snack, he was 78.

He ran high most of the night, but woke up this morning with a sugar of 122.

When I went to bed last night, I was feeling a little defeated. I was thinking that while WDD was a nice day for diabetes, it was not a nice day for diabetes in my house.

As we passed in the hall, Holden asked how Riley's sugars did on the trip. I told him he went down to 42.


"Oh, that sucks. But, did he have fun?"

"Yeah, he enjoyed himself. He loved the bus ride and he liked the play too."

"Well, Mom, you know that's all that really matters."

He's right.

How come my kids are smarter than me?