Thursday, September 26, 2013

Diabetes is Sneaky

Riley’s 8 year diaversary is coming up next week.  8 years.  Wow.  It’s hard to believe we’ve been doing this for 8 years.  Also, it’s hard to believe we ever lived a life where we didn’t do this. 

Riley is 11 now.  He’s at an age where the majority of diabetes things fall in his lap.  There is no nurse at his school.  He is solely responsible for caring for his sugars while he is there.  Some days it is hit and miss.  Some days he forgets to check his sugars.  Some days he forgets to bolus for food.  And, some days, he’s just plain sick of it and ignores it all.  Figuring out how to “punish” him is difficult.  On one hand, isn’t diabetes and all the crap that comes along with it punishment enough?  But, on the other hand, this is his health and well-being we are talking about.  I want him to live to a ripe old age and enjoy his grandbabies, free from complications from this stupid disease.  So, I muddle through the murky waters the best I know how.  Some days I think I get it right.  Most days, I think I don’t.  Currently, he is grounded, not for not bolusing, but for adamantly lying to me about it.  Which brings into play, why is he lying about it?  Am I too hard on him?  Blah.  Murky waters indeed.

You would think after 8 years the ins and outs of daily diabetes care wouldn’t affect me anymore.  But, it does.  Not anywhere like it used to but it still affects me.  There are nights when I prick his finger at 3 AM to check his sugar that I think how wrong it is.  How there is no way I should be sticking my child with a needle several times a day and not give it a second thought.  There was a day not too long ago when I picked up his set and hurled it across the room.  I had just changed his needle and seeing his set sitting on the bed next to me angered me.  I just couldn’t stand to look at it any longer. 

I guess the biggest difference between now and 8 or even 6 or 7 years ago is when it affects me.  When Riley was first diagnosed, and several years thereafter, diabetes inundated my life.  It filled up every single aspect.  It affected my emotions, my sleep, almost every thought.  Now, it sneaks up on me when I’m least expecting it.

Yesterday, little man and I were sitting on the couch watching a TV show, The Little Couple.  They recently adopted a little boy from China.  On this episode he was having surgery.  They were talking about how hard it was to have him go into surgery.  The father said how he had burst into tears a few days earlier while thinking about it.

This prompted Riley to turn to me.  “Mom, did you cry when I was put in the hospital when I got diabetes? “  I just looked at him and said:  “Yes.  I cried every single day for a long time.” 

“Did Dad cry?” 

“I’m sure he did baby.  But, not in front in me.  I think he was probably trying to be strong for Mommy. I know Holden cried.  I’m sure we all cried.”  Everyone cried except him.  He never shed one tear.  Not even when they started his IV. 

At that moment I turned and looked at him and his big beautiful brown eyes.  The thoughts of waking up next to him in the hospital bed that first morning came flooding into my mind. I looked at him and said: “You were so little just lying there.” And, right there in the middle of The Little Couple I burst into tears. 

So, sneaky; sneaking up on me like that right in the middle of a TV show.  And, sneaking up on me again just a few minutes ago when I re-read what I had written: “He never shed one tear.”  My eyes spilled over yet again thinking about my strong, brave little boy who I wish never had to be so strong and brave. 

So, so sneaky….



Kelly said...

Penny!!!! I was just thinking about you yesterday, wondering if you ever knew that your blog was the FIRST I found that sucked me in after Maddi's dx. Your blog was the first that gave me that good cry of "same, same" and I used to hang on your every word feeling exactly the same!! Ive been wondering where you went in blogger land, and I can see here in this post that we are still in the "same same" as our kids grow older!!

Sneaky. We are at sneaky too! We are also dealing with the independence, failure to check or bolus at times, and me wondering how the hell Im supposed to handle it, without doing it wrong. -Sigh-

Ive missed you blogging! Glad I still have you as a friend on FB though :) ((HUGS)) to 8 years!

Betsy said...

Penny, if it makes you feel any better there are days when I am on top of things, when I'm not, when I can't for the life of me figure out why I'm high and days when I'm chasing lows. And there are days that I completely forget to take my insulin until I feel it in my eyes. My 9 year anniversary is in a few weeks. NO idea how to punish for just getting tired of it because I get tired of it too. And I go eat a cheeseburger because they make things better. And I get up the next day and try again. You all are rock stars for navigating the waters!

Joanne said...

So nice to see you post. I think yours was one of the first blogs I read. Sorry you are going through such tough things with your son. I hope you find a solution, or just even a balance soon. Until then, sending you big hugs.

Kristin said...

A friend whose son has spina bifida talks a lot about "chronic grief," and how it lurks below the surface - all the time.
You describe it so well! Hard to understand if you haven't lived with something chronic, but instantly recognizable if you have. Your son sounds like a champ! (Can't imagine how hard that would be at 11.)

Unknown said... offers diabetes care products online Diabetes Care Buy Diabetic Products, Diabetic Socks, Diabetic Insoles, Glucometer with strips, Diabetes Supplements with free shipping and COD facility in India. Shop Online Diabetes Care Products, Diabetes foot care, Diabetic Supplements on Buy Diabetic Footcare Products, Diabetes Control, Diabetic Socks with 100% results and discounts.

Cameron VSJ said...

Hi Pennt,

I was hoping to get in touch with you about your blog with a quick question. My wife is a cancer survivor and I would love to speak with you! Do you think you could email me when you see this? Thanks so much.



Unknown said...

Hi Penny! I'm an avid health-nut preparing for medical college, and in my research I found your blog. It broke my heart reading your last post, I know people who have had diabetes, and being at risk myself I can't imagine the struggle of being a mom and constantly worrying about your son :( God bless you for being so caring!
In my research I've found that popping pills and insulin is - obviously - not an adequate cure for diabetes. The closest I've come to finding something to help diabetes is this
I will be praying for you and your sons, and if you want to know more about what I've found, please contact me! Here is some more info

Unknown said...

Buy Diabetes Foot Care Products online like Antibacterial Socks, Diabetic Socks, Footcare Gel and other Diabetes products online for treatment of Diabetes. Online shopping foot care products for diabetes related problems with cash on delivery facility.

Unknown said...

Buy Diabetes Foot Care Products online like Antibacterial Socks, Diabetic Socks, Footcare Gel and other Diabetes products online for treatment of Diabetes. Online shopping foot care products for diabetes related problems with cash on delivery facility.

Unknown said...

Elecwire is offering a wide range of diabetic products onlinefor diabetic people categorize as Diabetes Care, Diabetes Foot Care, Diabetic Footwear and Diabetes Supplement. Buy Diabetes products at the discounted price and best rates along with the information of product and cash on delivery and free shipment facility.

Unknown said...

Yes, Penny, diabetes is indeed a sneaky disease. But I admire your little boy for being so brave and so strong in facing this disease. It’s not an easy scene to stand there and just accept the fact that your son’s life will change forever, that’s why I admire you for that. Someday, he’ll realize the gravity of his situation, but at least you know he’ll be strong enough to bear it.

Tim Crawford

devansh said...

Thanks to Dr Williams I am so happy today, I have been suffering from diabetes for the past 8 years now, and i have spent a lot on western drugs which has all proved abortive, i have tried all means in life to become diabetes free , but there was no answer until i decided to try herbal solution and i found Dr Williams online and i contacted him and after I took his medication as instructed, i am now completely free from diabetes within those week of usage, i am so much happy, thanks to Dr Williams for helping me get my life back again without any form of crisis, i promise to tell your name and good deeds to the whole world,if you have diabetes you can email him on for more information

JESSICA said...

As a sign of gratitude for how my husband was saved from diabetes type 2 , i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
My husband was diagnosed of diabetes and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because he was my all and the symptoms were terrible, he had difficulty eating, and he always complain of stomach pain and he always have frequent urination . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure him. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and he left the contact of the doctor who had the cure to diabetes . I never imagine diabetes has a cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my husband will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my husband used it and in one months he was fully okay even up till this moment he is so full of life. diabetes has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my testimony

Lilian Wale said...

There are some natural remedies that can be used in the prevention and eliminate diabetes totally. However, the single most important aspect of a diabetes control plan is adopting a wholesome life style Inner Peace, Nutritious and Healthy Diet, and Regular Physical Exercise. A state of inner peace and self-contentment is essential to enjoying a good physical health and over all well-being. The inner peace and self contentment is a just a state of mind.People with diabetes diseases often use complementary and alternative medicine. I diagnosed diabetes in 2010. Was at work feeling unusually tired and sleepy. I borrowed a cyclometer from a co-worker and tested at 760. Went immediately to my doctor and he gave me prescription like: Insulin ,Sulfonamides,Thiazolidinediones but Could not get the cure rather to reduce the pain but brink back the pain again. i found a woman testimony name Comfort online how Dr Akhigbe cure her HIV  and I also contacted the doctor and after I took his medication as instructed, I am now completely free from diabetes by doctor Akhigbe herbal medicine.So diabetes patients reading this testimony to contact his email   or his Number   +2348142454860   He also use his herbal herbs to diseases like:SPIDER BITE, SCHIZOPHRENIA, LUPUS,EXTERNAL INFECTION, COMMON COLD, JOINT PAIN, EPILEPSY,STROKE,TUBERCULOSIS ,STOMACH DISEASE. ECZEMA, PROGENITOR, EATING DISORDER, LOWER RESPIRATORY INFECTION,  DIABETICS,HERPES,HIV/AIDS, ;ALS,  CANCER , MENINGITIS,HEPATITIS A AND B,ASTHMA, HEART DISEASE, CHRONIC DISEASE. NAUSEA VOMITING OR DIARRHEA,KIDNEY DISEASE. HEARING  LOSSDr Akhigbe is a good man and he heal any body that come to him. here is email    and his Number +2349010754824

Amira Val. said...

Of a truth there is no known pharmaceutical cure for Diabetes, but the good news is 'Diabetes is cured naturally by herbal medicine and with the right herbal proportion.
Doctors told my husband no cure, and still advised him not to research that he won't succeed and never offer him a solution. Thanks to the media and internet where I found Dr Utu @ who is an African Roots and Herbal practitioner. I saw testimonials and we decided to give it a trial and thank God today my husband is Diabetes-free and he had said bye to pharmaceutical drugs for good.