Swirly Ramblings

I just wanted to blog some things swirling around in my brain:

A couple of weeks ago Riley was in a play called "Winnie the Pooh and Friends". He was a panda bear. He sang one song by himself and did a cute little dance. Then he sang another song with a few other kids.

Here he is in his costume. (My mom made it.)

Here are the kids in front of the hundred acre woods. (I helped paint the backdrop. I think it turned out pretty good.)

While I'm showing pictures. Here's my big boy at the athletic awards banquet. In just a few short weeks he'll officially be a Senior. I can't believe it.

We went to the academic awards banquet last night. He received an award for highest average in History and also for highest average in SAT Test Prep. He was also recognized for making all A's and B's for the whole year. And, he was recognized for being a Marshal at this year's graduation. He's ranked 3rd in his class.

My boy's so smart! ;-)

We have a movie night every week or two. Usually Holden picks the movies. On Monday we watched the very, very long 3rd Lord of the Rings movie. I have never had any interest in watching the Lord of the Ring movies but Holden insisted. It turns out I kind of liked them. The third one was my favorite.

My favorite character was Samwise Gamgee. Why? Because he was so nice and called everyone sir or ma'am. And, because Goonies never say die.

Thursday night we watched Cloverfield. While we were watching the movie Holden received a text from one of his friends (one of the boys in his class that has D). He texted him to let him know that a boy in the 5th grade at their school had been diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes.

I don't even know the boy, but the news hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel so badly for him and his family. They have a rough road ahead of them, a never ending road.

Whenever I hear news like this it makes me sad. That sadness is mixed with anger. It makes me angry that kids (and adults) have to deal with this.

I don't really know his parents, but I plan to write them a letter to offer my support.

When I opened my email this morning I found out that my blog had been ranked an 8.0 out of 10.0 at Blogged in the health/condition and disease category. Neat.

While I was perusing some of the other blogs this morning. I found JJS Diabetes. And from there I found a news story talking about research to develop a vaccine for Type 1 diabetes.

Not long ago I didn't have any interest in a vaccine. I figured it couldn't help Riley so I never paid much attention to them. But, while reading the story I couldn't help but think of that 10 year old boy who was recently diagnosed. And, I thought of how wonderful it would be that if at diagnosis the doctor could give him a vaccination and say come back every six months for another one. No finger pricks, no insulin, no counting carbs, no balancing exercise and food, no lows, no highs.

Sorry for the discombobulated post. Now I'm going to go clean my room and then maybe we'll head to the beach to soak up some sun.

Have a great weekend!

Some Answers

Here are answers to my questions. If I get anymore later I will answer them in another post. So, if you haven't asked any yet, but would like to go to this post and fill in the blanks. I can always use something to post about.


These questions came from Molly.

1. What do you think of non-invasive blood testing?

I think its would be great if it actually worked. I don't think I can trust it's accuracy. I would love it if it does work. It would mean no more ugly black spots on Riley's finger tips.

2. When did you last sing?

This morning in my car. The station I was listening to had people calling in and saying what their favorite summer songs are. The last song I sang along with was "What I Got" by Sublime.

3. Plain or peanuts? Why?

Peanuts: because I don't really like chocolate. I cannot eat just plain chocolate so I have to have nuts in it to eat it or it has to be with something else, like in a cookie or with peanut butter. I absolutely love Resses Cups.

4. What did you do on your 21st birthday?

I honestly don't remember. I imagine I didn't do much of anything. I don't drink so I know I didn't go out and get drunk. I was in college at the time, but I was also the mother of a 3 year old. I probably spent time with him and my family.

5. What's your favorite color for a pair of socks?

I wear mainly white sock because I'm a nurse and they go with everything. My favorite pair of socks that I own are a sage green color. They are very warm and fuzzy.

6. How would you like to go on a 10 day camping/canoeing trip to the BWCA in Minnesota?

No offense to you Molly, but I don't think I'd enjoy it too much. 10 days outside? 10 days without a bed or a nice hot shower? No thanks.

7. Whom would you most like to dance the tango with?

The devil in the pale moonlight. (I just like the sound of it;-)

Next up is questions from Shannon:

1. What do you think of the economy?

To put it mildly, it sucks. I was just talking to a co-worker about it. I think the economy is being ruined by rising gas prices. The increase in gas prices is affecting everything from the price of milk to tourism to eating out at a restaurant. I think if something isn't done about gas prices very soon that America is in for some very hard times. (BTW, a gallon of gas where I live is now $3.98/ gallon for regular. How about you guys?)

2. When did you last shave your legs?

This morning. I shave my legs almost every morning when it's warm. I'm wearing long pants now but Riley has a T-ball game tonight and I'll probably put on a pair of shorts to go to it. If you'd have asked this question in the winter the answer would have been very different.

3. Poultry or red meat? Why?

I wish I could say poultry because it's better for me, but I have to say red meat. I am a meat and potatoes kind of girl. The rarer the meat the better.

4. What did you give Michael for Christmas?

Nothing. We don't usually do gifts for each other. I didn't get anything from him either. We would rather spend the money on the kids.

5. What’s your favorite TV show?

Right now I would have to say House. I am a long time fan of ER too, but it's starting to get a little boring to me.

6. How would you survive being stranded on a deserted island?

I don't think I would. I am a terribly picky eater. I guess I would literally rather die than eat a bug. Yeah, I wouldn't last very long on Survivor.


7. Whom would you most like to meet on the red carpet of the Oscars?

My first thought was Will Smith. I don't know why. I really like Will Smith. I've been a fan since his Fresh Prince of Bel Aire days. He's seems to be a genuinely nice person. Then again, there's also Keanu Reeves who I used to have a huge crush on. I don't know, I'll go with Will Smith, final answer.

Next, Allison:

1. What do you think of the election so far?

Hmmmm. I try to avoid politics on my blog. It's a very divisive subject. I guess mainly I'm just curious to see who the Democrats end up with on their ticket.

2. When did you last watch a movie?

We watched "ET" on Saturday. Riley had seen part of it on TV the day before and he wanted to watch the whole thing, so we watched together as a family. If you're talking about the last movie I watched in a theater I really don't know. I think the last movie we watched at a theater was.....I don't know. It's been so long ago that I honestly don't remember what it was.

3. Romantic comedies or dramas? Why?

Romantic comedies because I have to think and feel too much in my every day life. When I sit down to watch a movie I prefer to just be able to relax and enjoy it.

4. What did you want to be when you were 5 years old?

A veterinarian, that is until I found out from my mom that vets have to put animals to sleep. It altered my career path forever.

5. What’s your favorite color?

yellow

6. How would you change your appearance?

I'm not a fan of elective surgery. It's fine if someone else wants to do it, but it's not for me for many different reasons. But, I wouldn't mind if I could just take a pill that would make me tan. Is that possible? Someone needs to work on that.

7. Whom would you most like to have dinner with - dead or alive?

My Pop Pop. He's my maternal grandfather. He died 14 years ago. I still miss him. I would love to sit and talk with him again and tell him what's been going on since he left. I've graduated college, gotten married (to someone that reminds me a lot of him), and had another child who I know he would love to meet. I miss other dead relatives too , but I absolutely adored my Pop Pop. (Gee Allison thanks for making me cry;-)

And, last but certainly not least, Carey (when I opened my email this morning and saw that I had a comment from him I knew I was in for some strange questions)

1. What do you think of toe fuzz?

I don't have a problem with it really. Live and let live. It's just trying to make it's way in the world like everything else.

2. When did you last pick some?

I'm not sure. Much like going to the movies, I don't do it that often.

3. Black toe fuzz or white toe fuzz? Why?

White. Because that's the color of my socks.

4. What did you do with it?

I sold it on eBay to a foot fetish freak so I could buy a gallon of gas.

5. What’s your favorite toe to pick from?

My big toe because it always has the most fuzz on it.

6. How would you sell it?

See number 4.

7. Whom would you most like to share it with?

You. I would like to share it with you Carey because you asked such wonderfully insightful questions.

Because I Want to Post Something

I ran across this and thought it would be fun. Leave your questions in the comments (or email it to me) and I'll post it when I get a chance. (keep it clean please)




Fill in the blanks:


1. What do you think of ________?



2. When did you last ________?



3. ________ or ________? Why?



4. What did you ________?



5. What’s your favorite ________?



6. How would you ________?



7. Whom would you most like to ________?

The School Nurse Job Update

A few weeks ago I wrote about a school nurse position that I was thinking about applying for.

Well, I applied for it and had an interview. The day after the interview they called and offered me the job. The pay was much less than what I make now, so I almost turned it down right away.

But, I didn't. Instead I prayed about it. I prayed that if it was meant for me to have this job that there would be a pay increase.

The lady that did my interview called me back a few days later. She said that all school nurses in the state of NC are required to get certified within 3 years of getting hired. I am at an advantage because I have a BS degree. So, really all I would have to do is take the test. (and pass, of course).

I was told that once I passed the test that my pay would "increase significantly". I asked how much "significantly" was. The figure she quoted me was almost exactly what I make at my current job. I couldn't believe it. My prayers had been answered.

But, there was a catch. I was told that the earliest I could take the test was in February. That meant we would have to live on much less money for about 7 months. I wasn't sure we could do it.

But, Michael and I talked about it and I decided I could work at a hospital or nursing home some weekends to supplement our income until I could take the test.

Then, I found out the next test is being offered in July. So, I am registering for the test and hopefully I'll pass it the first time and then I won't have to wait 7 months for my pay increase.

To get to the point of my post: I officially accepted the job today. My first day at my new job will be on June 16th. I'm so excited!!

And, you want to know what the best part is? Since the kids get out of school on June 13th, I will work for about 2 weeks and then I will have the whole month of July off.....with pay. I'm loving this job already and I haven't even started yet!!

I'm sure I'll be studying a lot during my time off. But, there are worse things than studying while working on my tan.

I just opened an email from tudiabetes that read : "We were informed that one of our members Kyla Maldonado has passed away as a result of diabetes complications. She left two daughters behind. "

I went to her page. She was only 29 years old. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when she was 5.

I don't know what to say. I want to curl up next to Riley and hold him forever, protect him from the future, protect him from diabetes, protect him from complications.

But, I can't. I just can't. And right now that's a little more than I can bear.

My heart goes out to Kyla's family. I'm so sorry for their loss.

10 Wierd Things About Me (only 10?)

I have been tagged by Colleen to reveal 10 things about me.

Here are the rules:

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 people to be tagged, list their names & why you tagged them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment saying “You’re it!” & to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you, so since you’re not allowed to tag me back; let me know when you are done so I can go read YOUR weird, random, facts, habits and goals. Have fun!



#1 When I'm sitting down I have a habit of bouncing my leg up and down all. the. time. It's a family thing. My dad and aunt both do it and my grandfather did it. I think some people find it annoying. If I'm sitting on a bench with you I would probably drive you crazy because I would be shaking the bench. I usually don't realize I'm doing it until someone asks me to stop.



#2 I am not a perfectionist by any means. One only needs to peek into my house to see that. The little details don't bother me usually. For example, I can have several smudges on the wall and it won't bother me all that much. That is until I start cleaning the walls. Once I'm done washing the walls if I see one smudge that I can't get it will drive me insane. I will scrub and scrub and then decide I need to paint if I can't get the smudge out. But, when there was a zillion smudges on the wall it didn't bother me at all.



#3 I have always wanted to be a singer. Not as a career or anything. I would just love to be able to stand up in front of a crowd and sing and it sound good. I am in awe of people who can sing so well.



#4 I can't sleep on my back. I have to sleep on my side or my stomach. No matter how tired I am I just cannot stay on my back while I sleep. I've often thought that if I'm ever injured to where I cannot turn over I will be in trouble. I would be more sleep-deprived than I am now.



#5 I often have to kick Holden out of my bedroom at night so I can go to sleep. He will come in after Michael and I have gotten into bed and talk and talk about random things. He'll tell me what he did that day or tell me something funny that happened at work. Or redo a comedy routine he saw that day. I sometimes literally have to push him out the door because he would talk for hours if I didn't. Don't think that's weird? He's 17 and he enjoys spending time with his mom.



#6 I don't do this anymore, but it wasn't that long ago that I did. When I was driving in my car I used to sing along to the radio and pretend that I was a famous singer putting on a show. It passed the time.



#7 I used to be deathly afraid of lightening. When I was a teenager if there was a lightning storm I would take off all my jewelry and sit in the middle of the floor and make sure I was not near anything metal. I'd even do this if it was 3 o'clock in the morning. I think it's because I had heard a story about a man who was in his house leaning up against the wall when lightning struck a nail in his wall and killed him. I'm not sure if the story is true or not, but it made me spend a many of sleepless nights when I was younger.



#8 The middle finger on my right hand is fatter than all of my other fingers. I slammed it in a car door when I was 7. The finger nail on that finger never grows longer either. It's always the same length.



#9 I still have a love letter that a boy wrote to me when I was in the first grade. (I'll show my age. The letter is 28 years old.) It is written in red ink and has a big heart on it with a line drawn through it and says "You have broking my heart."



#10 About a year before I met my husband I had a dream that I would marry a guy named Michael. In the dream I was standing at the alter in a white dress with a guy in a tux. The guy didn't have a face. All I knew about him was that his name was Michael. I told my best friend the next day that I was going to marry someone named Michael. About 4 years later I married my husband. Also, before I ever met my husband I had decided that if I ever had another little boy I would name him Michael Alexander. After knowing Michael for a few weeks I asked him what his middle name was. When he said Alexander I almost fell out. I think that's the night I fell in love with him.



I tag :

Sandra at A Shot in the Dark
Kelly at Chasing Numbers
Lisa at Mommie Squared
Chris at Rub Eyes When Needed
Nicole at Curious Girl
Caro at Diabetes Wise

Prom and Birthday Pictures

Holden had his prom a few weeks ago and I never posted any pictures. The theme was "Red Carpet Romance". All the kids walked up the red carpet and had their names announced while a valet (some of the dads) parked the car for them.

Holden and his date, Brittaney. They have been dating for 2 years now.

Holden and me.

Riley got two birthday parties. The first one was on Mother's Day. Then, he had a party at school on his birthday.

That night we went to eat at a Japanese Steakhouse. Riley probably averages eating around 170 carbs in a whole day. Well, Riley's meal was about 70 carbs. Then, because it was his birthday they sang happy birthday to him and brought him a muffin roughly the size of his head.

I thought he'd eat a few bites, but he ate the whole muffin which I estimated at 70 carbs. So, he had 140 carbs at one meal. He got 4 units of insulin. That is the most he has ever gotten at one time. His sugars did surprisingly well.

I was dying with each bite of muffin, but the grin on his face made it all worth it.

Diabetes doesn't keep Riley from doing anything. That includes being a goofball.

6

I love you little man.

Why I Almost Wish Riley was Diagnosed at a Younger Age

I read a news story this morning that made me cry.

Here are a few of the highlights that jumped out at me:


Ryan Collins of Aldie, Va., was only 10 weeks old when doctors made the diagnosis: Type 1 diabetes.

10 weeks old are you kidding me? How horrible. Why would I wish Riley was diagnosed that young? Keep reading.


Until last month, that is, when Ryan, now almost 7, stopped needing shots.

A dream come true.

Dr. Hattersley has also helped show that diabetes diagnosed in the first six months of life is monogenic. And about half those cases are caused by a particular mutation that can be overcome by sulfonylurea pills, an old and inexpensive class of diabetes drugs.

What does that mean for little Ryan?

Ryan now takes three small pills with breakfast and three with dinner. His body is making insulin again, and his blood sugar is better controlled than when he was taking all those shots.

“He’s ecstatic,” Ms. Collins said. “For this summer, I’m signing him up for summer camp, which he’s never been able to do before.”

I'm so happy for this little guy and his family. Can you imagine what it must be like to be free from the confines of insulin? He's never known any other way of life.

You can read the full story here: Some Diabetics Don’t Have What They Thought They Had.

Just Imagine

It was Riley's bedtime. He was getting ready to brush his teeth. I had fixed a bowl of ice cream to eat after he went to bed. He asked for a bite of ice cream (chocolate chip cookie dough; it was delicious). Anyway, I gave him a small bite and his eyes lit up.

"Yummmmm!! That is so good!! Wouldn't it be great if I didn't have diabetes and I could eat all of that I want?"

"Yes, it would, " I said as I held back my tears.

Then he smiled, made a sweeping hand gesture, and said, "Just imagine. If I didn't have diabetes then I could go out and play and run all I wanted and never have to worry about my sugar going low."

Blinking back my tears I said, "That would be great wouldn't it?"

"Yeah."

Michael walked into the room and asked what would be great. Riley repeated what he had just said. The look on Michael's face said it all.

I quickly got up and went into the bathroom just before the tears spilled over onto my cheeks. I sat in there a few minutes and composed myself before coming out and tucking him into bed.

I hope and pray every day for that day when he can run and run and run and not go low.

Just imagine.....

Getting on with Life

Today started out to be one of those days. You know the one.

It's one of those days where everything reminds you of diabetes and how stupid and horrible it is. One of those days where all you want to do is escape to some non-existent tropical island where diabetes does not exist.

It probably all started because Riley ran high pretty much all day yesterday and most of last night. He was 114 when he woke up yesterday. He was 112 at supper last night. The rest of the time he's been in the 200 and 300s.

His sugar when he woke up this morning: 255. I figure the highs are a result of 1 of 3 things.

#1) Holden was sick with some sort of stomach virus earlier in the week. Riley could be coming down with that, thus the high sugars.

#2) For several days last week Riley kept going low. I actually ran out of juice boxes and had to get some from my mom because he was going low so much. After a couple of days of this I decided a basal change was in order. I decreased his basals by 0.40 units. He went from getting 6.0 units of basal a day to getting 5.6 units a day. That's a pretty significant change for him.

But, it worked. He hasn't had any juice since then and only a couple of sugars in the 200s. He's been pretty much right were he should be since I changed his basals. That is until yesterday.

I blamed the lows on the seasonal changes. But, I'm thinking that maybe his body has adjusted to those changes now and his basals might need to be increased. The bad part of that is that I've got to let him run high for another day or two before I can come to that conclusion.

#3) This morning was a site change morning. When I changed his site on Tuesday I used the last of the insulin in the bottle. I've found that sometimes when we get down to the last little bit of the insulin in the bottle it's potency tends to taper off around day 3. But, that's just sometimes, not all the time.

Just like everything else with diabetes.

So, the highs got me down. And, not knowing what to do about them got me down.

Also, like I mentioned above, this morning was a site change morning. Most of the time when I change his site Michael is still at home. Riley always says, "Come talk to me, Dad."

Michael will sit and talk to him (usually about baseball, Halo, or Star Wars) while I insert his needle.

Michael left a little earlier this morning so he wasn't there to talk to Riley. So, the site change didn't start off well. Riley was upset that he didn't have anyone to talk to. (What am I you might ask. I'm just mom. I don't really count.)

First I had to examine his bottom and decide where I could put the site. He's too thin to put his sites anywhere but his bottom so they look a little worse for wear. I looked at his left butt cheek which was my target for the morning. It's pocked with a few scars. I can see where his last site was that I pulled out 3 days ago. I know I don't want to put it there. So, I look for a better area.

The rest of his prime area is mottled with bruises of all different hues. It pains me to know I have to stick him somewhere in or around those bruises.

I pick a spot and apply the IV prep. All the while I'm trying to hold a conversation with Riley. We talk about school as I prep the needle and push it against the least bruised part of his butt cheek.

He tenses up when the inserter touches his skin and I have to tell him to relax. As we're talking about PE at school I push the sides of the inserter to release the needle. As it pierces his skin he lets out a low howl. (He usually does pretty well. He does much worse when he's been running high for a while.)

I tell him "I'm sorry." He asks, "Why?" I say, "Because Mommy doesn't want to hurt you."

Next, I fill the cannula and decrease his basal. Then, I have to give him insulin for his breakfast. He starts to scream. "No, don't give me insulin! It burns! It burns!" But, I have no choice. I have to give him insulin.

When I was done and the tears were dried I picked him up and gave him a big hug. He wrapped his arms around my neck and squeezed. I blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill over onto my cheeks.

"You know mommy wishes she didn't have to stick you with needles, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

Then he was off to play xbox until it was time for school.

I watched him as he sat on his bed. He was sitting a little crooked. He wasn't sitting on his bottom but more on his right hip to keep from sitting on his site because it was still tender from being changed.

I'm not sure why some days I can fly through things without any problems and then there are days, like today, where every little thing makes me want to cry.

But, I'm trying to take my cue from Riley. He said what he had to say about the site change and the burning insulin and then he went right back to life without giving it a second thought.

As he stood in the hallway brushing his teeth this morning (he hardly ever stands in the bathroom to brush his teeth) I noticed how cute he looked. It's supposed to be warm here today so I sent him to school in shorts, cargo shorts to be exact.

And, noticing that he had on cargo shorts made me think of a joke done by Daniel Tosh. And, I just had to laugh. What is up with cargo shorts/pants anyway? Does anyone really need that many pockets?

And, so, I went on with life also.

I'll leave you with this clip of Daniel Tosh's cargo pants day. I hope it makes you smile.

Have a great weekend!

Tell It to Oprah

Manny (founder of Tudiabetes) sent out an email this weekend asking people to flood Oprah Winfrey's producers with emails telling them how important it is to get the word out about diabetes. Go here to read his plea.

I went today and told my story. I said a little about Type 1 and what Riley must do every day. I mentioned complications and gave a few sites for them to look at to find out more. I also mentioned Dr. Denise Faustman and her valiant effort to find a cure for Type 1 diabetes.

Won't you go and do the same? Tell your story. It will only take a minute or two of your time and the impact could be more than you know.

Thanks.

Diabetes Burnout: What Do You Do?

Everybody gets burned out sometimes. Sometimes you get burned out at your job. So, you take a vacation. If the burnout is really bad than you find another job.

Sometimes you can get burned out with a hobby of yours. You may take a few days, weeks, or months off to return to it refreshed. Or you just take up a new hobby.

But, what do you do when the one thing that makes you cry and scream, the one thing that you don't want to see, hear, or feel anymore, is the one thing that you just CANNOT walk away from?

That's where I am right now. I am sick of finger sticks. I'm sick of figuring out how to adjust basals. I'm sick of site changes. I'm sick of treating lows and worrying about highs.

Yet I can't back away from it. I can't just take some time off. I know, I know it's not my disease. I'm usually the first to point out that this is Riley's disease, not mine. He feels the highs and the lows. For now it's my job to figure out what to do about them.

Even when he's somewhere else, at school, at my mom's, or even with Michael, I get a call. "Riley's sugar is 52. I gave him juice. Do you want him to have a snack too?" Or "Riley's sugar is 440. It was 330 before and I gave him insulin, but it won't come down. Do you think you need to change his needle?" Or "How many carbs is in.....?"

Your advice may be that I need to give the reigns over to someone else for a while. But, I can't.

You PWD out there reading this think about what that means. You are the one who knows your body. You are the one that deals with the highs and the lows on a 24/7 basis. You are the one that knows how your sugars respond to exercise or stress.

Well, I'm that person for Riley. I've been making all the decisions about his diabetes for the last 2 1/2 years. I may not feel the lows and the highs but I'm the "expert" (if there is such a thing) at how to deal with them. I make the decision to give 1/2 of the usual amount of insulin the night after a soccer game. I'm the one who makes the decision about how much to decrease his basal and for how long when his sugar is 82 at bedtime and he still has insulin on board.

Would you just turn the reigns over to someone else? Would you let someone else treat your lows and bolus for your highs? We all know that diabetes is an individual disease. What works for one will not always work for another. In some people excitement or stress raises their blood sugar. With Riley, it makes him go low.

I'm not complaining really. I know that's what it sounds like. It's not that I don't have anyone else to give the reigns to. I just don't want to give the reigns to anyone else. I don't want people to stop calling me and asking me what to do. Because as long as I'm making the decisions I'm doing something to help Riley.

That's really what it's all about. I want to make life better for Riley, easier. I don't want him to be high or low too often because I know it affects his body and it affects his moods.

I want him to run at soccer games until he can't run anymore. I know I'll be dealing with a low later if I don't decrease his basal and give him less of a bolus. But, what matters at the moment is that he's having fun. I don't want diabetes slowing him down or making him second guess himself.

I'm just tired, that's all. I want it all to go away, but I know it isn't going anywhere anytime soon, if at all.

Prayer helps. "I can do all things through Christ you strengthens me". But, what about the anger that is bubbling up inside me? Anger at a disease that I cannot control no matter how hard I try.

I guess it's kind of like doing laundry. That is my least favorite chore because it's never-ending. I may work all day to get the hamper empty only to have it fill up at night with 4 sets (sometimes more) of clothes and towels. I feel a sense of accomplishment when the hamper is empty. Then when it fills right back up again there's a feeling of "why bother?". It's just going to fill up again anyway.

With diabetes the hamper is always full. There's always something that needs to be done.

How do you guys deal with it? What do you do when you're burned out with a disease that is relentless, a disease that you want to ignore but you can't because ignoring it only makes it worse?

What do you do?

Psst. Pass It On; Free Strips

I found this over at D-Log Cabin.

Do you use a Freestyle Lite meter? If so you can take a survey to receive 100 free strips. How cool is that?

$100 worth of strips is well worth taking a 5 minute survey.

Shout Out

I just wanted to give a little shout out to one of the best diabetes sites there is. I've blogged about it before, but I haven't mentioned it lately. It's been growing by leaps and bounds.

Tudiabetes is a social networking site for those affected by diabetes in any way. The founder is Manny Hernandez. He is a great guy that started a great site. If you get a chance after checking out the site go let him know how much you appreciate what he is doing.

The site has many features. You can post questions or opinions in the forums. Or you can just go there if you need to vent. You'll be sure to get a online hug or two. Because the people there get it. They live it. They understand. It is a wonderful community to be a part of.

There are several groups that you can join. I created a group for parents of kids with type 1 if any of you would like to join. Tudiabetes also joined up with Diabetes Talk Fest so you can chat with others with D as well.

Tudiabetes has a wealth of information for people of all ages whether you are Type 1, Type 2, or somewhere in between or even if you are a family member of someone with diabetes there is a place for you there.

Click here to learn more about tudiabetes and how to become a member (it's free!). If you join be sure to add me as a friend.

I hope to see you there.

Better Late Than Never

I'm a bad diabetes blogger. I missed Raise Your Voice Day. Riley had a school play that day and I just forgot. My bad.


So, I'll raise my voice today as I have countless other times because of Type 1 diabetes.


Lately I've kind of been in a diabetes lull. It's not because Riley's sugars have been good. It's quite the opposite. They've been horrible. He's had a sinus infection and his sugars have been high, higher, and highest lately. But, it hasn't affected me like it used to. I think I've gotten tired of feeling, tired of worrying, only to have to do it over and over again.


And, that scares me. I used to be terribly concerned to the point my eyes would tear up and my stomach would churn. But, lately, I correct and I go on.

Some of you might be thinking that it's good that I'm not letting it affect me. But, it's bad. Very, very bad.

I need to find a middle ground. I need to learn not to let it bother me so much, but it needs to bother me some.

Why?

Because people die from Type 1 diabetes every single day.

Because pretty much everything about my child is affected by this disease. It affects his organs, it affects his moods, it affects his sleep, it affects his play, it affects his eating.

Because if it doesn't bother me why would it bother the general public?

There are 30,000 cases of Type 1 diabetes diagnosed every year in the United States. That's just the US. It doesn't take into account the other thousands that are diagnosed in other countries.

Why should we raise our voices to bring awareness about Type 1 diabetes? This study is a very good reason why.

Some highlights from the study:

• According to a recent nationwide survey released today, nearly 80 percent of the American public does not know the difference between type 1 and type 2 diabetes.
  
  In the survey, nearly 70 percent of people incorrectly believed a cure existed for type 1 diabetes. The majority of respondents mentioned proper diet (25%), weight loss (18%), exercise (22%), insulin (16%) or other medication (12%) – as ways patients could cure their type 1 diabetes.

If 70% of people believe a cure already exists then why in the world would they donate money or time to find one?

It is up to us to make them care. And, to do that, we must first care ourselves.

We must first admit how horrible and insidious this disease is. If we treat it as "no big deal" so will everyone else.

It is a big deal. And it should be treated as such.

Don't have a child with diabetes? Read the study that says that "Type 1 Diabetes May Be Rising in Kids". The chances of your child developing Type 1 diabetes are higher now than ever.

After writing this post maybe I've found my middle ground. I don't need to tear up and get all mushy inside when Riley runs high for a while. What I need to do is react to the situation and take steps to make sure the situation doesn't happen again.

One way I can do that is to raise my one small voice and yell as loudly as I can that my son and all the others with Type 1 diabetes need a cure. I will not stop shouting until a cure is found. No matter how raw my throat is or how hoarse I get I will continue to shout.

My son deserves a cure. The millions of people affected by Type 1 diabetes deserve a cure. I refuse to shut up until one is found.

Penny Needs....A Meme

(quick update: I think my stone is gone!! I am no longer in pain!! Yay!!!)

I found this meme and thought I'd give it a try. If you would like to participate go to google and type in your name and needs. Then post the first 10 results with your responses.

Penny needs to switch meds.

Maybe Penny just needs to be on meds in the first place, psyche meds.


Penny Needs a Bra... Bad.

Geez, google is getting a bit personal isn't it? I would like a new bra though. Good bras are expensive. I need one to keep the merchandise where it should be and not at my belly button . (Hee, hee. That reminds me of one of my favorite jokes. An older lady is suicidal. She calls her doctor to find out where her heart is located. He tells her it is located under her left breast. The lady was later admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.)

Penny needs a new family.

OK, that's a low blow. I love my family. Except Uncle Merle can get a little creepy sometimes.

Penny needs the guys to help her get her bar tending license.

Forget being a school nurse, bar tending is the way to go. I think I'd have a tough time with it since I don't drink alcohol. I'd probably get offended if someone asked me for Sex on the Beach.

Penny needs a home.

Amen to that. I'd love a new house. I did buy paint today for the molding in the living room. That will have to do for now.

Penny needs to stay retired.

I just hope I live long enough to retire.

Penny needs a place to stay.

I have a place to stay. It's just not big enough. It should say "Penny needs a bigger, nicer, better place to stay."

Penny Needs Tommy John Surgery

I do need surgery, but not that kind. I've never pitched in my life.

Penny needs to have a job that will put her intelligence to use constructively.

My deconstructive intelligence in under appreciated at my current job.

Penny needs your help to be able to continue on her antibiotics and to get her serum.

I just finished up my antibiotics. Thank you very much. I wonder what kind of serum. Truth serum? Or maybe it's a serum that makes you rich and beautiful. If so I'll take a double dose please. Or a serum that would cure my son? I'd like that even more.

If any of you want to play along please leave a comment so I can read yours too.

I Feel Worser (but my mood is gooder)

Sorry about the downer post. Pain can really affect your psyche. I'm still in pain. It seems my kidney stone is quite fond of my body and doesn't want to leave. I am still working though because I had another doctor's appointment yesterday for another health issue that will eventually require surgery. So, I have to save up time for that. Which means I have to work in pain right now.

Right now it feels like someone is taking both of their fists and pushing on my lower back like they are trying to push right through me. Still I'm not feeling as gloomy as I did the other day.

In the midst of all my health problems I am looking at changing jobs. I'm a little burned out at my current job. I like it OK because I love being a public health nurse. But, an opportunity presented itself and I'm a little psyched about it.

If I get the job and take it I will be a school nurse. There are a few positions open but I really want the elementary school position.

I can really think of only one negative: the pay is a little less. It's not "we're going to have to live in a paper box" less. More like "we're going to have to all go on diets" less.

But, it has way better insurance and you all know how important that is. Riley is already on good insurance. He's on Michael's. He's a teacher so he has the same insurance I will have if I take the job. But, considering all the health problems I've been having lately it wouldn't be a bad idea for me to have good insurance too.

It also has better hours. Well, not hours but days. The hours at my current job are Monday- Friday 8 AM - 5 PM. That's not bad, especially for a nurse. But, I am also on call 10 days out of the month. I wear a beeper and if a patient calls I have to go see them. The school nurse job would be Monday-Friday from 7:45 AM-3:30 PM. There would not be any call and I'd have holidays off. Also, I cannot overlook the fact that I would have summers off.

I know some of you have mixed feelings about your school nurse. I think being the mother of a child with D will make me more empathetic with these parents. Also, I understand that the parent is the authority not the nurse or even the doctor for that matter sometimes.

Also, my current job is a state job, so if I take the school nurse position I don't lose any of the years I have put in at my current job (almost 10).

Anyway, just a lot swirling around in my head.

On the diabetes front it's pretty much the same old same old. Riley's numbers haven't been all that bad lately, but they haven't been all that good either. Yesterday he was 94 at supper. Yesterday was Michael's birthday (Happy birthday!!!) and we had peach cobbler and ice cream for dessert. Riley ate supper and dessert and got the required amount of insulin. 30 minutes later he said his sugar felt low. It was 56 and he still had pretty much all of the insulin on board from supper. I panicked a bit. I gave him juice and let him eat some more ice cream. I suspended his pump for about 30 minutes. Then at bedtime he was 365. A day in the life.

I don't want to be as somber as I was in my last post so I'll end this with what I will call a Rileyism.

Yesterday I was lying on the couch with the heating pad on my back. Riley was sitting at the end of the couch talking to Michael. He said something "made me feel badder".

"Badder is not a word, Riley", I said.

"Well, it made me feel worser then."

I just smiled. I wouldn't trade my kid for anything in the world.

Warning: Post Written While in Pain and Exhausted

I'm feeling a bit battered this morning.

I went to the doctor on Friday because of back pain and was diagnosed as having a kidney stone. I was told it is small and should pass on it's own. I went home popped a pain pills and started drinking "boat loads" of water. (That's the doctor's words, not mine.)

Saturday afternoon I was struck with a sudden pain in my abdomen. It felt very much like giving birth except maybe a little more painful because it was relentless. It lasted about 45 minutes. I'm guessing the stone was moving.

All day yesterday I hurt. I didn't sleep much at all last night. Even with pain pills on board the pain kept waking me up.

Now I'm sleepy and in pain. My emotions are a little on edge. I've read a few posts this morning and all of them have made me cry.

Somehow, because of my pain and exhaustion I am more acutely aware of how much diabetes sucks.

My pain and exhaustion will pass. But, my son will still have diabetes. And, so will Brendon, Joseph, Emma, Charlie........the list goes on and on.

It just doesn't seem fair.

Guilty

I just received an email from dlife about the latest Diabetes Dad article. I have always enjoyed his articles, but this one really hit home with me.

I hadn't taken the time to realize how much guilt we parents feel about our children's disease. There is always the "I should have known" or "I should have checked sooner" or "I didn't teach him/her well enough to do it on their own". And, for me, there is the "I wish I had better genes" guilt.

Anyway, I thought I'd share the article. Check it out if you get a chance.

Mama's Got Skills ( and a meme)

Riley had his 3 month endo appointment on Friday. Everything went well. His endo was surprised that Riley can give his own insulin (with supervision). She said often children don't do that on their own until about 9.

She's never mentioned CGMs to us before and I've never asked about them. Mainly because I don't think we are ready for one. I really don't want another piece of hardware on my kid right now. Plus, there's the insurance issue. But, Dr. M is very excited about the launch of the Navigator. She said it's not anything to think about right now, but will be important in a couple of years when Riley's pump warranty expires.

His A1C 3 months ago was 7.3. It was 7.2 this time. I am extremely happy with that. I expected it to go up a little what with an ear infection and the flu. It's always a good thing when it goes down even a little bit. Riley's growing right on schedule. Of course, I could have told you he's growing. His jeans are starting to look more like capris.

It's been almost 2 years since Riley had a slew of blood work done. Dr. M decided it was time for it again. Since we live almost 3 hours from the endo she gives us the orders and we get it done somewhere local and fax it to her.

She ordered thyroid tests and cholesterol. She also ordered the dreaded celiac test. I don't know why but it makes me nervous to have that one done. Yes, I do know why. I don't want my child getting celiac's. He has enough on his plate already. He doesn't have any outward symptoms of celiac but I worry just the same.

I am a nurse. I was talking about bringing Riley into the health department for his blood work and how I hate it because there is always a long wait and he can't eat and I'm always afraid he's going to go low. A co-worker suggested that I do the blood work at home and bring it in myself.

Hmmmm. Stick my child with a needle? I can't do that. Oh wait. I do it all the time. Yet, somehow this seemed different. I called Riley and asked if he'd like me to do the blood work. He sounded very happy to have me do it.

He didn't go low last night and have to eat anything. So today was the day. I worried about it all night. To make matters worse this morning was also a site change morning. That meant double the needles.

I changed his site first. Then, he sat down on the couch and propped his little arm on a pillow.

"Will it hurt?"

"Well, it will probably sting a little."

"I don't like it when it stings."

Luckily Michael was home and was able to hold his arm. He whined a little and the tears welled up in his eyes but he never cried. He was such a brave little man. But, yet, my heart ached for him. Stupid disease that makes him have to check and make sure he doesn't have other diseases.

I sent the labs off today. I should have the results tomorrow.

After I finished drawing his blood I looked at Michael and said "It's good to have a mama with skills."

Even though it was hard for me to do I'm glad I could do it for him. I think it was probably less traumatic to have me do it at home than to have a stranger do it in the clinic.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Now, onto the meme. I was tagged by Shannon and Kelly to do a six word meme.

Here are the rules:

Write your own six word memoir.

Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.

Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.

Tag at least five more blogs with links.

And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.


Here it goes: Life has been good to me.

It's not as creative as others I've read, but it will have to do.

I'm a little late joining in so I'm not tagging anyone.

My Email

I am in the midst of changing email providers. So, I can no longer access my original email account. If you are trying to get up with me or if you have emailed me in the last couple of days please resend your email to pennylane5001@yahoo.com.

Thanks.

I Love Dr. Faustman

A few days ago I posted about the start of clinical trials for Dr. Faustman's research. I contacted the team yesterday and asked how this research will develop into a cure for my son since it is only being done on adults. Of course, they don't have an answer yet because it just depends on how the FDA approves it if it works. But, they did send me the press release that I wanted to share with you.

MGH Initiates Phase I Diabetes Trial

BOSTON, MA – Scientists at the Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH) have initiated a phase 1 clinical trial to reverse type 1 diabetes. The trial is exploring whether the promising results from the laboratory of Denise Faustman, MD, PhD, can be applied in human diabetes. Faustman’s previous studies have shown that mice with a form of diabetes that closely resembles type 1 diabetes in humans can be cured. In the animal studies, a commonly used vaccine that provides protection against tuberculosis, called Bacillus Calmette-Guerin (BCG) was used effectively to deplete the abnormal immune cells that attack and destroy the insulin producing cells of the pancreas. The first step in the human study, which is currently enrolling volunteers, is to determine whether the same strategy using BCG vaccination can be used to modify the abnormal autoimmune cells that are present in type 1 diabetes, sometimes called “juvenile-onset” diabetes.

“We are pleased to be starting human clinical trials,” said Faustman. “Human trials take time, but we are making the step from curing diabetes in mice to determining whether it will work in men and women with diabetes.”

Type 1 diabetes usually starts during childhood or adolescence and can cause a variety of severe complications including kidney failure, loss of vision, amputations, heart disease, and strokes. It occurs when a person’s immune system attacks and destroys the insulin-producing cells in the pancreas. In the absence of insulin, which is necessary for sugar and other nutrients to enter cells, blood sugar levels rise. The risk for developing complications is closely linked to the elevated blood sugar levels over time. If blood sugar levels are well controlled, the long-term complications can largely be avoided. However, the so-called intensive therapy that is required to maintain near-normal sugar levels requires life-long demands on the patient, including frequent blood sugar monitoring and at least 3 daily injections of insulin or use of an insulin pump, along with restrictive diets. Insulin doses must be adjusted based on blood sugar levels, dietary factors, and anticipated exercise. A cure for diabetes has been highly sought after and has attracted much research interest.

The clinical trial is using the BCG vaccine for several reasons. BCG has been used safely for nearly 80 years as a tuberculosis vaccine. It is now being used in the human trial because it causes a low-grade inflammatory reaction, which in the mouse model of autoimmune diabetes lead to the destruction of the abnormal autoimmune cells.

David M. Nathan, MD, director of the MGH Diabetes Center, who is leading the human study at MGH, provides context: “This is the very first step in what is likely to be a long process in achieving a cure. We first need to determine whether the abnormal autoimmune cells that underlie type 1 diabetes can be knocked out with BCG vaccination, as occurred in the mouse studies.”

The Phase I trial is being supported largely through direct and fundraising support from the Iacocca Foundation, and through support from other donors and the Massachusetts General Hospital. The Iacocca Foundation was founded by Lee Iacocca and his family in 1984 to fund innovative approaches to a potential cure for diabetes. Trial information is available to the public at www.faustmanlab.org.

About the Iacocca Foundation
The Iacocca Foundation has been a leader in the battle against diabetes for over 20 years. The foundation has granted more than $27 million to innovative and promising research designed to lead to a cure for diabetes and alleviate its complications. The Foundation was established by Lee Iacocca after his wife, Mary, died from complications of type 1 diabetes.

About the Massachusetts General Hospital
Founded in 1811, the MGH is the third oldest general hospital in the United States and the oldest and largest in New England. The 900-bed medical center offers sophisticated diagnostic and therapeutic care in virtually every specialty and subspecialty of medicine and surgery. Each year the MGH admits more than 46,000 inpatients and handles nearly 1.5 million outpatient visits at its main campus and health centers. Its Emergency Department records nearly 80,000 visits annually. The surgical staff performs more than 35,000 operations and the MGH Vincent Obstetrics Service delivers more than 3,500 babies each year. The MGH conducts the largest hospital-based research program in the country, with an annual research budget of approximately $500 million. It is the oldest and largest teaching hospital of Harvard Medical School, where nearly all MGH staff physicians serve on the faculty. The MGH is consistently ranked among the nation’s top hospitals by US News and World Report.


There is also an article in Newsweek about Dr. Faustman and her trials.

I know that this might not pan out. But, I'm so excited that Dr. Faustman is getting a chance to see if it does.

Some Things

• Michael and I enjoyed our time away in Virginia Beach. We went to The Funny Bone and enjoyed the comedy of Bill Dwyer. But, the comedian before him, Dan Davidson, was much funnier. He made me laugh so hard I cried. It was nice to cry from laughing for a change.

• We stayed at The Wyndham. We had a balcony over-looking the ocean. It was beautiful. I took pictures but haven't downloaded them to my computer yet. So, we'll pretend this is the picture I took.

• Riley ran high all night long the night we were gone as well as most of the rest of the next day. Once we returned home his sugars evened out a bit. Maybe he's allergic to being away from me?

• Holden keeps reminding me that next year is his senior year of high school. He gets a kick out of watching my eyes tear up.

• We are going this week to rent his tux for the prom. There will be more tearing up at that time.
• Riley has started up with soccer. He is loving it. He has the best coach in the world, Michael.

• I have been having some minor health issues. It's nothing life threatening, just something that was causing quite a bit of pain. The treatment involves a medicine that has some side effects. I've been having terrible headaches as well hot flashes. My original pain has been replaced by head pain and a red face. I'm not sure it's the lesser of two evils.

• They gave me medicine for the headaches that knock me on my butt. I can't really take it because I don't have time to be on my butt for very long.

• Riley started using a new machine this week. I love, love, love it. It is the Freestyle Lite. We were using the Freestyle Flash, but got the Lite for free. It's a new and improved version of the Flash which I loved, loved, loved also.

• 
  Riley has started checking pretty much all of his sugars himself. Before he tested himself at school but when he was at home Michael and I did the testing.

• He comes to tell me what his sugar is after he tests. He is now able to tell me if it's low or if it's high. Yet when I said to Michael the other day that his sugar was one hundred and seventeen Riley said, "No, it's not. It's one one seven."

• Riley is also dosing himself most of the time when he is at home. He wants to. If I do it without thinking he'll get upset and say that he wanted to do it. He only does it with supervision of course.

• Both of my boys are growing up.

It's Here !!!!!!!

When Riley was first diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes I was in shock. I wasn't thinking about a cure. I was thinking about how we were going to get through it.

Fast forward a few days: I began to frantically search the internet for all sorts of information. One thing I searched for was how close we were to a cure.

Not very close, it turns out.

But, the one research project that really stuck out for me was the one being done by Dr. Denise Faustman. From the moment I read about what she had done I had hope, a hope I hadn't had before. Her project made sense.

Once I read about it I started researching how to support it. That is how I found The Iacocca Foundation. Dr. Faustman's project is one of the main reasons why I decided to hold a walk to support Mr. Iacocca in what he is trying to do, find a cure for Type 1 diabetes. There are other reasons why I chose to support his foundation but Dr. Faustman's project was really the catalyst for my walk. I remember at my first walk thinking that it would be forever before human clinical trials started. That day seemed eons away.

Well, my friends, that day has arrived. I can't even put into words how excited I am. I know there are some nay sayers out there that want to tell me not to get my hopes up. Some say a cure is impossible.

It's too late. My hopes have been up ever since I first learned of Dr. Faustman's research. And today my hope is soaring.

Who knows, maybe it won't pan out. But, maybe it will. Maybe it will.

"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible."

8 Years

We've been married eight years today.

Eight years ago we could have never guessed what we had in store.

Michael, we've weathered some pretty serious storms together. We've had the death of my grandmother. We've had several trips to the emergency room with our kids. A scare early on in my pregnancy. Some health issues, a few surgeries. Then there's October 6, 2005. Hopefully that is the toughest thing we will ever have to face.

But, if it's not. I know we'll be OK.

Rain or shine we'll make it together.

It's not that hard to find someone with which to share the warmth of the sun. There is nothing like sitting and holding some one's hand while you feel the warm glow of the sun on your face, when everything seems right with the world.

It is much harder to find someone to hold your hand in the stormy times. When the rain starts coming down most people run for shelter. With diabetes you never know when it's going to start to pour.

Whenever the rain starts to pour down I look around to see you standing right next to me. Sometimes you shelter me like an umbrella while you get drenched. Other times we're both standing there cold, wet, and exhausted.

Any one's life is going to have some rain. How you handle it makes all the difference. We've cried in the rain. We've laughed in the rain. Sometimes we've danced in the rain because we didn't know what else to do.

Michael, thank you for dancing in the rain with me. I wouldn't have wanted to share this journey with anyone else.

The Fort Strikes Again

Yesterday I told you of Riley's scratches and lows stemming from building a fort with his brother. It seems the fort has something against my kids.

I was sitting at my office. My phone rang at 4:50 PM. Holden asked, "Are you getting ready to leave?"

"In about 10 minutes. Why?"

"Um, can you just stop by Grandma's on the way home?"

"OK. But, it will be a few minutes."

"Well, just hurry up if you can."

I didn't think anything of it. I figured since they are building the fort behind my mom's house that they had finished and wanted me to stop by and look at it.

I pulled up in my mom's driveway and Holden came out the door. He had blood all over his shirt and his jeans. He pulled up his shirt sleeve to reveal a very thick bandage that was soaked through with blood.

He said that he and Riley were in the woods at the fort. They had packed a cooler with juice and also brought Riley's machine. My mom was back there with them too.

Riley had to use the restroom so my mom took him back to the house, leaving Holden there alone. He's 17. You'd think he'd be OK for a few minutes by himself, but not my child.

He proceeded to try and push down a tree. The same tree that my mom had told him to leave alone because it was too big to be messing with it. But, being that he's 17, the exact age where you know everything, he started pushing on the tree anyway.

As he's pushing, all of a sudden he feels a large object land on his arm. The top 4 feet of the tree had broken off and fallen on him. He said his first thought was that he had broken his arm. He grabbed his arm and looked down. And that is when he saw the blood.

He said he just started running back to the house. As he entered the house Riley came around the corner and saw the blood dripping onto the floor and started yelling for my mom.


She said that his arm was covered in blood and it was dripping all over the floor. As she started cleaning it up she realized that it was a hole not a scrape.

As soon as I got home I removed the bandage. Holden's arm had a very deep hole in it. It looked like someone had stabbed him with an ice pick. We're guessing that a tree limb stabbed him in the arm. It seems it was none too happy that he was trying to push it down.

Puncture wounds are very prone to infection. So now I'm worried. And I will be gone all weekend. Holden has promised he will keep a close check on it and also keep a check on his temperature.

Ah, the fun of parenting boys.

It's the (Seemingly) Little Things

A lot of times with life it's not the big events or the times in your life that get the most attention that have the most significance. A lot of times it's the seemingly insignificant things, a touch on the cheek, an email from a long lost friend, or sometimes it's the harsh words of someone that seem to make a difference and somehow shape our lives.

The big things get the most attention but a lot of times it's the little things that really add up and shape us into the person we become.

Diabetes is like that too. People hear that my son has had diabetes since he was 3 and the first thing they think of is the "big" things like all the shots he's had to take, being hooked to a pump 24/7, or sticking his finger several times a day.

In the grand scheme of things the things that people deem as a big deal aren't really that big of a deal at all. It's not the site changes and finger pokes that get to me. It's the little things.

It's the little things like the two cuts on the back of Riley's leg. He got them from a brier in the woods. He and Holden are building a fort and while Holden was carrying him out of the woods he snagged his leg on a brier.

What's the big deal about a couple of cuts? Well, since Riley has diabetes he's much more likely for those cuts to get infected. It will take longer for those cuts to heal. If those cuts do get infected it will affect his sugars which in turn will make the healing process even longer.

And did I mention why Riley was being carried out of the woods by his brother? They were having a wonderful time building a fort when all of a sudden Riley said he felt low. Being that they are kids they didn't take his machine with them or a box of juice. They weren't very far in the woods, but Riley felt so bad that Holden carried him out of the woods.

His sugar was 49. A random event maybe. No. The day before Riley and Holden were out working on the fort. I called and told them to come home. (The fort is behind my mom's house.) When they got home I checked Riley and his sugar was 45. It seems fort building takes a lot out of him.

So from now on they have been instructed to take his machine and a juice box when they work on the fort. My five year old should be able to build a fort or play outside without a sugar machine and juice box at this side.

It's the (seemingly) little things.

My wedding anniversary is coming up on Tuesday. Michael and I will be going away this weekend. We have not gone off anywhere without Riley since he was diagnosed. I've always been too afraid of what could happen. What if he gets sick? What if he has a bad site? It's the what ifs that have kept me home.

I finally decided that it's time to let go a little. We will be going to Virginia Beach. That's not really all that far from where we live. But, it's not right down the road either. I should be able to go away with my husband without a fear of something bad happening to my child.

It's not just a fear. There is also guilt involved. Riley will be staying with my mom. My mom keeps Riley while I'm working so she knows what to do. But, I know how tedious the day in and day out care can be. She normally has him for a few hours. She will have him for almost 2 whole days. She will have to get up a few times during the night to check sugars. I feel guilty that I'm putting the care on her.

Not only that, but I feel guilty because I can't wait to get away. I need to get away. But, Riley can't get away from it. Ever.

It's the (seemingly) little things.

It's things like the fact that my son cannot tie his shoes. We haven't taught him how to do that yet. But, he can add carbs. He can look at a nutrition label and tell you how many carbs are in what he is eating.

It's things like when he visited me at work yesterday. He was at my office for about an hour. During that hour he found a piece of candy on my desk that he wanted but knew he couldn't have. He asked to have a sip of my drink. But he couldn't because it was regular soda (I don't normally drink soda, but it was given to me for free and I needed the caffeine.)

He picked up a large candy jar we have at work and toted it over to a co-workers desk. Then he proceeded to tell her that he could only have something like that if he was low. Then he turned the jar over and told her how many carbs were in the candy.

Next he asked what he was having for lunch at school the next day. When I told him he was having chicken tenders (which also come with mac and cheese and a dessert) he said, "Oh, that means I'll be drinking water with it because that meal has too many carbs in it for me to drink milk with it."

I should be glad that he knows the information. But, instead I'm sad that he needs to know that information. His brain should not be filled with carbs and insulin doses. It should be filled with Star Wars and soccer. It should be filled with what he and his brother will do at the fort tomorrow. Not how he will manage to carry his toys out there along with his juice box and machine.

It's the (seemingly) little things that pop up in day to day living that really takes it's toll. It's the (seemingly) little things that cut just a little at a time, but eventually they add up and leave a huge gash.

I know that gash will heal. But, I also know that gash will leave a scar. I know that those same things are affecting my child. Maybe not so much now, but more in the future.

It's the (seemingly) little things that mark us.

No More Flu and Yay for the Pump

Thank you all for your kind comments and well-wishes.

Riley has been temperature-free since Friday at about 10:00 AM. Friday actually turned out to be his worst day. He ran high all night long Thursday night/early Friday morning. He didn't come down to an acceptable level until about 3:00 Friday afternoon. He also had small ketones Friday until about 1 PM or so.

I had taken off work Wednesday to stay home with him. Michael took off work on Thursday. It's really hard to take off more than one day of work in a week. My mom went out of town on Friday. So, big brother Holden stepped up to the plate.

Of course I had to twist his arm to get him to stay home from school (not). He did a wonderful job with Riley. I went over my check list with him before I left for work. I told him that it was very important that Riley drink plenty of fluids to flush out the ketones. I also told him how often to check ketones.

He said he wouldn't know when Riley was going to the bathroom so he locked the bathroom door so Riley couldn't get in without asking. That way he never missed an opportunity to check for ketones. I would have never thought of that myself.

When I called to check on them one time I mentioned that Riley really needed to drink a lot since he had ketones. Holden said he had 2 glasses of Crystal Light in Riley's room. He had Riley drinking out of both of them and when they were empty Riley would let Holden know and he would refill them. Riley drank almost 2 quarts of fluid by the time I had gotten home.

I got off work as early as I could (3 PM). When I walked in the door there was a fort set up in the living room and Holden and Riley were playing in it. Holden said Riley was perfect all day and they didn't get in one fight. (That's pretty rare on both accounts.)

So, Riley is at school today. And he took the last of his icky Tamiflu last night.

And today is his 2 year anniversary of pumping. I was so scared 2 years ago. But now, I can't even begin to describe how much I love the pump. Temporary basals have been our best friend as of late.

I am so glad that Riley was able to get the pump so early in his diagnosis. It has been hard but I really think it would have been harder if we didn't have the pump. We used to have to make him eat a certain amount and we couldn't dose sometimes when he was high because we couldn't give him a small enough dose. I remember taking food away from him when he was eating because we were trying to keep him at 25g of carbs. Now he eats what he wants and we bolus for it.

Yay for the pump!!