I had to smile when I read this post. Ahhh, how naive I was back then to think that when I gave insulin Riley's sugar would always go down.
And, 1/2 unit of insulin per 45g carb? Holy cow, how did I do that? Riley barely eats 45g carb per meal now.
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The Science Experiment
Anyone else out there feel like your child or you are a science experiment? I just am still uncomfortable with trying a new dose to see what it does. I know the only way to know if something will work is to try it, but sometimes I feel like a mad scientist (emphasis on the mad).
Riley's sugars had been running a little high after he ate, so I figured it was time to adjust his carb ratio. So, instead of 1/2 unit per 45g, I went to 1/2 per 30g. Well, yesterday his sugar at lunch was 80. He ate 35g carbs, so he got 1/2 unit NovoLog. Well, a little over an hour later, it was 375. Now how did that happen? I'm wondering if his sugar dropped low and he rebounded. I just can't see how it could jump so high so quickly and he had taken insulin. Then, at supper that same night, it was 173. He ate 45g carbs (including regular cake for my mom's birthday party). Well, he got 1/2 unit for that and 2 hours later it was 78. So what's the deal? I think his pancreas is just screwing with me.
Then, the only way I can keep his sugar from dropping too low during the night is to give him regular pudding before bed, but that tends to shoot his sugar up. Last night when his sugar was 78 he had pudding and at bedtime it was 243. So, what do I do? I don't like his sugar dropping into the 50s and 60s, but I don't like them in the 200s either. We've tried different things for his nighttime snack (including corn starch) but the pudding seems to work the best to keep his sugars up. How do I decide which is the lesser of two evils?
OK, I'm going to get back to my science experiment. But, on the bright side, science was always my best subject.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
TGIF (updates)
- Riley had a filed trip yesterday. He was so excited. He loves getting to ride on the bus. The problem is that when Riley gets excited he tends to go low. He went to see a play. The night before the trip I set a basal just for the field trip. His eating schedule was going to be all screwed up. He usually eats lunch at 11:15 and snack at 2:15. But, because of the timing of the trip he ate a snack at 9:15 and didn't have lunch until almost 2:00. He did OK except for a couple of lows. When they arrived at the play he clocked in at 47. It was brought right back up by juice. Then, on the bus ride back he went in the 60s once and then hovered in the lower 80s until he had lunch. All in all, I'd say it was a success. The trip has been looming in my mind for over a week now. I'm glad it's behind us and that everything worked out OK. I didn't go with him for three reasons: 1) His teacher cares for his D every day and I knew she'd do OK with it. 2) I didn't want Riley to be the only one with a parent going. 3) The play was held in the same city where Michael works. I knew if anything major happened he'd be near-by to take care of it.
- Holden's prom is tonight. It was all I could do last night when he dressed up in his tux not to cry. He looked so handsome and grown up. He will be heading to beach after the prom to spend a couple of nights with friends (and one friend's parents). I told Michael it will be a preview of what life will be like in a few months when he goes away to college. It's been a very long time since Holden spent a night away from home, let alone 2 nights in a row.
- Riley's overnight sugars were excellent. Those sugars have been the hardest to wrangle in lately. He was 186 when Michael and I went to bed. He got a tiny .15 correction and the rest of his sugars were wonderful. He woke up with a sugar of 89 this morning. You gotta celebrate the small things, you know.
- My favorite season is just around the corner. I love spring. I can't wait for it to warm up here and stay that way. We've had a few nice, warm days and then it will cool back down again. And, spring break is only 13 days away!!!! Michael and I will both be off of work and both of the kids will be out of school. I can't wait.
- It was brought to my attention by a reader (hi Chris) that his daughter had noticed that Riley did not have a medical alert bracelet on in any of his pictures. Riley has had a couple of bracelets and a necklace over the last few years, but I've never been really strict about him wearing them. I guess because for the first couple of years he was hardly ever away from us. I started researching what jewelery other kids were wearing. I found Riley's old necklace. It's a little dog with a medical alert symbol on it. I made him start wearing it all the time. Holden wears some sort of necklace every day, either his purity rings or my dad's dog tags from Vietnam. So, Riley decided it was cool to wear a necklace because big brother Holden wears one. He did OK for the first few days, but then kept asking to take it off. I wouldn't let him. He's been wearing it for a couple of weeks now and doesn't seem to notice it at all anymore. And, I feel better, especially when he goes on trips like he did yesterday.
- Next Saturday we will attend open house at the college that Holden will be attending. It will kind of be like a homecoming of sorts. Michael and I both attended college there. We will be looking at apartments that day also. It's just bringing us one step closer to Holden leaving home. sigh......
- I haven't mentioned my dad in a while. Regular readers may remember that he was diagnosed with throat cancer back in August. Well he went through several weeks of chemo and radiation, several rough weeks which included a hospital stay, but now he's good. The treatments worked. He has no sign of cancer anywhere in his body now. Thank all of you for your prayers.
- I guess that's it for now. I hope each of you have a wonderful and safe weekend.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Keeping a Positive Attitude
I wrote in my post yesterday that I am going to chose to have a positive attitude. I have been doing that. But, on my ride into work this morning I was thinking how much easier it makes it to have a positive attitude when Riley’s sugars are doing well.
His sugars have been much better the last few days. I’ve been making basal adjustments at least weekly and have gotten his sugars reigned in for the most part. The only time he’s going high consistently is right after bedtime. I adjusted his basal a bit last night as well as his nighttime carb coverage. He’s also been going on the low side around 3 in the morning, so I’ll adjust again tonight to account for that.
I’m thinking my positive attitude comes from the good numbers. And, a good, long cry I had a few nights ago. I had felt it building up but had been trying to push it aside. Even though I know sometimes it helps to just let everything out, I hate to cry. I don’t think it’s a sign of weakness, but maybe a sign of defeat. When diabetes gets me down enough to cry, I feel like somehow it’s won.
Thursday night, I couldn’t contain it anymore. Riley started complaining of an ear ache. He was crying and holding his ear and he had a temperature. I knew he had yet another ear infection, his 3rd in 5 weeks. I gave him Tylenol for the pain and I had him lie with his ear on a heating pad. It didn’t help. He continued to scream out and hold his ear in pain. A couple of hours after the Tylenol I gave him Ibuprofen. After a while that seemed to help.
Michael and I sat in the floor with him and played several games of Sorry Sliders. Then, it was off to bed. A quick check of his sugar showed he was soaring in the 300s. I increased his basal like I do whenever he has some sort of infection and administered insulin as well as his nightly inhaler. All the while I was holding back tears. I refused to cry.
I tucked Riley into bed. As I sat on the couch thinking about having to call the doctor in the morning, I started to cry. It was soft at first. I quietly slipped out of the living room and went into the bathroom. That’s where I do most of my crying.
I sat in there and cried and prayed. I cried from deep within my soul, crying like I hadn’t done in a very long time.
I felt defeated and helpless. Riley has had so many infections and sicknesses over the past several weeks that it makes basal adjustments hard to do. You have to have a few “normal” days of sugars to adjust, but with all his sickness it was rare for him to have several normal days in a row.
In addition to defeat and helplessness I felt guilt, lots and lots of guilt. I felt guilty that I wasn’t doing enough to fight Riley’s diabetes. I felt guilty that he ended up with diabetes in the first place. I felt guilty that it wasn’t me instead of him. I felt guilty that I hated a disease that was part of my son. I felt guilty that I felt like I just couldn’t do it anymore.
My head knew that I didn’t give Riley diabetes. My head knew that I have been working very hard to care for Riley. My head knew that I would take it away from him and give it to myself if I could. My head knew that I could take care of him; I didn’t really have a choice.
But, my heart was a whole other matter. My heart didn’t care what my head thought.
I sat in the bathroom long enough that Michael eventually came to check on me. When he asked if he could come in I told him no. I needed to be alone for a while. He came back several times to see if I needed anything. He was very sweet and understanding.
I finally emerged from the bathroom. Thankfully, Riley was asleep and Holden was at work, so they didn’t have to know about any of it. I let a few more tears out before the night was over. By the time Holden got home from work I was done with the pity party and ready to move on.
Riley went to the doctor on Friday and was diagnosed with a “nasty ear infection”. He is on his third antibiotic in 5 weeks. His sugars started to come down by Sunday and I was able to get rid of his temp basal. His sugars for the last two days have been the best they’ve been in a while.
My positive attitude is still there for now. I am going to try very hard to keep a positive attitude even when things are not going well.
I hope I have a while before I have to find out how I do with that.
His sugars have been much better the last few days. I’ve been making basal adjustments at least weekly and have gotten his sugars reigned in for the most part. The only time he’s going high consistently is right after bedtime. I adjusted his basal a bit last night as well as his nighttime carb coverage. He’s also been going on the low side around 3 in the morning, so I’ll adjust again tonight to account for that.
I’m thinking my positive attitude comes from the good numbers. And, a good, long cry I had a few nights ago. I had felt it building up but had been trying to push it aside. Even though I know sometimes it helps to just let everything out, I hate to cry. I don’t think it’s a sign of weakness, but maybe a sign of defeat. When diabetes gets me down enough to cry, I feel like somehow it’s won.
Thursday night, I couldn’t contain it anymore. Riley started complaining of an ear ache. He was crying and holding his ear and he had a temperature. I knew he had yet another ear infection, his 3rd in 5 weeks. I gave him Tylenol for the pain and I had him lie with his ear on a heating pad. It didn’t help. He continued to scream out and hold his ear in pain. A couple of hours after the Tylenol I gave him Ibuprofen. After a while that seemed to help.
Michael and I sat in the floor with him and played several games of Sorry Sliders. Then, it was off to bed. A quick check of his sugar showed he was soaring in the 300s. I increased his basal like I do whenever he has some sort of infection and administered insulin as well as his nightly inhaler. All the while I was holding back tears. I refused to cry.
I tucked Riley into bed. As I sat on the couch thinking about having to call the doctor in the morning, I started to cry. It was soft at first. I quietly slipped out of the living room and went into the bathroom. That’s where I do most of my crying.
I sat in there and cried and prayed. I cried from deep within my soul, crying like I hadn’t done in a very long time.
I felt defeated and helpless. Riley has had so many infections and sicknesses over the past several weeks that it makes basal adjustments hard to do. You have to have a few “normal” days of sugars to adjust, but with all his sickness it was rare for him to have several normal days in a row.
In addition to defeat and helplessness I felt guilt, lots and lots of guilt. I felt guilty that I wasn’t doing enough to fight Riley’s diabetes. I felt guilty that he ended up with diabetes in the first place. I felt guilty that it wasn’t me instead of him. I felt guilty that I hated a disease that was part of my son. I felt guilty that I felt like I just couldn’t do it anymore.
My head knew that I didn’t give Riley diabetes. My head knew that I have been working very hard to care for Riley. My head knew that I would take it away from him and give it to myself if I could. My head knew that I could take care of him; I didn’t really have a choice.
But, my heart was a whole other matter. My heart didn’t care what my head thought.
I sat in the bathroom long enough that Michael eventually came to check on me. When he asked if he could come in I told him no. I needed to be alone for a while. He came back several times to see if I needed anything. He was very sweet and understanding.
I finally emerged from the bathroom. Thankfully, Riley was asleep and Holden was at work, so they didn’t have to know about any of it. I let a few more tears out before the night was over. By the time Holden got home from work I was done with the pity party and ready to move on.
Riley went to the doctor on Friday and was diagnosed with a “nasty ear infection”. He is on his third antibiotic in 5 weeks. His sugars started to come down by Sunday and I was able to get rid of his temp basal. His sugars for the last two days have been the best they’ve been in a while.
My positive attitude is still there for now. I am going to try very hard to keep a positive attitude even when things are not going well.
I hope I have a while before I have to find out how I do with that.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Memory Monday: Dec. 2 ,2005 (yes I know it's Tuesday)
I don't know what to say about this post. I was so happy that Riley's A1C was 7.9. Now, a 7.9 brings me to tears and makes me feel like a failure.
This post reminds me that perspective makes a huge difference. I can chose to see things as positive or I can chose to see things as negative. I've been choosing negative lately.
Today, I will chose the positive.
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The Endo. Appointment
Well, just a quick post to tell about Riley's first endo. appointment. It went very well. I didn't know what his A1C was in the hospital. I found out today that it was 9.7. Today it was 7.9!!!!! I was so excited.
For his age, the Dr. wants it between 7.5 and 8.0. The ADA recommends 7.5-8.5. So, either way he's in range and I'm very happy. Plus, he's only had D for 2 months. Since it is a 3 month average of his sugars the endo. said that he has a month in there where we didn't know he had D, so if we checked again next month, she seems to think that it would even be lower.
Overall, a good appointment. But, I didn't get the answer I wanted about the pump. They wait at least a year before they'll even discuss, then they don't really recommend it.
On the way to eat after the appointment, Riley said "I forgot to ask about the hook thing" (that's what he calls the pump because I told him he'd be hooked to it) I told him I had asked. "What did she say?" "She said you're too young." "Well, I don't like taking shots. Can we find another Dr?"
So, I will be scouring the internet for ped. endos. that are within 2 hours from here. Wish me luck. 7.9, yeahhhhhhhh!!!!!
This post reminds me that perspective makes a huge difference. I can chose to see things as positive or I can chose to see things as negative. I've been choosing negative lately.
Today, I will chose the positive.
----------------------------------------------------------------
The Endo. Appointment
Well, just a quick post to tell about Riley's first endo. appointment. It went very well. I didn't know what his A1C was in the hospital. I found out today that it was 9.7. Today it was 7.9!!!!! I was so excited.
For his age, the Dr. wants it between 7.5 and 8.0. The ADA recommends 7.5-8.5. So, either way he's in range and I'm very happy. Plus, he's only had D for 2 months. Since it is a 3 month average of his sugars the endo. said that he has a month in there where we didn't know he had D, so if we checked again next month, she seems to think that it would even be lower.
Overall, a good appointment. But, I didn't get the answer I wanted about the pump. They wait at least a year before they'll even discuss, then they don't really recommend it.
On the way to eat after the appointment, Riley said "I forgot to ask about the hook thing" (that's what he calls the pump because I told him he'd be hooked to it) I told him I had asked. "What did she say?" "She said you're too young." "Well, I don't like taking shots. Can we find another Dr?"
So, I will be scouring the internet for ped. endos. that are within 2 hours from here. Wish me luck. 7.9, yeahhhhhhhh!!!!!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Memory Mondays
I have decided that every (or most, let's be realistic) Mondays I am going to re-post an older post. I will start with the oldest ones and work my way forward.
I've been spending more time on Children With Diabetes lately. I spent A LOT of time up there in the first few months after Riley's diagnosis. I got a lot of good advice there. Now, I check in at the forums from time to time. It's my way of giving back. While I am by no means an expert at diabetes, I know that the 3 1/2 years of experience can help a "newbie". If nothing else I can give some encouraging words and a shoulder to cry on.
Reading the comments made from the newer parents kind of brought all the emotions flooding back for me. I went back and read some of my older posts. It brought up a lot of emotion, but it also made me realize how far we had come.
Anyway, this was originally posted on November 30, 2005 (8 weeks after Riley's diagnosis). I wrote it one night when I was feeling particularly sorry for myself.
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Somewhere A Mother Is Crying
My sweet little boy just took a shot
Somewhere a mother is crying
Sometimes he asks "Will it hurt a lot?"
Somewhere a mother is crying
We check his sugar several times a day
Somewhere a mother is crying
When his sugar is high, we go out and play
Somewhere a mother is crying
My son has diabetes and I feel sorry for myself
Somewhere a mother is crying
I worry about the long-term effects on his health
Somewhere a mother is crying
My boy is full of life
Somewhere a mother is crying
One day, I hope he has children and a wife
Somewhere a mother is crying
A mother somewhere has just lost her son
If only there was something she could have done
She learned of the cancer six months ago
Now she has had to let him go
She sobs and she grieves for the life he'll never live
She mourns because he had so much love to give
She cries because she misses him so
It was so hard letting him go
My son just came in and gave me a kiss
Somewhere a mother is crying....
I've been spending more time on Children With Diabetes lately. I spent A LOT of time up there in the first few months after Riley's diagnosis. I got a lot of good advice there. Now, I check in at the forums from time to time. It's my way of giving back. While I am by no means an expert at diabetes, I know that the 3 1/2 years of experience can help a "newbie". If nothing else I can give some encouraging words and a shoulder to cry on.
Reading the comments made from the newer parents kind of brought all the emotions flooding back for me. I went back and read some of my older posts. It brought up a lot of emotion, but it also made me realize how far we had come.
Anyway, this was originally posted on November 30, 2005 (8 weeks after Riley's diagnosis). I wrote it one night when I was feeling particularly sorry for myself.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Somewhere A Mother Is Crying
My sweet little boy just took a shot
Somewhere a mother is crying
Sometimes he asks "Will it hurt a lot?"
Somewhere a mother is crying
We check his sugar several times a day
Somewhere a mother is crying
When his sugar is high, we go out and play
Somewhere a mother is crying
My son has diabetes and I feel sorry for myself
Somewhere a mother is crying
I worry about the long-term effects on his health
Somewhere a mother is crying
My boy is full of life
Somewhere a mother is crying
One day, I hope he has children and a wife
Somewhere a mother is crying
A mother somewhere has just lost her son
If only there was something she could have done
She learned of the cancer six months ago
Now she has had to let him go
She sobs and she grieves for the life he'll never live
She mourns because he had so much love to give
She cries because she misses him so
It was so hard letting him go
My son just came in and gave me a kiss
Somewhere a mother is crying....
Sunday, March 15, 2009
The Slap
Riley is sick again for the fourth time in about six weeks. He’s had two ear infections, a bout with asthma, and now, he’s running a fever, no other symptoms, just a fever which has made his sugars go up.
Last night he was sitting on the couch in between Michael and me. He eventually put his head in my lap. Next thing I knew he had fallen asleep. When Michael picked him up to put him into his bed he noticed he felt warm. I checked his temperature and it was 101.6. His only complaint all day had been a headache. His sugars had been good too, the best they had been in a while.
Ibuprofen brought his temperature down. The regular middle of the night sugar checks including temperature checks. He did OK until about 6:30 in the morning when it started to rise again and he got more Ibuprofen. Somehow, his sugars were perfect all night long.
That hasn’t been the case today. He’s been high all day. Right now he’s running at an increased basal to try and counter-act that.
For most other kids, being sick is no big deal. As a mother you hate to see them feel bad. You worry about them, but not like you do when diabetes is involved.
When your child with diabetes is sick, you feel more than sympathy, you feel fear. You’re on alert all the times anyway, but now you’re on high alert. Every little complaint could mean something. A tummy ache becomes a very big deal.
It is days like today that diabetes slaps me in the face, leaving my cheek reddened. It stings and I feel my eyes fill with tears. My hand flies to my face and I rub my cheek wondering why I didn’t see it coming.
I know I’ll deal with this and move on. The fever will subside and life will return to our kind of normal. Riley will have highs and lows. He may even have a few days of good sugars.
The pain comes from knowing that it won’t last. Just when I convince myself that I can handle this, that we have things under control, diabetes will reach up and slap me in the face again.
And again, and again, and again……
Last night he was sitting on the couch in between Michael and me. He eventually put his head in my lap. Next thing I knew he had fallen asleep. When Michael picked him up to put him into his bed he noticed he felt warm. I checked his temperature and it was 101.6. His only complaint all day had been a headache. His sugars had been good too, the best they had been in a while.
Ibuprofen brought his temperature down. The regular middle of the night sugar checks including temperature checks. He did OK until about 6:30 in the morning when it started to rise again and he got more Ibuprofen. Somehow, his sugars were perfect all night long.
That hasn’t been the case today. He’s been high all day. Right now he’s running at an increased basal to try and counter-act that.
For most other kids, being sick is no big deal. As a mother you hate to see them feel bad. You worry about them, but not like you do when diabetes is involved.
When your child with diabetes is sick, you feel more than sympathy, you feel fear. You’re on alert all the times anyway, but now you’re on high alert. Every little complaint could mean something. A tummy ache becomes a very big deal.
It is days like today that diabetes slaps me in the face, leaving my cheek reddened. It stings and I feel my eyes fill with tears. My hand flies to my face and I rub my cheek wondering why I didn’t see it coming.
I know I’ll deal with this and move on. The fever will subside and life will return to our kind of normal. Riley will have highs and lows. He may even have a few days of good sugars.
The pain comes from knowing that it won’t last. Just when I convince myself that I can handle this, that we have things under control, diabetes will reach up and slap me in the face again.
And again, and again, and again……
Friday, March 13, 2009
Ode to ER
When ER first started I was in nursing school. The thing to do on Friday morning before class started was to laugh about what happened on Friends and to discuss what happened on ER.
I remember the very first episode where the audience was first introduced to Noah Wyle’s character, Dr. Carter. I loved him from the very first episode and was sad to see him leave the show.
I haven’t liked every character on the show. I was never a fan of Susan Lewis. I didn’t like Dr. Weaver from day one. I was actually happy to see her leave the show. And, you couldn’t help but dislike Dr. Romano, but sometimes I found myself liking him in spite of myself. Once he got his arm (literally) chopped off I couldn’t help but feel sympathy for him. I didn’t like Archie (Dr. Morris) for a long time, but now he is one of my favorite characters currently on the show. Neela has never been one of my favorites either.
My favorite character will always be Dr. Carter. But, I also loved Dr. Greene and Doug Ross. Abby was always a favorite of mine. And, her mother was played by one of my favorite actresses, Sally Fields. Peter Benton was an awesome character. And, Jerry, the desk clerk, who couldn’t like him? I loved Dr. Pratt. Dr. Banfield is still growing on me.
I am not a big TV watcher. I have a few choice shows I watch. ER is the one show that I consistently make a point to take time to watch. I’ve been doing that for 15 years.
I particularly loved last night’s episode. Old characters have been brought back a lot this season. This started with the much loved Mark Greene. Dr. Carter just came back to the show a few episodes ago. And, last night saw the return of Dr. Benton, Carol Hathaway, and Dr. Ross.
For someone who doesn’t watch a lot of TV I guess this seems like a strange post to write. But, like I said, I’ve been watching this show for 15 years. I have come to love the show and while I know it’s time for it to end, I will be sad to see it go.
I remember the very first episode where the audience was first introduced to Noah Wyle’s character, Dr. Carter. I loved him from the very first episode and was sad to see him leave the show.
I haven’t liked every character on the show. I was never a fan of Susan Lewis. I didn’t like Dr. Weaver from day one. I was actually happy to see her leave the show. And, you couldn’t help but dislike Dr. Romano, but sometimes I found myself liking him in spite of myself. Once he got his arm (literally) chopped off I couldn’t help but feel sympathy for him. I didn’t like Archie (Dr. Morris) for a long time, but now he is one of my favorite characters currently on the show. Neela has never been one of my favorites either.
My favorite character will always be Dr. Carter. But, I also loved Dr. Greene and Doug Ross. Abby was always a favorite of mine. And, her mother was played by one of my favorite actresses, Sally Fields. Peter Benton was an awesome character. And, Jerry, the desk clerk, who couldn’t like him? I loved Dr. Pratt. Dr. Banfield is still growing on me.
I am not a big TV watcher. I have a few choice shows I watch. ER is the one show that I consistently make a point to take time to watch. I’ve been doing that for 15 years.
I particularly loved last night’s episode. Old characters have been brought back a lot this season. This started with the much loved Mark Greene. Dr. Carter just came back to the show a few episodes ago. And, last night saw the return of Dr. Benton, Carol Hathaway, and Dr. Ross.
For someone who doesn’t watch a lot of TV I guess this seems like a strange post to write. But, like I said, I’ve been watching this show for 15 years. I have come to love the show and while I know it’s time for it to end, I will be sad to see it go.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
How Do You Feel About Embryonic Stem Cell Research?
I have never gotten political on my blog. I'd like to keep it that way.
I read Amy's blog today and was appalled at the things some people will say, both those who support ESCR and those that do not.
I was just wondering how those in the diabetes community feel about it without making it into a political/religious war.
If you would like to leave a comment that's fine, but anything that is disrespectful to someone else's religion/opinion/race/whatever will be deleted.
Take my poll.
I read Amy's blog today and was appalled at the things some people will say, both those who support ESCR and those that do not.
I was just wondering how those in the diabetes community feel about it without making it into a political/religious war.
If you would like to leave a comment that's fine, but anything that is disrespectful to someone else's religion/opinion/race/whatever will be deleted.
Take my poll.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Most days diabetes doesn’t get me down too much. If Riley is really high or really low it might upset me for a bit, but once the high or low is gone I’m OK.
But, for the last several days the needle pricks and the counting of carbs have stung a little more than usual.
I think it all started on Thursday. While we were on our way to the doctor to follow up with Riley’s asthma, he’s doing great with that, by the way, Riley started talking about diabetes.
I’m not sure what started it, but at some point he said, “If I get rid of my diabetes that means I can eat whatever I want, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“So, that means I can just eat as much as I want? I can drink real drinks too?”
“Yes, that’s what it means.”
“Wow.”
I felt my throat catch. It’s such a foreign thought to him. The idea that he can walk to the cabinet or fridge, grab whatever he wants, and eat or drink it sounds like heaven to him. It’s something that we non-D people just take for granted.
He’s mentioned diabetes a few more times since then. And each time it’s tugged at my heart.
Thursday night I made some basal adjustments. I called Riley into the room so I could remove his pump to reprogram it.
As I was reaching into his pocket to pull out his pump he stated, in a very stern voice, “I hate diabetes!”
“Me too, son.” Then, I gave him a great big hug.
And, that adds to the pain. All I can do is hug him when he feels this way, listen to him vent his frustrations. I know hugs and listening to him are important, but it doesn’t change anything.
He still has diabetes. He still has restrictions on his eating. I know we say “People with diabetes can eat just like everyone else.” I’m not sure why we say it. We all know it’s not true.
That’s something I struggle with too. He’s a growing boy, I want to just let him eat and eat whenever he wants. But, it’s not as easy as it sounds.
One night this week I was on the couch. I had been eating some mixed nuts. Riley saw the container and asked for “one”. Yes, just one. I know nuts don’t have many carbs in them. But, he only asked for one because he knows he can’t just reach into anything and grab a handful and walk away.
My throat caught and my heart ached again. This time I almost cried. I grabbed him and hugged him and told him I was sorry that he has diabetes.
Maybe it wasn’t the best the best thing to say. But, I said it, because I meant it.
Usually it’s the highs and lows that alter my moods. But, sometimes it’s just the plain old day in day out stuff that comes along with the disease.
And, because that “stuff” happens to my son instead of me, sometimes it’s almost unbearable.
But, for the last several days the needle pricks and the counting of carbs have stung a little more than usual.
I think it all started on Thursday. While we were on our way to the doctor to follow up with Riley’s asthma, he’s doing great with that, by the way, Riley started talking about diabetes.
I’m not sure what started it, but at some point he said, “If I get rid of my diabetes that means I can eat whatever I want, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“So, that means I can just eat as much as I want? I can drink real drinks too?”
“Yes, that’s what it means.”
“Wow.”
I felt my throat catch. It’s such a foreign thought to him. The idea that he can walk to the cabinet or fridge, grab whatever he wants, and eat or drink it sounds like heaven to him. It’s something that we non-D people just take for granted.
He’s mentioned diabetes a few more times since then. And each time it’s tugged at my heart.
Thursday night I made some basal adjustments. I called Riley into the room so I could remove his pump to reprogram it.
As I was reaching into his pocket to pull out his pump he stated, in a very stern voice, “I hate diabetes!”
“Me too, son.” Then, I gave him a great big hug.
And, that adds to the pain. All I can do is hug him when he feels this way, listen to him vent his frustrations. I know hugs and listening to him are important, but it doesn’t change anything.
He still has diabetes. He still has restrictions on his eating. I know we say “People with diabetes can eat just like everyone else.” I’m not sure why we say it. We all know it’s not true.
That’s something I struggle with too. He’s a growing boy, I want to just let him eat and eat whenever he wants. But, it’s not as easy as it sounds.
One night this week I was on the couch. I had been eating some mixed nuts. Riley saw the container and asked for “one”. Yes, just one. I know nuts don’t have many carbs in them. But, he only asked for one because he knows he can’t just reach into anything and grab a handful and walk away.
My throat caught and my heart ached again. This time I almost cried. I grabbed him and hugged him and told him I was sorry that he has diabetes.
Maybe it wasn’t the best the best thing to say. But, I said it, because I meant it.
Usually it’s the highs and lows that alter my moods. But, sometimes it’s just the plain old day in day out stuff that comes along with the disease.
And, because that “stuff” happens to my son instead of me, sometimes it’s almost unbearable.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Why I Love the Pump
1. Being able to accurately dose tiny amounts of insulin.
2. Riley can eat his meal and then if he wants something else after he's already had insulin all we have to do is program it in the pump and give the insulin, no extra injection needed.
3. 2-3 needle pokes per week compared to 28-35.
4. Being able to adjust insulin levels at certain times of the day. (Riley has 7 different basal patterns in one day.) He ALWAYS went low at night on Lantus no matter what we did, corn starch, large snack, split dose, nothing worked. With the pump I can decrease his insulin at night and it works very nicely.
5. Temp. basals: I absolutely love temp basals. They make life so much easier. We mainly use them at night, if Riley is lower than I like (but still in range) I can just decrease his basal for a couple of hours and most times it takes care of it. There is no need to wake him to drink juice or eat fruit snacks (as long as he's not low, low). Temp. basals are also very handy for sports or other increase in activity.
6. Having a happier healthier Riley.
7. Having a happier mom (me).
Riley started on the pump exactly 3 years ago today. I hate that he needs it in the first place, but am so grateful that he was able to get it so early on in his diagnosis. Life is never easy when it comes to diabetes, but the pump makes it easier.
2. Riley can eat his meal and then if he wants something else after he's already had insulin all we have to do is program it in the pump and give the insulin, no extra injection needed.
3. 2-3 needle pokes per week compared to 28-35.
4. Being able to adjust insulin levels at certain times of the day. (Riley has 7 different basal patterns in one day.) He ALWAYS went low at night on Lantus no matter what we did, corn starch, large snack, split dose, nothing worked. With the pump I can decrease his insulin at night and it works very nicely.
5. Temp. basals: I absolutely love temp basals. They make life so much easier. We mainly use them at night, if Riley is lower than I like (but still in range) I can just decrease his basal for a couple of hours and most times it takes care of it. There is no need to wake him to drink juice or eat fruit snacks (as long as he's not low, low). Temp. basals are also very handy for sports or other increase in activity.
6. Having a happier healthier Riley.
7. Having a happier mom (me).
Riley started on the pump exactly 3 years ago today. I hate that he needs it in the first place, but am so grateful that he was able to get it so early on in his diagnosis. Life is never easy when it comes to diabetes, but the pump makes it easier.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
One More Thing
Riley woke up yesterday morning complaining that his chest hurt. I listened for wheezing and did not hear any, but he was coughing some. A lot of times coughing leads him to need his inhaler, so I went ahead and gave it to him.
He had a bought of wheezing in September where we ended up in the ER, and, then again, the week of Christmas. Both times he was placed on Prednisone and both times the wheezing cleared.
But, it had been rearing its ugly head off and on. Riley averaged using his rescue inhaler for wheezing about once every couple of weeks or so. Never two days in a row.
Riley continued to have to use his inhaler all through the night last night and again this morning. Every time he’d been to the doctor for his wheezing it was explained away as “just one of those things”.
Today when he left the doctor’s office we left with an asthma action plan to take to school and a new controller inhaler that he must take twice a day every day.
It’s one more thing my little man has to deal with. Asthma.
I did OK with it at first. I was relieved that they finally put him on a medicine to help control his symptoms. The inhaler he was on only treated the symptoms once they occurred.
I was upbeat about it when I told Holden and he freaked out. I told him everything would be fine.
I was firm with Michael that everything would be fine when I told him and he freaked out too.
But, now sitting here I just want to cry or scream. All I keep thinking is: Didn’t he have enough to deal with already? Isn’t diabetes enough?
When I look over at him perched on the edge of the couch his weight shifted slightly onto his left hip so as to not bother the new, tender site I just inserted it’s all I can do to hold back the tears.
In my heart I know he’ll be fine. Just like diabetes it’s not going to stop him from doing what he wants to do. It’s just one more thing.
It’s one more thing to check on in the middle of the night, one more contraption to add to my pocket book, one more medicine co-payment every month, one more thing to monitor during sports, one more thing on his plate….
He had a bought of wheezing in September where we ended up in the ER, and, then again, the week of Christmas. Both times he was placed on Prednisone and both times the wheezing cleared.
But, it had been rearing its ugly head off and on. Riley averaged using his rescue inhaler for wheezing about once every couple of weeks or so. Never two days in a row.
Riley continued to have to use his inhaler all through the night last night and again this morning. Every time he’d been to the doctor for his wheezing it was explained away as “just one of those things”.
Today when he left the doctor’s office we left with an asthma action plan to take to school and a new controller inhaler that he must take twice a day every day.
It’s one more thing my little man has to deal with. Asthma.
I did OK with it at first. I was relieved that they finally put him on a medicine to help control his symptoms. The inhaler he was on only treated the symptoms once they occurred.
I was upbeat about it when I told Holden and he freaked out. I told him everything would be fine.
I was firm with Michael that everything would be fine when I told him and he freaked out too.
But, now sitting here I just want to cry or scream. All I keep thinking is: Didn’t he have enough to deal with already? Isn’t diabetes enough?
When I look over at him perched on the edge of the couch his weight shifted slightly onto his left hip so as to not bother the new, tender site I just inserted it’s all I can do to hold back the tears.
In my heart I know he’ll be fine. Just like diabetes it’s not going to stop him from doing what he wants to do. It’s just one more thing.
It’s one more thing to check on in the middle of the night, one more contraption to add to my pocket book, one more medicine co-payment every month, one more thing to monitor during sports, one more thing on his plate….
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Always Something There to Remind Me
Since the attack of low blood sugars things have been going pretty smoothly as far as diabetes goes. It has its ups and downs like always but for the most part it’s been somewhere in the middle.
I am more at peace with this disease than I have been in several months. Since school started in August it has been a never-ending roller coaster ride of highs and lows (mainly highs). Then, he had the never-ending lows. Now, he has a few highs, he has a few lows, and several numbers in between.
I try not to let the numbers affect my mood, but I find it to be nearly impossible. There are days when I do OK even if he’s had several highs or several lows. But, for the most parts the “good” days are the days where his sugars behave somewhat.
Even on those days diabetes is still always on my mind. I sometimes wonder what thoughts would fill my head if diabetes had never entered my life. It seems that almost everything is connected to diabetes in some way.
When I see a new food item in the grocery store I don’t just look at the price, I immediately flip it over and read the carb count. Even if I don’t plan on purchasing it I still look and make a mental note of the carbs. I do this because if we come across this particular item in the future I’m hoping I’ll have some knowledge as to how many carbs for which to bolus.
When I try to find anything in my pocketbook, which is a chore unto itself, I have to wade through juice boxes and bagged snacks. I push aside ketone strips, used test strips, and a carb counting book just to find a pen. While I don’t consciously think about diabetes at that time, it’s still a faint reminder that the disease is very much a part of my life.
When Riley mentions that a classmate has a birthday the next day, I don’t automatically ask him how old the child will be. First, I start wondering if there will be a party and how many carbs he might have and if they’ll have cookies or cake. Then, I pray that his sugar will cooperate so when he partakes of the tasty treats his sugar won’t go from high to sky high. Then, I get around to asking how old his friend will be.
A few nights ago I was looking for a baby picture of Holden for his annual. While sorting through the pictures I came across one of Riley sitting in Michael’s lap. Riley was almost a year old. I looked at those chubby cheeks and, other than thinking how cute he was, I thought about how he didn’t have diabetes when that picture was taken. It’s strange that I’d even think of that, but I did.
Last week I had a meeting with some other school nurses. My cell phone would not pick up in the building where the meeting was held. This made me nervous. What if his teacher needed me? I kept excusing myself and would walk outside to where I had a signal and would check to see if I’d missed any calls or is I had any voice mails. Even while in a meeting at work it’s on my mind.
The thing that has struck me as most odd lately was when I began reading my latest book. It started out with a prologue and then it went into the main story. The first page of the main story had a date at the top, “February 2005”. I kid you not, my first thought was “Riley did not have diabetes in February 2005”. Why? I have no idea. Then, I quickly calculated that 8 months later, he did.
I don’t know why my mind always goes to diabetes. I wish I could change it, but I don’t know how. I guess the best advice is to say “just stop thinking about it”. But, I can’t. It’s kind of like if I say to you “do not picture the front door of your house”. Of course, the first thing you do is picture the front door of your house.
I hope to one day find out what I'll think about when there isn't diabetes to think about anymore.
I am more at peace with this disease than I have been in several months. Since school started in August it has been a never-ending roller coaster ride of highs and lows (mainly highs). Then, he had the never-ending lows. Now, he has a few highs, he has a few lows, and several numbers in between.
I try not to let the numbers affect my mood, but I find it to be nearly impossible. There are days when I do OK even if he’s had several highs or several lows. But, for the most parts the “good” days are the days where his sugars behave somewhat.
Even on those days diabetes is still always on my mind. I sometimes wonder what thoughts would fill my head if diabetes had never entered my life. It seems that almost everything is connected to diabetes in some way.
When I see a new food item in the grocery store I don’t just look at the price, I immediately flip it over and read the carb count. Even if I don’t plan on purchasing it I still look and make a mental note of the carbs. I do this because if we come across this particular item in the future I’m hoping I’ll have some knowledge as to how many carbs for which to bolus.
When I try to find anything in my pocketbook, which is a chore unto itself, I have to wade through juice boxes and bagged snacks. I push aside ketone strips, used test strips, and a carb counting book just to find a pen. While I don’t consciously think about diabetes at that time, it’s still a faint reminder that the disease is very much a part of my life.
When Riley mentions that a classmate has a birthday the next day, I don’t automatically ask him how old the child will be. First, I start wondering if there will be a party and how many carbs he might have and if they’ll have cookies or cake. Then, I pray that his sugar will cooperate so when he partakes of the tasty treats his sugar won’t go from high to sky high. Then, I get around to asking how old his friend will be.
A few nights ago I was looking for a baby picture of Holden for his annual. While sorting through the pictures I came across one of Riley sitting in Michael’s lap. Riley was almost a year old. I looked at those chubby cheeks and, other than thinking how cute he was, I thought about how he didn’t have diabetes when that picture was taken. It’s strange that I’d even think of that, but I did.
Last week I had a meeting with some other school nurses. My cell phone would not pick up in the building where the meeting was held. This made me nervous. What if his teacher needed me? I kept excusing myself and would walk outside to where I had a signal and would check to see if I’d missed any calls or is I had any voice mails. Even while in a meeting at work it’s on my mind.
The thing that has struck me as most odd lately was when I began reading my latest book. It started out with a prologue and then it went into the main story. The first page of the main story had a date at the top, “February 2005”. I kid you not, my first thought was “Riley did not have diabetes in February 2005”. Why? I have no idea. Then, I quickly calculated that 8 months later, he did.
I don’t know why my mind always goes to diabetes. I wish I could change it, but I don’t know how. I guess the best advice is to say “just stop thinking about it”. But, I can’t. It’s kind of like if I say to you “do not picture the front door of your house”. Of course, the first thing you do is picture the front door of your house.
I hope to one day find out what I'll think about when there isn't diabetes to think about anymore.
Friday, February 13, 2009
It's All Good
I didn't shed one tear yesterday. It's strange, but I always seem to do that. The days leading up to the actual event are worse than the actual event itself.
Holden played a great game last night, one of his best all year. And, the icing on the cake was that we beat our conference rivals. It couldn't have been a better ending to a home season. Of course, basketball isn't over yet. He has a game tonight and then a tournament next week. Hopefully, we will move on and play at the state level also.
I'm surprised at how well I did. I didn't feel myself tear up at all. I just smiled the whole time and thoroughly enjoyed the game. Even after the game when I got a sweat-laden hug from Holden I did just fine. He hugged me and said "It's been fun." And, all I could say was, "Yes, it has."
Riley is back to his old self again. He's not having any more tummy issues and he's back to eating me out of house and home. His sugars have returned to normal, or normal for having Type 1 diabetes. He hasn't had the lows he was having. And, if he's gone low it's come up like it should with treatment. So, I guess it was just a nasty old virus that just had to run its course.
And, last but not least, I was tagged a while ago by Jill to list six things that make me happy. I'm not going to tag anyone but if you'd like to play along, by all means, please do.
1)
Being a mother. There is nothing like it. Sometimes I can look at my boys and my heart feels like it's going to burst with love. And, it's not just having my kids, but all the other stuff that comes along with being a mom. I love the games and practices. I even like the homework. I like anything that involves spending time with my kids.
2) Sleep. Yep, just plain old, every day, run of the mill, sleep. I guess it's because I don't get much of it. Holden slept through the night from the time he came home from the hospital. He would wake
occasionally for a bottle and go right back to sleep. But, not my Riley. He did not sleep from day one. I tried everything, rocking, singing, crying, praying. None of it worked. He just WOULD NOT sleep. He'd lie for hours and just stare up at me. I'd put him in his crib and lay my hand on him and he'd stay quiet. But, as soon as I removed my hand off of him he'd start crying again. Around the time he turned 3 he started sleeping through the night. 5 months later he was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. Now he sleeps through the night, but I still don't.
3) A good song. There is something about a good song that lifts my spirits. Most of the songs like that are ones w
ith an up beat. Some of the songs I can think of that seem to make me happy no matter what are: Billy Jean by Michael Jackson, Love Shack by the B52s, Kiss by Prince, and Respect by Aretha Franklin. There are plenty others.
5) Reading. I love to read. I went through a several year period where I did little to no reading. I just did not ma
ke the time to sit and read. I have recently started going to the library and checking out books to read. I love to sit with my feet propped up on the couch and read.
6) Foot rubs. Early on in my marriage I used to get them on a regular basis. When I was pregnant with Riley I got one every night. I haven't gotten
one in a while. Maybe that's what I'll get for Valentine's Day. (Hey, Michael, are you reading this? A foot rub is free and it makes me happy. )
Holden played a great game last night, one of his best all year. And, the icing on the cake was that we beat our conference rivals. It couldn't have been a better ending to a home season. Of course, basketball isn't over yet. He has a game tonight and then a tournament next week. Hopefully, we will move on and play at the state level also.
I'm surprised at how well I did. I didn't feel myself tear up at all. I just smiled the whole time and thoroughly enjoyed the game. Even after the game when I got a sweat-laden hug from Holden I did just fine. He hugged me and said "It's been fun." And, all I could say was, "Yes, it has."
Riley is back to his old self again. He's not having any more tummy issues and he's back to eating me out of house and home. His sugars have returned to normal, or normal for having Type 1 diabetes. He hasn't had the lows he was having. And, if he's gone low it's come up like it should with treatment. So, I guess it was just a nasty old virus that just had to run its course.
And, last but not least, I was tagged a while ago by Jill to list six things that make me happy. I'm not going to tag anyone but if you'd like to play along, by all means, please do.
1)
Being a mother. There is nothing like it. Sometimes I can look at my boys and my heart feels like it's going to burst with love. And, it's not just having my kids, but all the other stuff that comes along with being a mom. I love the games and practices. I even like the homework. I like anything that involves spending time with my kids. 2) Sleep. Yep, just plain old, every day, run of the mill, sleep. I guess it's because I don't get much of it. Holden slept through the night from the time he came home from the hospital. He would wake
occasionally for a bottle and go right back to sleep. But, not my Riley. He did not sleep from day one. I tried everything, rocking, singing, crying, praying. None of it worked. He just WOULD NOT sleep. He'd lie for hours and just stare up at me. I'd put him in his crib and lay my hand on him and he'd stay quiet. But, as soon as I removed my hand off of him he'd start crying again. Around the time he turned 3 he started sleeping through the night. 5 months later he was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. Now he sleeps through the night, but I still don't.3) A good song. There is something about a good song that lifts my spirits. Most of the songs like that are ones w
ith an up beat. Some of the songs I can think of that seem to make me happy no matter what are: Billy Jean by Michael Jackson, Love Shack by the B52s, Kiss by Prince, and Respect by Aretha Franklin. There are plenty others.4) A clean house. I love to have a clean house. It just seems like all is ri
ght with the world when the house is clean. But, I'm glad I don't get all my happiness from a clean house because then I would be a very unhappy person, especially during basketball season.
ght with the world when the house is clean. But, I'm glad I don't get all my happiness from a clean house because then I would be a very unhappy person, especially during basketball season. 5) Reading. I love to read. I went through a several year period where I did little to no reading. I just did not ma
ke the time to sit and read. I have recently started going to the library and checking out books to read. I love to sit with my feet propped up on the couch and read. 6) Foot rubs. Early on in my marriage I used to get them on a regular basis. When I was pregnant with Riley I got one every night. I haven't gotten
one in a while. Maybe that's what I'll get for Valentine's Day. (Hey, Michael, are you reading this? A foot rub is free and it makes me happy. )Have a great weekend everyone!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Senioritis
I am emotionally spent. I cry at the drop of a hat and that is just not like me.
This senior year stuff is hitting me pretty hard. It's been in the back of mind since school started in August. I've been able to keep my emotions at bay for the most part. But, on senior night when all his class stood together flanked by their parents and the announcer said, "I present to you the class of 2009", it hit me like a ton of bricks.
There will be several lasts over the next few months. Followed closely by some firsts.
I guess I've put off thinking about it as long as I can. There are things that have to be done now, college dues that have to be paid, open houses that have to be attended.
Tonight is Holden's last home basketball game. I tear up just thinking about it. He's played on that court for the last 6 years. I played on the same court when I was his age. When he steps off the court for the last time tonight I know I'll be a ball of tears.
My baby is growing up and there's nothing I can do about it.
I know he's ready. He's a good boy with a good head on his shoulders. But, I'm not ready for him to grow up just yet. I'd like to keep him at home for a few more years.
His graduation invitations arrived last week, his cap and gown a few weeks before that. He has picked out the college he will be attending and the enrollment has been paid. I have been researching apartments that he might be able to rent with a friend. (He is insistent that he does not want to live in a dorm with a stranger. Plus, living in an apartment is almost as cheap as a dorm.) The FASFA has been sent in. We've applied for several scholarships.
All this stuff adds up to one thing, preparing my boy to leave home. Like I said, he's ready, I'm not.
Last night while Holden and Michael were at practice I was flipping through the TV. I found an old 20/20 episode that looked pretty good. It was about a 16 year old girl who was pregnant and was giving her baby up for adoption. The episode showed her interviewing couples and trying to decide which one to give her baby to.
I cried the entire hour. I was trying to eat supper and would get straight long enough to chew and swallow only to start sobbing again.
I was 16 when I got pregnant with Holden, 17 when I had him. I am so blessed that I was able to keep him and raise him as my own. I am blessed that I had parents who helped support me so I could stay in school, get a college education, and raise my boy.
I kept looking at that 16 year old and crying. She didn't have a choice. She didn't have her parents support. She had no way to raise a baby on her own. But, she loved him before he was ever born, just I like I did with Holden. I can't imagine having to give him over to someone else.
I can't imagine how much different my life would have been had I not had Holden. I truly believe I would be a whole different person, and not a better person either. Having Holden has shaped me into the person I am today. I'm a little crazy at times, but I didn't turn out too badly.
I know the parent is supposed to shape the child, and I have in some ways. But, he's shaped me too. He taught me what true unconditional love is. He taught me how to put someone else first. He taught me to be tough no matter what. He made me fight for things that I never would have without him.
There was a time when he was my whole life, my whole reason for breathing. He gave me a purpose. He still does.
Seeing that 20/20 special last night made me realize something. Yes, he'll be leaving for college in a few months and yes, I will miss him terribly. But, I am so blessed to have had him in my life to begin with.
I will still cry tonight when he steps off that court, but through the tears I will smile.
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
This senior year stuff is hitting me pretty hard. It's been in the back of mind since school started in August. I've been able to keep my emotions at bay for the most part. But, on senior night when all his class stood together flanked by their parents and the announcer said, "I present to you the class of 2009", it hit me like a ton of bricks.
There will be several lasts over the next few months. Followed closely by some firsts.
I guess I've put off thinking about it as long as I can. There are things that have to be done now, college dues that have to be paid, open houses that have to be attended.
Tonight is Holden's last home basketball game. I tear up just thinking about it. He's played on that court for the last 6 years. I played on the same court when I was his age. When he steps off the court for the last time tonight I know I'll be a ball of tears.
My baby is growing up and there's nothing I can do about it.
I know he's ready. He's a good boy with a good head on his shoulders. But, I'm not ready for him to grow up just yet. I'd like to keep him at home for a few more years.
His graduation invitations arrived last week, his cap and gown a few weeks before that. He has picked out the college he will be attending and the enrollment has been paid. I have been researching apartments that he might be able to rent with a friend. (He is insistent that he does not want to live in a dorm with a stranger. Plus, living in an apartment is almost as cheap as a dorm.) The FASFA has been sent in. We've applied for several scholarships.
All this stuff adds up to one thing, preparing my boy to leave home. Like I said, he's ready, I'm not.
Last night while Holden and Michael were at practice I was flipping through the TV. I found an old 20/20 episode that looked pretty good. It was about a 16 year old girl who was pregnant and was giving her baby up for adoption. The episode showed her interviewing couples and trying to decide which one to give her baby to.
I cried the entire hour. I was trying to eat supper and would get straight long enough to chew and swallow only to start sobbing again.
I was 16 when I got pregnant with Holden, 17 when I had him. I am so blessed that I was able to keep him and raise him as my own. I am blessed that I had parents who helped support me so I could stay in school, get a college education, and raise my boy.
I kept looking at that 16 year old and crying. She didn't have a choice. She didn't have her parents support. She had no way to raise a baby on her own. But, she loved him before he was ever born, just I like I did with Holden. I can't imagine having to give him over to someone else.
I can't imagine how much different my life would have been had I not had Holden. I truly believe I would be a whole different person, and not a better person either. Having Holden has shaped me into the person I am today. I'm a little crazy at times, but I didn't turn out too badly.
I know the parent is supposed to shape the child, and I have in some ways. But, he's shaped me too. He taught me what true unconditional love is. He taught me how to put someone else first. He taught me to be tough no matter what. He made me fight for things that I never would have without him.
There was a time when he was my whole life, my whole reason for breathing. He gave me a purpose. He still does.
Seeing that 20/20 special last night made me realize something. Yes, he'll be leaving for college in a few months and yes, I will miss him terribly. But, I am so blessed to have had him in my life to begin with.
I will still cry tonight when he steps off that court, but through the tears I will smile.
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
Monday, February 09, 2009
What A Week
Last week started out with an ear and eye infection for Riley. But, instead of running up his sugars he had lows that just would not come up.
He finally went back to school on Thursday. I really didn't want to send him. He still wasn't feeling all that great but there was no reason for him to stay home other than his screwy sugars. Being that he has Type 1 and screwy sugars come with the territory, I sent him.
I wrote a note to his teacher explaining what had been going on and that I needed to be called before Riley got insulin because I was giving him less than what the pump suggested. Also, I let her know that he wasn't really eating all that well.
Instead of being low he ran high all morning. He was 300 at lunch. I thought maybe the lows had passed. The teacher got Riley to give his insulin. Turns out she pre-bolused him and he didn't eat everything. Rather than calling me and asking me what to do she just let it go. So, of course, he was low a few hours later. He got juice and fruit snacks and actually came up this time.
Riley went to school again on Friday. His teacher called me before lunch and said that he didn't want pizza ( which is what he had ordered, Didn't want pizza? He must be sick.) She said she'd gone over the menu with him and he wanted a ham and cheese sandwich instead. She called to ask me the carb amount.
A couple of hours later (right after lunch) I got another call. (I was at a different school on Friday doing vision screenings. My cell would not pick up there so the teacher kept having to call me at the school. I'm sure the people there were wondering what was going on.) She said that Riley had accidentally dropped his pump and his site had come out. She wasn't sure if it happened before or after he'd received his lunch insulin. (The lunch insulin she'd given the full amount of without calling to check first to see how much to decrease it like I had asked.)
I had to leave and go to school to put in another site. When I got there I asked Riley if he dropped his pump before or after he gave his insulin. He said after so I assumed he got his lunch insulin. I found out his sugar was 84 at lunch. The teacher gave him the full amount of insulin (even though I had ask that she call me first). After the site change I checked his sugar. It was 134. I knew that he still had plenty of insulin on board from lunch. Plus, he tends to go low after a site change. So, instead of the usual 60% decrease I decreased his pump 80% and prayed.
At 2:30 I got another call from the teacher. Riley had been low for an hour and a half. He had gotten up to 83 at one point only to drop down in the 60s again. I had finished the vision screenings and was on my way home any way. She said they were having a pep rally and she was going to take Riley to that so I could pick him up in the gym.
On the way to the school I called his endo. She wasn't in the office so I called her cell. When she answered I quickly told her everything that had been transpiring over the last week and told her I was at the end of my rope and didn't know what to do next. I know I sounded like a blubbering idiot the way the words rushed out of my mouth.
She said that she did not know why but sometimes kids would go low like that. I explained to her that it didn't help matters that he had no appetite. She said that if he would not eat to give him sugared fluids. The key was to keep his sugar up enough that we could safely give insulin as to keep away ketones. She said that if his sugar was under 200 not to bolus for any food and if his sugar was over 200 to try only giving half the suggested insulin.
After I hung up I started to panic. I had decreased his basal 80%. Had I caused ketones? I couldn't wait to get to him and test his ketones.
I found him sitting in the gym watching the cheer leaders perform. Friday night at the basketball game was Senior night. So, just as I was arriving they called out all the Senior basketball players and cheerleaders. They called Holden out on the court. I'm not doing too well with all the Senior stuff as it is. I glanced over at Riley and he sat with a huge grin on his face. It should have made me happy, but instead I started to cry.
I started to quickly wipe away the tears hoping no one would see. Between all the low sugars and Holden's 18th birthday and the reminder that my son is a Senior and will be leaving for college next year I just couldn't take anymore.
I wanted to whisk him away so I could test his ketones but he asked to stay for the pep rally. As soon as it was over we left. I tested his ketones and they were negative. I breathed a huge sigh of relief.
Like I said Friday night was Senior night. Holden, Michael, and I walked out on the court while someone announced Holden's achievements and plans for college. I did pretty well. Tears welled up in my eyes when they presented to whole class of 2009, but I never actually cried.
Riley went low again at the ballgame, but not to terribly low. That's the good thing. Even though he's been going low, he's been hanging out in the 62-78 range. At least he's not going into the 40s and 50s and staying there.
After the ballgame we had a surprise birthday party for Holden. Riley's sugar was 73. I knew that he didn't need any insulin so I let him pick out his piece of cake without worrying to eyeball it to figure out how many carbs were in it.
Now, I don't know about you other parents, but when my kid gets to eat cake, he's almost giddy with excitement. He always scarfs it down. I say he does it because he's afraid someone is going to take it away from him.
I looked over and noticed Riley's plate sitting there, the cake only half-eaten. He said he couldn't finish eating it because his tummy hurt. That had become a common complaint, and one that put my mommy sensor on high alert.
Once home his sugar was still on the low end. I had to bribe him to eat something else.
By Saturday we were still celebrating Holden's birthday. We took he and his friends out to eat and to go bowling. We ate at a Japanese steakhouse. Riley loves that place and for the most part ate pretty well. He ate quite a bit of rice. His sugar was around 170 s0 I gave him less than half of the amount of insulin suggested by the pump.
Next we went to the bowling alley. While there Riley went low, 64. I got him to drink a juice and eat a couple of pieces of candy. After the bowling alley we went for ice cream. At the ice cream shop Riley was up to 84.
I let Riley pick out his ice cream and didn't stress at all trying to figure out how many carbs were in it because I knew we wouldn't be bolusing for it anyway. An hour after the ice cream with no bolus he was 124. He stayed pretty much in range for the rest of the night.
It was nice not having to stress about the insulin and carbs, but I kept a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. I thought I remembered reading in a blog a while ago that some one's daughter who was Type 1 started having low sugars before being diagnosed with Celiac.
I did what everyone does but shouldn't, I turned to my good friend Google. I found that the symptoms of Celiac include diarrhea (check), decreased appetite (check), irritability (check), abdominal pain (check), and the one that made me catch my breath, in those with Type 1, low blood sugars.
I kept my findings to myself for a while, but finally last night I let my fears spill out onto Michael. I told him that it was one thing that I had feared since Riley was diagnosed with Type 1. Type 1 is bad enough but when you throw another auto-immune disease into the mix that limits what foods can be eaten, it sounds almost unbearable.
So, for now, I continue to monitor Riley. I ask him at least 10 times a day if his stomach hurts. I'm keeping a log of what he eats and what his symptoms are. And, I'm praying really, really hard that this is just the effects of a bad stomach virus.
He finally went back to school on Thursday. I really didn't want to send him. He still wasn't feeling all that great but there was no reason for him to stay home other than his screwy sugars. Being that he has Type 1 and screwy sugars come with the territory, I sent him.
I wrote a note to his teacher explaining what had been going on and that I needed to be called before Riley got insulin because I was giving him less than what the pump suggested. Also, I let her know that he wasn't really eating all that well.
Instead of being low he ran high all morning. He was 300 at lunch. I thought maybe the lows had passed. The teacher got Riley to give his insulin. Turns out she pre-bolused him and he didn't eat everything. Rather than calling me and asking me what to do she just let it go. So, of course, he was low a few hours later. He got juice and fruit snacks and actually came up this time.
Riley went to school again on Friday. His teacher called me before lunch and said that he didn't want pizza ( which is what he had ordered, Didn't want pizza? He must be sick.) She said she'd gone over the menu with him and he wanted a ham and cheese sandwich instead. She called to ask me the carb amount.
A couple of hours later (right after lunch) I got another call. (I was at a different school on Friday doing vision screenings. My cell would not pick up there so the teacher kept having to call me at the school. I'm sure the people there were wondering what was going on.) She said that Riley had accidentally dropped his pump and his site had come out. She wasn't sure if it happened before or after he'd received his lunch insulin. (The lunch insulin she'd given the full amount of without calling to check first to see how much to decrease it like I had asked.)
I had to leave and go to school to put in another site. When I got there I asked Riley if he dropped his pump before or after he gave his insulin. He said after so I assumed he got his lunch insulin. I found out his sugar was 84 at lunch. The teacher gave him the full amount of insulin (even though I had ask that she call me first). After the site change I checked his sugar. It was 134. I knew that he still had plenty of insulin on board from lunch. Plus, he tends to go low after a site change. So, instead of the usual 60% decrease I decreased his pump 80% and prayed.
At 2:30 I got another call from the teacher. Riley had been low for an hour and a half. He had gotten up to 83 at one point only to drop down in the 60s again. I had finished the vision screenings and was on my way home any way. She said they were having a pep rally and she was going to take Riley to that so I could pick him up in the gym.
On the way to the school I called his endo. She wasn't in the office so I called her cell. When she answered I quickly told her everything that had been transpiring over the last week and told her I was at the end of my rope and didn't know what to do next. I know I sounded like a blubbering idiot the way the words rushed out of my mouth.
She said that she did not know why but sometimes kids would go low like that. I explained to her that it didn't help matters that he had no appetite. She said that if he would not eat to give him sugared fluids. The key was to keep his sugar up enough that we could safely give insulin as to keep away ketones. She said that if his sugar was under 200 not to bolus for any food and if his sugar was over 200 to try only giving half the suggested insulin.
After I hung up I started to panic. I had decreased his basal 80%. Had I caused ketones? I couldn't wait to get to him and test his ketones.
I found him sitting in the gym watching the cheer leaders perform. Friday night at the basketball game was Senior night. So, just as I was arriving they called out all the Senior basketball players and cheerleaders. They called Holden out on the court. I'm not doing too well with all the Senior stuff as it is. I glanced over at Riley and he sat with a huge grin on his face. It should have made me happy, but instead I started to cry.
I started to quickly wipe away the tears hoping no one would see. Between all the low sugars and Holden's 18th birthday and the reminder that my son is a Senior and will be leaving for college next year I just couldn't take anymore.
I wanted to whisk him away so I could test his ketones but he asked to stay for the pep rally. As soon as it was over we left. I tested his ketones and they were negative. I breathed a huge sigh of relief.
Like I said Friday night was Senior night. Holden, Michael, and I walked out on the court while someone announced Holden's achievements and plans for college. I did pretty well. Tears welled up in my eyes when they presented to whole class of 2009, but I never actually cried.
Riley went low again at the ballgame, but not to terribly low. That's the good thing. Even though he's been going low, he's been hanging out in the 62-78 range. At least he's not going into the 40s and 50s and staying there.
After the ballgame we had a surprise birthday party for Holden. Riley's sugar was 73. I knew that he didn't need any insulin so I let him pick out his piece of cake without worrying to eyeball it to figure out how many carbs were in it.
Now, I don't know about you other parents, but when my kid gets to eat cake, he's almost giddy with excitement. He always scarfs it down. I say he does it because he's afraid someone is going to take it away from him.
I looked over and noticed Riley's plate sitting there, the cake only half-eaten. He said he couldn't finish eating it because his tummy hurt. That had become a common complaint, and one that put my mommy sensor on high alert.
Once home his sugar was still on the low end. I had to bribe him to eat something else.
By Saturday we were still celebrating Holden's birthday. We took he and his friends out to eat and to go bowling. We ate at a Japanese steakhouse. Riley loves that place and for the most part ate pretty well. He ate quite a bit of rice. His sugar was around 170 s0 I gave him less than half of the amount of insulin suggested by the pump.
Next we went to the bowling alley. While there Riley went low, 64. I got him to drink a juice and eat a couple of pieces of candy. After the bowling alley we went for ice cream. At the ice cream shop Riley was up to 84.
I let Riley pick out his ice cream and didn't stress at all trying to figure out how many carbs were in it because I knew we wouldn't be bolusing for it anyway. An hour after the ice cream with no bolus he was 124. He stayed pretty much in range for the rest of the night.
It was nice not having to stress about the insulin and carbs, but I kept a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. I thought I remembered reading in a blog a while ago that some one's daughter who was Type 1 started having low sugars before being diagnosed with Celiac.
I did what everyone does but shouldn't, I turned to my good friend Google. I found that the symptoms of Celiac include diarrhea (check), decreased appetite (check), irritability (check), abdominal pain (check), and the one that made me catch my breath, in those with Type 1, low blood sugars.
I kept my findings to myself for a while, but finally last night I let my fears spill out onto Michael. I told him that it was one thing that I had feared since Riley was diagnosed with Type 1. Type 1 is bad enough but when you throw another auto-immune disease into the mix that limits what foods can be eaten, it sounds almost unbearable.
So, for now, I continue to monitor Riley. I ask him at least 10 times a day if his stomach hurts. I'm keeping a log of what he eats and what his symptoms are. And, I'm praying really, really hard that this is just the effects of a bad stomach virus.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
18 Years Ago Today...
I lay in a hospital bed. I was a 17 year old girl scared to death. I was terrified that I was about to become a mother. I'd never even changed a diaper before.
I got pregnant when I was 16. When I first started thinking I might be pregnant I prayed and prayed that I wasn't. I asked God to give me a second chance. But, God had other plans. He took my wrong and turned it into something beautiful.
It took me a couple of months to come to terms with the fact that I was pregnant, that there was actually a baby growing inside of me. When I was 13 weeks pregnant I was walking down the beach when my left leg started to swell and started to hurt.
The next day I went to my obstetrician who thought it could be a blood clot, but because I was so young wasn't sure. He told me to go home and if it started to swell again and got red to come back. He would have to put me in the hospital.
A few days later my leg swelled up and became very, very painful. It turned red and warm. My mom took me back to the doctor. I will never forget that ride in the car. I was terrified that something bad was going to happen to my baby. I knew that the doctor said that if it was a blood clot they would have to put me on medicine. I was afraid of what that medicine would do to my baby. I cried all the way to the doctor, clutching my stomach. I remember telling my mom that if the medicine was not safe for my baby I would not take it. Being that I was my mom's baby she told me I didn't have a choice. I prayed all the way there that God would protect my little one.
I fell in love with Holden that day, way before he was ever born.
The rural town that I lived in didn't have the machines they needed to test for a blood clot. I was sent an hour away to another hospital. I was instructed to lie down all the way and keep my leg propped up on a pillow. If it was a blood clot and it moved I could die.
When I got to the hospital they stuck me 5 times to start an IV. Then, they did an ultrasound of my leg. It turned out I had a rather large blood clot in my left leg. It was blocking a vein and ran from my groin to my knee. I was whisked away in a wheelchair. My feet would not touch the floor again for 10 days.
I was hooked up to the medicine, a blood thinner, which had to be given in my IV. I was instructed that I was to get out of bed for no reason whatsoever. At the time I didn't know how serious it was. Now that I'm a nurse I shudder when I think how close I came to dying.
I was in a teaching hospital so I saw a lot of different doctors and interns every day. One day a young looking boy came in. I'm not sure if he was a doctor , a resident, or a medical student. At some point in our conversation he mentioned that it would be "easier for me" if I just had an abortion. If I had an abortion then my blood clot would go away. My little 16 year old self sat up in bed and told him to get out of my room and never come back. My mom went to the nurse's station and told them he was not allowed to come back in my room. I never saw him again.
After 10 days of lying in bed I was finally free to go home. I would have to be on blood thinners for the rest of my pregnancy. The oral medicine was not safe for pregnancy so I would have to take injections. Before I left home I was taught how to draw up and inject the medicine into my stomach 4 times a day.
A few days after discharge my leg started to hurt again. I went back to the doctor. My mom had realized that the strength of the blood thinner they had given me from the hospital pharmacy was wrong. It was too weak. My blood clot had come back and I was admitted back into the hospital for three more days.
Once home and on the right strength of medicine, I returned to school. I was a junior in high school. Since I was on my injections 4 times a day, I would enter a bathroom stall at lunch and take my shot. In addition to that I had to set my clock for 1:00 every morning and get up and take my shot and go back to bed. The medicine I was on, Heparin, was very unstable and had to be monitored closely. I had to go to the hospital every other day (including Saturdays and Sundays) and have my blood drawn. Since I was on blood thinner my arms were terribly bruised. I joked that I looked like a drug addict.
At some point early on I began to bleed. Once again my mom drove me to the hospital and I clutched my belly and cried and prayed for my little baby. It turns out my blood was way too thin and I was bleeding out in my urine, but my little man was OK.
Looking back now I wonder how we ever survived. I know it is only by the grace of God that I lived through it all and got the wonderful son that I did. I also believe everything happens for a reason. Up until my blood clot I didn't really think about my baby much. But, once he was threatened my Mama Bear instincts kicked in and I protected him with all I had. God took that opportunity to show me how important my son was. I went through a lot to get him here and once he was here I was so grateful to have him that I would do anything for him.
And, now, eighteen years later, I am so thankful that God chose me to be Holden's mom. I couldn't have asked for a better child if I'd have ordered him from a catalog. He has been a joy to me since the day he was born. I know that sounds like I'm stretching it a little, but I truly mean it.
He has always been strong and mature beyond his years. He has a good head on his shoulders and I'm often told by people how nice and respectful he is. He is a good boy. He makes good decisions. I am pleased with the people with which he has chosen to surround himself.
He is one of the only kids in his class who holds down a job as well as attending school and playing sports. He has awesome grades. He will be attending college in the fall with plans to become a physical therapist.
I could not be prouder of him. God has done a wonderful job molding him into the fine young man that he is today. I am just glad He let me come along for the ride.
Happy birthday, Holden. I love you with all my heart.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
The Longest Hour and 34 Minutes of My Life
Thank you guys for the well wishes. Riley is feeling better, but he's still home from school. If it wasn't for diabetes he probably would have gone to school today.
He's been having some crazy lows, lows that just refuse to come up. And, because he doesn't have much of an appetite it's hard to get him to eat or drink to bring them up.
Since he was diagnosed I have not been as scared as I was last night. He'd had a few sugars in the 70s and upper 60s at my mom's yesterday. They would come up with treatment but not much.
Holden had a basketball game last night. Riley was feeling pretty good and I didn't want to miss Holden's game. He only has a few left. We ate supper at the school. At supper Riley's sugar was 219. It was the highest it had been in a while. He still didn't have much of an appetite. He ate half of a cheeseburger and a cupcake. I put the carbs and sugar in the pump and gave him less insulin than what the pump suggested since he'd been going low so much.
An hour later he came to me and told me his sugar felt low. It was 49. He hasn't gone that low in a while. I got him to drink a juice box. I decreased his basal. And, I coaxed him to eat some chocolate chip cookies (because I knew he still had plenty of insulin on board from supper). He wouldn't eat all of the cookies because he didn't have much of an appetite.
20 minutes later he was 66. I suspended his pump and gave him another juice box. 20 minutes later, 77. I didn't give him anything else right then because I figured he would continue to rise a little bit from the two juices and cookies. 17 minutes later he said his sugar felt low again. (He had been lying down in the bleachers the whole time). His sugar was now 64. I didn't know what else to do except give him a 3rd juice box.
By this time he was beginning to complain of a full tummy. I'm sure all that juice sloshing around didn't feel so great. 15 minutes later he was 65. At this point it had been an hour since he was 49. All this time Holden's game was going on. I was barely able to pay attention to any of it.
I started to debate about using Glucagon but he wasn't too terribly low and I knew he wouldn't need a whole dose and I really didn't know how much to use. Plus, I didn't want to deplete his reserves in case he needed them later for a really, really low. So, I coaxed him to drink another juice box. Poor thing, it was all he could do to choke it down. I had to beg him to finish it.
15 minutes later he was 68. I know that's not a terrible sugar, but anything with an 8 in front of it would have made me feel better. He had been low for so long. I pulled out some fruit snacks. I got him to eat two of them before he started gagging and saying he felt like he was going to throw up.
I began to pray that he wouldn't throw up. I don't know what I would have done then.
20 minutes later he was 83. I finally started breathing again. He was able to keep everything down.
From the time he was 49 until he got up to 83 was exactly 1 hour and 34 minutes. He had consumed 76 g grams of carbs. He usually doesn't eat that many carbs in two meals combined. He had never ever come close to doing anything like that. I don't know what in the world happened.
I braced myself for the high that I knew was coming. I was thinking he'd most certainly reach the 300s and maybe even the 400s. The high never came.
30 minutes after the 84 he was 83. An hour later he was 162. I finally unsuspended his pump. 35 minutes later, before I tucked him into bed, he had dropped to 133. I decreased his basal. He ran at a decreased basal the majority of the night. He finally reached 233 at 4 o'clock this morning. I was actually glad to see it.
His sugar at breakfast was 145. 3 hours later it was 51. I had him drink yet another juice box. 20 minutes later he was 70. I made him lunch. For lunch he ate stew beef and rice and yogurt. He ate pretty well. But, fussed about having to eat all the yogurt. (He has to eat yogurt to try and combat the icky side effects he's having from the antibiotics he's taking.)
I put the carbs in the pump (45g) and put in a sugar of 60. I gave him less insulin than suggested by the pump.
As I was writing this I realized I should probably check him again. One hour after his insulin he's 65. What in the world is going on?!? He has .67 units of insulin on board. He's drinking another juice box and I've suspended his pump again.
I'm hoping we won't have another episode last night. Where has his liver been while all of this was going on?
(edit: 20 minutes after the 65 he was 63 and ate an Air Head. 25 minutes later he was 67. He is now munching on fruit snacks that he complained about having to eat. He usually loves fruit snacks. His pump is still suspended.)
He's been having some crazy lows, lows that just refuse to come up. And, because he doesn't have much of an appetite it's hard to get him to eat or drink to bring them up.
Since he was diagnosed I have not been as scared as I was last night. He'd had a few sugars in the 70s and upper 60s at my mom's yesterday. They would come up with treatment but not much.
Holden had a basketball game last night. Riley was feeling pretty good and I didn't want to miss Holden's game. He only has a few left. We ate supper at the school. At supper Riley's sugar was 219. It was the highest it had been in a while. He still didn't have much of an appetite. He ate half of a cheeseburger and a cupcake. I put the carbs and sugar in the pump and gave him less insulin than what the pump suggested since he'd been going low so much.
An hour later he came to me and told me his sugar felt low. It was 49. He hasn't gone that low in a while. I got him to drink a juice box. I decreased his basal. And, I coaxed him to eat some chocolate chip cookies (because I knew he still had plenty of insulin on board from supper). He wouldn't eat all of the cookies because he didn't have much of an appetite.
20 minutes later he was 66. I suspended his pump and gave him another juice box. 20 minutes later, 77. I didn't give him anything else right then because I figured he would continue to rise a little bit from the two juices and cookies. 17 minutes later he said his sugar felt low again. (He had been lying down in the bleachers the whole time). His sugar was now 64. I didn't know what else to do except give him a 3rd juice box.
By this time he was beginning to complain of a full tummy. I'm sure all that juice sloshing around didn't feel so great. 15 minutes later he was 65. At this point it had been an hour since he was 49. All this time Holden's game was going on. I was barely able to pay attention to any of it.
I started to debate about using Glucagon but he wasn't too terribly low and I knew he wouldn't need a whole dose and I really didn't know how much to use. Plus, I didn't want to deplete his reserves in case he needed them later for a really, really low. So, I coaxed him to drink another juice box. Poor thing, it was all he could do to choke it down. I had to beg him to finish it.
15 minutes later he was 68. I know that's not a terrible sugar, but anything with an 8 in front of it would have made me feel better. He had been low for so long. I pulled out some fruit snacks. I got him to eat two of them before he started gagging and saying he felt like he was going to throw up.
I began to pray that he wouldn't throw up. I don't know what I would have done then.
20 minutes later he was 83. I finally started breathing again. He was able to keep everything down.
From the time he was 49 until he got up to 83 was exactly 1 hour and 34 minutes. He had consumed 76 g grams of carbs. He usually doesn't eat that many carbs in two meals combined. He had never ever come close to doing anything like that. I don't know what in the world happened.
I braced myself for the high that I knew was coming. I was thinking he'd most certainly reach the 300s and maybe even the 400s. The high never came.
30 minutes after the 84 he was 83. An hour later he was 162. I finally unsuspended his pump. 35 minutes later, before I tucked him into bed, he had dropped to 133. I decreased his basal. He ran at a decreased basal the majority of the night. He finally reached 233 at 4 o'clock this morning. I was actually glad to see it.
His sugar at breakfast was 145. 3 hours later it was 51. I had him drink yet another juice box. 20 minutes later he was 70. I made him lunch. For lunch he ate stew beef and rice and yogurt. He ate pretty well. But, fussed about having to eat all the yogurt. (He has to eat yogurt to try and combat the icky side effects he's having from the antibiotics he's taking.)
I put the carbs in the pump (45g) and put in a sugar of 60. I gave him less insulin than suggested by the pump.
As I was writing this I realized I should probably check him again. One hour after his insulin he's 65. What in the world is going on?!? He has .67 units of insulin on board. He's drinking another juice box and I've suspended his pump again.
I'm hoping we won't have another episode last night. Where has his liver been while all of this was going on?
(edit: 20 minutes after the 65 he was 63 and ate an Air Head. 25 minutes later he was 67. He is now munching on fruit snacks that he complained about having to eat. He usually loves fruit snacks. His pump is still suspended.)
Monday, February 02, 2009
Real People Sick
Riley started throwing up around 12:30 Saturday night. It is only the second time in his life he's ever thrown up.
He got it all over his bed and covers so I threw those in the washer, Michael cleaned off the mattress, and I fixed Riley a spot on the couch. He continued to gag off and on, so Michael dragged our mattress out into the living room so we could keep a closer eye on him.
A few hours later he threw up again. I worried about lows, but he stayed pretty stable. First thing in the morning I brushed up on my sick day rules. Not only was this Riley's second time throwing up, it was his first time throwing up with diabetes in the mix.
He did OK for most of the day on Sunday. That was until lunchtime. He hadn't been sick on his stomach any more, but he just didn't want to eat. I finally got him to eat half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You'd have to know Riley to know how strange that is. He has always been a big eater. He eats every single bite on his plate 99% of the time and then asks for more.
He refused to eat supper. I finally coaxed him into eating some apple sauce, but that's all I could get in him. He had taken a nap earlier in the day, which is also very out of character for him.
A little while into the Super Bowl he complained that his ear was hurting. I also noticed that one of his eyes was draining a little bit. I gave him some Tylenol for his ear. About an hour later he was lying on the couch crying and holding his ear. I gave him Ibuprofen and put the heating pad on his ear. He would lie still for a little while and then all of a sudden grab his ear and start to cry again. Eventually, the Ibuprofen kicked in and he took another nap.
This morning he went to the doctor. He has conjunctivitis and an ear infection. He's on an antibiotic and eye drops. He still does not have an appetite.
He's real people sick. This sickness has nothing to do with his diabetes. Yet, it affects it.
Because he's not eating much that's making his sugar go on the low side. And, we all know that to prevent ketosis he needs to get insulin in him. It's hard to get insulin in him when he won't eat.
After supper (he ate a few spoonfuls of spaghetti o's and a Reese's cup) we played a few games on the Wii. Then he lay down on the couch and went to sleep at 8 o'clock. Again, you'd have to know Riley to know how strange that is. He's not big on sleep. On school nights it's a struggle to get him in bed by 9.
Now, I'm sitting here trying to decide what the best route is to take so as to prevent nighttime lows. I want to let him sleep. His body is obviously tired. I don't think that even if I woke him up he'd eat a snack. I'm going to decrease his basal and go from there. I'll have to get him up at some point and check his ketones (they were small at one time but didn't last too long).
It's going to be a long night.
He got it all over his bed and covers so I threw those in the washer, Michael cleaned off the mattress, and I fixed Riley a spot on the couch. He continued to gag off and on, so Michael dragged our mattress out into the living room so we could keep a closer eye on him.
A few hours later he threw up again. I worried about lows, but he stayed pretty stable. First thing in the morning I brushed up on my sick day rules. Not only was this Riley's second time throwing up, it was his first time throwing up with diabetes in the mix.
He did OK for most of the day on Sunday. That was until lunchtime. He hadn't been sick on his stomach any more, but he just didn't want to eat. I finally got him to eat half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You'd have to know Riley to know how strange that is. He has always been a big eater. He eats every single bite on his plate 99% of the time and then asks for more.
He refused to eat supper. I finally coaxed him into eating some apple sauce, but that's all I could get in him. He had taken a nap earlier in the day, which is also very out of character for him.
A little while into the Super Bowl he complained that his ear was hurting. I also noticed that one of his eyes was draining a little bit. I gave him some Tylenol for his ear. About an hour later he was lying on the couch crying and holding his ear. I gave him Ibuprofen and put the heating pad on his ear. He would lie still for a little while and then all of a sudden grab his ear and start to cry again. Eventually, the Ibuprofen kicked in and he took another nap.
This morning he went to the doctor. He has conjunctivitis and an ear infection. He's on an antibiotic and eye drops. He still does not have an appetite.
He's real people sick. This sickness has nothing to do with his diabetes. Yet, it affects it.
Because he's not eating much that's making his sugar go on the low side. And, we all know that to prevent ketosis he needs to get insulin in him. It's hard to get insulin in him when he won't eat.
After supper (he ate a few spoonfuls of spaghetti o's and a Reese's cup) we played a few games on the Wii. Then he lay down on the couch and went to sleep at 8 o'clock. Again, you'd have to know Riley to know how strange that is. He's not big on sleep. On school nights it's a struggle to get him in bed by 9.
Now, I'm sitting here trying to decide what the best route is to take so as to prevent nighttime lows. I want to let him sleep. His body is obviously tired. I don't think that even if I woke him up he'd eat a snack. I'm going to decrease his basal and go from there. I'll have to get him up at some point and check his ketones (they were small at one time but didn't last too long).
It's going to be a long night.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
50+ Questions
I found these questions on various places around the blogasphere. Feel free to play along if you'd like and let me know if you do. I'd like to read your answers.
1. What do you add to your coffee? Sweet n’ low and milk
2. What are you reading now? Killer Weekend by Riddley Pearson and When Mother’s Pray by Cherri Fuller
3. Do you own a gun? Nope, never have, never will.
4. Are you registered to vote? Yes and always exercise my right to vote that people fought and died for
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I don’t like them but if I’m really, really hungry I can eat one.
7. Favorite Christmas Song? O, Holy Night
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee
9. Can you do push ups? Doubtful, I’m too lazy to even try.
10. What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? I was in 1st grade and his name was Mitch.
11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelery? Other than my wedding band/engagement ring it’s a jade ring that my aunt gave me when I was 16. My grandparents (her parents) gave it to her when she was 16.
12. Favorite hobby? Reading
13. Do you work with people who idolize you? Um, no I don’t think so. I don’t think anyone idolizes me.
14. Do you have ADD? No
15. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? Have a hard time just relaxing and enjoying myself.
16. What’s your Middle name? Technically it’s my maiden name, but the middle name that my parents gave me is Elizabeth
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. When will my head ever stop hurting? Will Holden be able to practice tonight? How will Riley's sugars be at school today?
18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. cheeseburger, french fries, Mello Yellow
19. Name 3 beverages you regularly drink. Mountain Dew , Crystal Light (or generic brand), grape juice
20. Current worry right now? Holden's knee
21. What side do you dress to? I don’t really know. I think either. (not even really sure what that means)
22. Favorite place to be? Home on my couch
23. How did you bring in the New Year? Home on my couch with my husband and Riley. Holden was in the other room with his girlfriend but came in to give me a kiss just after midnight.
24. Where would you like to go? To a tropical island, but one that doesn’t have a lot of people on it
25. Name three people who will complete this. Don’t know
26. Whose answers do you want to read the most? No one in particular.
27. What color shirt are you wearing? It’s a nursing scrub shirt: white background with different colored hearts on it.
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Couldn’t tell you, I’ve never done it.
29. Can you whistle? Yep
30. Favorite colors(s)? purple, yellow, green
31. Could you be a pirate? I’m too honest to be a pirate and I like bathing too much.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t sing in the shower. I sing in my car, but it’s whatever song is on the radio at the time.
33. Favorite girls name? Lane and Savannah
34. Favorite boy’s name? Michael, Holden, Riley
35. What’s in your pocket right now? Cell phone, pack of gum, an antibiotic I need to take after I finally eat something
36. Last thing that made you laugh? Holden, it’s usually always Holden. The kid cracks me up.
37. Best bed sheets as a child? I don’t remember exactly. I’ve seen pictures of me sitting on a bed with Raggedy Anne sheets though.
38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? I broke my hand playing basketball my senior year of high school.
39. Do you love where you live? It’s OK. What makes it the best is it’s where my family (parents, grandmother) live.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? Three, horrible, I know.
41. Who is your loudest friend? Judy
42. How many dogs do you have? One, Grace. She’s a pound dog. She’s nine.
43. Does anyone have a crush on you? Doubtful
44. What are the most fun things you ever did? Family vacations.
45. What are your favorite books? The Fountainhead, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Bible
46. What is your favorite candy? Reese’s cup
47. Favorite Team? Chicago Cubs
48. What songs do you want played at your funeral? It Is Well (With My Soul)
49. What were you doing at 12 AM? Trying to get to sleep
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? How lucky Michael was that his work had a one hour delay this morning.
51. Have you ever received an award? I received plenty of awards in high school. I received most of them for good grades. I don’t remember all of them. I remember receiving a Chemistry award for having the highest grade in Chemistry when I was a junior. I received a few sports awards for basketball too. At different times I received “Most Improved”, “MVP”, and “Best Offensive Player”. I haven’t received any awards since high school that I can think of.
52. How many browser tabs do you have open right now? five
53. Share a website with us. www.cutethingslaughing.com
54. Look at the wall to your right, what is on it? two windows, my front door, a shelf with a picture of Michael and I at our wedding on it and a candle.
55. Have you ever rescued/taken in a stray animal? Too many I’m afraid. The last one was a little kitten who we named Tom who was sick and had diarrhea all over the place. We took him to the vet and got him well and then he ran away.
56. When I say "Moo I'm a duck" do you think of a cow or a duck? a cow with a duck’s bill
57. If the Pillsbury Dough Boy got into a fight with Mrs. Butterworth who would win? And would anybody get hurt? Mrs. Butterworth would kick his butt. The Pillsbury Dough Boy is such a little mamsy pamsy. I’m pretty sure Mrs. Butterworth would put a hurtin’ on him (sorry, southern expression)
1. What do you add to your coffee? Sweet n’ low and milk
2. What are you reading now? Killer Weekend by Riddley Pearson and When Mother’s Pray by Cherri Fuller
3. Do you own a gun? Nope, never have, never will.
4. Are you registered to vote? Yes and always exercise my right to vote that people fought and died for
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I don’t like them but if I’m really, really hungry I can eat one.
7. Favorite Christmas Song? O, Holy Night
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee
9. Can you do push ups? Doubtful, I’m too lazy to even try.
10. What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? I was in 1st grade and his name was Mitch.
11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelery? Other than my wedding band/engagement ring it’s a jade ring that my aunt gave me when I was 16. My grandparents (her parents) gave it to her when she was 16.
12. Favorite hobby? Reading
13. Do you work with people who idolize you? Um, no I don’t think so. I don’t think anyone idolizes me.
14. Do you have ADD? No
15. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? Have a hard time just relaxing and enjoying myself.
16. What’s your Middle name? Technically it’s my maiden name, but the middle name that my parents gave me is Elizabeth
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. When will my head ever stop hurting? Will Holden be able to practice tonight? How will Riley's sugars be at school today?
18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. cheeseburger, french fries, Mello Yellow
19. Name 3 beverages you regularly drink. Mountain Dew , Crystal Light (or generic brand), grape juice
20. Current worry right now? Holden's knee
21. What side do you dress to? I don’t really know. I think either. (not even really sure what that means)
22. Favorite place to be? Home on my couch
23. How did you bring in the New Year? Home on my couch with my husband and Riley. Holden was in the other room with his girlfriend but came in to give me a kiss just after midnight.
24. Where would you like to go? To a tropical island, but one that doesn’t have a lot of people on it
25. Name three people who will complete this. Don’t know
26. Whose answers do you want to read the most? No one in particular.
27. What color shirt are you wearing? It’s a nursing scrub shirt: white background with different colored hearts on it.
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Couldn’t tell you, I’ve never done it.
29. Can you whistle? Yep
30. Favorite colors(s)? purple, yellow, green
31. Could you be a pirate? I’m too honest to be a pirate and I like bathing too much.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t sing in the shower. I sing in my car, but it’s whatever song is on the radio at the time.
33. Favorite girls name? Lane and Savannah
34. Favorite boy’s name? Michael, Holden, Riley
35. What’s in your pocket right now? Cell phone, pack of gum, an antibiotic I need to take after I finally eat something
36. Last thing that made you laugh? Holden, it’s usually always Holden. The kid cracks me up.
37. Best bed sheets as a child? I don’t remember exactly. I’ve seen pictures of me sitting on a bed with Raggedy Anne sheets though.
38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? I broke my hand playing basketball my senior year of high school.
39. Do you love where you live? It’s OK. What makes it the best is it’s where my family (parents, grandmother) live.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? Three, horrible, I know.
41. Who is your loudest friend? Judy
42. How many dogs do you have? One, Grace. She’s a pound dog. She’s nine.
43. Does anyone have a crush on you? Doubtful
44. What are the most fun things you ever did? Family vacations.
45. What are your favorite books? The Fountainhead, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Bible
46. What is your favorite candy? Reese’s cup
47. Favorite Team? Chicago Cubs
48. What songs do you want played at your funeral? It Is Well (With My Soul)
49. What were you doing at 12 AM? Trying to get to sleep
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? How lucky Michael was that his work had a one hour delay this morning.
51. Have you ever received an award? I received plenty of awards in high school. I received most of them for good grades. I don’t remember all of them. I remember receiving a Chemistry award for having the highest grade in Chemistry when I was a junior. I received a few sports awards for basketball too. At different times I received “Most Improved”, “MVP”, and “Best Offensive Player”. I haven’t received any awards since high school that I can think of.
52. How many browser tabs do you have open right now? five
53. Share a website with us. www.cutethingslaughing.com
54. Look at the wall to your right, what is on it? two windows, my front door, a shelf with a picture of Michael and I at our wedding on it and a candle.
55. Have you ever rescued/taken in a stray animal? Too many I’m afraid. The last one was a little kitten who we named Tom who was sick and had diarrhea all over the place. We took him to the vet and got him well and then he ran away.
56. When I say "Moo I'm a duck" do you think of a cow or a duck? a cow with a duck’s bill
57. If the Pillsbury Dough Boy got into a fight with Mrs. Butterworth who would win? And would anybody get hurt? Mrs. Butterworth would kick his butt. The Pillsbury Dough Boy is such a little mamsy pamsy. I’m pretty sure Mrs. Butterworth would put a hurtin’ on him (sorry, southern expression)
Saturday, January 24, 2009
The Number
By the time we arrived at Dr. M's office yesterday I had had decided that whatever "the number" was I'd deal with it and move on.
We went through the usual routine. Riley was weighed and he had his height measured. Then he pricked his finger and the blood was sucked up into something that looks like it should be part of his lego Star Wars collection.
Then, we waited. I wasn't really nervous. I knew there was no need to be. I knew his A1C wasn't any better. I was just hoping it wasn't any worse.
Dr. M walked in and gave me a tight little smile. I knew then that the number wasn't any better.
She went through the usual stuff. She asked about Riley's health and our family's health. She talked with Riley for a little while. She asked him if he was eating like he wanted to. He replied that he was. She asked him if he'd had any lows lately and he nodded his head. She asked what he did and how did he feel when he was low.
Her last questions was: "Riley is there anything that diabetes keeps you from doing that you want to do?"
His reply: "Nope."
This brought a little smile to my face.
Then, she looked at me and Michael. "His A1C is 7.9." I felt the tears build up behind my eyes. "Which that is in range for his age. It's under 8.0. But, I'd like to see it lower."
"Me too", I said. I had stifled the tears. There was no reason to cry. It wouldn't do any good. Plus, I didn't want Riley to see me cry.
She sat about looking at his sugars over the last two weeks. She saw the lows. But, there were also plenty of highs.
It's not like he was on the lower end all day and then dipped down too low. Usually, he was high and then went low.
Over-correction? Maybe. Diabetes just being it's sucky self? More likely.
We sat in her office over an hour with her pouring over his logs. She asked a million questions.
What does he usually eat? Can we add a little protein here? How often is school calling because of his sugars?
Riley had not gained any weight since his last visit. She looked back and said average weight gain in a year was about 5 pounds and that since last December Riley had gained exactly 5 pounds. She said we couldn't come back at the next appointment without him gaining any weight.
She suggested feeding him a little more food throughout the day. She asked where we thought we could add some carbs. She looked at his log and saw that his carbs were, by far, the lowest at breakfast. "Why don't we up his carbs here? You can give him more cereal."
I gave her a wary eye. I'm not big on low carb eating for my kid. But, over the years I have learned that the only way for Riley to have decent sugars in the morning is for him to eat lower carb at breakfast. By that, I mean he usually eats around 25g carbs at breakfast.
"I guess we can try it." But, I'm sure the way I said it Dr. M knew I was very skeptical.
She poured over his logs again. She saw his mornings numbers and decided that we shouldn't mess with the morning carbs.
I said, "How about this? How about I feed him when he's hungry?"
She smiled. "That sounds good. A lot of times in the most structured families this gets forgotten."
Sometimes Riley will come to me and tell me he's hungry. I often make him wait until it's "time for him to eat". Now, I'm not. If he's hungry, he eats. If it's an hour before dinner, he can have an apple to get him through.
I know it sounds horrible. But, for the sake of the numbers, I would give him some sugar free jello (no sugar, no carbs, no calories), which I'm sure did nothing for his hunger. Or, I'd let him eat a cheese stick. Again, when I'm hungry I don't want no stinkin' cheese stick.
In the midst of the diabetes and the numbers I forgot that he's a growing little boy.
So, after over an hour Dr. M made a few basal suggestions, but not many. She was almost just at stumped as me. Besides, now that he's having these lows, his basals need to be decreased some. And, with an A1C of 7.9 it's hard to decrease anything. It's not that I changed basals right before his appointment either. The last basal change was about 2 weeks ago.
"These lows come at very random times. It's hard to see where to tweak his basals"
"Tell me about it," is all I could say.
Before we left Dr. M told me to see what I could do with his basals and if I got frustrated to call her. She could at least listen and understand my frustrations, she said.
As I stood up to leave Dr. M said something that reminded me why we make a 6 hour trek to her office every three months.
I was pulling on my coat as Riley quietly played with toys in the corner.
Dr. M said, "Mom, turn around and look at your son. He's happy. And, he's healthy. You've done a great job. You have a healthy, happy kid."
It's very frustrating to work so hard, to pour so much time and energy into something and not get the results you were hoping for.
But, as I turned to look at Riley I realized I do have what I was hoping for. I have a happy, healthy kid. A kid who when asked said that diabetes doesn't keep him from doing what he wants.
I've got to learn to stop focusing on the number and start focusing on the big picture.
" Not everything that counts can be counted. Not everything that can be counted counts."
Those words are on a sign in Dr. M's office. I like them and am going to try to focus on remembering that not everything that counts can be counted.
We went through the usual routine. Riley was weighed and he had his height measured. Then he pricked his finger and the blood was sucked up into something that looks like it should be part of his lego Star Wars collection.
Then, we waited. I wasn't really nervous. I knew there was no need to be. I knew his A1C wasn't any better. I was just hoping it wasn't any worse.
Dr. M walked in and gave me a tight little smile. I knew then that the number wasn't any better.
She went through the usual stuff. She asked about Riley's health and our family's health. She talked with Riley for a little while. She asked him if he was eating like he wanted to. He replied that he was. She asked him if he'd had any lows lately and he nodded his head. She asked what he did and how did he feel when he was low.
Her last questions was: "Riley is there anything that diabetes keeps you from doing that you want to do?"
His reply: "Nope."
This brought a little smile to my face.
Then, she looked at me and Michael. "His A1C is 7.9." I felt the tears build up behind my eyes. "Which that is in range for his age. It's under 8.0. But, I'd like to see it lower."
"Me too", I said. I had stifled the tears. There was no reason to cry. It wouldn't do any good. Plus, I didn't want Riley to see me cry.
She sat about looking at his sugars over the last two weeks. She saw the lows. But, there were also plenty of highs.
It's not like he was on the lower end all day and then dipped down too low. Usually, he was high and then went low.
Over-correction? Maybe. Diabetes just being it's sucky self? More likely.
We sat in her office over an hour with her pouring over his logs. She asked a million questions.
What does he usually eat? Can we add a little protein here? How often is school calling because of his sugars?
Riley had not gained any weight since his last visit. She looked back and said average weight gain in a year was about 5 pounds and that since last December Riley had gained exactly 5 pounds. She said we couldn't come back at the next appointment without him gaining any weight.
She suggested feeding him a little more food throughout the day. She asked where we thought we could add some carbs. She looked at his log and saw that his carbs were, by far, the lowest at breakfast. "Why don't we up his carbs here? You can give him more cereal."
I gave her a wary eye. I'm not big on low carb eating for my kid. But, over the years I have learned that the only way for Riley to have decent sugars in the morning is for him to eat lower carb at breakfast. By that, I mean he usually eats around 25g carbs at breakfast.
"I guess we can try it." But, I'm sure the way I said it Dr. M knew I was very skeptical.
She poured over his logs again. She saw his mornings numbers and decided that we shouldn't mess with the morning carbs.
I said, "How about this? How about I feed him when he's hungry?"
She smiled. "That sounds good. A lot of times in the most structured families this gets forgotten."
Sometimes Riley will come to me and tell me he's hungry. I often make him wait until it's "time for him to eat". Now, I'm not. If he's hungry, he eats. If it's an hour before dinner, he can have an apple to get him through.
I know it sounds horrible. But, for the sake of the numbers, I would give him some sugar free jello (no sugar, no carbs, no calories), which I'm sure did nothing for his hunger. Or, I'd let him eat a cheese stick. Again, when I'm hungry I don't want no stinkin' cheese stick.
In the midst of the diabetes and the numbers I forgot that he's a growing little boy.
So, after over an hour Dr. M made a few basal suggestions, but not many. She was almost just at stumped as me. Besides, now that he's having these lows, his basals need to be decreased some. And, with an A1C of 7.9 it's hard to decrease anything. It's not that I changed basals right before his appointment either. The last basal change was about 2 weeks ago.
"These lows come at very random times. It's hard to see where to tweak his basals"
"Tell me about it," is all I could say.
Before we left Dr. M told me to see what I could do with his basals and if I got frustrated to call her. She could at least listen and understand my frustrations, she said.
As I stood up to leave Dr. M said something that reminded me why we make a 6 hour trek to her office every three months.
I was pulling on my coat as Riley quietly played with toys in the corner.
Dr. M said, "Mom, turn around and look at your son. He's happy. And, he's healthy. You've done a great job. You have a healthy, happy kid."
It's very frustrating to work so hard, to pour so much time and energy into something and not get the results you were hoping for.
But, as I turned to look at Riley I realized I do have what I was hoping for. I have a happy, healthy kid. A kid who when asked said that diabetes doesn't keep him from doing what he wants.
I've got to learn to stop focusing on the number and start focusing on the big picture.
" Not everything that counts can be counted. Not everything that can be counted counts."
Those words are on a sign in Dr. M's office. I like them and am going to try to focus on remembering that not everything that counts can be counted.
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