Monday, January 09, 2006

A rough few days

Well, Riley's pancreas is either on vacation or has finally quit for good. His sugar started out at 206 yesterday morning and pretty much went up from there. In 3 days, his carb coverage changed from 1/2 per 30g to 1/2 per 20g and his TDD went from 2 to 4.5-5. We increased his Lantus to 1 1/2 unit this AM and the sugars have been a little better since then.

In my last post, I said that no sugars over 300 since Lantus increase, well, yesterday blew that out of the water. 1 hour after supper and NovoLog, he was 328. (Pre-supper sugar was 191). OK, not much I could do because he'd just taken Novo. So, 2 hours later, his sugar was 425!!!!! His sugar has not been up to 400 since his first few days home from the hospital. He still had trace ketones. (He's lost a pound this week.) So, he got a full unit of Lantus, later sugars were 160 and 153. 3 hours after Novo: 271. One hour later, back up to 315. This was at 3 AM, so he only got 1/2 unit. It came down well after that. His sugar this morning was 133. He did spike up to 348 one time today, but came back down again an hour later. The 348 was before his new dose of Lantus kicked in. ( I just checked his sugar 3 hour after his Novo at supper and it's 259. I think the 1 1/2 unit of Lantus is helping, but it's not quite enough. I have a feeling, we may be increasing up to 2 units on Tuesday.

I cried myself to sleep for the first time in a while last night. Fatigue and worry just don't mix. My husband and I went to bed. I was trying not to let him know I was crying, but when he leaned over to kiss me goodnight, he could feel the wetness on my cheeks and I just lost it. I got a good cry out last night. I even went and layed in bed with Riley for a while and cried all over him. Thankfully, he didn't wake up. All I could think was, "This is so unfair. He has to deal with this for the rest of his life." Not fair, not fair at all. I know, life is not fair, but I want it to be unfair for me, not him. You try to protect your kids from as much unfairness as you can, but I can't protect him from this. There is absolutely nothing I can do about this, and it kills me. I know, I can control it, somewhat, but I can't make it go away. I just can't make it go away.


Vivian said...

I am so sorry. I honestly feel your pain. Trust in yourself and make the dr. hear you until it is level. It is healing sometimes to have a good cry and I think it will be good for Riley to know it is ok to express his feelings as well. Hang in there, we will always be here to listen.


Allison said...

::runs up and attacks Penny with a great, big Bear Hug::

Shannon said...

Major flashbacks here of when Brendon was diagnosed. The pain is palpable.
Just let all of that emotion out so that it doesn't rot inside. Cry is good cleansing for the soul.

How old is the vial of Lanuts you're using? Manufacturers say it lasts for 4 weeks, but I found that insulin on lasts 2-3 weeks.

Try a brand new vial before you start changing dosages.

My neighbor's daughter has type 1 and she said the same thing about her insulin.

Even Brendon's endo agreed that insulin doesn't last 4 weeks (she has type 1 as well).

Sandra Miller said...

Oh Penny,

Huge {{HUGS}}

Reading this post made me cry-- for you, for Riley and, yet again, for Joseph.

You are a wonderful mother to a terrific little boy-- who will be okay.


Anonymous said...

Hey Penny,

Just wanted to say I know how you feel. My daughter was diagnosed with type 1 in 2001 when she was three years old. She was on Lantus and Humalog and we had some of the same problems with the Lantus not wanting to last as long as it was supposed to. One year after her diagnoses we went to pumping!!! IT has been GREAT!!! There are still many things to figure out and change but it seems to be easier! We can "bolus" anytime for the highs and not have to worry about another stick! She was not very fond of the shots but she does well with the pump.

It is okay to have a good cry! I still have days when I need a cry! I trust in the Lord that He will get me through everyday! It never gets easy knowing your child has to do this for the rest of his/her life BUT you do learn how to live it with it until they find a cure. Whenever I am having a bad day I try to stay positive in knowing this is a disease that can be controlled unlike alot of other things out there. Praying for you and your son!

Unknown said...

Here's a big Hug for you! I too can feel the pain and frustration, and the endless worry. A good cry has always helped me. Your'e doing an incredible job, just keep up the Good Fight for your son and hang in there. He'll be fine.

prayergal said...

Dear, dear Penny,
I wish there was a way I could help you carry this burden. You know I am praying every single day for Riley and for a cure for diabetes. I know you have a strong faith in God. Trust Him and He will get you through these difficult times. Reading your post made me want to hug you so tight. I love you and pray for you every day.
Love you,
Aunt Linda

Penny Ratzlaff said...

Thank you, Aunt Linda. That means a lot.