Tuesday, October 28, 2008


I'm angry at diabetes right now. I'm so angry at this stupid disease that makes my child say,"Mom, I hate diabetes. I just want to be normal like everyone else."

I'm angry at the A1C machine that flashed a 7.8 up on the screen at Riley's appointment yesterday.

I'm angry at my cell phone when it rings and the word "Teacher" appears on the screen. That is never a good thing.

I'm angry that when she called it was to tell me that Riley's sugar was 404.

I'm angry that I never get a night of uninterrupted sleep.

I'm angry that Riley's assistant teacher didn't call me last week when they had a birthday party. Instead of letting him have a cupcake(his sugar was 108). She packed it in his book bag for later. He sat and watched everyone else in class eat their cupcake.

I'm angry that my child has to be singled out for anything.

I'm angry that I don't have diabetes instead of Riley.

I'm angry at trying so hard to get it right only to see numbers of 200 and 300.

Mostly, I'm angry with myself for letting any of this make me angry.

Most days I'm fine. Most days I go with the flow. But, today, I'm angry. I don't want to be angry. But, diabetes has a way of making me feel things I don't want to feel.


Jill said...

Awww Penny ~big hugz~ I know EXACTLY how you feel! There are some days you just wanna pull the covers back over your head in the morning and pretend it will all go away...then "Mommy guilt" sets in and you know you have to get up and tend to the diabetes stuff cuz if you dont then no one else will! *cry* I call these times "Mommy Meltdowns" and over the last 3 months Ive learned that Im allowed to have them :)

Keep your chin up and know that youre not alone!

Shannon said...

Let it ALLLL out Penny, let it ALLL out. ((((Big hugs))))

Carey said...

I hear ya, Penny. You have every right to be angry. Our moods change according to whatever our kids' blood sugar is. So, in a typical day, I'm happy, angry, angry, happy, happy, angry, happy. It blows! Hang in there. In our world, a 7.8 would be a best ever.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Major suckage Penny. I hate every second of it.

Debbie said...

I have never commented on your blog before, but I read it occasionally. I just wanted to say that I know how you feel and it's ok to be angry! My daughter is 11 years in and last Sat was our Walk and I was sad and angry all day. I was angry and sad that night when her pump ran out of insulin when we were out of town and we had a few scarey minutes and she was crying and telling me that she is ready to just be normal now. It happens to the best of us. It stinks---it just does! Sorry to be so long. I'm sending big hugs your way.

Araby62 (a.k.a. Kathy) said...

It truly does suck. Be angry, there's nothing wrong with the way you feel. Some days we just do the best that we can (:-)

Lynnea said...


Andrea said...

Penny...I feel every bit as angry as you. Just remember, you are not alone. You have a whole support system out there, even if you never meet us face to face. Just be proud of how brave your son is and love him with everything you have!!!

k2 said...

Penny -
We've all been there - and we've all wanted to kick diabetes ass!

Anonymous said...

i'm so sorry and i'm right there with you. it's like it builds up. i'll be doing fine for weeks, even months, but then, kaboom! i totally break down. i hate it. i just hate it. i hate feeling so helpless when it comes to my child. i'm sorry that anyone has to deal w/ all this....but i'm glad i'm not the only one.
i love how much you love your son. he is blessed to have you as a mom. we just do our best, penny. that's all we can do.


Katie said...

I had one of these days today -- my son's numbers have been all over the place recently. It's good to let it out.

Anonymous said...