Three years ago today was the worst day of my entire life.
In some ways it seems like it was so long ago. I don’t remember what it feels like to sleep an entire night through. I don’t remember what it is like to let Riley eat without counting carbs. I don’t remember what it’s like not to leave the house without a bag of supplies. I don’t remember watching him run around without worrying that his sugar will drop. It seems like he’s had diabetes for forever.
At least it seems that way most of the time. I just go on with the day to day of living most of the time. Diabetes has intermingled itself into the fabric of out lives. I’ve gotten so used to it being around that most of the time it seems like it’s barely there.
But, as Riley’s anniversary has approach it’s been on my mind more. The winces he makes when I prick his finger are more noticeable. The black marks on his fingertips stand out more. His supply bag seems a little heavier. The insulin in the refrigerator door seems out of place. The tubing sticking out of his waistband is a painful reminder of what he faces every day.
I can’t help but wonder what life would be like if he had never been diagnosed. There is no way to know if diabetes has shaped his personality. And, if it has, has it shaped it for the better or the worse?
Would my family be happier if Riley had never been diagnosed? Or are we happier because we are more thankful for the little things? Would we go more places and do more things? Or are we more determined to do things now than we would have been had he never been diagnosed? Would I be stronger if diabetes had never entered our lives? Would I be weaker?
I’ll never really know the answer to these questions.
What I do know is that I wouldn’t change one thing about my little man. Whether diabetes has shaped his personality or not, I wouldn’t change a thing about him. He’s wonderful and unique. He’s understanding (most of the time) and has a really good heart.
I also know that my family is a happy one. We’ve had our share of ups and downs. And, while my stress level is particularly high right now, I can say I am truly happy. I have two wonderful kids and a husband who loves me unconditionally. Everything else is just icing on the cake.
I feel like we pretty much go and do what we want (or whatever money constraints will allow). I’m not sure if diabetes has made us more active, but it certainly hasn’t slowed us down.
The last question is the kicker. Am I stronger because of diabetes? I know a lot of times I don’t feel strong at all. Sometimes diabetes tries to make me feel weak. Sometimes it succeeds.
Three years ago I cried on a daily basis, not just once, but several times a day. I would lock myself in the bathroom and sob. I would go in to check on Riley before going to bed and while looking at his sweet, sleeping, innocent face I would burst into tears all over again. I can’t even begin to tell you how many nights I cried myself to sleep with my head on Michael’s chest.
It brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. I know he was suffering then too. I was so wrapped up in my own grief that I didn’t really think about what he must be going through. Not only had his son been diagnosed with a chronic disease, his wife had pretty much gone off the deep end.
I know I felt weak then. I remember thinking back then that I had always thought that I was a pretty strong person. Diabetes had shown me how weak I really was. I remember thinking how disappointed I was in myself. I thought I should just be able to snap out of it and move on. I knew I had to be strong for Riley and the rest of my family, but I didn’t know how.
So, I don’t really know how to answer the last question. I don’t know if it even needs an answer. I am who I am. If diabetes had something to do with that, so be it.
Today, I’m just glad we’ve made it to where we are. I am so thankful that three years after the worst day of my life my son is still here. I’m thankful for both of my kids and the rest of my family.
I remember when Riley was first diagnosed I would read posts from other parents talking about how they had “celebrated” their child’s anniversary. I just couldn’t understand how they could commemorate something so terrible. I was convinced than when that day came I would spend my time underneath the bed covers.
The first anniversary was the toughest. But, when it rolled around I realized that I couldn’t sit around and mope. His first anniversary we took him out to a movie. It wasn’t really to celebrate, but more to recognize the day in some way. My heart wasn’t in it, but I was at least going through the motions.
On last year’s anniversary I held Walk of Hope to raise money for a cure. That night we took Riley to a local county fair where he had a blast. I felt that since October 6th was such a significant day that it should be commemorated in some way.
This year we’re going to go do whatever Riley wants to do. This is the first year that I understand why you recognize the anniversary at all.
Tonight I will celebrate. Not because he was diagnosed, but because, three years later he’s happy and healthy. I will celebrate that diabetes hasn’t defeated us. And, I will celebrate that if it has shaped us in any way, it didn’t do such a bad job.
Monday, October 06, 2008
Friday, October 03, 2008
Rico Suave
A couple of days ago I went to pick Riley up at school. No one was home to watch him and Holden had stayed after school for Spirit Club. So, Riley stayed after with Holden and when I got off of work I went and picked him up.
He walked up to me with his book bag in his hand grinning from ear to ear.
"I've got something to show you, Mama."
"Is it something good or is it something bad?"
"It's good, really, really good. No one else in my class has ever gotten this before."
That got me curious. What could it be? He brings home A+ work all the time so I knew it couldn't be that. What could his teacher have given him that no one else in his class had ever gotten?
We only live about 2 minutes from school so I told him I'd look at it when I got home.
We got in the car and he said, "Don't leave yet. I want to show you what I got."
"Can't it wait until we get home?"
"No, I want to show you now."
He unzipped the little pocket on the front of his book bag and pulled out a small slip of paper.
"Oh, this is so good", he said with an evil little grin.
He handed me a slip of paper. On it, in pencil, was a phone number.
"It's E's phone number, Mom. She gave me her phone number!" His eyes were shining.
My six year old got a little girl's digits. E is in Riley's class. She's a cute little girl with long, blond, curly hair. Yeah, he's definitely male.
He's always had a little crush on her and from speaking with E's mom I found out last year that the feeling was mutual, but I never told Riley about it.
But, now, instead of "like" he was using more mature words.
"I'm in love with E and she's in love with me."
I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry.
"I'm going to call her tonight."
"I don't think so." Call me old fashion but I find it a little inappropriate for six years olds to be calling each other because they are "in love".
I thought that was the end of it.
Every night right before he goes to bed Riley calls my mom and tells her goodnight. He went into his room to call her like he does every night. A little while later I went in to check on him He was just hanging up the phone. I didn't think anything of it.
That is until the phone rang. Michael answered.
"No. I haven't called anyone. "
"Well, maybe my son was playing with the phone, but we didn't call your number. Sorry."
I took the phone from him and checked the caller ID. It was from E's number. My little boy had worked up the nerve to call a girl and when her mom answered he hung up.
Of course, he got in trouble because he had done something that I had specifically told him not to do. We had a conversation about it. And, I let him in on a little secret. I told him that most people have caller ID and that when you call them they know that it's you they called. He told me he didn't know that (obviously).
I put him to bed. When I walked in the living room I couldn't help but smile at Michael. I couldn't believe that Riley had actually worked up the nerve to call her. If he's starting this at six, what am I going to do when he's 13?
When he got home from school yesterday I asked him if he got anymore phone numbers that day.
"No. I gave E's number to B. "
"Why did you do that?"
"Because I don't need all that stress, Mom."
I went in the other room and laughed and laughed. Ah, he's learning at a very early age.
He walked up to me with his book bag in his hand grinning from ear to ear.
"I've got something to show you, Mama."
"Is it something good or is it something bad?"
"It's good, really, really good. No one else in my class has ever gotten this before."
That got me curious. What could it be? He brings home A+ work all the time so I knew it couldn't be that. What could his teacher have given him that no one else in his class had ever gotten?
We only live about 2 minutes from school so I told him I'd look at it when I got home.
We got in the car and he said, "Don't leave yet. I want to show you what I got."
"Can't it wait until we get home?"
"No, I want to show you now."
He unzipped the little pocket on the front of his book bag and pulled out a small slip of paper.
"Oh, this is so good", he said with an evil little grin.
He handed me a slip of paper. On it, in pencil, was a phone number.
"It's E's phone number, Mom. She gave me her phone number!" His eyes were shining.
My six year old got a little girl's digits. E is in Riley's class. She's a cute little girl with long, blond, curly hair. Yeah, he's definitely male.
He's always had a little crush on her and from speaking with E's mom I found out last year that the feeling was mutual, but I never told Riley about it.
But, now, instead of "like" he was using more mature words.
"I'm in love with E and she's in love with me."
I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry.
"I'm going to call her tonight."
"I don't think so." Call me old fashion but I find it a little inappropriate for six years olds to be calling each other because they are "in love".
I thought that was the end of it.
Every night right before he goes to bed Riley calls my mom and tells her goodnight. He went into his room to call her like he does every night. A little while later I went in to check on him He was just hanging up the phone. I didn't think anything of it.
That is until the phone rang. Michael answered.
"No. I haven't called anyone. "
"Well, maybe my son was playing with the phone, but we didn't call your number. Sorry."
I took the phone from him and checked the caller ID. It was from E's number. My little boy had worked up the nerve to call a girl and when her mom answered he hung up.
Of course, he got in trouble because he had done something that I had specifically told him not to do. We had a conversation about it. And, I let him in on a little secret. I told him that most people have caller ID and that when you call them they know that it's you they called. He told me he didn't know that (obviously).
I put him to bed. When I walked in the living room I couldn't help but smile at Michael. I couldn't believe that Riley had actually worked up the nerve to call her. If he's starting this at six, what am I going to do when he's 13?
When he got home from school yesterday I asked him if he got anymore phone numbers that day.
"No. I gave E's number to B. "
"Why did you do that?"
"Because I don't need all that stress, Mom."
I went in the other room and laughed and laughed. Ah, he's learning at a very early age.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
I Need a Bigger Bag
When I last wrote Riley had been to the ER because he was having trouble breathing. He got better for a few days and then one Friday as I was pulling into the parking lot at work Holden called and said that Riley was wheezing. I ran in the office, told them I wouldn’t be at work the rest of the day, and drove home. I could hear him wheezing a little, but he wasn’t really having a lot of trouble breathing.
I gave him his rescue inhaler and called the doctor. They wanted to see him. Once there they didn’t hear any wheezing and once again chalked it up to “just one of those things”.
That was almost 2 weeks ago. He hasn’t had any problems breathing since then. Still, I send his inhaler to school every day. I pack it in with his diabetes supplies everywhere we go. I worry that we may one day have to use it again.
I'll just add it to the bag.
I’m starting to get into a groove at my new job. In an earlier post I wrote about a student at my school with diabetes whose mom attended school with her every day. Since then I’ve worked with the mom and the teachers so that the mom was comfortable enough going home. Now, the student comes to my office to receive her insulin. This mom has attended school with her daughter for the last 5 years. I can only imagine how freeing it is for her to be able to go home every day instead of being stuck in a classroom.
Still, I often feel like I’m pulled in too many different directions. I’m so new to being a school nurse that I’m afraid I’m missing something important. Sometimes I’ll have 3 or 4 kids in my office at one time and I’m overwhelmed with how to handle it all.
I'll just add it to the bag.
My dad has started chemo and radiation for his throat cancer. The radiation is giving him a sore throat. The chemo is making him sick. My parents are driving back and forth to radiation every day (2 ½ hours in the car). I can tell it’s starting to wear on them. I worry about them both.
I'll just add it to the bag.
Holden sent in his first college application last night. We’re looking into touring a few college campuses. He’s taking the SAT again on Saturday. I’m excited for him as he starts to test the waters. But, sometimes I’ll steal a glance at him while he’s sitting and watching TV and I want to burst into tears. I can’t believe that next year at this time my baby will be away at college. I can’t even fathom how much I will miss him.
I'll just add it to the bag.
I think I need a bigger bag.
I gave him his rescue inhaler and called the doctor. They wanted to see him. Once there they didn’t hear any wheezing and once again chalked it up to “just one of those things”.
That was almost 2 weeks ago. He hasn’t had any problems breathing since then. Still, I send his inhaler to school every day. I pack it in with his diabetes supplies everywhere we go. I worry that we may one day have to use it again.
I'll just add it to the bag.
I’m starting to get into a groove at my new job. In an earlier post I wrote about a student at my school with diabetes whose mom attended school with her every day. Since then I’ve worked with the mom and the teachers so that the mom was comfortable enough going home. Now, the student comes to my office to receive her insulin. This mom has attended school with her daughter for the last 5 years. I can only imagine how freeing it is for her to be able to go home every day instead of being stuck in a classroom.
Still, I often feel like I’m pulled in too many different directions. I’m so new to being a school nurse that I’m afraid I’m missing something important. Sometimes I’ll have 3 or 4 kids in my office at one time and I’m overwhelmed with how to handle it all.
I'll just add it to the bag.
My dad has started chemo and radiation for his throat cancer. The radiation is giving him a sore throat. The chemo is making him sick. My parents are driving back and forth to radiation every day (2 ½ hours in the car). I can tell it’s starting to wear on them. I worry about them both.
I'll just add it to the bag.
Holden sent in his first college application last night. We’re looking into touring a few college campuses. He’s taking the SAT again on Saturday. I’m excited for him as he starts to test the waters. But, sometimes I’ll steal a glance at him while he’s sitting and watching TV and I want to burst into tears. I can’t believe that next year at this time my baby will be away at college. I can’t even fathom how much I will miss him.
I'll just add it to the bag.
I think I need a bigger bag.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Running at 120%
Sunday night Riley had a stuffy nose. I gave him some Benadryl at bedtime. He seemed to be OK on Monday.
I didn't have to give him any medicine at bedtime on Monday. He didn't seem stuffy anymore. (Plus, he was thrilled that the tooth ferry would be visiting him for the first time.)
He seemed fine Tuesday morning. When he got home from school my mom called and said he wasn't feeling well. She checked his temperature and it was 99.9 While that isn't too high I told her to go ahead and give him some Ibuprofen.
When I went to pick him up I could tell he didn't feel well. Later that night I was sitting on the couch beside him. I thought I heard some wheezing. I went to the drug store and bought some Mucinex hoping it would help clear him up.
He went to bed about 9:00. He still wasn't feeling well but he hadn't had anymore temperature. I had already packed his book bag to go to school the next day.
At around 9:45 I went in to check his sugar. Something didn't seem right. It took a second for me to realize he was breathing differently. He was breathing very fast. His sugar was on the lower end so I woke him up to give him a few fruit snacks.
His breathing was really concerning me. I kept asking him if he was having trouble breathing. His answers varied. Sometimes he'd say yes and then he'd stay no. He was still half asleep.
I asked Michael to come in and look at him. He agreed that he looked like he was breathing too fast. Then, I noticed he was breathing really hard, like he was having a hard time catching his breath. Michael described it like he was breathing like he had just run a race.
My alarm was growing. I started gathering things together because I was pretty sure we needed to go to the ER. Then, Riley started crying, "I can't breathe." That was it. We left for the ER.
I rode in the back seat with him. He was still breathing hard and fast, but he wasn't gasping for breath or anything. The hospital is about 10 minutes away. When we were a couple of minutes away I realized that when he was talking he would stop after every couple of words and take a deep breath. I was getting really, really concerned.
As we pulled into the hospital parking lot I held his hand and prayed that he would be OK and the hospital staff would be knowledgeable.
Oh, did I mentioned that I checked his sugar on the way and it was 65. He drank a juice box and I made a mental note to check his sugar again in 15 minutes or so.
He has never been very sick. He's had a few ear infections but nothing serious since he was diagnosed. Not only was I worried about his breathing but I was concerned about how they would receive his pump. Would they want to take it off? Would they let me give him insulin myself?
As soon as I told the front desk why we were there they sent us back to triage. As soon as the triage nurse listened to his chest we were whisked back and Riley was almost immediately started on a nebulizer treatment.
He thought it was neat because the mask they used looked like a dinosaur. I thought he looked so frail sitting in that big hospital bed.
When he was in triage I mentioned to the nurse that his sugar had been 65 on the way there. Before I could finish she said, "I'll give him a popsicle or something. But, after the breathing treatment." Um, I don't think so.
I explained to her that he had already drunk a juice and that I just needed to recheck his sugar to make sure it had come up. Once he got settled in his bed I checked his sugar and it was 123.
In addition to a breathing treatment he also received a dose of Prednisone. When the nurse left I looked at Michael and told him that it was going to wreak havoc on his blood sugar. Since I'm a nurse I know that steroids can raise blood sugars in people who don't even have diabetes.
Thirty minutes after the Prednisone he was 293. I pulled out his pump and covertly gave him some insulin. I didn't want to draw too much attention to what I was doing. I didn't want anyone to try and stop me. I told Michael I wasn't giving his diabetes control over to anyone else. They could take care of the breathing and I would take care of the sugars.
Turns out they didn't seem to care. They never checked his sugar once while he was there.
After the breathing treatment they listened to him again. He was moving air a little better but it still wasn't great.
The dinosaur mask went on again and he received another treatment. For the first time in a couple of hours he wasn't struggling to breathe. Of course, through it all he never complained. He kept smiling and talking. Everyone kept commenting on how cute his Spongebob pajamas were.
They did a chest xray, an EKG, and blood work. He never complained, even when he had his blood drawn. When they gave him the Prednisone the nurse tried to chase it with some grape juice. I stopped her and told her he couldn't have that because of his diabetes. She brought him water instead. The nurse commented on how most kids fought it because it tasted so bad. Riley just swallowed it down without one complaint.
She turned to another nurse and said, "He didn't complain at all. He just took it."
I said, "He's used to doing things he doesn't want to because he knows he has to."
Saying it made me proud and sad all at the same time.
His chest xray came back clear. He was breathing fine and not wheezing anymore. The doctor didn't really have an explanation to what had happened. He gave him a dose of antibiotics just in case he had a hidden infection.
We were sent home with an inhaler to use as needed and a prescription for more antibiotics.
I got up every hour and checked his sugar. The Prednisone had him running in the 300 and 400s. He was getting a bolus every hour. His breathing seemed OK.
On Wednesday I thought he was on the mend and I went to work. Before leaving I gave him a dose of Albuterol just in case.
My mom called me two hours later and said he was wheezing again and having trouble breathing. Although it was too early to give him more Albuterol I told her to give it to him anyway.
I was at a meeting an hour an a half away. I made Riley a doctor's appointment for later that afternoon. My parents came and picked me up from the meeting. (I had ridden there in a van with a bunch of other people.)
Once at the doctor's office Riley received another nebulizer treatment. He was still wheezing but not as badly. The doctor wrote a prescription for more Prednisone.
After leaving the doctor's office I called his endo, Dr. M. I told her about the Prednisone. She told me to increase his basal 150%. My mouth dropped open. That was a big increase. But, I trusted her. She said sometimes kids on Prednisone needed to be increased 200%.
I couldn't quite do the 150%. So, Riley's basal is now set at an increase of 120%. While it made me nervous at first it has worked out perfectly. His total daily dose has increased from 12 units a day to about about 20 units a day. That's just crazy. But, He hasn't had a single low and his highest sugar has been 161. His sugars have actually been better on the Prednisone than off.
Last night I ran him at 100% instead of 120. I'll do the same tonight. I plan to send him back to school tomorrow with his inhaler in tow.
The doctors seem to think that this is a one time thing. I really hope so. One chronic disease is enough for me. I don't want to throw asthma into the mix too.
I didn't have to give him any medicine at bedtime on Monday. He didn't seem stuffy anymore. (Plus, he was thrilled that the tooth ferry would be visiting him for the first time.)
He seemed fine Tuesday morning. When he got home from school my mom called and said he wasn't feeling well. She checked his temperature and it was 99.9 While that isn't too high I told her to go ahead and give him some Ibuprofen.
When I went to pick him up I could tell he didn't feel well. Later that night I was sitting on the couch beside him. I thought I heard some wheezing. I went to the drug store and bought some Mucinex hoping it would help clear him up.
He went to bed about 9:00. He still wasn't feeling well but he hadn't had anymore temperature. I had already packed his book bag to go to school the next day.
At around 9:45 I went in to check his sugar. Something didn't seem right. It took a second for me to realize he was breathing differently. He was breathing very fast. His sugar was on the lower end so I woke him up to give him a few fruit snacks.
His breathing was really concerning me. I kept asking him if he was having trouble breathing. His answers varied. Sometimes he'd say yes and then he'd stay no. He was still half asleep.
I asked Michael to come in and look at him. He agreed that he looked like he was breathing too fast. Then, I noticed he was breathing really hard, like he was having a hard time catching his breath. Michael described it like he was breathing like he had just run a race.
My alarm was growing. I started gathering things together because I was pretty sure we needed to go to the ER. Then, Riley started crying, "I can't breathe." That was it. We left for the ER.
I rode in the back seat with him. He was still breathing hard and fast, but he wasn't gasping for breath or anything. The hospital is about 10 minutes away. When we were a couple of minutes away I realized that when he was talking he would stop after every couple of words and take a deep breath. I was getting really, really concerned.
As we pulled into the hospital parking lot I held his hand and prayed that he would be OK and the hospital staff would be knowledgeable.
Oh, did I mentioned that I checked his sugar on the way and it was 65. He drank a juice box and I made a mental note to check his sugar again in 15 minutes or so.
He has never been very sick. He's had a few ear infections but nothing serious since he was diagnosed. Not only was I worried about his breathing but I was concerned about how they would receive his pump. Would they want to take it off? Would they let me give him insulin myself?
As soon as I told the front desk why we were there they sent us back to triage. As soon as the triage nurse listened to his chest we were whisked back and Riley was almost immediately started on a nebulizer treatment.
He thought it was neat because the mask they used looked like a dinosaur. I thought he looked so frail sitting in that big hospital bed.
When he was in triage I mentioned to the nurse that his sugar had been 65 on the way there. Before I could finish she said, "I'll give him a popsicle or something. But, after the breathing treatment." Um, I don't think so.
I explained to her that he had already drunk a juice and that I just needed to recheck his sugar to make sure it had come up. Once he got settled in his bed I checked his sugar and it was 123.
In addition to a breathing treatment he also received a dose of Prednisone. When the nurse left I looked at Michael and told him that it was going to wreak havoc on his blood sugar. Since I'm a nurse I know that steroids can raise blood sugars in people who don't even have diabetes.
Thirty minutes after the Prednisone he was 293. I pulled out his pump and covertly gave him some insulin. I didn't want to draw too much attention to what I was doing. I didn't want anyone to try and stop me. I told Michael I wasn't giving his diabetes control over to anyone else. They could take care of the breathing and I would take care of the sugars.
Turns out they didn't seem to care. They never checked his sugar once while he was there.
After the breathing treatment they listened to him again. He was moving air a little better but it still wasn't great.
The dinosaur mask went on again and he received another treatment. For the first time in a couple of hours he wasn't struggling to breathe. Of course, through it all he never complained. He kept smiling and talking. Everyone kept commenting on how cute his Spongebob pajamas were.
They did a chest xray, an EKG, and blood work. He never complained, even when he had his blood drawn. When they gave him the Prednisone the nurse tried to chase it with some grape juice. I stopped her and told her he couldn't have that because of his diabetes. She brought him water instead. The nurse commented on how most kids fought it because it tasted so bad. Riley just swallowed it down without one complaint.
She turned to another nurse and said, "He didn't complain at all. He just took it."
I said, "He's used to doing things he doesn't want to because he knows he has to."
Saying it made me proud and sad all at the same time.
His chest xray came back clear. He was breathing fine and not wheezing anymore. The doctor didn't really have an explanation to what had happened. He gave him a dose of antibiotics just in case he had a hidden infection.
We were sent home with an inhaler to use as needed and a prescription for more antibiotics.
I got up every hour and checked his sugar. The Prednisone had him running in the 300 and 400s. He was getting a bolus every hour. His breathing seemed OK.
On Wednesday I thought he was on the mend and I went to work. Before leaving I gave him a dose of Albuterol just in case.
My mom called me two hours later and said he was wheezing again and having trouble breathing. Although it was too early to give him more Albuterol I told her to give it to him anyway.
I was at a meeting an hour an a half away. I made Riley a doctor's appointment for later that afternoon. My parents came and picked me up from the meeting. (I had ridden there in a van with a bunch of other people.)
Once at the doctor's office Riley received another nebulizer treatment. He was still wheezing but not as badly. The doctor wrote a prescription for more Prednisone.
After leaving the doctor's office I called his endo, Dr. M. I told her about the Prednisone. She told me to increase his basal 150%. My mouth dropped open. That was a big increase. But, I trusted her. She said sometimes kids on Prednisone needed to be increased 200%.
I couldn't quite do the 150%. So, Riley's basal is now set at an increase of 120%. While it made me nervous at first it has worked out perfectly. His total daily dose has increased from 12 units a day to about about 20 units a day. That's just crazy. But, He hasn't had a single low and his highest sugar has been 161. His sugars have actually been better on the Prednisone than off.
Last night I ran him at 100% instead of 120. I'll do the same tonight. I plan to send him back to school tomorrow with his inhaler in tow.
The doctors seem to think that this is a one time thing. I really hope so. One chronic disease is enough for me. I don't want to throw asthma into the mix too.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
MIA
I think this is the longest I've ever gone without posting. I've thought about posting a lot, but have not made time to do it.
I've been around. I've been reading blogs from time to time and I've commented a little here and there.
Here are some highlights.
* Holden is officially a Senior. I can't believe this is his last year of high school.
* My dad was diagnosed with throat cancer last week. He's going to a lot of doctor appointments. He will be starting radiation soon. I'm worried about him and my mom. The doctors are very optimistic that he will be fine. Still, I worry. I've only got one dad.
* Riley started first grade this week. I went the week before to educate his teacher. He is giving his own insulin this year and doing a great job with it. His teacher is also doing really well with helping him out. Still, I worry about him from time to time throughout the day.
* The school nurse job is going OK. It's more stressful than I thought it would be. I love the kids. It's the parents I don't like dealing with.
* Lately Riley has been saying: "Diabetes is stupid." and "I hate diabetes." Although I agree with him it's still hard to hear him say it.
* The kids starting back to school, my new job, and my dad's recent diagnosis have made the stress build up so much that sometimes it feels like I'm a rubber band being stretched so far that I'm in danger of snapping into.
* I received my school nurse test results today. I passed and am now officially a certified school nurse. The test was hard and I really wasn't sure if I passed or not. I had to pass it to get a raise. But, the raise isn't really a raise. It just puts my salary at what it was when I worked at home health. I had been worrying about what we would do financially if I didn't pass. When I got the results out of the mailbox I did a little dance in the driveway. A goofy, white dance. But, a dance none the less.
* There is a little girl in my school who is in 4th grade. She's had D since she was 2. Her mom goes to school with her every day and spends all day at school. She's afraid to leave her. I'm working with the mom on letting go a little at a time. It's helping the mom that I have a kid with D so I understand where she is coming from. I can't imagine how that mom does it. She really has no life of her own.
* I'm tired and I have a huge headache so I'm going to go now.
If you're still reading I'd love to know. I could use some good comment right about now.
I've been around. I've been reading blogs from time to time and I've commented a little here and there.
Here are some highlights.
* Holden is officially a Senior. I can't believe this is his last year of high school.
* My dad was diagnosed with throat cancer last week. He's going to a lot of doctor appointments. He will be starting radiation soon. I'm worried about him and my mom. The doctors are very optimistic that he will be fine. Still, I worry. I've only got one dad.
* Riley started first grade this week. I went the week before to educate his teacher. He is giving his own insulin this year and doing a great job with it. His teacher is also doing really well with helping him out. Still, I worry about him from time to time throughout the day.
* The school nurse job is going OK. It's more stressful than I thought it would be. I love the kids. It's the parents I don't like dealing with.
* Lately Riley has been saying: "Diabetes is stupid." and "I hate diabetes." Although I agree with him it's still hard to hear him say it.
* The kids starting back to school, my new job, and my dad's recent diagnosis have made the stress build up so much that sometimes it feels like I'm a rubber band being stretched so far that I'm in danger of snapping into.
* I received my school nurse test results today. I passed and am now officially a certified school nurse. The test was hard and I really wasn't sure if I passed or not. I had to pass it to get a raise. But, the raise isn't really a raise. It just puts my salary at what it was when I worked at home health. I had been worrying about what we would do financially if I didn't pass. When I got the results out of the mailbox I did a little dance in the driveway. A goofy, white dance. But, a dance none the less.
* There is a little girl in my school who is in 4th grade. She's had D since she was 2. Her mom goes to school with her every day and spends all day at school. She's afraid to leave her. I'm working with the mom on letting go a little at a time. It's helping the mom that I have a kid with D so I understand where she is coming from. I can't imagine how that mom does it. She really has no life of her own.
* I'm tired and I have a huge headache so I'm going to go now.
If you're still reading I'd love to know. I could use some good comment right about now.
Friday, August 08, 2008
Amen
Riley's overheard prayer:
"Dear God, Grandaddy is a good grandaddy. Thank you for making him my grandaddy. But, he has a sore throat and you are the only one who can heal it. And, please make it so all the children with diabetes will be cured one day."
"Dear God, Grandaddy is a good grandaddy. Thank you for making him my grandaddy. But, he has a sore throat and you are the only one who can heal it. And, please make it so all the children with diabetes will be cured one day."
Friday, August 01, 2008
Help Find a Cure for Type 1 Diabetes
This year's Walk of Hope donations will be given directly to Dr. Faustman's promising research at Mass General Hospital.
To help out my walk and donate click here and click on online donations. Once there, fill in your information and under "my gift is for" select other and type in diabetes type 1- Faustman.
Also, if you don't mind, drop me an email if you donate and let me know the amount. You don't have to tell me who you are. I would just like to know so that I can add it into the total raised from the walk. I would greatly appreciate a donation in any amount.
In the end it all adds up to a cure.
To help out my walk and donate click here and click on online donations. Once there, fill in your information and under "my gift is for" select other and type in diabetes type 1- Faustman.
Also, if you don't mind, drop me an email if you donate and let me know the amount. You don't have to tell me who you are. I would just like to know so that I can add it into the total raised from the walk. I would greatly appreciate a donation in any amount.
In the end it all adds up to a cure.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
I'm Home and a Change in Plans
I just got in the door from the mission trip. It was awesome. I'm way too tired to blog about it now so I'll just say that it was a blessing.
I just wanted to let everyone know that I have decided that the money donated to Walk of Hope this year will be given directly to Dr. Faustman's research rather than going through The Iacocca Foundation.
I didn't want to mislead anyone. I will post a link in the next couple of days so if anyone would like to donate they can.
I just wanted to let everyone know that I have decided that the money donated to Walk of Hope this year will be given directly to Dr. Faustman's research rather than going through The Iacocca Foundation.
I didn't want to mislead anyone. I will post a link in the next couple of days so if anyone would like to donate they can.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Maybe One Day
(This post was actually written a little after midnight. I am just posting it now.)
Riley had an endo appointment today. Everything went OK. But, his A1C has gone up from 7.2 to 7.4. It's not that much of a difference but every time it goes up my heart sinks a little. I feel like I've fallen down on my job.
Dr. M always asks Riley questions. This time she quizzed him on what a low feels like and what he does when his sugar is low. He passed with flying colors. Then she asked, "Is there anything that you would like to do that you feel like you can't do because of diabetes? " Riley shook his head "no".
"Smart kid", she said. I nodded my head in agreement.
Even with his A1C at 7.4 the only changes she made was to decrease his basal at bedtime because I've been running a temp basal a lot at night lately. She said that if that works and I want to try to tweak the A1C then I could slowly start to increase his basals over time to see if that helps.
At the end of the appointment she asked Michael and I if there was anything we weren't doing because of diabetes. We both answered no.
I've learned some things from my smart little man.
Tonight, he taught me another important lesson: never give up hope.
I've been debating about whether or not to have a walk this year. I didn't think I had the strength, the drive. It's stressful and overwhelming and I thought I might just skip it all this year. It brings up emotions in me that I really don't want to deal with.
Since school got out Riley has gone to sleep every night on the couch with his head in my lap. It will be a hard habit to break once school does resume.
We have a nightly bedtime routine. Every night he brushes his teeth and uses the rest room. He tells Michael and Holden goodnight. Then, he goes in his room and gets his pillow off of his bed and an old sleeping bag. He lays his pillow in my lap and lies down and waits for me to wrap him up with the sleeping bag.
He says his prayers: "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And, if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." Haunting words, really, if you think about them.
Then, I kiss him on his forehead and tell him I love him.
"I love you too Mom"
Me: "Sweet dreams. I'll see you in the morning."
"Sweet dreams. I'll see you in the morning too."
Then, within minutes he's usually asleep.
Tonight after our usual routine he looked up at me and said, "If I had three wishes you know what I'd wish for?" (I'm not sure what has brought up all these wishes lately.)
"I'd wish that Daddy would always be alright. And, that Mama would always be alright."
"That leaves one more wish", I said, holding my breath.
"For my third wish I'd wish that I didn't have diabetes anymore."
It took me a moment to say anything. I had to catch my breath.
"A few days ago you said it wasn't that bad. What changed?"
"I don't know. I just wish it would go away."
"Why?"
"I....I... because....I don't know why. I just want it gone."
"Me too baby. Me too."
"But, first there will have to be a cure that makes my pancreas make insulin again."
"Yes. Maybe one day, OK?"
He nodded his head and closed his eyes. Within seconds he was fast asleep.
The third annual Walk of Hope will be held on October 6, 2008, Riley's 3 year anniversary.
If you'd like to help my baby's wish come true please click here or on the link in my sidebar. Under designation be sure to type in "Walk of Hope". All proceeds will go directly to Dr. Denise Faustman's research at Mass General Hospital (via The Iacocca Foundation).
Thank you for helping us get one step closer to "one day".
Riley had an endo appointment today. Everything went OK. But, his A1C has gone up from 7.2 to 7.4. It's not that much of a difference but every time it goes up my heart sinks a little. I feel like I've fallen down on my job.
Dr. M always asks Riley questions. This time she quizzed him on what a low feels like and what he does when his sugar is low. He passed with flying colors. Then she asked, "Is there anything that you would like to do that you feel like you can't do because of diabetes? " Riley shook his head "no".
"Smart kid", she said. I nodded my head in agreement.
Even with his A1C at 7.4 the only changes she made was to decrease his basal at bedtime because I've been running a temp basal a lot at night lately. She said that if that works and I want to try to tweak the A1C then I could slowly start to increase his basals over time to see if that helps.
At the end of the appointment she asked Michael and I if there was anything we weren't doing because of diabetes. We both answered no.
I've learned some things from my smart little man.
Tonight, he taught me another important lesson: never give up hope.
I've been debating about whether or not to have a walk this year. I didn't think I had the strength, the drive. It's stressful and overwhelming and I thought I might just skip it all this year. It brings up emotions in me that I really don't want to deal with.
Since school got out Riley has gone to sleep every night on the couch with his head in my lap. It will be a hard habit to break once school does resume.
We have a nightly bedtime routine. Every night he brushes his teeth and uses the rest room. He tells Michael and Holden goodnight. Then, he goes in his room and gets his pillow off of his bed and an old sleeping bag. He lays his pillow in my lap and lies down and waits for me to wrap him up with the sleeping bag.
He says his prayers: "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And, if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." Haunting words, really, if you think about them.
Then, I kiss him on his forehead and tell him I love him.
"I love you too Mom"
Me: "Sweet dreams. I'll see you in the morning."
"Sweet dreams. I'll see you in the morning too."
Then, within minutes he's usually asleep.
Tonight after our usual routine he looked up at me and said, "If I had three wishes you know what I'd wish for?" (I'm not sure what has brought up all these wishes lately.)
"I'd wish that Daddy would always be alright. And, that Mama would always be alright."
"That leaves one more wish", I said, holding my breath.
"For my third wish I'd wish that I didn't have diabetes anymore."
It took me a moment to say anything. I had to catch my breath.
"A few days ago you said it wasn't that bad. What changed?"
"I don't know. I just wish it would go away."
"Why?"
"I....I... because....I don't know why. I just want it gone."
"Me too baby. Me too."
"But, first there will have to be a cure that makes my pancreas make insulin again."
"Yes. Maybe one day, OK?"
He nodded his head and closed his eyes. Within seconds he was fast asleep.
The third annual Walk of Hope will be held on October 6, 2008, Riley's 3 year anniversary.
If you'd like to help my baby's wish come true please click here or on the link in my sidebar. Under designation be sure to type in "Walk of Hope". All proceeds will go directly to Dr. Denise Faustman's research at Mass General Hospital (via The Iacocca Foundation).
Thank you for helping us get one step closer to "one day".
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
How Much Life Has Changed Since Diagnosis
Every couple of months or so we get a newsletter in the mail from the medical center where we got pump training. It has upcoming events in it as well as some personal stories.
One story in particular stood out for me. It was written by the mom of a girl that started college last year. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when she was 15 years old.
She spoke of how much life had changed since the diagnosis. But, not really in the way you would think. She didn't talk about how the insulin injections, the carb counting, or the lows and highs had made an impact.
She spoke of the change in attitude since diagnosis. And, I found myself nodding my head as I read what she had to say.
Several months ago I wouldn't have understood. Several months ago I would only nod my head in agreement when I read of the pain and the tears. I could only relate to the heartache brought on by this diagnosis.
I remember the first couple of years after Riley was diagnosed I would read posts or comments by other parents talking about how they were happy and content. They spoke of how diabetes was just a small part of their life and I couldn't comprehend how that could be.
Don't get me wrong, I wasn't walking around depressed or anything. But, was I totally happy? No. It was like piece of my heart ached continuously for my child because of a disease that had invaded his body.
But, one day, around the two year mark of his diagnosis, it's like a fog lifted. It was like the song lyrics "I can see clearly now. The rain is gone."
I became truly happy. I decided that life was going to go on no matter what and I had a choice if I wanted to be miserable or content.
I chose content.
That doesn't mean that I've given up on a cure. It doesn't mean that I'm happy that my child has diabetes. It means I've come to realize that life is what it is and you can make the best of it or not.
Now, I can nod my head when parents talk about the pain and tears because I remember all too well the many, many nights spent crying, praying, pleading because of diabetes. But, I can nod my head too when they speak of how happy they are.
What has helped me is that I've learned a lot over the last 2 1/2 years. There is still a lot I don't know and a lot I will never understand about this disease.
But, I've learned that ice cream and pizza require a combo bolus. I've learned that a temp basal can be your best friend. I've learned that someone else besides myself can take care of Riley and he'll be OK.
Most importantly I've learned that diabetes doesn't have to rule your life for you to effectively deal with it. There was a time when I wouldn't read a book or look at anything else on the Internet unless it had something to do with diabetes. It wasn't that long ago that I felt guilty if I didn't analyze every sugar.
And, when I first gained my old happiness back, I had a brief time where I felt like I was a bad mother because I didn't focus on diabetes like I once did. I was afraid that since I didn't become upset by every high and every low that I wouldn't take care of Riley as well as I once had.
I really don't know how to describe it. It was a mixture of fear and guilt. Fear, because I thought I'd stop caring about diabetes. I felt like if I could put diabetes in the background that maybe I wouldn't give it the attention that it needed. Guilt, because I wanted to be "normal" again. I wanted a life that didn't revolve around finger pricks and basals.
But, over time, the fear and guilt subsided. I've learned to see every single day with my children as a blessing from God. Insulin is a blessing. Being able to afford a pump is a blessing.
But, mostly, having a happy, healthy little boy is my blessing.
I know that my attitude about diabetes can shape how Riley looks at things. I have learned to only be positive when it comes to diabetes. But, I must say, Riley does a better job of it than me.
A few weeks ago Riley asked me if I had one wish what I would wish for. I asked him what he would wish for.
"The bestest video game in the world."
"Hmmm" , I said. "I'd wish that you were cured of diabetes."
He just looked at me.
"Wouldn't you like that too?"
"No. Having diabetes isn't that bad. I kind of like it. I'd rather have a video game."
And, with that, he walked out of the room leaving me with a huge grin on my face.
My son is awesome. Diabetes is only a very small part of his life.
And that makes me very, very happy.
One story in particular stood out for me. It was written by the mom of a girl that started college last year. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when she was 15 years old.
She spoke of how much life had changed since the diagnosis. But, not really in the way you would think. She didn't talk about how the insulin injections, the carb counting, or the lows and highs had made an impact.
She spoke of the change in attitude since diagnosis. And, I found myself nodding my head as I read what she had to say.
Several months ago I wouldn't have understood. Several months ago I would only nod my head in agreement when I read of the pain and the tears. I could only relate to the heartache brought on by this diagnosis.
I remember the first couple of years after Riley was diagnosed I would read posts or comments by other parents talking about how they were happy and content. They spoke of how diabetes was just a small part of their life and I couldn't comprehend how that could be.
Don't get me wrong, I wasn't walking around depressed or anything. But, was I totally happy? No. It was like piece of my heart ached continuously for my child because of a disease that had invaded his body.
But, one day, around the two year mark of his diagnosis, it's like a fog lifted. It was like the song lyrics "I can see clearly now. The rain is gone."
I became truly happy. I decided that life was going to go on no matter what and I had a choice if I wanted to be miserable or content.
I chose content.
That doesn't mean that I've given up on a cure. It doesn't mean that I'm happy that my child has diabetes. It means I've come to realize that life is what it is and you can make the best of it or not.
Now, I can nod my head when parents talk about the pain and tears because I remember all too well the many, many nights spent crying, praying, pleading because of diabetes. But, I can nod my head too when they speak of how happy they are.
What has helped me is that I've learned a lot over the last 2 1/2 years. There is still a lot I don't know and a lot I will never understand about this disease.
But, I've learned that ice cream and pizza require a combo bolus. I've learned that a temp basal can be your best friend. I've learned that someone else besides myself can take care of Riley and he'll be OK.
Most importantly I've learned that diabetes doesn't have to rule your life for you to effectively deal with it. There was a time when I wouldn't read a book or look at anything else on the Internet unless it had something to do with diabetes. It wasn't that long ago that I felt guilty if I didn't analyze every sugar.
And, when I first gained my old happiness back, I had a brief time where I felt like I was a bad mother because I didn't focus on diabetes like I once did. I was afraid that since I didn't become upset by every high and every low that I wouldn't take care of Riley as well as I once had.
I really don't know how to describe it. It was a mixture of fear and guilt. Fear, because I thought I'd stop caring about diabetes. I felt like if I could put diabetes in the background that maybe I wouldn't give it the attention that it needed. Guilt, because I wanted to be "normal" again. I wanted a life that didn't revolve around finger pricks and basals.
But, over time, the fear and guilt subsided. I've learned to see every single day with my children as a blessing from God. Insulin is a blessing. Being able to afford a pump is a blessing.
But, mostly, having a happy, healthy little boy is my blessing.
I know that my attitude about diabetes can shape how Riley looks at things. I have learned to only be positive when it comes to diabetes. But, I must say, Riley does a better job of it than me.
A few weeks ago Riley asked me if I had one wish what I would wish for. I asked him what he would wish for.
"The bestest video game in the world."
"Hmmm" , I said. "I'd wish that you were cured of diabetes."
He just looked at me.
"Wouldn't you like that too?"
"No. Having diabetes isn't that bad. I kind of like it. I'd rather have a video game."
And, with that, he walked out of the room leaving me with a huge grin on my face.
My son is awesome. Diabetes is only a very small part of his life.
And that makes me very, very happy.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
I'll Get Around To It
I have been enjoying my time off.
I've spent a few days at a local beach club just lying on the beach.
Michael puts up pools and cleans a couple of pools during the summer. He's been really busy so sometimes I go to work with him just so I can spend time with him.
My house is the cleanest it's been in a while.
My pocket book has been cleaned out, twice.
My check book is balanced.
My email gets checked several times a day.
I've taken Riley to the park a couple of times.
I've beaten Guitar Hero Aerosmith and played all of the extra songs.
My laundry hamper is empty.
But, I haven't studied for my certification exam. I pick up the book to study and I think of something else I should do.
I decided that today I would straighten up a little in the morning and spend the rest of the day studying.
Instead, I've checked my email. Then, I got stuck on youtube for a while. And, now, I'm writing a post.
After writing the post I'm going to shower and then go to the grocery store. Then, I'll wash some dishes and clean the bathroom. I'll probably straighten up my room later too.
I'll get around to studying sometime. Really I will.
I've spent a few days at a local beach club just lying on the beach.
Michael puts up pools and cleans a couple of pools during the summer. He's been really busy so sometimes I go to work with him just so I can spend time with him.
My house is the cleanest it's been in a while.
My pocket book has been cleaned out, twice.
My check book is balanced.
My email gets checked several times a day.
I've taken Riley to the park a couple of times.
I've beaten Guitar Hero Aerosmith and played all of the extra songs.
My laundry hamper is empty.
But, I haven't studied for my certification exam. I pick up the book to study and I think of something else I should do.
I decided that today I would straighten up a little in the morning and spend the rest of the day studying.
Instead, I've checked my email. Then, I got stuck on youtube for a while. And, now, I'm writing a post.
After writing the post I'm going to shower and then go to the grocery store. Then, I'll wash some dishes and clean the bathroom. I'll probably straighten up my room later too.
I'll get around to studying sometime. Really I will.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
40th Wedding Anniversary
My mom and dad were married 40 years ago today.
They were married the summer before my mom's senior year of high school. One year later, in the summer of '69, my dad was drafted into the army.
While he was in basic training in Alabama my mom received a call that he was deathly ill. "Come quick if you want to see him alive." She was driven to Alabama not knowing if my dad would be alive or dead when she arrived.
Obviously, he survived. After he got well he was shipped off to Vietnam.
I can only imagine how sad my mom was during that time and I can only painfully imagine the things my dad had to endure at the tender age of 19.
When my parents got married they wanted to have 6 children. They tried for years to have children to no avail. Finally, five years after they were married, they had me.
They tried for several more years to have more children. At the age of 27 my mom had to have a hysterectomy. Instead of 6 children they ended up with just one.
Over the last forty years there have been a lot of ups and downs.
They've lived through an unwed pregnancy of their teenage daughter, death of 3 parents, and countless other sorrows.
They've seen that same daughter marry a wonderful man and have enjoyed the birth of two grand babies.
My parents were 17 and 18 years old when they married. The odds were stacked against them. But, yet, 40 years later they are still going strong.
I've learned a lot from them over the years. I'm so glad God picked them to be my parents.
Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad.
I love you!!
They were married the summer before my mom's senior year of high school. One year later, in the summer of '69, my dad was drafted into the army.
While he was in basic training in Alabama my mom received a call that he was deathly ill. "Come quick if you want to see him alive." She was driven to Alabama not knowing if my dad would be alive or dead when she arrived.
Obviously, he survived. After he got well he was shipped off to Vietnam.
I can only imagine how sad my mom was during that time and I can only painfully imagine the things my dad had to endure at the tender age of 19.
When my parents got married they wanted to have 6 children. They tried for years to have children to no avail. Finally, five years after they were married, they had me.
They tried for several more years to have more children. At the age of 27 my mom had to have a hysterectomy. Instead of 6 children they ended up with just one.
Over the last forty years there have been a lot of ups and downs.
They've lived through an unwed pregnancy of their teenage daughter, death of 3 parents, and countless other sorrows.
They've seen that same daughter marry a wonderful man and have enjoyed the birth of two grand babies.
My parents were 17 and 18 years old when they married. The odds were stacked against them. But, yet, 40 years later they are still going strong.
I've learned a lot from them over the years. I'm so glad God picked them to be my parents.
Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad.
I love you!!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
And I'm off....
I'm officially off work for the summer. I don't go back until August 4th. I haven't had this much time off of work since I was 16. (with the exception of surgeries and child birth).
I don't really have too much planned. We're a member of a local beach club, so I'm sure we'll spend plenty of time there. We (me, Michael, Holden, Riley, my mom, and Holden's girlfriend) are also going on a Mission trip for 4 days in July.
We don't live very far from Nags Head so I'd like to spend a day there sometime. We would take more day trips, but gas is just too darn expensive. I hate feeling like I have to sit at home because it costs too much just to drive down the road.
I will be doing a lot of studying this summer. My school nurse certification exam is August 2nd. I HAVE TO pass the first time I take it. #1: because it costs $275.00 and #2 because once I pass I will get a very significant raise.
On the diabetes front things are pretty much like always. He has highs. He has lows. He hangs out in between sometimes. I adjusted basals a few days ago. His sugars were great for a while and then yesterday he stayed in the 200s most of the day.
He missed his endo appointment that was scheduled for this week because his doctor is out on medical leave. We should get an appointment in the next few weeks.
I usually have a good idea what his A1C will be around. But, this time, I don't really have a clue. I haven't been logging like I used to. I kind of just keep track in my head. And, every now and then I sit down and go through his last 3-4 days of sugars and look for trends and adjust from there. I think his last A1C was 7.2 or 7.3. I'll be happy if it hasn't gone up and I'll be ecstatic if it has gone down.
Riley's done quite a bit of growing over the past few months. So, I won't be surprised at all if it's gone up some. Those growth hormones can do a number on an A1C.
His meter average is about what it usually is. It doesn't fluctuate very much. But, I've found that I can't really go by his meter average to determine what his A1C will be. Even though his sugar gets checked 10-14 times a day I don't really know how high or low he goes in between checks. Also, if he is high (like in the 300 or 400s) I always test again to make sure he's really that high before I give him insulin. That will skew his meter average also.
I don't really talk about diabetes much here anymore. I think it's because I don't really think about it much anymore. Or maybe thinking about it has become so common place that I don't even realize it.
It's just always there. But, I still long for that day when it won't be.
I don't really have too much planned. We're a member of a local beach club, so I'm sure we'll spend plenty of time there. We (me, Michael, Holden, Riley, my mom, and Holden's girlfriend) are also going on a Mission trip for 4 days in July.
We don't live very far from Nags Head so I'd like to spend a day there sometime. We would take more day trips, but gas is just too darn expensive. I hate feeling like I have to sit at home because it costs too much just to drive down the road.
I will be doing a lot of studying this summer. My school nurse certification exam is August 2nd. I HAVE TO pass the first time I take it. #1: because it costs $275.00 and #2 because once I pass I will get a very significant raise.
On the diabetes front things are pretty much like always. He has highs. He has lows. He hangs out in between sometimes. I adjusted basals a few days ago. His sugars were great for a while and then yesterday he stayed in the 200s most of the day.
He missed his endo appointment that was scheduled for this week because his doctor is out on medical leave. We should get an appointment in the next few weeks.
I usually have a good idea what his A1C will be around. But, this time, I don't really have a clue. I haven't been logging like I used to. I kind of just keep track in my head. And, every now and then I sit down and go through his last 3-4 days of sugars and look for trends and adjust from there. I think his last A1C was 7.2 or 7.3. I'll be happy if it hasn't gone up and I'll be ecstatic if it has gone down.
Riley's done quite a bit of growing over the past few months. So, I won't be surprised at all if it's gone up some. Those growth hormones can do a number on an A1C.
His meter average is about what it usually is. It doesn't fluctuate very much. But, I've found that I can't really go by his meter average to determine what his A1C will be. Even though his sugar gets checked 10-14 times a day I don't really know how high or low he goes in between checks. Also, if he is high (like in the 300 or 400s) I always test again to make sure he's really that high before I give him insulin. That will skew his meter average also.
I don't really talk about diabetes much here anymore. I think it's because I don't really think about it much anymore. Or maybe thinking about it has become so common place that I don't even realize it.
It's just always there. But, I still long for that day when it won't be.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Happy
My last day at my home health job was on June (Friday the) 13th. The whole last week was a mixture of excitement and sadness.
It was really hard leaving some of my patient's houses for the last time. There was one patient that I never really bonded with but she had bonded with me. She really didn't want to see me go. I had to see her my next to last day of work. She was upset that I was leaving. After I left and got down the road I realized I had left my sunglasses at her house. I never went back and got them. I didn't want to have to say good-bye again. I guess she has something to remember me by.
I waited until my last day to pack up my desk. That was sad. And, my co-workers bought me some going away gifts and a sweet card on which they wrote some personal notes. I don't like to cry in front of people. So, I held it all in.
I left work at 5:00 on the dot. I cried all the way home. I couldn't believe I was leaving the job and the people I had worked with for the last 10 years. I didn't even know if I would like being a school nurse. And, they had hired someone to replace me already. So, I couldn't just go back to my old job if I didn't like the new one.
Fast-forward a week. I stopped by the office on Monday to drop off my beeper and my key. It was strange to see someone else's stuff on my desk. I didn't belong there anymore.
I love the other nurses that I'm working with. I love, love, love what school nursing is all about. Having a healthy kid promotes learning and I'm glad I'm going to be a part of making that happen. (And, the fact that I get off at 3:00 every day instead of 5 doesn't hurt either.)
So, to sum it up. I love my new job. I can't wait until August when I'll be in my own schools with my own kids. I will be split between two schools (both of them elementary schools). At first, I'll be at one 2 days a week and the other 3. But, once I get things settled I will be at the larger school 4 days a week and the other 1.
It wasn't but a couple of years ago that my cousin's wife (a school nurse) told me of an open position. I told her I was not interested in being a school nurse. I couldn't fathom being in one place all day taking care of kids.
Now, I can't imagine doing anything else.
It was really hard leaving some of my patient's houses for the last time. There was one patient that I never really bonded with but she had bonded with me. She really didn't want to see me go. I had to see her my next to last day of work. She was upset that I was leaving. After I left and got down the road I realized I had left my sunglasses at her house. I never went back and got them. I didn't want to have to say good-bye again. I guess she has something to remember me by.
I waited until my last day to pack up my desk. That was sad. And, my co-workers bought me some going away gifts and a sweet card on which they wrote some personal notes. I don't like to cry in front of people. So, I held it all in.
I left work at 5:00 on the dot. I cried all the way home. I couldn't believe I was leaving the job and the people I had worked with for the last 10 years. I didn't even know if I would like being a school nurse. And, they had hired someone to replace me already. So, I couldn't just go back to my old job if I didn't like the new one.
Fast-forward a week. I stopped by the office on Monday to drop off my beeper and my key. It was strange to see someone else's stuff on my desk. I didn't belong there anymore.
I love the other nurses that I'm working with. I love, love, love what school nursing is all about. Having a healthy kid promotes learning and I'm glad I'm going to be a part of making that happen. (And, the fact that I get off at 3:00 every day instead of 5 doesn't hurt either.)
So, to sum it up. I love my new job. I can't wait until August when I'll be in my own schools with my own kids. I will be split between two schools (both of them elementary schools). At first, I'll be at one 2 days a week and the other 3. But, once I get things settled I will be at the larger school 4 days a week and the other 1.
It wasn't but a couple of years ago that my cousin's wife (a school nurse) told me of an open position. I told her I was not interested in being a school nurse. I couldn't fathom being in one place all day taking care of kids.
Now, I can't imagine doing anything else.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
2 More Days
That's how long I have at my old job, today and tomorrow. Then, I will officially be a school nurse. I am excited and scared all at the same time.
I have been working as a home health nurse almost 10 years now. I like my job. I like the people I work with. It would be so much easier to leave if I hated my job and the people I worked with were jerks.
I also love (most of) my patients. I have to be honest, there are some that I do a little dance when I leave their house for the last time. But, for the most part, I like all of my patients. There are a few that I've had the whole 10 years.
There is one in particular that is like family to me. The first thing he says when I walk in the door is "How are my boys?" (talking about Holden and Riley.) He has a couple of pictures of Riley up in his room. I've taken the kids to visit him before. He's in his 60s. He was paralyzed in a car accident when he was 19 years old. Still, he's made the best of his life. I'm going to miss him. I'm sure I'll still visit from time to time, but it won't be the same.
I'm trying to focus on the positives of the new job, but it's hard to do when I'm still at the old one. I feel like I'm cheating on my home health job if I think about how great the other job will be.
Sometimes I panic and wonder what I was thinking taking the new job. Sure, the job I have now has it's moments, but so do all jobs. I have it good where I am now. I have a boss who is very laid back. I have a lot of flexibility in this job with my schedule. As long as my patients get taken care of it doesn't matter if I'm a little late in the morning (like every single morning).
But, then I remember why I wanted the school nurse position. I am excited about taking care of the kids with chronic diseases (diabetes and asthma are the two biggies). I am excited that I will be the air condition all day. Right now I'm in and out in 100 degree weather and I go in plenty of houses that all they have are box fans for cooling. No more going in roach infested houses. No more drug houses. No more getting called out at 3 in the morning to see a patient.
And, the icing on the cake with my new job is that I'll be home with my kids when they are home. I will have the whole month of July off, a few days at Thanksgiving, two weeks at Christmas, and the whole week after Easter off. So, will Michael and the kids. I'm really excited about that.
Still, I can't help but be a little sad about leaving my home health job. It's comfortable. I know what I'm doing. I know I like it.
Even though I'm sad that I'm leaving I'm looking forward to getting tomorrow over with, so that I can have it behind me and can look forward to learning all about the new job.
What my new job means for you guys is that I will have less time to blog. I blog a lot at work now when I have some free time. I don't think I'll be able to do that with my new job.
I'll post when I can and I will try my best to keep up with my usual blog reading.
If I don't get back anytime soon I hope you guys have a great summer.
I have been working as a home health nurse almost 10 years now. I like my job. I like the people I work with. It would be so much easier to leave if I hated my job and the people I worked with were jerks.
I also love (most of) my patients. I have to be honest, there are some that I do a little dance when I leave their house for the last time. But, for the most part, I like all of my patients. There are a few that I've had the whole 10 years.
There is one in particular that is like family to me. The first thing he says when I walk in the door is "How are my boys?" (talking about Holden and Riley.) He has a couple of pictures of Riley up in his room. I've taken the kids to visit him before. He's in his 60s. He was paralyzed in a car accident when he was 19 years old. Still, he's made the best of his life. I'm going to miss him. I'm sure I'll still visit from time to time, but it won't be the same.
I'm trying to focus on the positives of the new job, but it's hard to do when I'm still at the old one. I feel like I'm cheating on my home health job if I think about how great the other job will be.
Sometimes I panic and wonder what I was thinking taking the new job. Sure, the job I have now has it's moments, but so do all jobs. I have it good where I am now. I have a boss who is very laid back. I have a lot of flexibility in this job with my schedule. As long as my patients get taken care of it doesn't matter if I'm a little late in the morning (like every single morning).
But, then I remember why I wanted the school nurse position. I am excited about taking care of the kids with chronic diseases (diabetes and asthma are the two biggies). I am excited that I will be the air condition all day. Right now I'm in and out in 100 degree weather and I go in plenty of houses that all they have are box fans for cooling. No more going in roach infested houses. No more drug houses. No more getting called out at 3 in the morning to see a patient.
And, the icing on the cake with my new job is that I'll be home with my kids when they are home. I will have the whole month of July off, a few days at Thanksgiving, two weeks at Christmas, and the whole week after Easter off. So, will Michael and the kids. I'm really excited about that.
Still, I can't help but be a little sad about leaving my home health job. It's comfortable. I know what I'm doing. I know I like it.
Even though I'm sad that I'm leaving I'm looking forward to getting tomorrow over with, so that I can have it behind me and can look forward to learning all about the new job.
What my new job means for you guys is that I will have less time to blog. I blog a lot at work now when I have some free time. I don't think I'll be able to do that with my new job.
I'll post when I can and I will try my best to keep up with my usual blog reading.
If I don't get back anytime soon I hope you guys have a great summer.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
The Race
Last night I was watching Riley run around the living room like a wild man and I realized that sometimes I forget he even has diabetes. Earlier he had asked to go out and catch lightening bugs. I told him he could. Diabetes never crossed my mind. I just let him go.
Well, I say diabetes never crossed my mind, but it probably did. I probably thought about how long it had been since he'd eaten and what his last sugar was. But, I didn't even notice that I did it.
I don't really know how to explain it. Maybe I've finally accepted that diabetes is a part of Riley's life. For so long I was fighting it tooth and nail. Now, I've just come to accept that it is what it is. And while "what it is" is a stupid horrible life threatening disease, there's nothing I can do to change it.
I've heard others say that diabetes has become their new normal. I've often thought that it will never be normal for us. But, now, it is.
I still worry about the highs. I get scared by the lows (he was 56 at 4 o'clock this morning--aghhh!). But, I think I've finally, after 2 1/2 years, accepted that it's not going anywhere anytime soon.
I've always said that Riley can do anything anyone else can do. Before, I think it was more lip service than anything else. Now, I really believe it.
While writing this post I've realized what it is. It's not me or a change in my attitude as much as it is that Riley is growing up and taking on more of the responsibility himself.
He's able to dose himself now. He checks his sugar like a pro. He's been able to check his sugar almost since diagnosis. But he didn't really know what the numbers meant. Now, when the number appears on the screen he knows if it's high or low or just right. Not only that, he knows what to do if it is high or low.
He's able to read labels now and insists on telling me what the carb count is of what he's eating. Most of the time I have it memorized but still let him look and tell me how many carbs there are. He was hit and miss for a while, but now he's got it down to 100% accuracy.
He's very good at telling when he's low. Maybe that's why I didn't really give it a second thought when he asked to go out in the yard last night. Not only is he good at telling when he's low, he can usually also tell when he's dropping.
Last night at supper he was 101. He ate and got a bolus. 45 minutes later he said he was low. He was 80, but he had .85 units of insulin on board. He knew he had to eat.
When he's high now he knows that snack might be delayed. Last week one day he was at my mom's and at snack time his sugar was in the 300s. My mom said he looked at her and said, "I guess I won't be eating snack right now." Not long ago he didn't understand. Now he knows that it's best to let his sugar come down a bit before he eats anything.
In 2 more days Holden will officially be a Senior in high school. It seems like only yesterday that I was holding him in my arms.
I know from experience that all I have to do is blink and next thing I know Riley will be a Senior too.
But, now, I've gotten a glimpse into the future. I've seen how responsible Riley is with his diabetes even at the age of 6. Of course, I know things could change. He may become rebellious later on in life. But, I'm comforted to know that he has the knowledge to take care of himself.
It used to make me sad to think that Riley would one day take over management of this disease. But, now, it makes me proud. I'm proud because I know he can handle it.
I see the strength that he has at the tender age of 6. I know that strength will only grow through the years. I see the stubborn streak he has. (I don't know where he gets that from;-) And, I know that it will serve him well in his diabetes management.
For the first time in 2 1/2 years I finally feel like he's going to be OK. I know there will be bumps along the way. But, I no longer feel like diabetes is going to win.
I have glimpsed the finish line and my kid wins by a mile.
Well, I say diabetes never crossed my mind, but it probably did. I probably thought about how long it had been since he'd eaten and what his last sugar was. But, I didn't even notice that I did it.
I don't really know how to explain it. Maybe I've finally accepted that diabetes is a part of Riley's life. For so long I was fighting it tooth and nail. Now, I've just come to accept that it is what it is. And while "what it is" is a stupid horrible life threatening disease, there's nothing I can do to change it.
I've heard others say that diabetes has become their new normal. I've often thought that it will never be normal for us. But, now, it is.
I still worry about the highs. I get scared by the lows (he was 56 at 4 o'clock this morning--aghhh!). But, I think I've finally, after 2 1/2 years, accepted that it's not going anywhere anytime soon.
I've always said that Riley can do anything anyone else can do. Before, I think it was more lip service than anything else. Now, I really believe it.
While writing this post I've realized what it is. It's not me or a change in my attitude as much as it is that Riley is growing up and taking on more of the responsibility himself.
He's able to dose himself now. He checks his sugar like a pro. He's been able to check his sugar almost since diagnosis. But he didn't really know what the numbers meant. Now, when the number appears on the screen he knows if it's high or low or just right. Not only that, he knows what to do if it is high or low.
He's able to read labels now and insists on telling me what the carb count is of what he's eating. Most of the time I have it memorized but still let him look and tell me how many carbs there are. He was hit and miss for a while, but now he's got it down to 100% accuracy.
He's very good at telling when he's low. Maybe that's why I didn't really give it a second thought when he asked to go out in the yard last night. Not only is he good at telling when he's low, he can usually also tell when he's dropping.
Last night at supper he was 101. He ate and got a bolus. 45 minutes later he said he was low. He was 80, but he had .85 units of insulin on board. He knew he had to eat.
When he's high now he knows that snack might be delayed. Last week one day he was at my mom's and at snack time his sugar was in the 300s. My mom said he looked at her and said, "I guess I won't be eating snack right now." Not long ago he didn't understand. Now he knows that it's best to let his sugar come down a bit before he eats anything.
In 2 more days Holden will officially be a Senior in high school. It seems like only yesterday that I was holding him in my arms.
I know from experience that all I have to do is blink and next thing I know Riley will be a Senior too.
But, now, I've gotten a glimpse into the future. I've seen how responsible Riley is with his diabetes even at the age of 6. Of course, I know things could change. He may become rebellious later on in life. But, I'm comforted to know that he has the knowledge to take care of himself.
It used to make me sad to think that Riley would one day take over management of this disease. But, now, it makes me proud. I'm proud because I know he can handle it.
I see the strength that he has at the tender age of 6. I know that strength will only grow through the years. I see the stubborn streak he has. (I don't know where he gets that from;-) And, I know that it will serve him well in his diabetes management.
For the first time in 2 1/2 years I finally feel like he's going to be OK. I know there will be bumps along the way. But, I no longer feel like diabetes is going to win.
I have glimpsed the finish line and my kid wins by a mile.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Swirly Ramblings
I just wanted to blog some things swirling around in my brain:
We went to the academic awards banquet last night. He received an award for highest average in History and also for highest average in SAT Test Prep. He was also recognized for making all A's and B's for the whole year. And, he was recognized for being a Marshal at this year's graduation. He's ranked 3rd in his class.
We have a movie night every week or two. Usually Holden picks the movies. On Monday we watched the very, very long 3rd Lord of the Rings movie. I have never had any interest in watching the Lord of the Ring movies but Holden insisted. It turns out I kind of liked them. The third one was my favorite.
My favorite character was Samwise Gamgee. Why? Because he was so nice and called everyone sir or ma'am. And, because Goonies never say die.
A couple of weeks ago Riley was in a play called "Winnie the Pooh and Friends". He was a panda bear. He sang one song by himself and did a cute little dance. Then he sang another song with a few other kids.
Here he is in his costume. (My mom made it.)
Here are the kids in front of the hundred acre woods. (I helped paint the backdrop. I think it turned out pretty good.)
While I'm showing pictures. Here's my big boy at the athletic awards banquet. In just a few short weeks he'll officially be a Senior. I can't believe it.
We went to the academic awards banquet last night. He received an award for highest average in History and also for highest average in SAT Test Prep. He was also recognized for making all A's and B's for the whole year. And, he was recognized for being a Marshal at this year's graduation. He's ranked 3rd in his class.
My boy's so smart! ;-)
We have a movie night every week or two. Usually Holden picks the movies. On Monday we watched the very, very long 3rd Lord of the Rings movie. I have never had any interest in watching the Lord of the Ring movies but Holden insisted. It turns out I kind of liked them. The third one was my favorite.
My favorite character was Samwise Gamgee. Why? Because he was so nice and called everyone sir or ma'am. And, because Goonies never say die.
Thursday night we watched Cloverfield. While we were watching the movie Holden received a text from one of his friends (one of the boys in his class that has D). He texted him to let him know that a boy in the 5th grade at their school had been diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes.
I don't even know the boy, but the news hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel so badly for him and his family. They have a rough road ahead of them, a never ending road.
Whenever I hear news like this it makes me sad. That sadness is mixed with anger. It makes me angry that kids (and adults) have to deal with this.
I don't really know his parents, but I plan to write them a letter to offer my support.
When I opened my email this morning I found out that my blog had been ranked an 8.0 out of 10.0 at Blogged in the health/condition and disease category. Neat.
While I was perusing some of the other blogs this morning. I found JJS Diabetes. And from there I found a news story talking about research to develop a vaccine for Type 1 diabetes.
Not long ago I didn't have any interest in a vaccine. I figured it couldn't help Riley so I never paid much attention to them. But, while reading the story I couldn't help but think of that 10 year old boy who was recently diagnosed. And, I thought of how wonderful it would be that if at diagnosis the doctor could give him a vaccination and say come back every six months for another one. No finger pricks, no insulin, no counting carbs, no balancing exercise and food, no lows, no highs.
Sorry for the discombobulated post. Now I'm going to go clean my room and then maybe we'll head to the beach to soak up some sun.
Have a great weekend!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Some Answers
Here are answers to my questions. If I get anymore later I will answer them in another post. So, if you haven't asked any yet, but would like to go to this post and fill in the blanks. I can always use something to post about.
These questions came from Molly.
1. What do you think of non-invasive blood testing?
I think its would be great if it actually worked. I don't think I can trust it's accuracy. I would love it if it does work. It would mean no more ugly black spots on Riley's finger tips.
2. When did you last sing?
This morning in my car. The station I was listening to had people calling in and saying what their favorite summer songs are. The last song I sang along with was "What I Got" by Sublime.
3. Plain or peanuts? Why?
Peanuts: because I don't really like chocolate. I cannot eat just plain chocolate so I have to have nuts in it to eat it or it has to be with something else, like in a cookie or with peanut butter. I absolutely love Resses Cups.
4. What did you do on your 21st birthday?
I honestly don't remember. I imagine I didn't do much of anything. I don't drink so I know I didn't go out and get drunk. I was in college at the time, but I was also the mother of a 3 year old. I probably spent time with him and my family.
5. What's your favorite color for a pair of socks?
I wear mainly white sock because I'm a nurse and they go with everything. My favorite pair of socks that I own are a sage green color. They are very warm and fuzzy.
6. How would you like to go on a 10 day camping/canoeing trip to the BWCA in Minnesota?
No offense to you Molly, but I don't think I'd enjoy it too much. 10 days outside? 10 days without a bed or a nice hot shower? No thanks.
7. Whom would you most like to dance the tango with?
The devil in the pale moonlight. (I just like the sound of it;-)
Next up is questions from Shannon:
1. What do you think of the economy?
To put it mildly, it sucks. I was just talking to a co-worker about it. I think the economy is being ruined by rising gas prices. The increase in gas prices is affecting everything from the price of milk to tourism to eating out at a restaurant. I think if something isn't done about gas prices very soon that America is in for some very hard times. (BTW, a gallon of gas where I live is now $3.98/ gallon for regular. How about you guys?)
2. When did you last shave your legs?
This morning. I shave my legs almost every morning when it's warm. I'm wearing long pants now but Riley has a T-ball game tonight and I'll probably put on a pair of shorts to go to it. If you'd have asked this question in the winter the answer would have been very different.
3. Poultry or red meat? Why?
I wish I could say poultry because it's better for me, but I have to say red meat. I am a meat and potatoes kind of girl. The rarer the meat the better.
4. What did you give Michael for Christmas?
Nothing. We don't usually do gifts for each other. I didn't get anything from him either. We would rather spend the money on the kids.
5. What’s your favorite TV show?
Right now I would have to say House. I am a long time fan of ER too, but it's starting to get a little boring to me.
6. How would you survive being stranded on a deserted island?
I don't think I would. I am a terribly picky eater. I guess I would literally rather die than eat a bug. Yeah, I wouldn't last very long on Survivor.
7. Whom would you most like to meet on the red carpet of the Oscars?
My first thought was Will Smith. I don't know why. I really like Will Smith. I've been a fan since his Fresh Prince of Bel Aire days. He's seems to be a genuinely nice person. Then again, there's also Keanu Reeves who I used to have a huge crush on. I don't know, I'll go with Will Smith, final answer.
Next, Allison:
1. What do you think of the election so far?
Hmmmm. I try to avoid politics on my blog. It's a very divisive subject. I guess mainly I'm just curious to see who the Democrats end up with on their ticket.
2. When did you last watch a movie?
We watched "ET" on Saturday. Riley had seen part of it on TV the day before and he wanted to watch the whole thing, so we watched together as a family. If you're talking about the last movie I watched in a theater I really don't know. I think the last movie we watched at a theater was.....I don't know. It's been so long ago that I honestly don't remember what it was.
3. Romantic comedies or dramas? Why?
Romantic comedies because I have to think and feel too much in my every day life. When I sit down to watch a movie I prefer to just be able to relax and enjoy it.
4. What did you want to be when you were 5 years old?
A veterinarian, that is until I found out from my mom that vets have to put animals to sleep. It altered my career path forever.
5. What’s your favorite color?
yellow
6. How would you change your appearance?
I'm not a fan of elective surgery. It's fine if someone else wants to do it, but it's not for me for many different reasons. But, I wouldn't mind if I could just take a pill that would make me tan. Is that possible? Someone needs to work on that.
7. Whom would you most like to have dinner with - dead or alive?
My Pop Pop. He's my maternal grandfather. He died 14 years ago. I still miss him. I would love to sit and talk with him again and tell him what's been going on since he left. I've graduated college, gotten married (to someone that reminds me a lot of him), and had another child who I know he would love to meet. I miss other dead relatives too , but I absolutely adored my Pop Pop. (Gee Allison thanks for making me cry;-)
And, last but certainly not least, Carey (when I opened my email this morning and saw that I had a comment from him I knew I was in for some strange questions)
1. What do you think of toe fuzz?
I don't have a problem with it really. Live and let live. It's just trying to make it's way in the world like everything else.
2. When did you last pick some?
I'm not sure. Much like going to the movies, I don't do it that often.
3. Black toe fuzz or white toe fuzz? Why?
White. Because that's the color of my socks.
4. What did you do with it?
I sold it on eBay to a foot fetish freak so I could buy a gallon of gas.
5. What’s your favorite toe to pick from?
My big toe because it always has the most fuzz on it.
6. How would you sell it?
See number 4.
7. Whom would you most like to share it with?
You. I would like to share it with you Carey because you asked such wonderfully insightful questions.
These questions came from Molly.
1. What do you think of non-invasive blood testing?
I think its would be great if it actually worked. I don't think I can trust it's accuracy. I would love it if it does work. It would mean no more ugly black spots on Riley's finger tips.
2. When did you last sing?
This morning in my car. The station I was listening to had people calling in and saying what their favorite summer songs are. The last song I sang along with was "What I Got" by Sublime.
3. Plain or peanuts? Why?
Peanuts: because I don't really like chocolate. I cannot eat just plain chocolate so I have to have nuts in it to eat it or it has to be with something else, like in a cookie or with peanut butter. I absolutely love Resses Cups.
4. What did you do on your 21st birthday?
I honestly don't remember. I imagine I didn't do much of anything. I don't drink so I know I didn't go out and get drunk. I was in college at the time, but I was also the mother of a 3 year old. I probably spent time with him and my family.
5. What's your favorite color for a pair of socks?
I wear mainly white sock because I'm a nurse and they go with everything. My favorite pair of socks that I own are a sage green color. They are very warm and fuzzy.
6. How would you like to go on a 10 day camping/canoeing trip to the BWCA in Minnesota?
No offense to you Molly, but I don't think I'd enjoy it too much. 10 days outside? 10 days without a bed or a nice hot shower? No thanks.
7. Whom would you most like to dance the tango with?
The devil in the pale moonlight. (I just like the sound of it;-)
Next up is questions from Shannon:
1. What do you think of the economy?
To put it mildly, it sucks. I was just talking to a co-worker about it. I think the economy is being ruined by rising gas prices. The increase in gas prices is affecting everything from the price of milk to tourism to eating out at a restaurant. I think if something isn't done about gas prices very soon that America is in for some very hard times. (BTW, a gallon of gas where I live is now $3.98/ gallon for regular. How about you guys?)
2. When did you last shave your legs?
This morning. I shave my legs almost every morning when it's warm. I'm wearing long pants now but Riley has a T-ball game tonight and I'll probably put on a pair of shorts to go to it. If you'd have asked this question in the winter the answer would have been very different.
3. Poultry or red meat? Why?
I wish I could say poultry because it's better for me, but I have to say red meat. I am a meat and potatoes kind of girl. The rarer the meat the better.
4. What did you give Michael for Christmas?
Nothing. We don't usually do gifts for each other. I didn't get anything from him either. We would rather spend the money on the kids.
5. What’s your favorite TV show?
Right now I would have to say House. I am a long time fan of ER too, but it's starting to get a little boring to me.
6. How would you survive being stranded on a deserted island?
I don't think I would. I am a terribly picky eater. I guess I would literally rather die than eat a bug. Yeah, I wouldn't last very long on Survivor.
7. Whom would you most like to meet on the red carpet of the Oscars?
My first thought was Will Smith. I don't know why. I really like Will Smith. I've been a fan since his Fresh Prince of Bel Aire days. He's seems to be a genuinely nice person. Then again, there's also Keanu Reeves who I used to have a huge crush on. I don't know, I'll go with Will Smith, final answer.
Next, Allison:
1. What do you think of the election so far?
Hmmmm. I try to avoid politics on my blog. It's a very divisive subject. I guess mainly I'm just curious to see who the Democrats end up with on their ticket.
2. When did you last watch a movie?
We watched "ET" on Saturday. Riley had seen part of it on TV the day before and he wanted to watch the whole thing, so we watched together as a family. If you're talking about the last movie I watched in a theater I really don't know. I think the last movie we watched at a theater was.....I don't know. It's been so long ago that I honestly don't remember what it was.
3. Romantic comedies or dramas? Why?
Romantic comedies because I have to think and feel too much in my every day life. When I sit down to watch a movie I prefer to just be able to relax and enjoy it.
4. What did you want to be when you were 5 years old?
A veterinarian, that is until I found out from my mom that vets have to put animals to sleep. It altered my career path forever.
5. What’s your favorite color?
yellow
6. How would you change your appearance?
I'm not a fan of elective surgery. It's fine if someone else wants to do it, but it's not for me for many different reasons. But, I wouldn't mind if I could just take a pill that would make me tan. Is that possible? Someone needs to work on that.
7. Whom would you most like to have dinner with - dead or alive?
My Pop Pop. He's my maternal grandfather. He died 14 years ago. I still miss him. I would love to sit and talk with him again and tell him what's been going on since he left. I've graduated college, gotten married (to someone that reminds me a lot of him), and had another child who I know he would love to meet. I miss other dead relatives too , but I absolutely adored my Pop Pop. (Gee Allison thanks for making me cry;-)
And, last but certainly not least, Carey (when I opened my email this morning and saw that I had a comment from him I knew I was in for some strange questions)
1. What do you think of toe fuzz?
I don't have a problem with it really. Live and let live. It's just trying to make it's way in the world like everything else.
2. When did you last pick some?
I'm not sure. Much like going to the movies, I don't do it that often.
3. Black toe fuzz or white toe fuzz? Why?
White. Because that's the color of my socks.
4. What did you do with it?
I sold it on eBay to a foot fetish freak so I could buy a gallon of gas.
5. What’s your favorite toe to pick from?
My big toe because it always has the most fuzz on it.
6. How would you sell it?
See number 4.
7. Whom would you most like to share it with?
You. I would like to share it with you Carey because you asked such wonderfully insightful questions.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Because I Want to Post Something
I ran across this and thought it would be fun. Leave your questions in the comments (or email it to me) and I'll post it when I get a chance. (keep it clean please)
Fill in the blanks:
1. What do you think of ________?
2. When did you last ________?
3. ________ or ________? Why?
4. What did you ________?
5. What’s your favorite ________?
6. How would you ________?
7. Whom would you most like to ________?
Fill in the blanks:
1. What do you think of ________?
2. When did you last ________?
3. ________ or ________? Why?
4. What did you ________?
5. What’s your favorite ________?
6. How would you ________?
7. Whom would you most like to ________?
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The School Nurse Job Update
A few weeks ago I wrote about a school nurse position that I was thinking about applying for.
Well, I applied for it and had an interview. The day after the interview they called and offered me the job. The pay was much less than what I make now, so I almost turned it down right away.
But, I didn't. Instead I prayed about it. I prayed that if it was meant for me to have this job that there would be a pay increase.
The lady that did my interview called me back a few days later. She said that all school nurses in the state of NC are required to get certified within 3 years of getting hired. I am at an advantage because I have a BS degree. So, really all I would have to do is take the test. (and pass, of course).
I was told that once I passed the test that my pay would "increase significantly". I asked how much "significantly" was. The figure she quoted me was almost exactly what I make at my current job. I couldn't believe it. My prayers had been answered.
But, there was a catch. I was told that the earliest I could take the test was in February. That meant we would have to live on much less money for about 7 months. I wasn't sure we could do it.
But, Michael and I talked about it and I decided I could work at a hospital or nursing home some weekends to supplement our income until I could take the test.
Then, I found out the next test is being offered in July. So, I am registering for the test and hopefully I'll pass it the first time and then I won't have to wait 7 months for my pay increase.
To get to the point of my post: I officially accepted the job today. My first day at my new job will be on June 16th. I'm so excited!!
And, you want to know what the best part is? Since the kids get out of school on June 13th, I will work for about 2 weeks and then I will have the whole month of July off.....with pay. I'm loving this job already and I haven't even started yet!!
I'm sure I'll be studying a lot during my time off. But, there are worse things than studying while working on my tan.
Well, I applied for it and had an interview. The day after the interview they called and offered me the job. The pay was much less than what I make now, so I almost turned it down right away.
But, I didn't. Instead I prayed about it. I prayed that if it was meant for me to have this job that there would be a pay increase.
The lady that did my interview called me back a few days later. She said that all school nurses in the state of NC are required to get certified within 3 years of getting hired. I am at an advantage because I have a BS degree. So, really all I would have to do is take the test. (and pass, of course).
I was told that once I passed the test that my pay would "increase significantly". I asked how much "significantly" was. The figure she quoted me was almost exactly what I make at my current job. I couldn't believe it. My prayers had been answered.
But, there was a catch. I was told that the earliest I could take the test was in February. That meant we would have to live on much less money for about 7 months. I wasn't sure we could do it.
But, Michael and I talked about it and I decided I could work at a hospital or nursing home some weekends to supplement our income until I could take the test.
Then, I found out the next test is being offered in July. So, I am registering for the test and hopefully I'll pass it the first time and then I won't have to wait 7 months for my pay increase.
To get to the point of my post: I officially accepted the job today. My first day at my new job will be on June 16th. I'm so excited!!
And, you want to know what the best part is? Since the kids get out of school on June 13th, I will work for about 2 weeks and then I will have the whole month of July off.....with pay. I'm loving this job already and I haven't even started yet!!
I'm sure I'll be studying a lot during my time off. But, there are worse things than studying while working on my tan.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
I just opened an email from tudiabetes that read : "We were informed that one of our members Kyla Maldonado has passed away as a result of diabetes complications. She left two daughters behind. "
I went to her page. She was only 29 years old. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when she was 5.
I don't know what to say. I want to curl up next to Riley and hold him forever, protect him from the future, protect him from diabetes, protect him from complications.
But, I can't. I just can't. And right now that's a little more than I can bear.
My heart goes out to Kyla's family. I'm so sorry for their loss.
I went to her page. She was only 29 years old. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when she was 5.
I don't know what to say. I want to curl up next to Riley and hold him forever, protect him from the future, protect him from diabetes, protect him from complications.
But, I can't. I just can't. And right now that's a little more than I can bear.
My heart goes out to Kyla's family. I'm so sorry for their loss.
Friday, May 16, 2008
10 Wierd Things About Me (only 10?)
I have been tagged by Colleen to reveal 10 things about me.
Here are the rules:
Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 people to be tagged, list their names & why you tagged them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment saying “You’re it!” & to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you, so since you’re not allowed to tag me back; let me know when you are done so I can go read YOUR weird, random, facts, habits and goals. Have fun!
#1 When I'm sitting down I have a habit of bouncing my leg up and down all. the. time. It's a family thing. My dad and aunt both do it and my grandfather did it. I think some people find it annoying. If I'm sitting on a bench with you I would probably drive you crazy because I would be shaking the bench. I usually don't realize I'm doing it until someone asks me to stop.
#2 I am not a perfectionist by any means. One only needs to peek into my house to see that. The little details don't bother me usually. For example, I can have several smudges on the wall and it won't bother me all that much. That is until I start cleaning the walls. Once I'm done washing the walls if I see one smudge that I can't get it will drive me insane. I will scrub and scrub and then decide I need to paint if I can't get the smudge out. But, when there was a zillion smudges on the wall it didn't bother me at all.
#3 I have always wanted to be a singer. Not as a career or anything. I would just love to be able to stand up in front of a crowd and sing and it sound good. I am in awe of people who can sing so well.
#4 I can't sleep on my back. I have to sleep on my side or my stomach. No matter how tired I am I just cannot stay on my back while I sleep. I've often thought that if I'm ever injured to where I cannot turn over I will be in trouble. I would be more sleep-deprived than I am now.
#5 I often have to kick Holden out of my bedroom at night so I can go to sleep. He will come in after Michael and I have gotten into bed and talk and talk about random things. He'll tell me what he did that day or tell me something funny that happened at work. Or redo a comedy routine he saw that day. I sometimes literally have to push him out the door because he would talk for hours if I didn't. Don't think that's weird? He's 17 and he enjoys spending time with his mom.
#6 I don't do this anymore, but it wasn't that long ago that I did. When I was driving in my car I used to sing along to the radio and pretend that I was a famous singer putting on a show. It passed the time.
#7 I used to be deathly afraid of lightening. When I was a teenager if there was a lightning storm I would take off all my jewelry and sit in the middle of the floor and make sure I was not near anything metal. I'd even do this if it was 3 o'clock in the morning. I think it's because I had heard a story about a man who was in his house leaning up against the wall when lightning struck a nail in his wall and killed him. I'm not sure if the story is true or not, but it made me spend a many of sleepless nights when I was younger.
#8 The middle finger on my right hand is fatter than all of my other fingers. I slammed it in a car door when I was 7. The finger nail on that finger never grows longer either. It's always the same length.
#9 I still have a love letter that a boy wrote to me when I was in the first grade. (I'll show my age. The letter is 28 years old.) It is written in red ink and has a big heart on it with a line drawn through it and says "You have broking my heart."
#10 About a year before I met my husband I had a dream that I would marry a guy named Michael. In the dream I was standing at the alter in a white dress with a guy in a tux. The guy didn't have a face. All I knew about him was that his name was Michael. I told my best friend the next day that I was going to marry someone named Michael. About 4 years later I married my husband. Also, before I ever met my husband I had decided that if I ever had another little boy I would name him Michael Alexander. After knowing Michael for a few weeks I asked him what his middle name was. When he said Alexander I almost fell out. I think that's the night I fell in love with him.
I tag :
Sandra at A Shot in the Dark
Kelly at Chasing Numbers
Lisa at Mommie Squared
Chris at Rub Eyes When Needed
Nicole at Curious Girl
Caro at Diabetes Wise
Here are the rules:
Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 people to be tagged, list their names & why you tagged them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment saying “You’re it!” & to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you, so since you’re not allowed to tag me back; let me know when you are done so I can go read YOUR weird, random, facts, habits and goals. Have fun!
#1 When I'm sitting down I have a habit of bouncing my leg up and down all. the. time. It's a family thing. My dad and aunt both do it and my grandfather did it. I think some people find it annoying. If I'm sitting on a bench with you I would probably drive you crazy because I would be shaking the bench. I usually don't realize I'm doing it until someone asks me to stop.
#2 I am not a perfectionist by any means. One only needs to peek into my house to see that. The little details don't bother me usually. For example, I can have several smudges on the wall and it won't bother me all that much. That is until I start cleaning the walls. Once I'm done washing the walls if I see one smudge that I can't get it will drive me insane. I will scrub and scrub and then decide I need to paint if I can't get the smudge out. But, when there was a zillion smudges on the wall it didn't bother me at all.
#3 I have always wanted to be a singer. Not as a career or anything. I would just love to be able to stand up in front of a crowd and sing and it sound good. I am in awe of people who can sing so well.
#4 I can't sleep on my back. I have to sleep on my side or my stomach. No matter how tired I am I just cannot stay on my back while I sleep. I've often thought that if I'm ever injured to where I cannot turn over I will be in trouble. I would be more sleep-deprived than I am now.
#5 I often have to kick Holden out of my bedroom at night so I can go to sleep. He will come in after Michael and I have gotten into bed and talk and talk about random things. He'll tell me what he did that day or tell me something funny that happened at work. Or redo a comedy routine he saw that day. I sometimes literally have to push him out the door because he would talk for hours if I didn't. Don't think that's weird? He's 17 and he enjoys spending time with his mom.
#6 I don't do this anymore, but it wasn't that long ago that I did. When I was driving in my car I used to sing along to the radio and pretend that I was a famous singer putting on a show. It passed the time.
#7 I used to be deathly afraid of lightening. When I was a teenager if there was a lightning storm I would take off all my jewelry and sit in the middle of the floor and make sure I was not near anything metal. I'd even do this if it was 3 o'clock in the morning. I think it's because I had heard a story about a man who was in his house leaning up against the wall when lightning struck a nail in his wall and killed him. I'm not sure if the story is true or not, but it made me spend a many of sleepless nights when I was younger.
#8 The middle finger on my right hand is fatter than all of my other fingers. I slammed it in a car door when I was 7. The finger nail on that finger never grows longer either. It's always the same length.
#9 I still have a love letter that a boy wrote to me when I was in the first grade. (I'll show my age. The letter is 28 years old.) It is written in red ink and has a big heart on it with a line drawn through it and says "You have broking my heart."
#10 About a year before I met my husband I had a dream that I would marry a guy named Michael. In the dream I was standing at the alter in a white dress with a guy in a tux. The guy didn't have a face. All I knew about him was that his name was Michael. I told my best friend the next day that I was going to marry someone named Michael. About 4 years later I married my husband. Also, before I ever met my husband I had decided that if I ever had another little boy I would name him Michael Alexander. After knowing Michael for a few weeks I asked him what his middle name was. When he said Alexander I almost fell out. I think that's the night I fell in love with him.
I tag :
Sandra at A Shot in the Dark
Kelly at Chasing Numbers
Lisa at Mommie Squared
Chris at Rub Eyes When Needed
Nicole at Curious Girl
Caro at Diabetes Wise
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Prom and Birthday Pictures
Holden had his prom a few weeks ago and I never posted any pictures. The theme was "Red Carpet Romance". All the kids walked up the red carpet and had their names announced while a valet (some of the dads) parked the car for them.
Holden and his date, Brittaney. They have been dating for 2 years now.
Holden and me.
Holden and his date, Brittaney. They have been dating for 2 years now.
Holden and me.
Riley got two birthday parties. The first one was on Mother's Day. Then, he had a party at school on his birthday.
That night we went to eat at a Japanese Steakhouse. Riley probably averages eating around 170 carbs in a whole day. Well, Riley's meal was about 70 carbs. Then, because it was his birthday they sang happy birthday to him and brought him a muffin roughly the size of his head.
I thought he'd eat a few bites, but he ate the whole muffin which I estimated at 70 carbs. So, he had 140 carbs at one meal. He got 4 units of insulin. That is the most he has ever gotten at one time. His sugars did surprisingly well.
I was dying with each bite of muffin, but the grin on his face made it all worth it.
Diabetes doesn't keep Riley from doing anything. That includes being a goofball.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Why I Almost Wish Riley was Diagnosed at a Younger Age
I read a news story this morning that made me cry.
Here are a few of the highlights that jumped out at me:
Ryan Collins of Aldie, Va., was only 10 weeks old when doctors made the diagnosis: Type 1 diabetes.
10 weeks old are you kidding me? How horrible. Why would I wish Riley was diagnosed that young? Keep reading.
Until last month, that is, when Ryan, now almost 7, stopped needing shots.
A dream come true.
Dr. Hattersley has also helped show that diabetes diagnosed in the first six months of life is monogenic. And about half those cases are caused by a particular mutation that can be overcome by sulfonylurea pills, an old and inexpensive class of diabetes drugs.
What does that mean for little Ryan?
Ryan now takes three small pills with breakfast and three with dinner. His body is making insulin again, and his blood sugar is better controlled than when he was taking all those shots.
“He’s ecstatic,” Ms. Collins said. “For this summer, I’m signing him up for summer camp, which he’s never been able to do before.”
I'm so happy for this little guy and his family. Can you imagine what it must be like to be free from the confines of insulin? He's never known any other way of life.
You can read the full story here: Some Diabetics Don’t Have What They Thought They Had.
Here are a few of the highlights that jumped out at me:
Ryan Collins of Aldie, Va., was only 10 weeks old when doctors made the diagnosis: Type 1 diabetes.
10 weeks old are you kidding me? How horrible. Why would I wish Riley was diagnosed that young? Keep reading.
Until last month, that is, when Ryan, now almost 7, stopped needing shots.
A dream come true.
Dr. Hattersley has also helped show that diabetes diagnosed in the first six months of life is monogenic. And about half those cases are caused by a particular mutation that can be overcome by sulfonylurea pills, an old and inexpensive class of diabetes drugs.
What does that mean for little Ryan?
Ryan now takes three small pills with breakfast and three with dinner. His body is making insulin again, and his blood sugar is better controlled than when he was taking all those shots.
“He’s ecstatic,” Ms. Collins said. “For this summer, I’m signing him up for summer camp, which he’s never been able to do before.”
I'm so happy for this little guy and his family. Can you imagine what it must be like to be free from the confines of insulin? He's never known any other way of life.
You can read the full story here: Some Diabetics Don’t Have What They Thought They Had.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Just Imagine
It was Riley's bedtime. He was getting ready to brush his teeth. I had fixed a bowl of ice cream to eat after he went to bed. He asked for a bite of ice cream (chocolate chip cookie dough; it was delicious). Anyway, I gave him a small bite and his eyes lit up.
"Yummmmm!! That is so good!! Wouldn't it be great if I didn't have diabetes and I could eat all of that I want?"
"Yes, it would, " I said as I held back my tears.
Then he smiled, made a sweeping hand gesture, and said, "Just imagine. If I didn't have diabetes then I could go out and play and run all I wanted and never have to worry about my sugar going low."
Blinking back my tears I said, "That would be great wouldn't it?"
"Yeah."
Michael walked into the room and asked what would be great. Riley repeated what he had just said. The look on Michael's face said it all.
I quickly got up and went into the bathroom just before the tears spilled over onto my cheeks. I sat in there a few minutes and composed myself before coming out and tucking him into bed.
I hope and pray every day for that day when he can run and run and run and not go low.
Just imagine.....
"Yummmmm!! That is so good!! Wouldn't it be great if I didn't have diabetes and I could eat all of that I want?"
"Yes, it would, " I said as I held back my tears.
Then he smiled, made a sweeping hand gesture, and said, "Just imagine. If I didn't have diabetes then I could go out and play and run all I wanted and never have to worry about my sugar going low."
Blinking back my tears I said, "That would be great wouldn't it?"
"Yeah."
Michael walked into the room and asked what would be great. Riley repeated what he had just said. The look on Michael's face said it all.
I quickly got up and went into the bathroom just before the tears spilled over onto my cheeks. I sat in there a few minutes and composed myself before coming out and tucking him into bed.
I hope and pray every day for that day when he can run and run and run and not go low.
Just imagine.....
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