Every couple of months or so we get a newsletter in the mail from the medical center where we got pump training. It has upcoming events in it as well as some personal stories.
One story in particular stood out for me. It was written by the mom of a girl that started college last year. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when she was 15 years old.
She spoke of how much life had changed since the diagnosis. But, not really in the way you would think. She didn't talk about how the insulin injections, the carb counting, or the lows and highs had made an impact.
She spoke of the change in attitude since diagnosis. And, I found myself nodding my head as I read what she had to say.
Several months ago I wouldn't have understood. Several months ago I would only nod my head in agreement when I read of the pain and the tears. I could only relate to the heartache brought on by this diagnosis.
I remember the first couple of years after Riley was diagnosed I would read posts or comments by other parents talking about how they were happy and content. They spoke of how diabetes was just a small part of their life and I couldn't comprehend how that could be.
Don't get me wrong, I wasn't walking around depressed or anything. But, was I totally happy? No. It was like piece of my heart ached continuously for my child because of a disease that had invaded his body.
But, one day, around the two year mark of his diagnosis, it's like a fog lifted. It was like the song lyrics "I can see clearly now. The rain is gone."
I became truly happy. I decided that life was going to go on no matter what and I had a choice if I wanted to be miserable or content.
I chose content.
That doesn't mean that I've given up on a cure. It doesn't mean that I'm happy that my child has diabetes. It means I've come to realize that life is what it is and you can make the best of it or not.
Now, I can nod my head when parents talk about the pain and tears because I remember all too well the many, many nights spent crying, praying, pleading because of diabetes. But, I can nod my head too when they speak of how happy they are.
What has helped me is that I've learned a lot over the last 2 1/2 years. There is still a lot I don't know and a lot I will never understand about this disease.
But, I've learned that ice cream and pizza require a combo bolus. I've learned that a temp basal can be your best friend. I've learned that someone else besides myself can take care of Riley and he'll be OK.
Most importantly I've learned that diabetes doesn't have to rule your life for you to effectively deal with it. There was a time when I wouldn't read a book or look at anything else on the Internet unless it had something to do with diabetes. It wasn't that long ago that I felt guilty if I didn't analyze every sugar.
And, when I first gained my old happiness back, I had a brief time where I felt like I was a bad mother because I didn't focus on diabetes like I once did. I was afraid that since I didn't become upset by every high and every low that I wouldn't take care of Riley as well as I once had.
I really don't know how to describe it. It was a mixture of fear and guilt. Fear, because I thought I'd stop caring about diabetes. I felt like if I could put diabetes in the background that maybe I wouldn't give it the attention that it needed. Guilt, because I wanted to be "normal" again. I wanted a life that didn't revolve around finger pricks and basals.
But, over time, the fear and guilt subsided. I've learned to see every single day with my children as a blessing from God. Insulin is a blessing. Being able to afford a pump is a blessing.
But, mostly, having a happy, healthy little boy is my blessing.
I know that my attitude about diabetes can shape how Riley looks at things. I have learned to only be positive when it comes to diabetes. But, I must say, Riley does a better job of it than me.
A few weeks ago Riley asked me if I had one wish what I would wish for. I asked him what he would wish for.
"The bestest video game in the world."
"Hmmm" , I said. "I'd wish that you were cured of diabetes."
He just looked at me.
"Wouldn't you like that too?"
"No. Having diabetes isn't that bad. I kind of like it. I'd rather have a video game."
And, with that, he walked out of the room leaving me with a huge grin on my face.
My son is awesome. Diabetes is only a very small part of his life.
And that makes me very, very happy.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
I'll Get Around To It
I have been enjoying my time off.
I've spent a few days at a local beach club just lying on the beach.
Michael puts up pools and cleans a couple of pools during the summer. He's been really busy so sometimes I go to work with him just so I can spend time with him.
My house is the cleanest it's been in a while.
My pocket book has been cleaned out, twice.
My check book is balanced.
My email gets checked several times a day.
I've taken Riley to the park a couple of times.
I've beaten Guitar Hero Aerosmith and played all of the extra songs.
My laundry hamper is empty.
But, I haven't studied for my certification exam. I pick up the book to study and I think of something else I should do.
I decided that today I would straighten up a little in the morning and spend the rest of the day studying.
Instead, I've checked my email. Then, I got stuck on youtube for a while. And, now, I'm writing a post.
After writing the post I'm going to shower and then go to the grocery store. Then, I'll wash some dishes and clean the bathroom. I'll probably straighten up my room later too.
I'll get around to studying sometime. Really I will.
I've spent a few days at a local beach club just lying on the beach.
Michael puts up pools and cleans a couple of pools during the summer. He's been really busy so sometimes I go to work with him just so I can spend time with him.
My house is the cleanest it's been in a while.
My pocket book has been cleaned out, twice.
My check book is balanced.
My email gets checked several times a day.
I've taken Riley to the park a couple of times.
I've beaten Guitar Hero Aerosmith and played all of the extra songs.
My laundry hamper is empty.
But, I haven't studied for my certification exam. I pick up the book to study and I think of something else I should do.
I decided that today I would straighten up a little in the morning and spend the rest of the day studying.
Instead, I've checked my email. Then, I got stuck on youtube for a while. And, now, I'm writing a post.
After writing the post I'm going to shower and then go to the grocery store. Then, I'll wash some dishes and clean the bathroom. I'll probably straighten up my room later too.
I'll get around to studying sometime. Really I will.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
40th Wedding Anniversary
My mom and dad were married 40 years ago today.
They were married the summer before my mom's senior year of high school. One year later, in the summer of '69, my dad was drafted into the army.
While he was in basic training in Alabama my mom received a call that he was deathly ill. "Come quick if you want to see him alive." She was driven to Alabama not knowing if my dad would be alive or dead when she arrived.
Obviously, he survived. After he got well he was shipped off to Vietnam.
I can only imagine how sad my mom was during that time and I can only painfully imagine the things my dad had to endure at the tender age of 19.
When my parents got married they wanted to have 6 children. They tried for years to have children to no avail. Finally, five years after they were married, they had me.
They tried for several more years to have more children. At the age of 27 my mom had to have a hysterectomy. Instead of 6 children they ended up with just one.
Over the last forty years there have been a lot of ups and downs.
They've lived through an unwed pregnancy of their teenage daughter, death of 3 parents, and countless other sorrows.
They've seen that same daughter marry a wonderful man and have enjoyed the birth of two grand babies.
My parents were 17 and 18 years old when they married. The odds were stacked against them. But, yet, 40 years later they are still going strong.
I've learned a lot from them over the years. I'm so glad God picked them to be my parents.
Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad.
I love you!!
They were married the summer before my mom's senior year of high school. One year later, in the summer of '69, my dad was drafted into the army.
While he was in basic training in Alabama my mom received a call that he was deathly ill. "Come quick if you want to see him alive." She was driven to Alabama not knowing if my dad would be alive or dead when she arrived.
Obviously, he survived. After he got well he was shipped off to Vietnam.
I can only imagine how sad my mom was during that time and I can only painfully imagine the things my dad had to endure at the tender age of 19.
When my parents got married they wanted to have 6 children. They tried for years to have children to no avail. Finally, five years after they were married, they had me.
They tried for several more years to have more children. At the age of 27 my mom had to have a hysterectomy. Instead of 6 children they ended up with just one.
Over the last forty years there have been a lot of ups and downs.
They've lived through an unwed pregnancy of their teenage daughter, death of 3 parents, and countless other sorrows.
They've seen that same daughter marry a wonderful man and have enjoyed the birth of two grand babies.
My parents were 17 and 18 years old when they married. The odds were stacked against them. But, yet, 40 years later they are still going strong.
I've learned a lot from them over the years. I'm so glad God picked them to be my parents.
Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad.
I love you!!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
And I'm off....
I'm officially off work for the summer. I don't go back until August 4th. I haven't had this much time off of work since I was 16. (with the exception of surgeries and child birth).
I don't really have too much planned. We're a member of a local beach club, so I'm sure we'll spend plenty of time there. We (me, Michael, Holden, Riley, my mom, and Holden's girlfriend) are also going on a Mission trip for 4 days in July.
We don't live very far from Nags Head so I'd like to spend a day there sometime. We would take more day trips, but gas is just too darn expensive. I hate feeling like I have to sit at home because it costs too much just to drive down the road.
I will be doing a lot of studying this summer. My school nurse certification exam is August 2nd. I HAVE TO pass the first time I take it. #1: because it costs $275.00 and #2 because once I pass I will get a very significant raise.
On the diabetes front things are pretty much like always. He has highs. He has lows. He hangs out in between sometimes. I adjusted basals a few days ago. His sugars were great for a while and then yesterday he stayed in the 200s most of the day.
He missed his endo appointment that was scheduled for this week because his doctor is out on medical leave. We should get an appointment in the next few weeks.
I usually have a good idea what his A1C will be around. But, this time, I don't really have a clue. I haven't been logging like I used to. I kind of just keep track in my head. And, every now and then I sit down and go through his last 3-4 days of sugars and look for trends and adjust from there. I think his last A1C was 7.2 or 7.3. I'll be happy if it hasn't gone up and I'll be ecstatic if it has gone down.
Riley's done quite a bit of growing over the past few months. So, I won't be surprised at all if it's gone up some. Those growth hormones can do a number on an A1C.
His meter average is about what it usually is. It doesn't fluctuate very much. But, I've found that I can't really go by his meter average to determine what his A1C will be. Even though his sugar gets checked 10-14 times a day I don't really know how high or low he goes in between checks. Also, if he is high (like in the 300 or 400s) I always test again to make sure he's really that high before I give him insulin. That will skew his meter average also.
I don't really talk about diabetes much here anymore. I think it's because I don't really think about it much anymore. Or maybe thinking about it has become so common place that I don't even realize it.
It's just always there. But, I still long for that day when it won't be.
I don't really have too much planned. We're a member of a local beach club, so I'm sure we'll spend plenty of time there. We (me, Michael, Holden, Riley, my mom, and Holden's girlfriend) are also going on a Mission trip for 4 days in July.
We don't live very far from Nags Head so I'd like to spend a day there sometime. We would take more day trips, but gas is just too darn expensive. I hate feeling like I have to sit at home because it costs too much just to drive down the road.
I will be doing a lot of studying this summer. My school nurse certification exam is August 2nd. I HAVE TO pass the first time I take it. #1: because it costs $275.00 and #2 because once I pass I will get a very significant raise.
On the diabetes front things are pretty much like always. He has highs. He has lows. He hangs out in between sometimes. I adjusted basals a few days ago. His sugars were great for a while and then yesterday he stayed in the 200s most of the day.
He missed his endo appointment that was scheduled for this week because his doctor is out on medical leave. We should get an appointment in the next few weeks.
I usually have a good idea what his A1C will be around. But, this time, I don't really have a clue. I haven't been logging like I used to. I kind of just keep track in my head. And, every now and then I sit down and go through his last 3-4 days of sugars and look for trends and adjust from there. I think his last A1C was 7.2 or 7.3. I'll be happy if it hasn't gone up and I'll be ecstatic if it has gone down.
Riley's done quite a bit of growing over the past few months. So, I won't be surprised at all if it's gone up some. Those growth hormones can do a number on an A1C.
His meter average is about what it usually is. It doesn't fluctuate very much. But, I've found that I can't really go by his meter average to determine what his A1C will be. Even though his sugar gets checked 10-14 times a day I don't really know how high or low he goes in between checks. Also, if he is high (like in the 300 or 400s) I always test again to make sure he's really that high before I give him insulin. That will skew his meter average also.
I don't really talk about diabetes much here anymore. I think it's because I don't really think about it much anymore. Or maybe thinking about it has become so common place that I don't even realize it.
It's just always there. But, I still long for that day when it won't be.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Happy
My last day at my home health job was on June (Friday the) 13th. The whole last week was a mixture of excitement and sadness.
It was really hard leaving some of my patient's houses for the last time. There was one patient that I never really bonded with but she had bonded with me. She really didn't want to see me go. I had to see her my next to last day of work. She was upset that I was leaving. After I left and got down the road I realized I had left my sunglasses at her house. I never went back and got them. I didn't want to have to say good-bye again. I guess she has something to remember me by.
I waited until my last day to pack up my desk. That was sad. And, my co-workers bought me some going away gifts and a sweet card on which they wrote some personal notes. I don't like to cry in front of people. So, I held it all in.
I left work at 5:00 on the dot. I cried all the way home. I couldn't believe I was leaving the job and the people I had worked with for the last 10 years. I didn't even know if I would like being a school nurse. And, they had hired someone to replace me already. So, I couldn't just go back to my old job if I didn't like the new one.
Fast-forward a week. I stopped by the office on Monday to drop off my beeper and my key. It was strange to see someone else's stuff on my desk. I didn't belong there anymore.
I love the other nurses that I'm working with. I love, love, love what school nursing is all about. Having a healthy kid promotes learning and I'm glad I'm going to be a part of making that happen. (And, the fact that I get off at 3:00 every day instead of 5 doesn't hurt either.)
So, to sum it up. I love my new job. I can't wait until August when I'll be in my own schools with my own kids. I will be split between two schools (both of them elementary schools). At first, I'll be at one 2 days a week and the other 3. But, once I get things settled I will be at the larger school 4 days a week and the other 1.
It wasn't but a couple of years ago that my cousin's wife (a school nurse) told me of an open position. I told her I was not interested in being a school nurse. I couldn't fathom being in one place all day taking care of kids.
Now, I can't imagine doing anything else.
It was really hard leaving some of my patient's houses for the last time. There was one patient that I never really bonded with but she had bonded with me. She really didn't want to see me go. I had to see her my next to last day of work. She was upset that I was leaving. After I left and got down the road I realized I had left my sunglasses at her house. I never went back and got them. I didn't want to have to say good-bye again. I guess she has something to remember me by.
I waited until my last day to pack up my desk. That was sad. And, my co-workers bought me some going away gifts and a sweet card on which they wrote some personal notes. I don't like to cry in front of people. So, I held it all in.
I left work at 5:00 on the dot. I cried all the way home. I couldn't believe I was leaving the job and the people I had worked with for the last 10 years. I didn't even know if I would like being a school nurse. And, they had hired someone to replace me already. So, I couldn't just go back to my old job if I didn't like the new one.
Fast-forward a week. I stopped by the office on Monday to drop off my beeper and my key. It was strange to see someone else's stuff on my desk. I didn't belong there anymore.
I love the other nurses that I'm working with. I love, love, love what school nursing is all about. Having a healthy kid promotes learning and I'm glad I'm going to be a part of making that happen. (And, the fact that I get off at 3:00 every day instead of 5 doesn't hurt either.)
So, to sum it up. I love my new job. I can't wait until August when I'll be in my own schools with my own kids. I will be split between two schools (both of them elementary schools). At first, I'll be at one 2 days a week and the other 3. But, once I get things settled I will be at the larger school 4 days a week and the other 1.
It wasn't but a couple of years ago that my cousin's wife (a school nurse) told me of an open position. I told her I was not interested in being a school nurse. I couldn't fathom being in one place all day taking care of kids.
Now, I can't imagine doing anything else.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
2 More Days
That's how long I have at my old job, today and tomorrow. Then, I will officially be a school nurse. I am excited and scared all at the same time.
I have been working as a home health nurse almost 10 years now. I like my job. I like the people I work with. It would be so much easier to leave if I hated my job and the people I worked with were jerks.
I also love (most of) my patients. I have to be honest, there are some that I do a little dance when I leave their house for the last time. But, for the most part, I like all of my patients. There are a few that I've had the whole 10 years.
There is one in particular that is like family to me. The first thing he says when I walk in the door is "How are my boys?" (talking about Holden and Riley.) He has a couple of pictures of Riley up in his room. I've taken the kids to visit him before. He's in his 60s. He was paralyzed in a car accident when he was 19 years old. Still, he's made the best of his life. I'm going to miss him. I'm sure I'll still visit from time to time, but it won't be the same.
I'm trying to focus on the positives of the new job, but it's hard to do when I'm still at the old one. I feel like I'm cheating on my home health job if I think about how great the other job will be.
Sometimes I panic and wonder what I was thinking taking the new job. Sure, the job I have now has it's moments, but so do all jobs. I have it good where I am now. I have a boss who is very laid back. I have a lot of flexibility in this job with my schedule. As long as my patients get taken care of it doesn't matter if I'm a little late in the morning (like every single morning).
But, then I remember why I wanted the school nurse position. I am excited about taking care of the kids with chronic diseases (diabetes and asthma are the two biggies). I am excited that I will be the air condition all day. Right now I'm in and out in 100 degree weather and I go in plenty of houses that all they have are box fans for cooling. No more going in roach infested houses. No more drug houses. No more getting called out at 3 in the morning to see a patient.
And, the icing on the cake with my new job is that I'll be home with my kids when they are home. I will have the whole month of July off, a few days at Thanksgiving, two weeks at Christmas, and the whole week after Easter off. So, will Michael and the kids. I'm really excited about that.
Still, I can't help but be a little sad about leaving my home health job. It's comfortable. I know what I'm doing. I know I like it.
Even though I'm sad that I'm leaving I'm looking forward to getting tomorrow over with, so that I can have it behind me and can look forward to learning all about the new job.
What my new job means for you guys is that I will have less time to blog. I blog a lot at work now when I have some free time. I don't think I'll be able to do that with my new job.
I'll post when I can and I will try my best to keep up with my usual blog reading.
If I don't get back anytime soon I hope you guys have a great summer.
I have been working as a home health nurse almost 10 years now. I like my job. I like the people I work with. It would be so much easier to leave if I hated my job and the people I worked with were jerks.
I also love (most of) my patients. I have to be honest, there are some that I do a little dance when I leave their house for the last time. But, for the most part, I like all of my patients. There are a few that I've had the whole 10 years.
There is one in particular that is like family to me. The first thing he says when I walk in the door is "How are my boys?" (talking about Holden and Riley.) He has a couple of pictures of Riley up in his room. I've taken the kids to visit him before. He's in his 60s. He was paralyzed in a car accident when he was 19 years old. Still, he's made the best of his life. I'm going to miss him. I'm sure I'll still visit from time to time, but it won't be the same.
I'm trying to focus on the positives of the new job, but it's hard to do when I'm still at the old one. I feel like I'm cheating on my home health job if I think about how great the other job will be.
Sometimes I panic and wonder what I was thinking taking the new job. Sure, the job I have now has it's moments, but so do all jobs. I have it good where I am now. I have a boss who is very laid back. I have a lot of flexibility in this job with my schedule. As long as my patients get taken care of it doesn't matter if I'm a little late in the morning (like every single morning).
But, then I remember why I wanted the school nurse position. I am excited about taking care of the kids with chronic diseases (diabetes and asthma are the two biggies). I am excited that I will be the air condition all day. Right now I'm in and out in 100 degree weather and I go in plenty of houses that all they have are box fans for cooling. No more going in roach infested houses. No more drug houses. No more getting called out at 3 in the morning to see a patient.
And, the icing on the cake with my new job is that I'll be home with my kids when they are home. I will have the whole month of July off, a few days at Thanksgiving, two weeks at Christmas, and the whole week after Easter off. So, will Michael and the kids. I'm really excited about that.
Still, I can't help but be a little sad about leaving my home health job. It's comfortable. I know what I'm doing. I know I like it.
Even though I'm sad that I'm leaving I'm looking forward to getting tomorrow over with, so that I can have it behind me and can look forward to learning all about the new job.
What my new job means for you guys is that I will have less time to blog. I blog a lot at work now when I have some free time. I don't think I'll be able to do that with my new job.
I'll post when I can and I will try my best to keep up with my usual blog reading.
If I don't get back anytime soon I hope you guys have a great summer.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
The Race
Last night I was watching Riley run around the living room like a wild man and I realized that sometimes I forget he even has diabetes. Earlier he had asked to go out and catch lightening bugs. I told him he could. Diabetes never crossed my mind. I just let him go.
Well, I say diabetes never crossed my mind, but it probably did. I probably thought about how long it had been since he'd eaten and what his last sugar was. But, I didn't even notice that I did it.
I don't really know how to explain it. Maybe I've finally accepted that diabetes is a part of Riley's life. For so long I was fighting it tooth and nail. Now, I've just come to accept that it is what it is. And while "what it is" is a stupid horrible life threatening disease, there's nothing I can do to change it.
I've heard others say that diabetes has become their new normal. I've often thought that it will never be normal for us. But, now, it is.
I still worry about the highs. I get scared by the lows (he was 56 at 4 o'clock this morning--aghhh!). But, I think I've finally, after 2 1/2 years, accepted that it's not going anywhere anytime soon.
I've always said that Riley can do anything anyone else can do. Before, I think it was more lip service than anything else. Now, I really believe it.
While writing this post I've realized what it is. It's not me or a change in my attitude as much as it is that Riley is growing up and taking on more of the responsibility himself.
He's able to dose himself now. He checks his sugar like a pro. He's been able to check his sugar almost since diagnosis. But he didn't really know what the numbers meant. Now, when the number appears on the screen he knows if it's high or low or just right. Not only that, he knows what to do if it is high or low.
He's able to read labels now and insists on telling me what the carb count is of what he's eating. Most of the time I have it memorized but still let him look and tell me how many carbs there are. He was hit and miss for a while, but now he's got it down to 100% accuracy.
He's very good at telling when he's low. Maybe that's why I didn't really give it a second thought when he asked to go out in the yard last night. Not only is he good at telling when he's low, he can usually also tell when he's dropping.
Last night at supper he was 101. He ate and got a bolus. 45 minutes later he said he was low. He was 80, but he had .85 units of insulin on board. He knew he had to eat.
When he's high now he knows that snack might be delayed. Last week one day he was at my mom's and at snack time his sugar was in the 300s. My mom said he looked at her and said, "I guess I won't be eating snack right now." Not long ago he didn't understand. Now he knows that it's best to let his sugar come down a bit before he eats anything.
In 2 more days Holden will officially be a Senior in high school. It seems like only yesterday that I was holding him in my arms.
I know from experience that all I have to do is blink and next thing I know Riley will be a Senior too.
But, now, I've gotten a glimpse into the future. I've seen how responsible Riley is with his diabetes even at the age of 6. Of course, I know things could change. He may become rebellious later on in life. But, I'm comforted to know that he has the knowledge to take care of himself.
It used to make me sad to think that Riley would one day take over management of this disease. But, now, it makes me proud. I'm proud because I know he can handle it.
I see the strength that he has at the tender age of 6. I know that strength will only grow through the years. I see the stubborn streak he has. (I don't know where he gets that from;-) And, I know that it will serve him well in his diabetes management.
For the first time in 2 1/2 years I finally feel like he's going to be OK. I know there will be bumps along the way. But, I no longer feel like diabetes is going to win.
I have glimpsed the finish line and my kid wins by a mile.
Well, I say diabetes never crossed my mind, but it probably did. I probably thought about how long it had been since he'd eaten and what his last sugar was. But, I didn't even notice that I did it.
I don't really know how to explain it. Maybe I've finally accepted that diabetes is a part of Riley's life. For so long I was fighting it tooth and nail. Now, I've just come to accept that it is what it is. And while "what it is" is a stupid horrible life threatening disease, there's nothing I can do to change it.
I've heard others say that diabetes has become their new normal. I've often thought that it will never be normal for us. But, now, it is.
I still worry about the highs. I get scared by the lows (he was 56 at 4 o'clock this morning--aghhh!). But, I think I've finally, after 2 1/2 years, accepted that it's not going anywhere anytime soon.
I've always said that Riley can do anything anyone else can do. Before, I think it was more lip service than anything else. Now, I really believe it.
While writing this post I've realized what it is. It's not me or a change in my attitude as much as it is that Riley is growing up and taking on more of the responsibility himself.
He's able to dose himself now. He checks his sugar like a pro. He's been able to check his sugar almost since diagnosis. But he didn't really know what the numbers meant. Now, when the number appears on the screen he knows if it's high or low or just right. Not only that, he knows what to do if it is high or low.
He's able to read labels now and insists on telling me what the carb count is of what he's eating. Most of the time I have it memorized but still let him look and tell me how many carbs there are. He was hit and miss for a while, but now he's got it down to 100% accuracy.
He's very good at telling when he's low. Maybe that's why I didn't really give it a second thought when he asked to go out in the yard last night. Not only is he good at telling when he's low, he can usually also tell when he's dropping.
Last night at supper he was 101. He ate and got a bolus. 45 minutes later he said he was low. He was 80, but he had .85 units of insulin on board. He knew he had to eat.
When he's high now he knows that snack might be delayed. Last week one day he was at my mom's and at snack time his sugar was in the 300s. My mom said he looked at her and said, "I guess I won't be eating snack right now." Not long ago he didn't understand. Now he knows that it's best to let his sugar come down a bit before he eats anything.
In 2 more days Holden will officially be a Senior in high school. It seems like only yesterday that I was holding him in my arms.
I know from experience that all I have to do is blink and next thing I know Riley will be a Senior too.
But, now, I've gotten a glimpse into the future. I've seen how responsible Riley is with his diabetes even at the age of 6. Of course, I know things could change. He may become rebellious later on in life. But, I'm comforted to know that he has the knowledge to take care of himself.
It used to make me sad to think that Riley would one day take over management of this disease. But, now, it makes me proud. I'm proud because I know he can handle it.
I see the strength that he has at the tender age of 6. I know that strength will only grow through the years. I see the stubborn streak he has. (I don't know where he gets that from;-) And, I know that it will serve him well in his diabetes management.
For the first time in 2 1/2 years I finally feel like he's going to be OK. I know there will be bumps along the way. But, I no longer feel like diabetes is going to win.
I have glimpsed the finish line and my kid wins by a mile.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Swirly Ramblings
I just wanted to blog some things swirling around in my brain:
We went to the academic awards banquet last night. He received an award for highest average in History and also for highest average in SAT Test Prep. He was also recognized for making all A's and B's for the whole year. And, he was recognized for being a Marshal at this year's graduation. He's ranked 3rd in his class.
We have a movie night every week or two. Usually Holden picks the movies. On Monday we watched the very, very long 3rd Lord of the Rings movie. I have never had any interest in watching the Lord of the Ring movies but Holden insisted. It turns out I kind of liked them. The third one was my favorite.
My favorite character was Samwise Gamgee. Why? Because he was so nice and called everyone sir or ma'am. And, because Goonies never say die.
A couple of weeks ago Riley was in a play called "Winnie the Pooh and Friends". He was a panda bear. He sang one song by himself and did a cute little dance. Then he sang another song with a few other kids.
Here he is in his costume. (My mom made it.)
Here are the kids in front of the hundred acre woods. (I helped paint the backdrop. I think it turned out pretty good.)
While I'm showing pictures. Here's my big boy at the athletic awards banquet. In just a few short weeks he'll officially be a Senior. I can't believe it.
We went to the academic awards banquet last night. He received an award for highest average in History and also for highest average in SAT Test Prep. He was also recognized for making all A's and B's for the whole year. And, he was recognized for being a Marshal at this year's graduation. He's ranked 3rd in his class.
My boy's so smart! ;-)
We have a movie night every week or two. Usually Holden picks the movies. On Monday we watched the very, very long 3rd Lord of the Rings movie. I have never had any interest in watching the Lord of the Ring movies but Holden insisted. It turns out I kind of liked them. The third one was my favorite.
My favorite character was Samwise Gamgee. Why? Because he was so nice and called everyone sir or ma'am. And, because Goonies never say die.
Thursday night we watched Cloverfield. While we were watching the movie Holden received a text from one of his friends (one of the boys in his class that has D). He texted him to let him know that a boy in the 5th grade at their school had been diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes.
I don't even know the boy, but the news hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel so badly for him and his family. They have a rough road ahead of them, a never ending road.
Whenever I hear news like this it makes me sad. That sadness is mixed with anger. It makes me angry that kids (and adults) have to deal with this.
I don't really know his parents, but I plan to write them a letter to offer my support.
When I opened my email this morning I found out that my blog had been ranked an 8.0 out of 10.0 at Blogged in the health/condition and disease category. Neat.
While I was perusing some of the other blogs this morning. I found JJS Diabetes. And from there I found a news story talking about research to develop a vaccine for Type 1 diabetes.
Not long ago I didn't have any interest in a vaccine. I figured it couldn't help Riley so I never paid much attention to them. But, while reading the story I couldn't help but think of that 10 year old boy who was recently diagnosed. And, I thought of how wonderful it would be that if at diagnosis the doctor could give him a vaccination and say come back every six months for another one. No finger pricks, no insulin, no counting carbs, no balancing exercise and food, no lows, no highs.
Sorry for the discombobulated post. Now I'm going to go clean my room and then maybe we'll head to the beach to soak up some sun.
Have a great weekend!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Some Answers
Here are answers to my questions. If I get anymore later I will answer them in another post. So, if you haven't asked any yet, but would like to go to this post and fill in the blanks. I can always use something to post about.
These questions came from Molly.
1. What do you think of non-invasive blood testing?
I think its would be great if it actually worked. I don't think I can trust it's accuracy. I would love it if it does work. It would mean no more ugly black spots on Riley's finger tips.
2. When did you last sing?
This morning in my car. The station I was listening to had people calling in and saying what their favorite summer songs are. The last song I sang along with was "What I Got" by Sublime.
3. Plain or peanuts? Why?
Peanuts: because I don't really like chocolate. I cannot eat just plain chocolate so I have to have nuts in it to eat it or it has to be with something else, like in a cookie or with peanut butter. I absolutely love Resses Cups.
4. What did you do on your 21st birthday?
I honestly don't remember. I imagine I didn't do much of anything. I don't drink so I know I didn't go out and get drunk. I was in college at the time, but I was also the mother of a 3 year old. I probably spent time with him and my family.
5. What's your favorite color for a pair of socks?
I wear mainly white sock because I'm a nurse and they go with everything. My favorite pair of socks that I own are a sage green color. They are very warm and fuzzy.
6. How would you like to go on a 10 day camping/canoeing trip to the BWCA in Minnesota?
No offense to you Molly, but I don't think I'd enjoy it too much. 10 days outside? 10 days without a bed or a nice hot shower? No thanks.
7. Whom would you most like to dance the tango with?
The devil in the pale moonlight. (I just like the sound of it;-)
Next up is questions from Shannon:
1. What do you think of the economy?
To put it mildly, it sucks. I was just talking to a co-worker about it. I think the economy is being ruined by rising gas prices. The increase in gas prices is affecting everything from the price of milk to tourism to eating out at a restaurant. I think if something isn't done about gas prices very soon that America is in for some very hard times. (BTW, a gallon of gas where I live is now $3.98/ gallon for regular. How about you guys?)
2. When did you last shave your legs?
This morning. I shave my legs almost every morning when it's warm. I'm wearing long pants now but Riley has a T-ball game tonight and I'll probably put on a pair of shorts to go to it. If you'd have asked this question in the winter the answer would have been very different.
3. Poultry or red meat? Why?
I wish I could say poultry because it's better for me, but I have to say red meat. I am a meat and potatoes kind of girl. The rarer the meat the better.
4. What did you give Michael for Christmas?
Nothing. We don't usually do gifts for each other. I didn't get anything from him either. We would rather spend the money on the kids.
5. What’s your favorite TV show?
Right now I would have to say House. I am a long time fan of ER too, but it's starting to get a little boring to me.
6. How would you survive being stranded on a deserted island?
I don't think I would. I am a terribly picky eater. I guess I would literally rather die than eat a bug. Yeah, I wouldn't last very long on Survivor.
7. Whom would you most like to meet on the red carpet of the Oscars?
My first thought was Will Smith. I don't know why. I really like Will Smith. I've been a fan since his Fresh Prince of Bel Aire days. He's seems to be a genuinely nice person. Then again, there's also Keanu Reeves who I used to have a huge crush on. I don't know, I'll go with Will Smith, final answer.
Next, Allison:
1. What do you think of the election so far?
Hmmmm. I try to avoid politics on my blog. It's a very divisive subject. I guess mainly I'm just curious to see who the Democrats end up with on their ticket.
2. When did you last watch a movie?
We watched "ET" on Saturday. Riley had seen part of it on TV the day before and he wanted to watch the whole thing, so we watched together as a family. If you're talking about the last movie I watched in a theater I really don't know. I think the last movie we watched at a theater was.....I don't know. It's been so long ago that I honestly don't remember what it was.
3. Romantic comedies or dramas? Why?
Romantic comedies because I have to think and feel too much in my every day life. When I sit down to watch a movie I prefer to just be able to relax and enjoy it.
4. What did you want to be when you were 5 years old?
A veterinarian, that is until I found out from my mom that vets have to put animals to sleep. It altered my career path forever.
5. What’s your favorite color?
yellow
6. How would you change your appearance?
I'm not a fan of elective surgery. It's fine if someone else wants to do it, but it's not for me for many different reasons. But, I wouldn't mind if I could just take a pill that would make me tan. Is that possible? Someone needs to work on that.
7. Whom would you most like to have dinner with - dead or alive?
My Pop Pop. He's my maternal grandfather. He died 14 years ago. I still miss him. I would love to sit and talk with him again and tell him what's been going on since he left. I've graduated college, gotten married (to someone that reminds me a lot of him), and had another child who I know he would love to meet. I miss other dead relatives too , but I absolutely adored my Pop Pop. (Gee Allison thanks for making me cry;-)
And, last but certainly not least, Carey (when I opened my email this morning and saw that I had a comment from him I knew I was in for some strange questions)
1. What do you think of toe fuzz?
I don't have a problem with it really. Live and let live. It's just trying to make it's way in the world like everything else.
2. When did you last pick some?
I'm not sure. Much like going to the movies, I don't do it that often.
3. Black toe fuzz or white toe fuzz? Why?
White. Because that's the color of my socks.
4. What did you do with it?
I sold it on eBay to a foot fetish freak so I could buy a gallon of gas.
5. What’s your favorite toe to pick from?
My big toe because it always has the most fuzz on it.
6. How would you sell it?
See number 4.
7. Whom would you most like to share it with?
You. I would like to share it with you Carey because you asked such wonderfully insightful questions.
These questions came from Molly.
1. What do you think of non-invasive blood testing?
I think its would be great if it actually worked. I don't think I can trust it's accuracy. I would love it if it does work. It would mean no more ugly black spots on Riley's finger tips.
2. When did you last sing?
This morning in my car. The station I was listening to had people calling in and saying what their favorite summer songs are. The last song I sang along with was "What I Got" by Sublime.
3. Plain or peanuts? Why?
Peanuts: because I don't really like chocolate. I cannot eat just plain chocolate so I have to have nuts in it to eat it or it has to be with something else, like in a cookie or with peanut butter. I absolutely love Resses Cups.
4. What did you do on your 21st birthday?
I honestly don't remember. I imagine I didn't do much of anything. I don't drink so I know I didn't go out and get drunk. I was in college at the time, but I was also the mother of a 3 year old. I probably spent time with him and my family.
5. What's your favorite color for a pair of socks?
I wear mainly white sock because I'm a nurse and they go with everything. My favorite pair of socks that I own are a sage green color. They are very warm and fuzzy.
6. How would you like to go on a 10 day camping/canoeing trip to the BWCA in Minnesota?
No offense to you Molly, but I don't think I'd enjoy it too much. 10 days outside? 10 days without a bed or a nice hot shower? No thanks.
7. Whom would you most like to dance the tango with?
The devil in the pale moonlight. (I just like the sound of it;-)
Next up is questions from Shannon:
1. What do you think of the economy?
To put it mildly, it sucks. I was just talking to a co-worker about it. I think the economy is being ruined by rising gas prices. The increase in gas prices is affecting everything from the price of milk to tourism to eating out at a restaurant. I think if something isn't done about gas prices very soon that America is in for some very hard times. (BTW, a gallon of gas where I live is now $3.98/ gallon for regular. How about you guys?)
2. When did you last shave your legs?
This morning. I shave my legs almost every morning when it's warm. I'm wearing long pants now but Riley has a T-ball game tonight and I'll probably put on a pair of shorts to go to it. If you'd have asked this question in the winter the answer would have been very different.
3. Poultry or red meat? Why?
I wish I could say poultry because it's better for me, but I have to say red meat. I am a meat and potatoes kind of girl. The rarer the meat the better.
4. What did you give Michael for Christmas?
Nothing. We don't usually do gifts for each other. I didn't get anything from him either. We would rather spend the money on the kids.
5. What’s your favorite TV show?
Right now I would have to say House. I am a long time fan of ER too, but it's starting to get a little boring to me.
6. How would you survive being stranded on a deserted island?
I don't think I would. I am a terribly picky eater. I guess I would literally rather die than eat a bug. Yeah, I wouldn't last very long on Survivor.
7. Whom would you most like to meet on the red carpet of the Oscars?
My first thought was Will Smith. I don't know why. I really like Will Smith. I've been a fan since his Fresh Prince of Bel Aire days. He's seems to be a genuinely nice person. Then again, there's also Keanu Reeves who I used to have a huge crush on. I don't know, I'll go with Will Smith, final answer.
Next, Allison:
1. What do you think of the election so far?
Hmmmm. I try to avoid politics on my blog. It's a very divisive subject. I guess mainly I'm just curious to see who the Democrats end up with on their ticket.
2. When did you last watch a movie?
We watched "ET" on Saturday. Riley had seen part of it on TV the day before and he wanted to watch the whole thing, so we watched together as a family. If you're talking about the last movie I watched in a theater I really don't know. I think the last movie we watched at a theater was.....I don't know. It's been so long ago that I honestly don't remember what it was.
3. Romantic comedies or dramas? Why?
Romantic comedies because I have to think and feel too much in my every day life. When I sit down to watch a movie I prefer to just be able to relax and enjoy it.
4. What did you want to be when you were 5 years old?
A veterinarian, that is until I found out from my mom that vets have to put animals to sleep. It altered my career path forever.
5. What’s your favorite color?
yellow
6. How would you change your appearance?
I'm not a fan of elective surgery. It's fine if someone else wants to do it, but it's not for me for many different reasons. But, I wouldn't mind if I could just take a pill that would make me tan. Is that possible? Someone needs to work on that.
7. Whom would you most like to have dinner with - dead or alive?
My Pop Pop. He's my maternal grandfather. He died 14 years ago. I still miss him. I would love to sit and talk with him again and tell him what's been going on since he left. I've graduated college, gotten married (to someone that reminds me a lot of him), and had another child who I know he would love to meet. I miss other dead relatives too , but I absolutely adored my Pop Pop. (Gee Allison thanks for making me cry;-)
And, last but certainly not least, Carey (when I opened my email this morning and saw that I had a comment from him I knew I was in for some strange questions)
1. What do you think of toe fuzz?
I don't have a problem with it really. Live and let live. It's just trying to make it's way in the world like everything else.
2. When did you last pick some?
I'm not sure. Much like going to the movies, I don't do it that often.
3. Black toe fuzz or white toe fuzz? Why?
White. Because that's the color of my socks.
4. What did you do with it?
I sold it on eBay to a foot fetish freak so I could buy a gallon of gas.
5. What’s your favorite toe to pick from?
My big toe because it always has the most fuzz on it.
6. How would you sell it?
See number 4.
7. Whom would you most like to share it with?
You. I would like to share it with you Carey because you asked such wonderfully insightful questions.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Because I Want to Post Something
I ran across this and thought it would be fun. Leave your questions in the comments (or email it to me) and I'll post it when I get a chance. (keep it clean please)
Fill in the blanks:
1. What do you think of ________?
2. When did you last ________?
3. ________ or ________? Why?
4. What did you ________?
5. What’s your favorite ________?
6. How would you ________?
7. Whom would you most like to ________?
Fill in the blanks:
1. What do you think of ________?
2. When did you last ________?
3. ________ or ________? Why?
4. What did you ________?
5. What’s your favorite ________?
6. How would you ________?
7. Whom would you most like to ________?
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The School Nurse Job Update
A few weeks ago I wrote about a school nurse position that I was thinking about applying for.
Well, I applied for it and had an interview. The day after the interview they called and offered me the job. The pay was much less than what I make now, so I almost turned it down right away.
But, I didn't. Instead I prayed about it. I prayed that if it was meant for me to have this job that there would be a pay increase.
The lady that did my interview called me back a few days later. She said that all school nurses in the state of NC are required to get certified within 3 years of getting hired. I am at an advantage because I have a BS degree. So, really all I would have to do is take the test. (and pass, of course).
I was told that once I passed the test that my pay would "increase significantly". I asked how much "significantly" was. The figure she quoted me was almost exactly what I make at my current job. I couldn't believe it. My prayers had been answered.
But, there was a catch. I was told that the earliest I could take the test was in February. That meant we would have to live on much less money for about 7 months. I wasn't sure we could do it.
But, Michael and I talked about it and I decided I could work at a hospital or nursing home some weekends to supplement our income until I could take the test.
Then, I found out the next test is being offered in July. So, I am registering for the test and hopefully I'll pass it the first time and then I won't have to wait 7 months for my pay increase.
To get to the point of my post: I officially accepted the job today. My first day at my new job will be on June 16th. I'm so excited!!
And, you want to know what the best part is? Since the kids get out of school on June 13th, I will work for about 2 weeks and then I will have the whole month of July off.....with pay. I'm loving this job already and I haven't even started yet!!
I'm sure I'll be studying a lot during my time off. But, there are worse things than studying while working on my tan.
Well, I applied for it and had an interview. The day after the interview they called and offered me the job. The pay was much less than what I make now, so I almost turned it down right away.
But, I didn't. Instead I prayed about it. I prayed that if it was meant for me to have this job that there would be a pay increase.
The lady that did my interview called me back a few days later. She said that all school nurses in the state of NC are required to get certified within 3 years of getting hired. I am at an advantage because I have a BS degree. So, really all I would have to do is take the test. (and pass, of course).
I was told that once I passed the test that my pay would "increase significantly". I asked how much "significantly" was. The figure she quoted me was almost exactly what I make at my current job. I couldn't believe it. My prayers had been answered.
But, there was a catch. I was told that the earliest I could take the test was in February. That meant we would have to live on much less money for about 7 months. I wasn't sure we could do it.
But, Michael and I talked about it and I decided I could work at a hospital or nursing home some weekends to supplement our income until I could take the test.
Then, I found out the next test is being offered in July. So, I am registering for the test and hopefully I'll pass it the first time and then I won't have to wait 7 months for my pay increase.
To get to the point of my post: I officially accepted the job today. My first day at my new job will be on June 16th. I'm so excited!!
And, you want to know what the best part is? Since the kids get out of school on June 13th, I will work for about 2 weeks and then I will have the whole month of July off.....with pay. I'm loving this job already and I haven't even started yet!!
I'm sure I'll be studying a lot during my time off. But, there are worse things than studying while working on my tan.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
I just opened an email from tudiabetes that read : "We were informed that one of our members Kyla Maldonado has passed away as a result of diabetes complications. She left two daughters behind. "
I went to her page. She was only 29 years old. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when she was 5.
I don't know what to say. I want to curl up next to Riley and hold him forever, protect him from the future, protect him from diabetes, protect him from complications.
But, I can't. I just can't. And right now that's a little more than I can bear.
My heart goes out to Kyla's family. I'm so sorry for their loss.
I went to her page. She was only 29 years old. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when she was 5.
I don't know what to say. I want to curl up next to Riley and hold him forever, protect him from the future, protect him from diabetes, protect him from complications.
But, I can't. I just can't. And right now that's a little more than I can bear.
My heart goes out to Kyla's family. I'm so sorry for their loss.
Friday, May 16, 2008
10 Wierd Things About Me (only 10?)
I have been tagged by Colleen to reveal 10 things about me.
Here are the rules:
Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 people to be tagged, list their names & why you tagged them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment saying “You’re it!” & to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you, so since you’re not allowed to tag me back; let me know when you are done so I can go read YOUR weird, random, facts, habits and goals. Have fun!
#1 When I'm sitting down I have a habit of bouncing my leg up and down all. the. time. It's a family thing. My dad and aunt both do it and my grandfather did it. I think some people find it annoying. If I'm sitting on a bench with you I would probably drive you crazy because I would be shaking the bench. I usually don't realize I'm doing it until someone asks me to stop.
#2 I am not a perfectionist by any means. One only needs to peek into my house to see that. The little details don't bother me usually. For example, I can have several smudges on the wall and it won't bother me all that much. That is until I start cleaning the walls. Once I'm done washing the walls if I see one smudge that I can't get it will drive me insane. I will scrub and scrub and then decide I need to paint if I can't get the smudge out. But, when there was a zillion smudges on the wall it didn't bother me at all.
#3 I have always wanted to be a singer. Not as a career or anything. I would just love to be able to stand up in front of a crowd and sing and it sound good. I am in awe of people who can sing so well.
#4 I can't sleep on my back. I have to sleep on my side or my stomach. No matter how tired I am I just cannot stay on my back while I sleep. I've often thought that if I'm ever injured to where I cannot turn over I will be in trouble. I would be more sleep-deprived than I am now.
#5 I often have to kick Holden out of my bedroom at night so I can go to sleep. He will come in after Michael and I have gotten into bed and talk and talk about random things. He'll tell me what he did that day or tell me something funny that happened at work. Or redo a comedy routine he saw that day. I sometimes literally have to push him out the door because he would talk for hours if I didn't. Don't think that's weird? He's 17 and he enjoys spending time with his mom.
#6 I don't do this anymore, but it wasn't that long ago that I did. When I was driving in my car I used to sing along to the radio and pretend that I was a famous singer putting on a show. It passed the time.
#7 I used to be deathly afraid of lightening. When I was a teenager if there was a lightning storm I would take off all my jewelry and sit in the middle of the floor and make sure I was not near anything metal. I'd even do this if it was 3 o'clock in the morning. I think it's because I had heard a story about a man who was in his house leaning up against the wall when lightning struck a nail in his wall and killed him. I'm not sure if the story is true or not, but it made me spend a many of sleepless nights when I was younger.
#8 The middle finger on my right hand is fatter than all of my other fingers. I slammed it in a car door when I was 7. The finger nail on that finger never grows longer either. It's always the same length.
#9 I still have a love letter that a boy wrote to me when I was in the first grade. (I'll show my age. The letter is 28 years old.) It is written in red ink and has a big heart on it with a line drawn through it and says "You have broking my heart."
#10 About a year before I met my husband I had a dream that I would marry a guy named Michael. In the dream I was standing at the alter in a white dress with a guy in a tux. The guy didn't have a face. All I knew about him was that his name was Michael. I told my best friend the next day that I was going to marry someone named Michael. About 4 years later I married my husband. Also, before I ever met my husband I had decided that if I ever had another little boy I would name him Michael Alexander. After knowing Michael for a few weeks I asked him what his middle name was. When he said Alexander I almost fell out. I think that's the night I fell in love with him.
I tag :
Sandra at A Shot in the Dark
Kelly at Chasing Numbers
Lisa at Mommie Squared
Chris at Rub Eyes When Needed
Nicole at Curious Girl
Caro at Diabetes Wise
Here are the rules:
Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 people to be tagged, list their names & why you tagged them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment saying “You’re it!” & to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you, so since you’re not allowed to tag me back; let me know when you are done so I can go read YOUR weird, random, facts, habits and goals. Have fun!
#1 When I'm sitting down I have a habit of bouncing my leg up and down all. the. time. It's a family thing. My dad and aunt both do it and my grandfather did it. I think some people find it annoying. If I'm sitting on a bench with you I would probably drive you crazy because I would be shaking the bench. I usually don't realize I'm doing it until someone asks me to stop.
#2 I am not a perfectionist by any means. One only needs to peek into my house to see that. The little details don't bother me usually. For example, I can have several smudges on the wall and it won't bother me all that much. That is until I start cleaning the walls. Once I'm done washing the walls if I see one smudge that I can't get it will drive me insane. I will scrub and scrub and then decide I need to paint if I can't get the smudge out. But, when there was a zillion smudges on the wall it didn't bother me at all.
#3 I have always wanted to be a singer. Not as a career or anything. I would just love to be able to stand up in front of a crowd and sing and it sound good. I am in awe of people who can sing so well.
#4 I can't sleep on my back. I have to sleep on my side or my stomach. No matter how tired I am I just cannot stay on my back while I sleep. I've often thought that if I'm ever injured to where I cannot turn over I will be in trouble. I would be more sleep-deprived than I am now.
#5 I often have to kick Holden out of my bedroom at night so I can go to sleep. He will come in after Michael and I have gotten into bed and talk and talk about random things. He'll tell me what he did that day or tell me something funny that happened at work. Or redo a comedy routine he saw that day. I sometimes literally have to push him out the door because he would talk for hours if I didn't. Don't think that's weird? He's 17 and he enjoys spending time with his mom.
#6 I don't do this anymore, but it wasn't that long ago that I did. When I was driving in my car I used to sing along to the radio and pretend that I was a famous singer putting on a show. It passed the time.
#7 I used to be deathly afraid of lightening. When I was a teenager if there was a lightning storm I would take off all my jewelry and sit in the middle of the floor and make sure I was not near anything metal. I'd even do this if it was 3 o'clock in the morning. I think it's because I had heard a story about a man who was in his house leaning up against the wall when lightning struck a nail in his wall and killed him. I'm not sure if the story is true or not, but it made me spend a many of sleepless nights when I was younger.
#8 The middle finger on my right hand is fatter than all of my other fingers. I slammed it in a car door when I was 7. The finger nail on that finger never grows longer either. It's always the same length.
#9 I still have a love letter that a boy wrote to me when I was in the first grade. (I'll show my age. The letter is 28 years old.) It is written in red ink and has a big heart on it with a line drawn through it and says "You have broking my heart."
#10 About a year before I met my husband I had a dream that I would marry a guy named Michael. In the dream I was standing at the alter in a white dress with a guy in a tux. The guy didn't have a face. All I knew about him was that his name was Michael. I told my best friend the next day that I was going to marry someone named Michael. About 4 years later I married my husband. Also, before I ever met my husband I had decided that if I ever had another little boy I would name him Michael Alexander. After knowing Michael for a few weeks I asked him what his middle name was. When he said Alexander I almost fell out. I think that's the night I fell in love with him.
I tag :
Sandra at A Shot in the Dark
Kelly at Chasing Numbers
Lisa at Mommie Squared
Chris at Rub Eyes When Needed
Nicole at Curious Girl
Caro at Diabetes Wise
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Prom and Birthday Pictures
Holden had his prom a few weeks ago and I never posted any pictures. The theme was "Red Carpet Romance". All the kids walked up the red carpet and had their names announced while a valet (some of the dads) parked the car for them.
Holden and his date, Brittaney. They have been dating for 2 years now.
Holden and me.
Holden and his date, Brittaney. They have been dating for 2 years now.
Holden and me.
Riley got two birthday parties. The first one was on Mother's Day. Then, he had a party at school on his birthday.
That night we went to eat at a Japanese Steakhouse. Riley probably averages eating around 170 carbs in a whole day. Well, Riley's meal was about 70 carbs. Then, because it was his birthday they sang happy birthday to him and brought him a muffin roughly the size of his head.
I thought he'd eat a few bites, but he ate the whole muffin which I estimated at 70 carbs. So, he had 140 carbs at one meal. He got 4 units of insulin. That is the most he has ever gotten at one time. His sugars did surprisingly well.
I was dying with each bite of muffin, but the grin on his face made it all worth it.
Diabetes doesn't keep Riley from doing anything. That includes being a goofball.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Why I Almost Wish Riley was Diagnosed at a Younger Age
I read a news story this morning that made me cry.
Here are a few of the highlights that jumped out at me:
Ryan Collins of Aldie, Va., was only 10 weeks old when doctors made the diagnosis: Type 1 diabetes.
10 weeks old are you kidding me? How horrible. Why would I wish Riley was diagnosed that young? Keep reading.
Until last month, that is, when Ryan, now almost 7, stopped needing shots.
A dream come true.
Dr. Hattersley has also helped show that diabetes diagnosed in the first six months of life is monogenic. And about half those cases are caused by a particular mutation that can be overcome by sulfonylurea pills, an old and inexpensive class of diabetes drugs.
What does that mean for little Ryan?
Ryan now takes three small pills with breakfast and three with dinner. His body is making insulin again, and his blood sugar is better controlled than when he was taking all those shots.
“He’s ecstatic,” Ms. Collins said. “For this summer, I’m signing him up for summer camp, which he’s never been able to do before.”
I'm so happy for this little guy and his family. Can you imagine what it must be like to be free from the confines of insulin? He's never known any other way of life.
You can read the full story here: Some Diabetics Don’t Have What They Thought They Had.
Here are a few of the highlights that jumped out at me:
Ryan Collins of Aldie, Va., was only 10 weeks old when doctors made the diagnosis: Type 1 diabetes.
10 weeks old are you kidding me? How horrible. Why would I wish Riley was diagnosed that young? Keep reading.
Until last month, that is, when Ryan, now almost 7, stopped needing shots.
A dream come true.
Dr. Hattersley has also helped show that diabetes diagnosed in the first six months of life is monogenic. And about half those cases are caused by a particular mutation that can be overcome by sulfonylurea pills, an old and inexpensive class of diabetes drugs.
What does that mean for little Ryan?
Ryan now takes three small pills with breakfast and three with dinner. His body is making insulin again, and his blood sugar is better controlled than when he was taking all those shots.
“He’s ecstatic,” Ms. Collins said. “For this summer, I’m signing him up for summer camp, which he’s never been able to do before.”
I'm so happy for this little guy and his family. Can you imagine what it must be like to be free from the confines of insulin? He's never known any other way of life.
You can read the full story here: Some Diabetics Don’t Have What They Thought They Had.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Just Imagine
It was Riley's bedtime. He was getting ready to brush his teeth. I had fixed a bowl of ice cream to eat after he went to bed. He asked for a bite of ice cream (chocolate chip cookie dough; it was delicious). Anyway, I gave him a small bite and his eyes lit up.
"Yummmmm!! That is so good!! Wouldn't it be great if I didn't have diabetes and I could eat all of that I want?"
"Yes, it would, " I said as I held back my tears.
Then he smiled, made a sweeping hand gesture, and said, "Just imagine. If I didn't have diabetes then I could go out and play and run all I wanted and never have to worry about my sugar going low."
Blinking back my tears I said, "That would be great wouldn't it?"
"Yeah."
Michael walked into the room and asked what would be great. Riley repeated what he had just said. The look on Michael's face said it all.
I quickly got up and went into the bathroom just before the tears spilled over onto my cheeks. I sat in there a few minutes and composed myself before coming out and tucking him into bed.
I hope and pray every day for that day when he can run and run and run and not go low.
Just imagine.....
"Yummmmm!! That is so good!! Wouldn't it be great if I didn't have diabetes and I could eat all of that I want?"
"Yes, it would, " I said as I held back my tears.
Then he smiled, made a sweeping hand gesture, and said, "Just imagine. If I didn't have diabetes then I could go out and play and run all I wanted and never have to worry about my sugar going low."
Blinking back my tears I said, "That would be great wouldn't it?"
"Yeah."
Michael walked into the room and asked what would be great. Riley repeated what he had just said. The look on Michael's face said it all.
I quickly got up and went into the bathroom just before the tears spilled over onto my cheeks. I sat in there a few minutes and composed myself before coming out and tucking him into bed.
I hope and pray every day for that day when he can run and run and run and not go low.
Just imagine.....
Friday, May 02, 2008
Getting on with Life
Today started out to be one of those days. You know the one.
It's one of those days where everything reminds you of diabetes and how stupid and horrible it is. One of those days where all you want to do is escape to some non-existent tropical island where diabetes does not exist.
It probably all started because Riley ran high pretty much all day yesterday and most of last night. He was 114 when he woke up yesterday. He was 112 at supper last night. The rest of the time he's been in the 200 and 300s.
His sugar when he woke up this morning: 255. I figure the highs are a result of 1 of 3 things.
#1) Holden was sick with some sort of stomach virus earlier in the week. Riley could be coming down with that, thus the high sugars.
#2) For several days last week Riley kept going low. I actually ran out of juice boxes and had to get some from my mom because he was going low so much. After a couple of days of this I decided a basal change was in order. I decreased his basals by 0.40 units. He went from getting 6.0 units of basal a day to getting 5.6 units a day. That's a pretty significant change for him.
But, it worked. He hasn't had any juice since then and only a couple of sugars in the 200s. He's been pretty much right were he should be since I changed his basals. That is until yesterday.
I blamed the lows on the seasonal changes. But, I'm thinking that maybe his body has adjusted to those changes now and his basals might need to be increased. The bad part of that is that I've got to let him run high for another day or two before I can come to that conclusion.
#3) This morning was a site change morning. When I changed his site on Tuesday I used the last of the insulin in the bottle. I've found that sometimes when we get down to the last little bit of the insulin in the bottle it's potency tends to taper off around day 3. But, that's just sometimes, not all the time.
Just like everything else with diabetes.
So, the highs got me down. And, not knowing what to do about them got me down.
Also, like I mentioned above, this morning was a site change morning. Most of the time when I change his site Michael is still at home. Riley always says, "Come talk to me, Dad."
Michael will sit and talk to him (usually about baseball, Halo, or Star Wars) while I insert his needle.
Michael left a little earlier this morning so he wasn't there to talk to Riley. So, the site change didn't start off well. Riley was upset that he didn't have anyone to talk to. (What am I you might ask. I'm just mom. I don't really count.)
First I had to examine his bottom and decide where I could put the site. He's too thin to put his sites anywhere but his bottom so they look a little worse for wear. I looked at his left butt cheek which was my target for the morning. It's pocked with a few scars. I can see where his last site was that I pulled out 3 days ago. I know I don't want to put it there. So, I look for a better area.
The rest of his prime area is mottled with bruises of all different hues. It pains me to know I have to stick him somewhere in or around those bruises.
I pick a spot and apply the IV prep. All the while I'm trying to hold a conversation with Riley. We talk about school as I prep the needle and push it against the least bruised part of his butt cheek.
He tenses up when the inserter touches his skin and I have to tell him to relax. As we're talking about PE at school I push the sides of the inserter to release the needle. As it pierces his skin he lets out a low howl. (He usually does pretty well. He does much worse when he's been running high for a while.)
I tell him "I'm sorry." He asks, "Why?" I say, "Because Mommy doesn't want to hurt you."
Next, I fill the cannula and decrease his basal. Then, I have to give him insulin for his breakfast. He starts to scream. "No, don't give me insulin! It burns! It burns!" But, I have no choice. I have to give him insulin.
When I was done and the tears were dried I picked him up and gave him a big hug. He wrapped his arms around my neck and squeezed. I blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill over onto my cheeks.
"You know mommy wishes she didn't have to stick you with needles, right?"
"Yeah, I know."
Then he was off to play xbox until it was time for school.
I watched him as he sat on his bed. He was sitting a little crooked. He wasn't sitting on his bottom but more on his right hip to keep from sitting on his site because it was still tender from being changed.
I'm not sure why some days I can fly through things without any problems and then there are days, like today, where every little thing makes me want to cry.
But, I'm trying to take my cue from Riley. He said what he had to say about the site change and the burning insulin and then he went right back to life without giving it a second thought.
As he stood in the hallway brushing his teeth this morning (he hardly ever stands in the bathroom to brush his teeth) I noticed how cute he looked. It's supposed to be warm here today so I sent him to school in shorts, cargo shorts to be exact.
And, noticing that he had on cargo shorts made me think of a joke done by Daniel Tosh. And, I just had to laugh. What is up with cargo shorts/pants anyway? Does anyone really need that many pockets?
And, so, I went on with life also.
I'll leave you with this clip of Daniel Tosh's cargo pants day. I hope it makes you smile.
Have a great weekend!
It's one of those days where everything reminds you of diabetes and how stupid and horrible it is. One of those days where all you want to do is escape to some non-existent tropical island where diabetes does not exist.
It probably all started because Riley ran high pretty much all day yesterday and most of last night. He was 114 when he woke up yesterday. He was 112 at supper last night. The rest of the time he's been in the 200 and 300s.
His sugar when he woke up this morning: 255. I figure the highs are a result of 1 of 3 things.
#1) Holden was sick with some sort of stomach virus earlier in the week. Riley could be coming down with that, thus the high sugars.
#2) For several days last week Riley kept going low. I actually ran out of juice boxes and had to get some from my mom because he was going low so much. After a couple of days of this I decided a basal change was in order. I decreased his basals by 0.40 units. He went from getting 6.0 units of basal a day to getting 5.6 units a day. That's a pretty significant change for him.
But, it worked. He hasn't had any juice since then and only a couple of sugars in the 200s. He's been pretty much right were he should be since I changed his basals. That is until yesterday.
I blamed the lows on the seasonal changes. But, I'm thinking that maybe his body has adjusted to those changes now and his basals might need to be increased. The bad part of that is that I've got to let him run high for another day or two before I can come to that conclusion.
#3) This morning was a site change morning. When I changed his site on Tuesday I used the last of the insulin in the bottle. I've found that sometimes when we get down to the last little bit of the insulin in the bottle it's potency tends to taper off around day 3. But, that's just sometimes, not all the time.
Just like everything else with diabetes.
So, the highs got me down. And, not knowing what to do about them got me down.
Also, like I mentioned above, this morning was a site change morning. Most of the time when I change his site Michael is still at home. Riley always says, "Come talk to me, Dad."
Michael will sit and talk to him (usually about baseball, Halo, or Star Wars) while I insert his needle.
Michael left a little earlier this morning so he wasn't there to talk to Riley. So, the site change didn't start off well. Riley was upset that he didn't have anyone to talk to. (What am I you might ask. I'm just mom. I don't really count.)
First I had to examine his bottom and decide where I could put the site. He's too thin to put his sites anywhere but his bottom so they look a little worse for wear. I looked at his left butt cheek which was my target for the morning. It's pocked with a few scars. I can see where his last site was that I pulled out 3 days ago. I know I don't want to put it there. So, I look for a better area.
The rest of his prime area is mottled with bruises of all different hues. It pains me to know I have to stick him somewhere in or around those bruises.
I pick a spot and apply the IV prep. All the while I'm trying to hold a conversation with Riley. We talk about school as I prep the needle and push it against the least bruised part of his butt cheek.
He tenses up when the inserter touches his skin and I have to tell him to relax. As we're talking about PE at school I push the sides of the inserter to release the needle. As it pierces his skin he lets out a low howl. (He usually does pretty well. He does much worse when he's been running high for a while.)
I tell him "I'm sorry." He asks, "Why?" I say, "Because Mommy doesn't want to hurt you."
Next, I fill the cannula and decrease his basal. Then, I have to give him insulin for his breakfast. He starts to scream. "No, don't give me insulin! It burns! It burns!" But, I have no choice. I have to give him insulin.
When I was done and the tears were dried I picked him up and gave him a big hug. He wrapped his arms around my neck and squeezed. I blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill over onto my cheeks.
"You know mommy wishes she didn't have to stick you with needles, right?"
"Yeah, I know."
Then he was off to play xbox until it was time for school.
I watched him as he sat on his bed. He was sitting a little crooked. He wasn't sitting on his bottom but more on his right hip to keep from sitting on his site because it was still tender from being changed.
I'm not sure why some days I can fly through things without any problems and then there are days, like today, where every little thing makes me want to cry.
But, I'm trying to take my cue from Riley. He said what he had to say about the site change and the burning insulin and then he went right back to life without giving it a second thought.
As he stood in the hallway brushing his teeth this morning (he hardly ever stands in the bathroom to brush his teeth) I noticed how cute he looked. It's supposed to be warm here today so I sent him to school in shorts, cargo shorts to be exact.
And, noticing that he had on cargo shorts made me think of a joke done by Daniel Tosh. And, I just had to laugh. What is up with cargo shorts/pants anyway? Does anyone really need that many pockets?
And, so, I went on with life also.
I'll leave you with this clip of Daniel Tosh's cargo pants day. I hope it makes you smile.
Have a great weekend!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Tell It to Oprah
Manny (founder of Tudiabetes) sent out an email this weekend asking people to flood Oprah Winfrey's producers with emails telling them how important it is to get the word out about diabetes. Go here to read his plea.
I went today and told my story. I said a little about Type 1 and what Riley must do every day. I mentioned complications and gave a few sites for them to look at to find out more. I also mentioned Dr. Denise Faustman and her valiant effort to find a cure for Type 1 diabetes.
Won't you go and do the same? Tell your story. It will only take a minute or two of your time and the impact could be more than you know.
I went today and told my story. I said a little about Type 1 and what Riley must do every day. I mentioned complications and gave a few sites for them to look at to find out more. I also mentioned Dr. Denise Faustman and her valiant effort to find a cure for Type 1 diabetes.
Won't you go and do the same? Tell your story. It will only take a minute or two of your time and the impact could be more than you know.
Thanks.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Diabetes Burnout: What Do You Do?
Everybody gets burned out sometimes. Sometimes you get burned out at your job. So, you take a vacation. If the burnout is really bad than you find another job.
Sometimes you can get burned out with a hobby of yours. You may take a few days, weeks, or months off to return to it refreshed. Or you just take up a new hobby.
But, what do you do when the one thing that makes you cry and scream, the one thing that you don't want to see, hear, or feel anymore, is the one thing that you just CANNOT walk away from?
That's where I am right now. I am sick of finger sticks. I'm sick of figuring out how to adjust basals. I'm sick of site changes. I'm sick of treating lows and worrying about highs.
Yet I can't back away from it. I can't just take some time off. I know, I know it's not my disease. I'm usually the first to point out that this is Riley's disease, not mine. He feels the highs and the lows. For now it's my job to figure out what to do about them.
Even when he's somewhere else, at school, at my mom's, or even with Michael, I get a call. "Riley's sugar is 52. I gave him juice. Do you want him to have a snack too?" Or "Riley's sugar is 440. It was 330 before and I gave him insulin, but it won't come down. Do you think you need to change his needle?" Or "How many carbs is in.....?"
Your advice may be that I need to give the reigns over to someone else for a while. But, I can't.
You PWD out there reading this think about what that means. You are the one who knows your body. You are the one that deals with the highs and the lows on a 24/7 basis. You are the one that knows how your sugars respond to exercise or stress.
Well, I'm that person for Riley. I've been making all the decisions about his diabetes for the last 2 1/2 years. I may not feel the lows and the highs but I'm the "expert" (if there is such a thing) at how to deal with them. I make the decision to give 1/2 of the usual amount of insulin the night after a soccer game. I'm the one who makes the decision about how much to decrease his basal and for how long when his sugar is 82 at bedtime and he still has insulin on board.
Would you just turn the reigns over to someone else? Would you let someone else treat your lows and bolus for your highs? We all know that diabetes is an individual disease. What works for one will not always work for another. In some people excitement or stress raises their blood sugar. With Riley, it makes him go low.
I'm not complaining really. I know that's what it sounds like. It's not that I don't have anyone else to give the reigns to. I just don't want to give the reigns to anyone else. I don't want people to stop calling me and asking me what to do. Because as long as I'm making the decisions I'm doing something to help Riley.
That's really what it's all about. I want to make life better for Riley, easier. I don't want him to be high or low too often because I know it affects his body and it affects his moods.
I want him to run at soccer games until he can't run anymore. I know I'll be dealing with a low later if I don't decrease his basal and give him less of a bolus. But, what matters at the moment is that he's having fun. I don't want diabetes slowing him down or making him second guess himself.
I'm just tired, that's all. I want it all to go away, but I know it isn't going anywhere anytime soon, if at all.
Prayer helps. "I can do all things through Christ you strengthens me". But, what about the anger that is bubbling up inside me? Anger at a disease that I cannot control no matter how hard I try.
I guess it's kind of like doing laundry. That is my least favorite chore because it's never-ending. I may work all day to get the hamper empty only to have it fill up at night with 4 sets (sometimes more) of clothes and towels. I feel a sense of accomplishment when the hamper is empty. Then when it fills right back up again there's a feeling of "why bother?". It's just going to fill up again anyway.
With diabetes the hamper is always full. There's always something that needs to be done.
How do you guys deal with it? What do you do when you're burned out with a disease that is relentless, a disease that you want to ignore but you can't because ignoring it only makes it worse?
What do you do?
Sometimes you can get burned out with a hobby of yours. You may take a few days, weeks, or months off to return to it refreshed. Or you just take up a new hobby.
But, what do you do when the one thing that makes you cry and scream, the one thing that you don't want to see, hear, or feel anymore, is the one thing that you just CANNOT walk away from?
That's where I am right now. I am sick of finger sticks. I'm sick of figuring out how to adjust basals. I'm sick of site changes. I'm sick of treating lows and worrying about highs.
Yet I can't back away from it. I can't just take some time off. I know, I know it's not my disease. I'm usually the first to point out that this is Riley's disease, not mine. He feels the highs and the lows. For now it's my job to figure out what to do about them.
Even when he's somewhere else, at school, at my mom's, or even with Michael, I get a call. "Riley's sugar is 52. I gave him juice. Do you want him to have a snack too?" Or "Riley's sugar is 440. It was 330 before and I gave him insulin, but it won't come down. Do you think you need to change his needle?" Or "How many carbs is in.....?"
Your advice may be that I need to give the reigns over to someone else for a while. But, I can't.
You PWD out there reading this think about what that means. You are the one who knows your body. You are the one that deals with the highs and the lows on a 24/7 basis. You are the one that knows how your sugars respond to exercise or stress.
Well, I'm that person for Riley. I've been making all the decisions about his diabetes for the last 2 1/2 years. I may not feel the lows and the highs but I'm the "expert" (if there is such a thing) at how to deal with them. I make the decision to give 1/2 of the usual amount of insulin the night after a soccer game. I'm the one who makes the decision about how much to decrease his basal and for how long when his sugar is 82 at bedtime and he still has insulin on board.
Would you just turn the reigns over to someone else? Would you let someone else treat your lows and bolus for your highs? We all know that diabetes is an individual disease. What works for one will not always work for another. In some people excitement or stress raises their blood sugar. With Riley, it makes him go low.
I'm not complaining really. I know that's what it sounds like. It's not that I don't have anyone else to give the reigns to. I just don't want to give the reigns to anyone else. I don't want people to stop calling me and asking me what to do. Because as long as I'm making the decisions I'm doing something to help Riley.
That's really what it's all about. I want to make life better for Riley, easier. I don't want him to be high or low too often because I know it affects his body and it affects his moods.
I want him to run at soccer games until he can't run anymore. I know I'll be dealing with a low later if I don't decrease his basal and give him less of a bolus. But, what matters at the moment is that he's having fun. I don't want diabetes slowing him down or making him second guess himself.
I'm just tired, that's all. I want it all to go away, but I know it isn't going anywhere anytime soon, if at all.
Prayer helps. "I can do all things through Christ you strengthens me". But, what about the anger that is bubbling up inside me? Anger at a disease that I cannot control no matter how hard I try.
I guess it's kind of like doing laundry. That is my least favorite chore because it's never-ending. I may work all day to get the hamper empty only to have it fill up at night with 4 sets (sometimes more) of clothes and towels. I feel a sense of accomplishment when the hamper is empty. Then when it fills right back up again there's a feeling of "why bother?". It's just going to fill up again anyway.
With diabetes the hamper is always full. There's always something that needs to be done.
How do you guys deal with it? What do you do when you're burned out with a disease that is relentless, a disease that you want to ignore but you can't because ignoring it only makes it worse?
What do you do?
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