Thursday, November 09, 2006

My D-blog Post

It’s D-blog day.

When I first got up this morning, I wasn’t planning on writing anything. My last post still has me a little spent. Bringing all those bad thought to the forefront where I had to examine them was not a pleasant experience. I’m still a little down from it all.

But, as I was sitting on the couch this morning drinking my coffee, I started to think about that last post. It was a little gloomy, but it was honest. It was very hard for me to bare my sole like that.

Then, I got to thinking. What if someone new to this disease read that post? What would they get from it? That being the parent of a diabetic child is always heartbreaking? That’s not what I want to convey.

I’m somewhat new to this myself, in comparison to the other parents out there in the blogasphere. I’ve had diabetes in my house for 13 months now. And this November is nothing like the last.

I don’t like being negative. Not when there are so many positives in my life. I don’t want other parents who’ve been living this for a few weeks or a few months to think that they are saddled with a life a gloom and doom.

That is not the case at all.

Those first few months were just terrible. It just felt like a never-ending battle. A battle that I was sure I was destined to lose, a battle for which I felt so ill equipped.

But, as the weeks and months went on, each day was a little better than the last. The breakdowns didn’t come as often. But, to be honest, they still come occasionally. I would be lying if I said they didn’t.

I kind of picture it as a roller coaster ride. In the beginning there where a lot of ups and downs, more downs than ups. But, as time went on, I spent more time on an even keel. Those even places tend to have more curves in them. But, you learn to brace yourself, lean in, and go with it. The dips don’t last as long either.

What I’m trying to say (and doing a poor job of it, I think) is that it does get better. I joined the OC, sometime in November or December of last year, I think. And, at that time, I kept hearing, “It will get better”. And I kept thinking, “When?”

No one can tell you when that moment will come, but it will. That moment when you don’t feel like this disease is beating you up all the time, the one where you feel like you’re living your life again.

My life is full of wonderful things. I am so blessed beyond measure. I have a wonderful, loving, understanding husband. He is my best friend. I can tell him anything, and, even if he doesn’t understand, he loves me anyway.

I was blessed at a young age with a wonderful son. He and I grew up together. He taught me what true love is. Some people never know. I learned in a hospital room at the tender age of 17. I am so proud of the young man he has become. And, I look forward to see him grow into an adult. I’m excited to see what waits around the bend for him.

Eleven years after Holden, Riley came along. I worried before he was born how I would ever love him like I did Holden. I was worried that there wouldn’t be enough love to go around. But, the moment he was born, my heart grew a little and there was plenty of room for all that love.

I look forward to seeing what Riley will become too. I know it will be something great, because he is a great kid.

I’m crying again now. But, this time it’s not tears of sadness. It’s tears from having realized that my life is blessed and full of love. And, all that love I have, no one can take it away. Not even diabetes.

9 comments:

Lyrehca said...

Congratulations--I think things are finally getting better for you. This is one post where I feel like you have the upper hand, not despair over diabetes. May your perspective continue to blossom.

Sandra Miller said...

Penny-

You've come so far in these 13 months. And you're right-- there will always be those highs and lows, but how you look at and respond to them, that's what makes the difference.

Kerri. said...

I agree with Lyrehca and Sandra - you have come so far. And you're completely right: Diabetes will never diminish your love. Love burns on, well past the affects of any disease.

Anonymous said...

Riley and I were diagnosed at about the same time. I can relate to finally feeling like things are getting better. I am so happy they are for you as well.

Anonymous said...

It certainly sounds like things are settling a bit for you. I remember people telling me that it would get easier as well. It hasn't really gotten easier - I think I've just adjusted to it all and now have the confidence to deal with whatever the big D throws at my kid. Having that confidence really does help :)

I'm glad you found the O.C. - I know I sure am!

Kassie said...

love trumps diabetes any time. Thanks for posting this.

AmyT said...

Penny,

The moment things "get better" is the moment when you realize It Is What It Is -- and you can turn to other things in your life and be grateful. Sounds to me like you're there.

Happy D-blog day to you indeed.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Penny,

You know how you say your heart grew and there was that much more love when Riley came into your life?

Well, I believe that your resilience grew too when Riley's diabetes came into your life.

Just when you think you can't do anymore, you are blessed with the strength and ability to do, and to do it well.

Shannon said...

My comment was eaten up :(

Penny, you've always done a great job from the start. You were one of those parents who was able to get a grip on the mechanics of management even if you didn't think you did...you did, I could tell through your writing.

The effort you put into your son's management and the effort you put into the cause gives me great comfort....