It’s D-blog day.
When I first got up this morning, I wasn’t planning on writing anything. My last post still has me a little spent. Bringing all those bad thought to the forefront where I had to examine them was not a pleasant experience. I’m still a little down from it all.
But, as I was sitting on the couch this morning drinking my coffee, I started to think about that last post. It was a little gloomy, but it was honest. It was very hard for me to bare my sole like that.
Then, I got to thinking. What if someone new to this disease read that post? What would they get from it? That being the parent of a diabetic child is always heartbreaking? That’s not what I want to convey.
I’m somewhat new to this myself, in comparison to the other parents out there in the blogasphere. I’ve had diabetes in my house for 13 months now. And this November is nothing like the last.
I don’t like being negative. Not when there are so many positives in my life. I don’t want other parents who’ve been living this for a few weeks or a few months to think that they are saddled with a life a gloom and doom.
That is not the case at all.
Those first few months were just terrible. It just felt like a never-ending battle. A battle that I was sure I was destined to lose, a battle for which I felt so ill equipped.
But, as the weeks and months went on, each day was a little better than the last. The breakdowns didn’t come as often. But, to be honest, they still come occasionally. I would be lying if I said they didn’t.
I kind of picture it as a roller coaster ride. In the beginning there where a lot of ups and downs, more downs than ups. But, as time went on, I spent more time on an even keel. Those even places tend to have more curves in them. But, you learn to brace yourself, lean in, and go with it. The dips don’t last as long either.
What I’m trying to say (and doing a poor job of it, I think) is that it does get better. I joined the OC, sometime in November or December of last year, I think. And, at that time, I kept hearing, “It will get better”. And I kept thinking, “When?”
No one can tell you when that moment will come, but it will. That moment when you don’t feel like this disease is beating you up all the time, the one where you feel like you’re living your life again.
My life is full of wonderful things. I am so blessed beyond measure. I have a wonderful, loving, understanding husband. He is my best friend. I can tell him anything, and, even if he doesn’t understand, he loves me anyway.
I was blessed at a young age with a wonderful son. He and I grew up together. He taught me what true love is. Some people never know. I learned in a hospital room at the tender age of 17. I am so proud of the young man he has become. And, I look forward to see him grow into an adult. I’m excited to see what waits around the bend for him.
Eleven years after Holden, Riley came along. I worried before he was born how I would ever love him like I did Holden. I was worried that there wouldn’t be enough love to go around. But, the moment he was born, my heart grew a little and there was plenty of room for all that love.
I look forward to seeing what Riley will become too. I know it will be something great, because he is a great kid.
I’m crying again now. But, this time it’s not tears of sadness. It’s tears from having realized that my life is blessed and full of love. And, all that love I have, no one can take it away. Not even diabetes.