I'm at my wit's end (is that supposed to be possessive? it's my wit right? whatever that is) when it comes to Riley's numbers lately.
One good thing is that the average on his machine has come down about 30 points since his last endo appointment. But, we've had quite a few lows.
The problem is the lows come at different times. If he's having consistent lows at around the same time every day then I know what to do. But, when his lows (and highs) are all over the place I'm at a loss.
He had a low in the 50s night before last, just before bedtime. I don't sleep well anyway, but a low like that just before I tucked him in to bed didn't help any.
I guess we overdid it because he ran high all night. Oh wait, he runs high all night every. freaking. night.
I have increased carb coverage. I've increased his basals. We correct him at night and still he stays high. Again, not good for my sleep pattern. Because when I correct him in the middle of the night even though he hasn't really been coming down I still worry that he will eventually crash.
His basal rates look crazy to me. He always had his lowest basals leading up to bedtime, but now his highest rate is from 9 PM- 12 AM. And, still, he's high. All. night. long.
Is it because he's growing? Is it because he's not active at night? Is it because his pancreas is helping me out during the day, but at night it need it's rest too?
I don't know. I try and try not to let the numbers get to me. But, they do. Still, it's better than it used to be. Before ALL the numbers got to me. Now, it gets to me when he runs high for a while or we have a lot of lows close together.
Yesterday at school he was high all day. We kept pumping the insulin in. He'd drop some, but he still stayed in the 200s most of the day. And, someone had a birthday party yesterday. So, he ate a cupcake with a sugar of 268.
He usually gets snack at my mom's after school but the birthday party was at the end of school so I told my mom not to give him snack. But, he'd gotten quite a bit of insulin at the party so I told her to check his sugar at some point just to make sure he was OK.
She checked him at 4:05 PM (1 hour and 15 minutes post-party insulin) and he was 168. At 4:58 PM ( a mere 53 minutes later) he said he felt low. His sugar was 50. He got a juice box and 15 minutes later he was 42.
When Michael walked in the door I looked at him and said, "I give up." I'm just so frustrated with it all.
Then, last night before bed he was in the 300s. Rebound? Maybe. His pancreas screwing with me? That's more likely.
I'm just at a point now where I feel like I can't win. I look at his numbers and I'm at a loss of what to do. The words basal, bolus, insulin on board, and carb ratio swim around in my brain and end up looking like balus, bosal, carb board, and ratio on insulin.
It's just stopped making sense to me. Riley's endo said I could fax his sugars to her and she's see what she could do.
But, what can she do, adjust here and adjust there only to adjust here and there again in a few days? All the while I get to see Riley's eyes glaze over with every low and have my heart ache with fear with every high that just won't come down.
Sorry to be such a downer but I'm feeling a little inadequate right now caring for Riley's diabetes. Nothing I'm doing seems to be helping.
Sometimes I feel like diabetes and I are in a race. And I'm so afraid it's going to win.