Monday, October 15, 2007

Primal Scream

Not much sleep last night,
lows, lows, lows
over treated lows

Site change this morning
draw up, peel, swab
wait for it to dry

He tries to run away
to the hall, to his room, to the moon
I hold him in place

He needs a distraction: I ask about Spongebob
one, two, three
click

His chin wrinkles and his eyes moisten
hands fly to the site, trying to grab, to rub
I pull his hand away

He lets out a primal scream
hug, kiss, pat
he clings to me

My primal scream is buried
by fear, guilt, will
I must not let it escape

8 comments:

Shannon said...

This was disturbing to me. You totally touched upon what we go through with Brendon and could feel it in every line you wrote. Well written.

Nicole P said...

Wow, Penny. This is a remarkable piece of writing... The lines that got me were "to the moon" and "buried - be fear, guilt, will." The strength you have to show on a day to day basis really makes a mark on those of us who've lived with this disease - and who have parents that have lived this with us. - N

Carey said...

I know that primal scream. Great writing. "To the moon." Very good.

Lisa said...

Completely relate. We don't have site changes to deal with but we seem to go in cycles of not wanting to have shots. I hate having to hold her down.

Thanks for writing this.

Donna said...

Penny, I hate that you have to go through this. But you want what's best for Riley, so you do it. You do a great job with him.

He will get used to this stuff eventually. I remember screaming & crying when my parents gave me my injections when I was little. Then one day - I remember it so vividly - I just gave myself my shot. One day - Riley will just say he's ready to do it himself, too. Hang in there...

Chrissie in Belgium said...

Oh Penny - do you hear my sigh for you and for Riley! What you have to know is that you are not alone with this burden. WHY can't they find a cure! They have been promising a cure for so dam LONG!

joe (tudiabetes) said...

Penny, can I tell you that I cried when I read this? I don't know if it was because of the way you put the words to the feelings or if it was because, for me there was nobody, just nobody there to comfort me 30 years ago... seems like a lifetime

mika513 said...

my two year is type1 diabetic just found out in june of 2007 wen she was 18months but now things are crazy she wont sleep it seems like her bed time is like 6 or 7am what to do