Sunday, March 15, 2009

The Slap

Riley is sick again for the fourth time in about six weeks. He’s had two ear infections, a bout with asthma, and now, he’s running a fever, no other symptoms, just a fever which has made his sugars go up.

Last night he was sitting on the couch in between Michael and me. He eventually put his head in my lap. Next thing I knew he had fallen asleep. When Michael picked him up to put him into his bed he noticed he felt warm. I checked his temperature and it was 101.6. His only complaint all day had been a headache. His sugars had been good too, the best they had been in a while.

Ibuprofen brought his temperature down. The regular middle of the night sugar checks including temperature checks. He did OK until about 6:30 in the morning when it started to rise again and he got more Ibuprofen. Somehow, his sugars were perfect all night long.

That hasn’t been the case today. He’s been high all day. Right now he’s running at an increased basal to try and counter-act that.

For most other kids, being sick is no big deal. As a mother you hate to see them feel bad. You worry about them, but not like you do when diabetes is involved.

When your child with diabetes is sick, you feel more than sympathy, you feel fear. You’re on alert all the times anyway, but now you’re on high alert. Every little complaint could mean something. A tummy ache becomes a very big deal.

It is days like today that diabetes slaps me in the face, leaving my cheek reddened. It stings and I feel my eyes fill with tears. My hand flies to my face and I rub my cheek wondering why I didn’t see it coming.

I know I’ll deal with this and move on. The fever will subside and life will return to our kind of normal. Riley will have highs and lows. He may even have a few days of good sugars.

The pain comes from knowing that it won’t last. Just when I convince myself that I can handle this, that we have things under control, diabetes will reach up and slap me in the face again.

And again, and again, and again……

7 comments:

Amy said...

Sending you lots and lots and lots of hugs!!! You said it so well and described exactly how I know I feel when suddenly the bottom drops out from under me! Jada's been having a great week- she's made it through the winter without the flu and only had a bit of a cold. I feel like I'm waiting for a bomb to go off!!!
Hang in there! Prayers to you tonight!

type1mom said...

I'm so sorry Penny! You certainly said it right, the pain does come from knowing "it will never last" I was just thinking about this today! I kept wondering why I awe the "good times" when I know it wont last. Then when the "good" times pass, I act shocked as though I thought it would stay "good" forever. Weird. I guess we always belive we have found "stability"

Illness really is heart wrenching for our kids, for us. If the common cold could just be "common" again......I hope Riley turns around and doesn't get a full blown yuckiness. ((big hugs)) Maybe you need a good cry.....we are all here to listen.

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Penny said...

Thanks guys. A good cry is probably exactly what I need. But, I'm afraid if I start crying I'll never stop. Frankly, I don't have the time or the energy for that right now.

Riley has not had a high fever since around 6:30 yesterday evening. His temp was 99.1 at midnight and I gave him Ibuprofen to get him through the night. So far, so good. If he spikes a temp again I'll take him to the doctor. I'm hoping it's just a little bug and that it has passed. (Although sugars are still not cooperating.)

Carey said...

Stinks! Sorry, Penny. It's been a very rough winter for us too with the viruses. Hang in there.

Penny said...

Carey,

What really gets to me is that I'm trying really hard to get Riley's basals adjusted. But, that's very hard to do when he has an infection or virus every other week or so. They throw his sugars off for days and it seems once they get somewhat stable again, he gets another sickness.

I appreciate you guys listening. I hate for every post to be a complaint, it's just been rough here lately.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Hang in there Penny!