I screwed up.
I’m not surprised. It’s not the first time I’ve screwed up, and unfortunately, it won’t be the last.
But, I screwed up when it comes to Riley's diabetes and it is tearing at my heart this morning.
I know it’s not really that big of a deal. I’m trying not to dwell on it. The whole reason I’m writing this post is to get it out and hopefully move on. It really amazes me how writing about an experience helps me to move on and not dwell on it.
Last night at supper Riley’s sugar was 116. Excellent.
He had some meat, spaghetti Os, french fries, and some ketchup. I counted his carbs twice and bolused for 25 grams.
At 9:30 last night, he wanted a snack. I checked his sugar. It was 351.
I looked at Michael, “Hmm, I wonder how that happened.”
I checked his needle, checked his tube for bubbles, and found everything to be in working order. I just chalked it up as "one of those things".
I bolused. He went down. He had a snack. He went to bed. He went low (69) twice during the night.
This morning at my mom’s I was logging his sugars and what he ate last night.
I started writing down, “french fries, ketchup, spaghetti o’s” . Then I started thinking. “Wasn’t there something else?”
Then it hit me. He had a roll. He ate a roll and got no coverage for it, 15g of no coverage.
Well, that explains the 351.
His average sugar yesterday was 164. Not bad for a four year old. But, I averaged his sugar without the 351 and it was 145. I like that better.
So, now, I’m beating myself up for miscounting his carbs. I know things like this happen. I know it won’t be the last time I do it. And I know in the grand scheme of life it didn't make that much of a difference.
But, I’m supposed to protect him. And, I’m the one who ran his sugar up last night. It was me. Not his insulin or a kink in his cannula or some weird unexplained cosmic thing. Me, me, me.
It just scares me. Number one, that I could just forget to bolus for something. Number two, it scares me what not bolusing for one roll did to his sugar.
Seeing what the miscount in carbs did made it more real to me somehow. It’s strange. I can’t really explain it.
It just sort of reinforced to me how dangerous this disease really is. And, how important it is to stay on top of it 24/7.
Maybe I needed to be reminded of that.