Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Nice to be amongst the living

I started this blog to help other parents of kids with Type 1. I'm not sure why I thought I could be of help. I was only 6 weeks into Riley's diagnosis when I started blogging.

I was so new and my emotions were so raw that I was no help to anyone.

I've been blogging a little over two years now. And, maybe I have helped someone out along the way. I hope I have.

But, I do know one person I have helped. Me.

You may have noticed I haven't really blogged about too many diabetes things lately.

Diabetes doesn't affect me like it used to. I don't crumble into a puddle of tears when Riley runs high for several hours. I don't spend every moment watching the clock knowing it's snack or lunch time at school and Riley's teacher might be calling.

Yes there are still the things that nag at me, things like having wonderful sugars during Christmas break only to have them go haywire when he started back to school. Or other people's stupid comments about a disease they know nothing about. Or just the fact that I have to stick him with needles at all. Or the look in his eyes when he's low.

It took me about 26 months to finally be at peace with this disease. I think a lot of that has to do with this blog and the wonderful support I have found by sharing our story with others.

I remember about a year into Riley's diagnosis Dr. M asked "Is diabetes still #1 on your priority list?"

I had to answer yes. It still consumed my thoughts and much of my day. I could not envision a life where diabetes was anything but first place.

If she asked me that question again today I would have to say no. Diabetes is not #1 on my priority list.

You can take that however you want. I take it as a blessing.

Diabetes no longer consumes my thoughts. My thoughts are now consumed with other things like basketball and soccer games, SAT scores and colleges. I finally feel like I can give my full attention to something else other than diabetes.

I know I'll still have days where I curse this disease. I know there are days when it will make me cry. I'm certainly not immune to it.

But, I have finally realized where diabetes fits into my life. I feel like I can focus on actually living again.

For the last two years I haven't been living, I've just been existing.

It's nice to be amongst the living again.


Albert said...

It's really nice to hear that you've been able to make peace with it and give Riley the attention in other areas that will help him be a happy kid.

type1mom said...

Amen Penny...I have just come to this point after diagnosis myself. I understand entirely. Here's to living life without being "D" pre-occupied!

Paige said...

This is a great post, Penny. I think that where you have been and where you are now are together making you that much stronger of a mom. Your kids are so lucky.

Jillian said...

I'm so glad you've come to this place. I have no idea what it is like to have a child with this disease, but I do think that if some mothers (not you) took half of the time they spent worry about diabetes and spent it enjoying the beautiful miracle that their children are their lives would be much much better. I'm happy you have found peace.

Shannon said...

It is such a process, Penny. You did awesome getting through it. I'm lucky to know such a great mom to a cute kid.

Donna said...

Lovely post, Penny.

George said...

Congrats! What a beautiful post.

Major Bedhead said...

There were times when I would read your blog and have flashbacks to when O was first diagnosed. It was really hard to read you at times, but I'm so glad you feel like you've come thru to the other side. It's definitely a long process and one that many people just can't understand.

Welcome back. :)

Lyrehca said...

Welcome back, indeed.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Great post Penny.

And I think you have helped many more people than you realize, but the one you mentioned is the most important.

Thank you for all that you have shared with us.

Lisa said...

Late again...I'm trying to catch up with my blog reading. LOL!

What a timely post! I have really been trying to make my peace with diabetes lately. I feel like I haven't been living since Isabelle was diagnosed; just existing. I think that is why I have been so glad for a new year and a new start.

I hope that this year is a good one for you and yours. Thanks for the support over the last 8 months. It has really helped me get through this.

Lynnea said...

Thanks for this post. Even though I am still in the "fog" of son(4 yrs) was diagnosed just a little over a month ago...this post gives me hope. I know my life will settle into a "normal"....a new "normal"...but it will not be so consumed with diabetes some day. Thank you!!!

The Turner's said...

Penny, I linked you through Diabetes Sweeties. My 10 year old daughter was diagnosed at age 5 (I also have a blog - check us out I LOVED your post and I can relate to so much that you said!