Saturday, February 04, 2006

Update on our life

I've been so wrapped up in the Ariel Botzet lately that I haven't written about what's going on. Well, my friends, I think the grieving has ended. I'm not happy that Riley has diabetes, but I'm not sad about it anymore. Actually, I don't think about it much anymore. I guess I do, but maybe I've just gotten used to thinking about it. Does that make sense? For example, when I'm working my mom keeps Riley. Even though she's been fully trained on how to care for him, how to treat highs/lows, and how to count carbs, I still call at lunch to see what his sugar is and how many carbs he's eating. It's not that I don't trust my mom. It's just that I want to know, like knowing will change anything. Well, I'm sitting at my desk Monday and the phone rings about 3:30 PM. It's my mom.

Mom: "Are you OK?"
Me: "Yes. Why?"
Mom: " I was just checking to make sure you're OK. I thought maybe you got sick or something happened to you."
Me: "Why?"
Mom: "Well, you never called and asked what Riley's sugar was at lunch."
Me: "Was it OK?"
Mom: "It was 95. He ate 34g of carbs and now he's taking a nap."
Me: "Wow." (big grin on my face) "I guess I've finally stopped worrying all the time."

It was such a great feeling. So freeing. It's not that I don't care. We're still checking sugars 6-8 times a day and he still gets 4 shots a day. Some times he's high and sometimes he's low but, many times lately he's been just right. I've finally learned to just roll with the punches. I was talking to my husband today and I was telling him that I've finally learned that no matter what his sugar is, we can fix it. If his sugars start creeping up. We can fix it. If he's low. We can fix it. We've learned how to adjust doses on our own. And, we can usually look at Riley and tell when he's low. His eyes just don't look right. We've been through enough highs and lows to realize that we can deal with them.

My life really doesn't revolve around diabetes anymore. Really. I'm not just fooling myself. Checking sugars, counting carbs, and giving insulin have just become a part of an everyday routine. I still hate diabetes and I still pray for and try to raise money for a cure, but we're in a groove. We are dealing with this, and by goodness we will get through this and Riley will grow up to be whatever he wants to be. I once read a mom write that diabetes was just part of her kid, just like blue eyes and a goofy laugh. I always envied that. I couldn't look at it that way. Diabetes was a horrible monster that made me cry every day. Riley's beautiful brown eyes and infectious laugh didn't make me do that. They belonged. Diabetes did not. Well, I'm there now. Diabetes is just a part of who Riley is. It's not all that he is. He's a wonderful 3 year old who absolutely loves to watch his brother play X-box and then spend hours pretending to be the people in the games. He's a 3 year old who woke up the other morning singing "It's a happy day, oh a happy day" And the same 3 year old that walked in the living room the other day and gave me a big hug and said "You're so pretty mama." Yes, I've decided we're going to be OK. I know that some days will be better than others and I've yet to deal with his first sick day, but I know we'll get through whatever may come our way.

Holden's birthday is tomorrow. He will be 15. We will be going on Monday to get his learner's permit. I'm nervous to ride with him. Is this wrong of me? I'll let you all know how it goes after I take my first ride.

Also, I want to raise money to donate to The Lee Iacocca Foundation . Are there any suggestions of what I can do? Any one out there done their own fundraisers? The county I live in is a big Relay for Life supporter. We are always #1 per capita for money raised to find a cure for cancer. That fund raiser is in May and I don't really want to take away from that. Any suggestions?

And, last but not least, an update on Riley's pump. I called Animas Tuesday. They still didn't have the paperwork from the Dr. M. (the rep) said that he had left several messages and didn't know what the hold up is. So, I call and leave a message for "office girl" (OG). I also have the endo's cell number, so I called and left a message on that too. 10 minutes later I got a call from the doc. She usually ask that you give her 2 weeks to get the paperwork done, but seeing that it had been 3 weeks she would do it that day and get it to Animas. She said she called OG and she had received the paperwork. I haven't heard anything since. I'm going to call M on Monday and see if he's actually gotten the paperwork from the Dr. I wonder how long it will take the insurance to give approval.

I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend.


Anonymous said...

It is good to be at that point. My son is 15 and has had diabetes for just over 2 years now. When he was diagnosed, I was mostly terrified that he would die very young because my father (the only other diabetic in our family) had died at 32. I've since learned so much about the differences in care of diabetis that that fear is gone (thank goodness!) But he is my absolute hero. He has not complained one day about having this awful thing. If asked, he'll say "It sucks". But he never, never complains. He is an honor student, an Eagle scout and is now training to play on the HS football team at the school we just moved to. He does use a pump and for that we are so grateful because it has made a tremendous difference in his quality of life and keeps his sugars in check so that his brain can function properly.
As Riley gets older, he'll be able to tell you when he's low or high. I am amazed at those I read about that have small children with diabetes because I can't imagine having to do all this for my son. As he gets older, he'll also start doing everything himself, but you'll still ask him every day "How were your sugars". I imagine in a few years, the first line of my e-mail to my son in college will be asking how his sugars are.
I've gone on enough. You're doing a great job! Riley & Holden are so lucky to have a Mom that cares so much!

Major Bedhead said...

I remember the day that I got to that point, that diabetes just became part of our life. Actually, I don't remember the day, I just remember talking to someone about Olivia and that person looking very sorry for me and making all these sympathetic noises and me saying "What? It's not a big deal, it's just the way we live." And it was true.

I think that "It's just a part of him" attitude is the healthiest one to have. It will make him see that he can do whatever he wants, that he can be like all the other kids, that he doesn't have to let diabetes hold him back. Of course, this doesn't mean that you won't have days when you'll curse the diabetes gods and cry and scream and holler. I still have them and it's been over 8 years. It's just easier to pick up the pieces and keep on keeping on now.

Jamie said...

Congrats on getting to this point. You did better than me lol - it took me almost six months to get to this point.

I still to obsess about her numbers (does that ever completely change?) - but, I do not cry about it so much anymore (yes, I still have my moments, but not like before where I could just look at her and break into tears).

I'm in a better place now - I'm glad you are too :) Keep up the great work, you're a wonderful Mom!

Shannon said...

I used to call Jeff at work after getting a reading for breakfast and lunch.

His coworkers knew what time it was based on my phone calls (it must be 9 am if that's must be 12 o'clock if Shannon is calling).

I did a 100 mile bike ride last year to raise money for Join Lee Now. I got through about 35 miles of it, but my sister and I raised $1,800.

Penny Ratzlaff said...

Thanks everyone for your nice comments. Jamie, I know exactly what you're talking about. I used to look at Riley and he was so cute and innocent and I would just burst into tears. I haven't done that in a long time. I hope I'm not due for an outburst any time soon.