Interview Me(me)

I have been interviewed by Vivian at DanielDoo. I will tell you how to play at the end of my interview if you're interested.

#1: If you could choose a career, besides nurse, what would it be?

I've played around with the idea of being a diabetes educator, but then I'd still be a nurse wouldn't I? I would never do that though. I just think the best educators are the ones who have been there themselves. You can't learn everything from books. You learn the most from experience. But, that would be too much diabetes for me, I think.

I think if I could be anything, it would be a pharmacist. I've often wished that I went to pharmacy school rather than nursing school. It would have only been one more year than what I went anyway.

#2: Who has had the biggest impact on your life?

No question about it, my mom. I guess that might be the case for most people though.

My mom is a fine upstanding Christian woman. She has led by example in so many aspects of her life. She was/is a very sacrificing mom. She made sure my needs were met even if her's weren't. She's always told me I could do anything I wanted, and I always believed her.

#3: Tell us about one of the most fun moments of your life.

Now, that's a hard question. I really have had a great life. I guess I'll say a somewhat recent fun moment. We went on vacation to the mountains of NC last July. We had the best time. I knew that we needed to enjoy it because Holden was 14 and soon wouldn't tolerate family vacations. We all slid down Sliding Rock into the ice cold water. Even my brave Riley did this. We hiked to a beautiful waterfall and spent a few hours just watching the water and talking.

I have tears in my eyes right now thinking about it. The memories are all that much sweeter because Riley didn't have diabetes then. We didn't have the worries we have now. I think about how much different that trip would have been had he had D. Not quite as carefree. I'm glad we did it.

#4: What is your guilty pleasure, just for you?

Sorry to be boring, but I don't really have one. I don't really have anything that I do just for me. I'm in "mom mode" too much, I think. The one thing that I do that doesn't really involve the kids or my husband is play Super Collapse II on the computer. If you haven't tried it, you should. But, beware, it's addictive.

So, I guess playing a mindless game instead of cleaning the house sometimes is my guilty pleasure. Yes, I really am that boring.

#5: Name a positive thing about diabetes.

A few months ago this question would have been impossible for me to answer. I would have just said, "There isn't one." and be done with it.

I can say that diabetes has had a positive influence on how I see things now. As much as I talk on my blog about breakdowns and the bad stuff, I really have learned to enjoy life now more than I did before. I think Riley getting diabetes made me focus in on what's important. Before, I think I was just trudging through life. I wasn't really taking time to enjoy it.

I laugh more now than I used to. I've learned to loosen up a little more. I really did used to be a fun person, but somewhere along the way, I lost that part of myself. I'm now getting it back.

A few weeks ago my mom and I were talking about Holden going to Las Vegas with his basketball team. I told her that I wanted to go, but it would be so expensive. Plus, I want Michael and Riley to go too. But, of course, that's added expense. But, if Holden goes, I'm going to find a way to go. I told my mom that since Riley was diagnosed I've realized that we only get one life. We need to enjoy it while we can because we never know what tomorrow might bring. Before Riley was diagnosed if this trip had come up, first of all, I probably wouldn't let Holden go. Secondly, I wouldn't have considered flying the family all the way across the country. But, now, I realize opportunities sometimes only knock once and you better run to the door and answer it, before it moves on to someone else.

Here are the directions for anyone else who would like to play. Leave me a comment saying interview me. The first five commenters will be the participants. I will respond by asking you five questions. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

I'm putting this in myself. I know I have some that read my blog that don't have a blog of their own. If you would like to play just leave a comment saying "interview me" and I'll give you the questions. Instead of posting it in your blog, you can post your answers in the comments of my blog, if you'd like.

WOO HOO!!!!

Thank you to all who contacted your Senators regarding S.1955. It looks like it worked!

Please go to Sandra's blog for more info.

And to copy Sandra's sentiments, THANK GOD!!!

Another breakdown

I had another breakdown today. You know what I'm talking about. One of those "I just can't do this anymore" breakdowns.

I'd had a particularly tough day. First, my wrist has been hurting for over a week now. I bought a brace. I've been using heat and Ibuprofen, but the pain keeps getting worse instead of better. (I'm typing this with one hand, so it will probably be short. ) So, I finally break down this morning and get an appointment with the Dr. I HATE going to the Dr. Other than my yearly physical, I avoid Drs at all costs. One reason is because I'm a nurse and I don't like dealing with Drs anymore than I already do. Another reason is because you tend to have to go to them 3-4 times before they actually tell you what's wrong with you.

My appointment was at 11:45. My Dr. is 45 minutes away. I had a new patient to admit this morning, which is pretty time consuming. There is a lot of paperwork involved. She also had a somewhat involved dressing change to do, which didn't help my wrist at all.

I got done at her house just in time to leave for my appointment. The Dr. (actually PA) told me that the symptoms I'm having are a little weird. I didn't actually injure my wrist. It just started hurting. He took x-rays and nothing appeared to be broken. So, you guessed it, "well, Mrs. R. I don't really know what it is. Where you are hurting there aren't really any major tendons or ligaments. Maybe it's cartilage , blah, blah, blah...." In other words, "I have no better idea than you what is wrong with your wrist". He gave my steroids (which I won't take because I've taken them before and they drive me up the wall) and a prescription for something that has the analgesic effects of an aspirin. I'll just stick with my Ibuprofen, thanks.

I had left my cell phone in the car. When I got back to the car I called my mom. She'd just checked Riley's sugar and it was 67. She gave him some fruit snacks and he had eaten and his sugar was now 190. He's been low at lunch the last few days, so I made a mental note to do some adjustments when I get home.

I left the Dr's office and went to another patients house. This particular patient is what we in the medical profession call a train wreck. He's in his 70s, lives alone, has no children or family to help, and was just sent home with a trach. He is really just an accident waiting to happen. To make a long story short, the visit was filled with one problem after another. I had to make several phone calls to Drs, oxygen companies, and respiratory therapists. All the time, my wrist is throbbing. The PA was anything but gentle when he examined it. Oh, I failed to mention that just before I arrived at the patient's house my mom called to inform me that Riley's sugar was now 334. Great, just what I needed to hear.

I finished up with my patient and got in the car to go home. I felt so sorry for him. He's all alone and he's sick and I'm almost all he has and I only see him 3 days a week. That coupled with my pain and Riley's sugars was enough to push me over the edge. I had a 15 minutes ride home and I cried the whole way. I didn't just cry, I sobbed.

Most of it was a "diabetes breakdown". I need to have one every once in a while, it seems. I just feel like I'm not doing enough to keep his sugars under control. After a good cry I realize that I'm doing all I can, and I go on.

When I walked in the house Michael could tell I'd been crying and I just lost it again. I cried for another 15 minutes or so. But, now, I feel much better. Even though after I stopped crying I asked Michael to check Riley's sugar to see if it had come down and it had come down...to 57.

Right now he is happily playing video games with his dad and his big brother. My wrist has eased off a bit after 4 ibuprofen. I've had my good cry and I'm ready to go another couple of months before it probably happens again.

Set problems

It amazes me and terrifies me that Riley's sugars are dependent on a thin 6mm tube. The pump has to be working too. But, if the pump stops working, you know it pretty much immediately. If the set is not working. It's not quite as easy.

The set stopped working Tuesday. I usually work on Tuesdays, but on this particular day, I was home. My mom was working at the polls. His sugar for the day started out at 90. Nice! At lunch, it was 200. Not too out of the ordinary for him. At snack time at 3:30 PM it was 415. WHAT?!? That was the second reading. The first time I checked it, it registered too high to read. That made my heart jump into my throat. I actually checked it twice after that. Both readings were in the 400s. I tried not to just jump to the fact that it was his set. But, his sugars have never really been that high unless he was having a set problem. I gave him a correction. 45 minutes later, we're 406. OK, maybe I'll wait and give the insulin a little more time to work. 30 minutes later: 381. 45 minutes after that: 381. The insulin should defiantly have worked by now. I pulled the set out. The tip of the cannula was curved ever so slightly. Maybe he was getting a little insulin, but not nearly enough.

I did the set change without numbing it first. I didn't have time to wait. But, Riley did great. He said it didn't hurt. After the set change, he was 427. I gave him a correction of 1.05 and an hour later he was 168. Then, 75. 15g of carbs later: 113.

We went out to eat at an Italian restaurant last night. Riley had spaghetti. Spaghetti has never effected his sugar much more than any other food. At supper, his sugar was 103. 2 1/2 hours after supper: 123. He had a snack and when he went to bed he was 202. 2 AM he was 336. Maybe it took the spaghetti a while to kick in? I had the alarm set to get up again at 4 AM, but at 3:50, I hear. "Mom, I wet the bed." I knew what that meant. He was still high.

We were sleeping in the living room. Every so often on Friday nights, we pull the mattresses into the living room and watch a movie. After the movie, we sleep in the living room. Last night, the main feature was "Finding Nemo". It's a movie Riley has, but we hadn't seen it in a while. If you haven't seen this movie, go out and rent it. It's a really good movie. I'm not usually a fan of animated movies, but I love this one. It's a pixar movie, which somehow, usually makes it better.

I checked his sugar. It was now 298. Michael stripped down his bed and I got him washed off and got his PJs changed. Then, I made an executive decision. I wasn't comfortable with leaving the set in. It may have been the spaghetti, but I didn't want to take that chance.

When Riley found out I was going to change the set, he started crying. "Mom, please, no. I just want to go to sleep." He was so pitiful. He was just sobbing. Once again, we changed the set without the numbing cream. When I pulled the set out I didn't see where there was anything wrong with it. Still, I'd rather be safe than sorry. Riley cried big crocodile tears this time. I was biting my lip the whole time, trying not to blink so the tears wouldn't spill out of my eyes.

He had been sleeping on his mattress, but after the set change I held him for a while and just kept whispering "I'm so sorry." Then, I let him sleep in between Michael and me.

He didn't get a correction because he does tend to drop the most after 4 AM. When he woke up this morning, he was 169. Not too terrible.

I just wish there was some way to see the cannula without actually pulling the set out. But, since you can't do that, I will keep using my best judgment. Just another thing to add to the guessing game that is diabetes.

Basketball and an endo appointment

I know I've neglected this blog lately. Things have been so busy, it doesn't feel like I have time to breathe, let alone blog. Things have been busy in a good way though.

We went off for the weekend again for more basketball. It was the state AAU tournaments. It was double elimination. They won their first game and then lost the next two games. So, they didn't place high enough to go to the nationals, which will be in Florida.

Friday we stopped on the way to the games for an endo. appointment. Riley had been pumping exactly 8 weeks. He had gained a pound which I was very happy with. She also checked his A1C, which had gone up, of course. It's to be expected when you first start the pump because you usually have some high numbers in the beginning while trying to find your right basals. 8 weeks ago his A1C was 7.6, it is now 8.1. Although I hate that it went up, I'm trying to keep it in perspective. 8.1 is still a good A1C for his age. I've seen the range for his age as 75.-8.5, but I'd really like to keep it under 8. We will be going back the end of June and I'm hoping it will be better then. We're not having the highs like we were one time. Now they happen only occasionally, not every day like in the beginning of pumping.

Dr. M came in and the first thing she did was ask Riley how he liked the pump. She asked him if he was eating everything he wanted to and if he had any questions for her. She looked at his sites we've been using for his sets and said they looked great. Then, she went on the ask us some questions. Some of the questions she asked where: "Have you stopped doing things that you would be doing if Riley didn't have diabetes?" (No) "Are you letting him eat like he wants to?" (Yes). The one question that stuck in my mind and I have thought of quite a bit since the appointment was "Is diabetes still in the top 3 of you lists of problems?" I had to be honest and say yes. She assured me that one day she would ask that question and I would say no. I have to admit I have a hard time believing her. She then went on to add that given that Riley was so young, it may take a little longer before it wasn't so high on the list, but one day it wouldn't be. Still, I'm not convinced.

She then looked at his sugars. She looked at how I'd been adjusting basals and said, "You have a good eye for this. It looks like all you need is for me to bless you and send you on your way." That made me feel good. I felt like I had a good idea of what to do, but then I was thinking maybe there was something I could do differently. The main two problems we've been having are his 2 hour post parandal (after eating) breakfast sugar. It's been too high. One might think a carb coverage adjustment is in order, but his breakfast coverage is already 1 per 30g. This is the highest of all his carb coverage. Upping it to 1 per 25g just seemed like too much to me. His morning basal is also the highest of all day at .150. The second problem ties in with and probably causes the first one. Riley's 2 and 3 AM sugars are usually a little too high, usually in the lower 200s. But, by 5-6 AM, his sugars are low enough that we have to suspend his pump sometimes. His basals from 12 AM to 3 AM are .10. They drop all the way down to 0.05 from 3 AM-8AM but still he drops too low. Dr. M's thinking was just like mine. She said that 1 per 25g is too much carb coverage and the problem with his morning sugars going up probably stem from his basal being so low earlier in the morning. She said what we need to do is get his 5-8 AM sugars up so we can increase the basals going into breakfast. But, how do you do that? I told her the thing that bothers me most right now is having to basically run his sugar up at bedtime so his sugar won't go too low later in the morning. If I don't run his sugars up to the 200s, he will defiantly go too low later and need his pump suspended, which again, affects his post-breakfast sugar. Her thinking is that he is just so active. He really is never still. She thinks his activity affects his sugars in the early morning hours. Her recommendation was to try increasing the amount of fat he gets at his bedtime snack. She's hoping that will help keep those sugars up a little longer thus allowing us to increase his basals a little. Now, Riley's nighttime snack is cheese puffs. It makes me cringe to even write it. But, he loves it and it has 8g of fat per serving but no trans fats. At first, I thought it may be working. His sugars were 134 and 121 pre-breakfast. But, this morning, he was 90. That's a great sugar, but too low to increase the basals. His after breakfast sugars have been running in the 250s range. His 8-12 basals have also been increased to .175, but I haven't seen where it's made much of a difference.

The rest of his sugars are doing pretty good. We hadn't had any major lows lately. That was until Sunday morning.

We were near a place with a huge mall. We decided to spend some time there before heading home. Riley's pre-breakfast sugar was 134. We then went to the mall. We had only been there about an hour. He hadn't been walking much. We were carrying him most of the time. I decided to stop in the middle of the mall and check his sugar. He acted OK. He said he felt OK. I just wanted to check to be sure he was OK. He was 54. Not OK. He got to eat Spongebob fruit snacks, much to his delight, and they did the trick. They brought his sugar up nicely and he didn't rebound like he usually does. We then carried him down to the food court and he had an early lunch.

It's things like that which make me hate this disease. What if I hadn't decided to stop and check his sugar? How low would he have gone? It scares me and infuriates me all at the same time.

I've been doing pretty well lately. I haven't cried in a while. But, I've gotten good at pushing bad thoughts to the back of my mind. Every once in a while, I'll think about when Riley is going to have to be responsible for the stupid disease. I mean, right now, I do all the work. I like it that way. He doesn't have to worry about it or think about it. It won't always be that way. One day all of my worries will be his worries and that saddens me. But, as soon as I have those thoughts, I push them to the back of my mind. There is no use worrying about it now. But, I think that's starting to catch up with me. (I'm crying right now while I'm writing this.) It's not like I've been in denial. I've just been in survival mode, I think. Just pushing through. Just doing what has to be done. But, eventually, the breakdown comes. It always does.

Fun with music

I saw this meme going around a while back and I'm just getting around to joining in the fun.

Put your music playing thingy (Ipod or whatever) on random and answer the questions with whatever song pops up.

How am I feeling today? Respect--Aretha Franklin

Will I get far in life? Cleaning Out My Closet--Eminem

How do my friends see me? Black Betty--Ram Jam (ha, ha, funny)

Where will I get Married? April 25, 1992--Sublime (I believe the question was where not when.)

What is my best friend's theme song? The Time Warp--The Rocky Horror Picture Show

What is the story of my life? Catchafire (Whoopsi Daisy)--Toby Mac

What is/was high school like? Falling In Love(Is Hard on the Knees)--Aerosmith (How appropriate!)

How can I get ahead in life? Mr. Jones--Counting Crows (Hmm, I don't know a Mr. Jones. Maybe I'll meet one.)

What is the best thing about me? All Apologies--Nirvana

How is today going to be? Shine--Newsboys

What is in store for this weekend? Another One Bites the Dust--Queen (We are going to the AAU basketball state playoffs this weekend. So far, Holden's team is undefeated. Could this mean that another team will "bite the dust"?)

What song describes my parents? Mama Kin--Aerosmith (Funny, and also my favorite Aerosmith song.)

To describe my grandparents? Zero--The Smashing Pumpkins (OK, that one's not funny.)

How is my life going? Landslide of Love--Newsboys (Awww, that's kind of nice.)

What song will they play at my funeral? Just A Girl--No Doubt (That one made me laugh my butt off.)

How does the world see me? Party On The Mountain--The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

Will I have a happy Life? Blessed Be Your Name--Newsboys (Nice)

What do my friends really think of me? F.I.N.E.--Aerosmith (OK, that's funny
because of what F.I.N.E. stands for = F'd up Insecure Neurotic Emotional --those words are not in the song by the way, just the title)

Do people secretly lust after me? Cry Me A River--Aerosmith

How can I make myself happy? Add It Up--The Violent Femmes (Count my blessings maybe?)

What should I do with my life? Love Fool--The Cardigans

Will I ever have children? It's A Sorry World--Tim Wilson (What does that mean?)

What is some good advice for me? So Alive--Love and Rockets

How Will I be remembered? OPP--Naughty By Nature (OPP stands for Other People's Property. What?!?)

What is my signature dancing song? Love Shack--The B52s (Funny, I can't sit still when I hear that song.)

What do I think my current theme song is? Slam--Toby Mac

What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Testosterone--Bush (They think I'm a man?)

What type of men/women do you like? Blister In The Sun--The Violent Femmes (Gross!!)

What's missing from my life? Because of You--Kelly Clarkson (But, I'm not trying to blame anyone:-)

Will I become rich? Leave the One I'm With--Usher (Ha!! Oh, that is too funny. I love you, Michael.)

Does someone have a crush on me? Somebody Told Me--The Killers (No they didn't)

How will I die? Walk This Way--Aerosmith with Run DMC (What I'm going to follow someone off a cliff or something?)

How often do I get angry? Chain, Chain, Chain--Aretha Franklin

What is my favorite thing to do? Clint Eastwood--Gorillaz (Ewww, I don't even like Clint Eastwood.)

Oh, that was so much fun. I invite anyone to join in the fun that would like to.

We're home

We have arrived back home safe and sound. We had a great trip. Riley's numbers weren't great, but that was to be expected with the long car rides and decrease in his overall activity. He got up in the 300s a couple of times, which he hasn't done in a while. We will be going to the state tournaments next weekend, so I can use what I've learned about car rides and adjust basals and maybe we'll do a little better. Also, he has an endo. appointment Friday, so I'll be discussing this with her and get her input to fine tune his basals for the car ride. We will be going to a different part of the state, but it's about the same distance away as we went this weekend.


Well, you may have gathered from the fact that we're going to states next weekend that we did well. We did. We only had to play two games and we won both of them. We won the first by 26 points and today's game by 11 points. Holden played very well. I have a sore throat right now from all the yelling I did.

We did a little site seeing this weekend after Saturday's game. I am going to post a few pictures and see if anyone (besides family) can guess where we were. The first one to guess correctly gets a virtual pat on the back.



This is the view from the car window on the way to the game.








































This is Riley and me having fun at the mall.

Gearing up

We will be leaving tomorrow for our first trip away from home since Riley was diagnosed. I'm looking forward to it, but I must admit, I'm dreading it a little too. Just the stress of making sure I'm not forgetting anything important, that we have enough supplies. I worry that his sugars are going to be up from sitting around so long in the car. Maybe once I get everything packed and we're on the road, I'll feel better. I hope so.

We leave in the morning for an AAU basketball tournament. It's 5 1/2 hours away. It's in a place I've never been before, so I'm a little excited about that, although I don't know how much time we'll have for sightseeing.

Anyway, wish us luck. I'll leave you with a picture of my favorite basketball player.

Happy Easter!

Wow, what a long day. But, it's been absolutely wonderful. Easter is my favorite day of the year. I have always loved Easter (even more than Christmas). For one thing, it happens during my favorite time of the year,spring Also, the reason for Easter is the foundation of my Christian faith, the resurrection of Jesus Christ.


The day started with a visit from the Easter Bunny. He brought several things but Riley's favorite was an Incredibles frisbee that came from The Dollar Tree. Yes, we could have saved a lot of money and just bought him something for a dollar and he would have been happy. Holden's favorite was the gift card he got. It's hard to buy things for a teenager.

Then, it was off to church.

Then, off to my grandmother's (Granny's) house for some good eating and an easter egg hunt. (Holden drove us there.) Riley had a lot of fun hunting eggs and playing with my cousin's little girl. His sugars did OK. He was very active and went down to 72. I suspended his pump and gave him a total of 33 grams of lifesaver gummies. Even after all of this his sugar never got over 233. I really expected it to go up much higher than that. Let me just say it again. I LOVE THE PUMP!!!

Then, it was off to my in-law's for some more food. There Riley got to play with my nephew. He was a little less active and we didn't have the lows that we had earlier.

All in all, it has been a wonderful day. I am just so blessed to be alive and to have my sons and my husband. I love days like this. The day was just wonderful. The weather was nice. We had a little rain shower, but it only lasted a few minutes and then it was beautiful sunshine again. So, happy Easter to you all. I hope your day was as great as mine.

(Just to let you know, I just got a new digital camera so until the newness wears off I may be bombarding you with pictures until I get it out of my system.)

I, meme

I got this from daysgoby. I thought it was pretty neat.

I AM: a mother, wife, daughter, nurse

I WANT: a cure for Type I diabetes

I WISH: I could stay with Riley and not have to work

I HATE: when people look down their noses at others

I MISS: life before diabetes

I FEAR: losing one of my children

I HEAR: the Cubs game on TV (go Cubbies!!!)

I WONDER: how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop :-)

I REGRET: not going to pharmacy school

I AM NOT: organized

I DANCE: never

I SING: in my car

I CRY: at sad movies and TV shows

I AM NOT ALWAYS: calm

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: a mess

I WRITE: only in my blog

I CONFUSE: myself (quite often, I'm afraid)

I NEED: a good night's sleep

I SHOULD: read my Bible more

I START: laughing when Holden or Riley does something silly

I FINISH: all the food on my plate (most of the time-bad habit, I know)

I TAG: whoever else would like to play

Some good news for a change

I was thinking this morning about how when Riley first started the pump I was posting all the time about his bad numbers. Well, his numbers haven't been bad at all lately. He's had a few higher numbers, but all in all his numbers have been great. I know that this can be temporary, so I'm enjoying it while I can. I thought since I shared the bad numbers with you, maybe I should share the good ones too.

We haven't had to adjust his basals in a while, other than the occasional decrease for a low or exercise. He's eating well. I can tell that he feels so much better than when his sugars where in the 300s.

Blood sugars:

198- 1:00 PM
96- pre-breakfast
175- snack
116- pre-lunch
155-snack
183-supper
118-snack
138-bedtime

229- 4 AM
125-pre-breakfast
225-snack
113-lunch
186-snack
163-supper (had pizza--check out how his sugar did)
98- 2 hours after pizza- he got a little snack and a basal decrease for one hour
130- 3 hours after pizza
148- bedtime snack
182-bedtime

So far today, his sugars have been:

215-2 AM
111-5 AM (pump suspended)
106- 6 AM
110- pre-breakfast

So, after all those horrible posts about the pump in the beginning, the words "I love the pump" are now heard quite often in this house, followed by a huge grin, and a whispered prayer of thanks.

World toilet day

This is to add to my previous post. My birthday is also know in some places as World Toilet Day. What an honor.

World Toilet Organization

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The World Toilet Organization is an organization dedicated to issues involving toilets and sanitation. It is based in Singapore and, as of 2004, includes toilet associations from 17 countries around the world, from Russia to the United States to Australia to Japan [1].

Every year, the World Toilet Organization sponsors the World Toilet Summit. This has been held in various places around the world:
2001 - Singapore
2002 - Seoul, South Korea
2003 - Taipei, Taiwan, Republic of China
2004 - Beijing, People's Republic of China
2005 - Belfast, Ireland

The World Toilet Organization promotes the celebration of World Toilet Day on November 19 of every year. [2] [3][4]. It is also setting up the world's very first Toilet College in Singapore. The first classes will begin in October 2005 and will be held at the Republic Polytechnic. [5]

This is neat

I got this from Jamie's blog. I thought it was kind of neat.

Go to Wikipedia and type in your birthday. Don't include the year. Record three events, three births and three deaths that happened on the day you were born.

EVENTS

-1863- Abraham Lincoln delivers the Gettysburg Address at the military cemetery dedication ceremony in Gettysburg Pennsylvania.

-1978- Jim Jones leads members of his Peoples Temple Cult in mass murder-suicide. The bodies of 914 people are found in Jonestown, Guyanain in South America.

-1998- Lewinsky Scandal: The US House of Representatives Judiciary committee begins impeachment hearings against US President Bill Clinton.

BIRTHS

-1917- Indira Gandhi, Prime Minister of India

-1933- Larry King, American television interviewer

-1961- Meg Ryan, actress

DEATHS

-489- Pope Anastasius II

-1828- Franz Schubert, Austrian composer

-1988- Christina Onassis, daughter of billionaire Aristotle Onassis

OK, so no one I know died on my birthday. The only one I had heard of was Franz Shubert. There were a couple other neat events on my birthday. In 1954, Sammy Davis Jr. lost his left eye in an automobile accident. Also, in 1979, the Iranian Hostage Crisis ended when Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of the 13 American hostages being held at the US Embassy in Tehran. I guess that makes up for no one famous (that I know) dying on my birthday.

Why we chose the pump

I was on the CWD chatroom yesterday and there was a couple of mom's up there who had a lot of questions about the pump. I thought I would post a little about the pump and why we chose it for Riley at such a young age. (These are not in any particular order.)

#1) The ability to give tiny, tiny doses of insulin. The pump has the ability to give as little as 0.05 unit of insulin for a bolus. That's 1/50th of a unit. It just blows my mind that I can give such a tiny amount of insulin. When Riley was on injections, the smallest we could give was 0.5 unit (and that was not accurate dosing. His syringes measured everything in one unit increments. So, you really had to guess as to what a half was.) I had drawn up 0.5 unit before when he was on injections and squirted it into my hand just to see how much it was. It was the drop about the size of the head of a pin. So, once again how the pump can give such little doses just amazes me.

#2) The ability to adjust basal (background insulin). Before the pump, Riley was on Lantus as his background insulin. He took 1.5 units at breakfast. That dose was supposed to last for 24-36 hours. I really don't think it did most of the time. In theory, he got the same dose of background insulin for every hour of the day. With the pump that dose can be adjusted to fit his needs. I think most people are on a couple of different basal rates a day. Riley starts out from 12 AM-3AM with a basal of 0.075 unit per hour. Then, from 3AM-8AM, he goes to 0.025. That's because his sugar tends to drop quite a bit during this time. When he was on Lantus, we had to wake him a lot of times in the middle of the night to eat, because his sugar was too low. Not anymore, if his sugar is too low in the middle of the night now, I just decrease or suspend (stop) his basal for a couple of hours. So, you can completely stop giving him insulin if the need arises. This has happened before between the hours of 3-8AM. He's already on the lowest basal rate possible. So, I've had to completely stop the pump in the middle of the night before because I couldn't give him a lower rate. This hasn't happened but a couple of times. Not nearly as much as it did when he was on injections.

From 8AM-12PM his basal is the highest it is all day, .150. If his sugars are going to run high it's usually between these hours. From 12PM-3PM, he goes to .0125. His sugar also tends to drop late in the afternoon, so 3PM-9PM, he's at .075 again. Then back up to .10 from 9PM until midnight. So, you see that you can be very precise with how much insulin he gets at certain times of the day.

I will also mention adjusting basals are useful for periods of activity. This has come in handy for Riley, but not as much as I think it will for teenagers. Riley is pretty much always active. The only time I decrease his basals are if we go to the park and he's running around a little more than usual. But, with older kids and teens the pump can come in handy for sports and other activities.

#3) He can eat when he wants and what he wants. Now, that being said, I don't let him eat sweets but very rarely. That's how he ate before he got D. I didn't let him eat sweets often. They are not good for you or your teeth. But, the thing I like best about the pump and eating is he can eat 10g carb. at a meal or he can eat 50. It doesn't matter. The pump can bolus accordingly. When he was on injections, his carb coverage was 0.5 per 25g carbs. This meant that if he only wanted 15 g of carbs, you couldn't give him any insulin (because you can't give less than .5 unit). If he didn't get any insulin at all, his sugar was sure to go up too much. On the other hand, if he decided to eat 40g, he had to take only 0.5, but that wasn't quite enough to cover the carbs he ate. Once again, high sugars. I do not miss the days of crying and begging him to eat more so I could give him insulin. Or trying to get him to stop eating so he wouldn't go over 25g. I am so glad those days are over. Now, he eats, I dose, we're done. There is no arguing. If he eats 1/2 sandwich, it's OK. If he's really hungry and eats 1 1/2 sandwich that's fine too. His pump will figure out how much he needs to cover whatever he eats and dose accordingly.

#4) Less needle sticks. When Riley was on injections, he was getting anywhere from 4-5 per day. That was about 28-35 needle sticks a week. (Oh my, that sounds like a lot when I put it that way. I can't believe we used to do that.) Now, his needle is changed every three days. That's 2-3 needle sticks per week. What a difference. But, we are checking his sugar more often since the pump, so there are more finger sticks than before.

These are just a few reasons why we chose the pump. This is an individual decision for each person/family. First, you have to make sure your child wants the pump. I know some don't. Holden has a boy in his class with D. He's 15 and has no desire to try the pump. Riley decided he wanted the pump as soon as he found out he wouldn't have to get stuck with needles every day.

There are negatives with the pump also. They are a lot of work and they are more expensive than injections. But, I wouldn't give this pump up if someone paid me. The first few weeks were hell (to put it mildly), but it was worth it. Even though the pump is more work, I'm actually less stressed than I was when he was on injections.

On a side note, today is Michael's birthday. I just want to wish him a happy day and many, many more to come. ( I love you Michael Alexander.)

Six months ago today

Six months ago today at this time Riley was sitting in the floor watching TV and eating a frosted strawberry poptart and drinking a big glass of apple juice. I was straightening up a little and getting ready to go to the grocery store. After he finished with breakfast, he got on the couch. He had finished his apple juice and asked for more. I obliged. He sucked down the juice in no time and asked for more. I was in the bathroom brushing my hair. I came out and looked at him. I said, "Why do you want more juice?" He just looked at me and said, "Mama, I'm sooo thirsty." Red flags went up in my head. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. This just wasn't normal for him. So, I checked his sugar with my machine I use at work and the rest is history. (to read the story of his diagnosis go here, my first post)

Fast forward six months, Riley is now playing a video game (Star Wars). He just finished eating a pancake with sugar free syrup, mixed fruit, and caffeine-free Diet Mt. Dew. My how things have changed. He's now hooked up to a machine that delivers insulin about every 3 minutes. He's already had his finger stuck twice today (3 AM and pre-breakfast). He's had his morning dose of insulin.

I started thinking last night that today would be six months and I started crying. All the memories of that day came flooding back and I just couldn't help myself. I remember feeling numb that day. I guess I was in shock. I really had no concept of how much life would change. Even though I'm a nurse, I kind of thought they'd just tell us how much insulin to take and we'd check his sugar and give his insulin and that would be that. If only it was that easy. I quickly learned there is no set dose, that it adjusts almost constantly. After Riley got his first doses of insulin (Lantus and NovoLog) his sugar dropped from the 400s to the 50s in an hour or two. Just a taste of what we would be dealing with in the following months.

Since his diagnosis, we have had 2 different endos (with a combined total of 3 visits), a pediatrician visit, and numerous visits to the pharmacy for strips and insulin. They know us by name there now. I've had many a sleepless nights, lots of highs and lots of lows (literally and figuratively) , and I've done quit a bit of crying over the last six months. I've probably cried more tears over the last 6 months than I have the rest of my life combined (with the exception of the baby years). I used to never cry. Usually the only time I cried was when I watched a sad show on TV. I didn't cry over our lives. We were happy. We were healthy. I guess we still are. It's just that this disease has a way of wearing you down. My crying has decreased quite a bit from what it was when he was first diagnosed. I cried several times a day back then. I used to just look at him and burst into tears. I don't do that as much anymore. Sometimes I look at him and I'm overcome with sadness, but I don't cry as much anymore. I've even cried a few happy tears over the last six months. Sometimes I look at him smile and I'm just overcome with the emotion of how lucky I am to be his mom.

In some ways, life has changed drastically over the last six months, and then when I look at it from another angle, life hasn't really changed all that much. We still do all the things we did before. Diabetes hasn't changed what we do. It's just made me carry of bag full of "goodies" with me everywhere we do go. We never leave home without "his bag". It is said everytime we leave the house. "Do you have his bag?" Maybe we should name the bag. His bag is chocked full of the must haves for PWD. There are a few syringes down at the bottom, glucagon, supplies for his pump, his sugar machine, snacks, a box of juice, a fast food carb book, ketone strips, his pump holster (it has the Animas phone number on it), and a few toys (men) for Riley to play with (OK, I guess that's not a must have for most PWD.) I'm sure there are probably some used test strips in there too. I go through and clean it out occasionally. There are usually a few bloodied cotton balls in there too. We also have a notebook (purple) that goes with us everywhere. I keep all of his records in there. I also have a list of foods and carb values in there that was given to me, well, six months ago today.

Anyway, I'm feeling a little sad today, but there's some happiness mixed in there too. Reliving his diagnosis is not fun, and to think of how care-free life used to be isn't so great either. But, we've come a long way. Riley's sugars are the best they've been in the last six months. We were lucky enough to find an endo that would listen to me and help me get him on the pump. I know I had quite a few negative posts around the time of the pump start, but now, I really do love the thing. I've become kind of attached to it. It's my buddy :-) I am truly blessed in so many ways that I couldn't even begin to name them all. My biggest blessings are my children. They are happy, and they are healthy. What more could a mother ask for? ( Oh, yeah, maybe a full night's sleep. That would be nice.) But, other than that I have everything I need and then some.

Getting comfy

I'm starting to get a little more comfortable with the pump. While there is still a lot I don't know, I feel like I know a little more than I did.

I've gotten more comfortable with decreasing his basals with exercise. For example, last night Holden had a basketball game. Riley usually plays a lot on the bleachers. I checked his sugar an hour after he had supper just because of all of his activity. He was 106. I decreased his basal by 50%. Then, I took into account that he still had plenty of his supper insulin in his system, so I gave him a juice box too. After his temp basal ended (in an hour) he was a wonderful 133. Yeah!

Then, last night, well actually 6 AM this morning, he was 84. I took into account how much his sugar usually drops between 6-8 AM and the fact that he probably wouldn't eat for another 2.5 hours and suspended his basal for 1 hour. Then at 7:00 AM, he was 91. So, I resumed his pump and just decreased his basal by 50%. He woke up at 8:15 with a sugar of 97. Yeah, again!!

I'm just celebrating a little, because I finally seem to be in a "pump mindset". Not too long ago if his sugar was 84, I would have woken him up and given him a cracker. This time, I thought to adjust the basals and it actually worked.

I really am liking this pump more and more. We haven't had any set problems in a while. His sugars the last couple of days have pretty much been in range. Our only sugar that is consistently out of range is 2 hours after his breakfast bolus. I think a carb adjustment is in order. Also, his nighttime (6-8 PM) sugars are running a little lower than I like, so maybe a little basal adjustment will do the trick. I just feel like it's finally starting to click with me. Like I finally get it. I still have a lot to learn, but this is the first time that I've just been really happy with our decision to go on the pump. His sugars have been good enough lately that I'm letting him have things I wouldn't have before. For example, we ate at a buffet for lunch. They had ice cream. I always tell Riley no, but today I said yes and just bolused him for it. We'll see what it does to his sugar. I guess I won't know until I try.

In other news, Holden's team has won their last two games. He's really starting to get in a groove with his team too. It's like this AAU thing is starting to click with him.

It's a beautiful day here. (78 degrees). Holden has baseball practice in a little bit. (a rec. team) Then, I'll probably cook something on the grill for supper and maybe watch the final four games tonight. All in all life if good. The next time I'm down about sugars or the pump, I'm going to try and remember days like this and remind myself that it will be like this again sometime.

How often do you test?

I caught the low, before he went low last night. He got to 84. This isn't low to most of you, but his insulin from supper hadn't peaked yet and I knew that he was heading down. He got a half a juice box and went up to 133. He was 202 at bedtime. Not too bad.

I spoke with the endo. last night after I posted. We went over all his sugars and did a little adjusting to his basals. He's been running lower at supper most nights. So, we decreased his basal a bit from 3-6 PM. She pointed out to me that his sugars aren't really all that bad. She was right. I need to learn to focus on the big picture and not just a few random sugars. This morning I went through his log book and wrote down his sugars according to what they are at specific times of the day. That way I can get a better picture. I am going to share and see what you think. This is over the past 7 days, the last number in the column is yesterday and then the next is Tuesday and so forth.

Pre-breakfast:
95
96
94
103
76
305 (rebound sugar)
151


mid-morning snack:
247
274
284
158
198
178
203

lunch:
98
203
199
53
225
153
157

afternoon snack:
262
152
272
259
135
170
265

supper:
310
72
234
61
53
127
104

bedtime snack:
106
192
209
219
221
281
202

2-3 AM:
220
152
211
88
56
312 (rebound again)
261

Ok, what's your opinion? Keep in mind that because of his age his range is 140-220 during the day and then 80-140 pre-breakfast and <190 for snack (or two hours after his meal bolus).

The endo. and I talked for a while last night. She was very encouraging. She is just very calming for me. After we'd discussed all of the sugars and tweaked some of his basals, she said, "Now do feel more comfortable to test less often?" I guess it was her subtle way to say I was testing too much. Can you test too much? How much is too much? How often did you test yourself/your child when you/they first started on the pump? I told her I wasn't comfortable yet to decrease how much I'm testing. I average testing about 13 times a day. Is this really too much while trying to get basals right? Even though the endo. is very nice and calming, when I got off the phone with her last night, I told Michael I feel like a freak. Like I'm overly cautious. I want your honest opinion. Am I testing too much? I told Michael last night, I need to determine if I'm testing for Riley's well-being or for mine. I'm asking your opinion because you've been there. She's looking at in from a clinical view. You are looking at it from a life's view. There is a difference in living with the disease and studying about it in school.

When I told the endo. that I wasn't ready to start testing less yet, she just said "Well, you'll get there. It will get where you're going longer and longer between tests." Then she told me he was doing fine and she was pleased with his sugars. I know it's important to test before each meal, at snacks, bedtime, and in the middle of the night. That's seven times. I guess 13 does seem like I'm overdoing it. I asked earlier how much you tested when you first went on the pump. How about now that you've been on the pump a while? I'm just curious how everyone else does it.

Rebounds (and I'm not talking about basketball )

Turns out last night when I posted that Riley hadn't had any lows, he was probably in the middle of one right then and I didn't even know it. Holden had practice last night. His practice is at my husband's school (45 minutes away). It would make no sense for Michael to come get Holden, so I took him to practice. All went well. He ran around a little. I decreased his basals and all seemed to be well. The kids wanted to ride home with Michael. He stopped on the way home and checked Riley's sugar. It was 123. It was 127 before supper, so I was pleased that at least maybe his carb coverage was right. An hour after Michael checked it, I checked it again because it was time for his bedtime snack. It was 281. He didn't have much protein for supper, or fat. Nothing that would make his sugar go up like that 3 1/2 hours after a meal. As soon as I saw the number, I knew we were in the midst of a rebound. And, I was right. He spiked up to 365 (at midnight). This time I did think to increase his basal for a while. He woke up with a 151. Not too terrible. I really expected it to be higher.

But, the thing is. That just scares me. I mean, we had just checked his sugar an hour earlier. And in that hour, he went low enough to cause his sugar to rebound. Plus, he was playing a game with Michael during this time. ( A sit down game,not a run around game) He never showed any signs of being low. I thought that since he had high sugars for a while, he might start to feel the lows, but no such luck. What really gets me is there is nothing I can do about it. I can't check his sugar every 30 minutes. His little brain is developing. It needs sugar for that. It just terrifies me. I have no idea how low his sugar actually went.

His sugars have been good today. He was 104 at supper, so I'm sure I'll check his sugar a little too much the rest of the night, to try to catch the low, before it gets too low, if it goes low. Who knows? That's the problem, no one knows. This disease is so uncertain. Most diseases, you take the same dose same time every day. With this disease, your medicine dosage changes from one hour to the next and you get to try and guess what dose you might need. Does he need less? Does he need more? Does he need a little less and then a little more? Maybe a little more and then a little less, but not too much less. You get the picture? OK.....deep breathe. At least there is medicine for his disease. At least he has access to healthcare and insulin. At least I still have a son to worry about.

The highs, the lows, and a little bit of hope

You know, we went so long with sugars in the 300s that I forgot what it was like for Riley to have a low. Well, that has changed over the last few days. I was thinking the Danimals that I bought (what we usually use for a low) was going to expire before I could use it all. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Riley has been going into the 50s at least once a day, sometimes more since Saturday. They happen at different times during the day, thus making it hard to pinpoint what to do with the basals. When he had a 53 at supper last night, I just decreased all of his basals for the time being. Then, I faxed the sugars to the Dr. and waited for her input.

I decreased his basals around 7:30 last night. He hadn't had any lows during the night in a good while. I had finally gotten to where I was comfortable just getting up once during the night and checking his sugar. Well, last night broke me of that for a while. Last night before bed his sugar was 220. He still got a 10g snack with no coverage. That would lead one to believe that his sugar would go up a little more. Right? I got up at 3 AM. His sugar was 56. I gave him his drinkable yogurt. 20 minutes later, we're up.... no, make that down, to 51. What in the world? So, another yogurt and and another 20 minutes, we're up to 83. Only 83 after 30 grams of carbs. Of course, a little while later the carbs (and probably a rebound) kicked in and he woke with a sugar of 304. An hour after breakfast, he's 340.(his highest sugar in a while). One hour later, he's 178. There is just no rhyme or reason to it. It's like I know there is no rhyme or reason to D, but somehow it still surprises me when diabetes pulls crap like this.

The Dr. called tonight. She was in a conference all day and hadn't been to her office to get the fax of his sugars. But, we talked about the lows and she told me to decrease the basals to 0.025 all night tonight and see how that works. She also gently reminded me that if his sugar was not at a very comfortable level at midnight, I can cut the basal in half for a few hours. Also, she said if he has 50s again in the night, to suspend his pump for about 2 hours. Why can't I think of these things myself? I've read books about pumping just so I'd know what to do, and yet I don't do what I know I should do. She said she'll look at all of his sugars when she gets into her office in the morning and then we'll probably do some more adjusting.

He hasn't had a low today yet. His sugars have been good except for that 340 this morning. I just hope he does well all night tonight. I know I won't sleep again. Those lows just scare the begesous out of me. They scare me much more than the highs do. The highs just make me mad. The lows terrify me.

On another note, look what I bought myself. Why is that so great, you may ask. Well, I never buy myself anything. Never. Not unless it is a real need. For example, my 3 year old tennis shoes are starting to get a hole in them. So, I will have to buy some more. I have guilt about buying things that I don't really need. But, I went into a local store yesterday to buy an orangeade. I was looking around and found this.

It 's a Willow Tree Angel. I have a collection of them that have been given to me throughout the years, but I had never seen this one before. (turns out, it's new) The Angel of Hope.

"Hope was created to fill our hearts with the optimistic joy of a child. It also represents DEMDACO support of an international charity called Care for Children, which works to enrich the lives of Chinese orphans by placing them in loving, supportive Chinese families in China. For every "Hope" figurine purchased in 2006, DEMDACO will donate $1.00 to Care for Children."

It made me think of Riley. So, I bought it (on sale too). I put it on my desk at work and every time I look at it, it reminds me to keep my chin up and to keep my hope for a cure alive. Ain't it cute?

Basketball and pizza

Things are going better with the pump, much better. We still don't have the basals quite right, but I think we're almost there. His carb. coverage for the morning is still a little off, but he's not spiking up as high as he once was. I've gotten more comfortable decreasing basals myself for activity. I am writing down absolutely everything, so I can start to pick up on patterns. Best of all, his sets are lasting 3 days like they are supposed to.

Riley is happy. He got to eat pizza last night. Call me a bad mother, but pizza had been eliminated from our diet for the last 6 months. I had read what everyone else had written about eating pizza and I was just avoiding it. Last night after Holden's game, we went out to eat pizza. Riley was so excited. And, I must say, it really didn't do a number on his sugars like I thought it would. He may have been slightly higher than usually, but not really. Plus, it's hard to say if it was the pizza or just life. We all know that sugars vary greatly from day to day anyway. We didn't do an extended bolus. I decided I wanted to see what it did to his sugar so I would know how to extend his bolus in the future. Turns out, for now, I don't think he needs an extended bolus.

I got a call on Friday from my supervisor. I have been approved to start working 4 days a week. I will start the week after Easter. I'm glad that it was approved because we need the money, but I'm still sad that I'll be home less.

Yesterday was a long day. As a home health nurse, I am on-call sometimes. This weekend was one of those times. When my supervisor called on Friday to tell me the news about my job, she also let me know of a patient just getting out of the hospital that I would have to see and admit on Saturday. Holden's first game on Saturday was at 9:30 AM. He had to be there at 8:30 AM. So, we take Riley out of bed and put him right in the car seat with his pajamas on. He ate breakfast in the car. Then, we watched Holden's game. His game was 45 minutes away from our house. 1 hour away from the patient I had to see. After the game, I went to see my patient. As soon as I was done with the patient, I drove another hour so I could see Holden's second game. I'm not a fan of driving. But, I did a lot of it yesterday. We stopped at the pizza place on the way home. A soon as the pizza arrived, my beeper went off. I had a another patient that needed me. I ate quickly and then went to see the patient. Just made it such a long day. But, Riley's sugars cooperated. While I was seeing the patient, my husband called so I could count carbs over the phone for him. Just no getting away from this disease. Even while I'm working.

Holden's team lost their game on Friday. He won one and lost one yesterday. I think he's having fun. It is just a whole other level of play for him. It's much more fast paced than what he's used to. But, I'm impressed with how he's hanging in with those guys. He actually started in the last two games. I think he's learning a lot. And, he's meeting a lot of new people. He didn't know a single person on his team when he started. I'm not sure that's something I would have done when I was his age.

Just an update to let you know how things are going. BTW, I said I wasn't watching anymore college hoops, but right now George Mason and UCONN are in overtime. I so want George Mason to win. They are ranked 11 and UCONN is #1. I have probably just jinxed them though. It seems as if whoever I pull for loses.

No more college hoops for me

I am in mourning a bit this morning. First, I watched as Duke lost to LSU. It was almost painful to watch JJ Redick walk off the court for the last time in his college career. He was trying so hard to hold back the tears. Duke really didn't play well. LSU's size was just too much for them. But, there is always next year, but really this was supposed to be their year and they didn't even make it out of the Sweet Sixteen.

When I went to bed last night, Gonzaga was winning. If I could have watched the game, I would have stayed up. But, since I live on the East Coast and Texas and West Virginia were playing at the same time, that's the game that was on. I tried to get on the computer and watch the game, but it was blacked out in my area. I was very hopeful when I went to bed that maybe the bulldogs would win. The first thing Michael said to me this morning was, "I've got bad news. Gonzaga lost." So, I missed Adam Morrison's last game as a college player (probably). He's a junior, but is expected to go pro next year. I have read a few articles about it this morning, and Morrison seems to have taken the loss pretty hard. But, he said some nice things after the game. You can read about the loss here.

So, college basketball is over for me. I don't care who wins now. I just hope Holden's team wins their game tonight.

Now I can move on to baseball, I guess. That "there's always next year" mentality that I mentioned in the first paragraph comes from being a devoted Cubs fan. We always have to hope for next year, because, well, the Cubs are known as "the lovable losers". The Red Sox and the White Sox had their years. So, maybe this really is the Cubs year. We'll just have to wait and see.

Contact your senators

If you haven't been to Nicole's blog lately, please go there now and read about a new bill being brought before the Senate (S.1955) Her blog will explain what the bill is and how to contact your senators. Do this today. We need to take a stand and make our voices known before it is too late. As Sandra said in her post today, this doesn't just affect diabetics, it affects everyone. To find out how this bill could affect you go to A Shot in the Dark.

Also, let everyone on your email list know about this bill and ask them to take action also.

Thanks!

I'm stealing

I am stealing this from Jamie's blog . This just made me laugh until I cried. My husband didn't find it all that funny. He thinks I just need a nap. Maybe so, but it felt good to laugh again. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Click here

In other news. Riley's sugar this morning was 95. Yeahh!!!! It's been a while since I've seen a sugar like that.

Holden's first AAU basketball game is Friday. I'm excited. I do love the game of basketball and I especially enjoy watching Holden play it.

Duke and Gonzaga both play tonight (but not each other). So, you know where to find me tonight. In front of the TV. But, I'm going to miss the beginning of the Duke game because Holden has practice. I think Duke will win, but I'm not so sure about Gonzaga. I hope they both win. I would love to see them play each other in the final four.

Today is Holden's "re-birthday". This is the day that he became a Christian. He got a little card and a present before school this morning.

Just writing down the little tidbits as they pop in my mind. It's hard to remember that I have other things going on in my life besides D.

I'm waiting to see if my work will approve me to start working 4 days a week instead of the 3 that I work now. If they don't, I will have to find another job, which I don't want to do. I like my job, and I love the flexibility that it gives me. We need the extra money right now. I would really love to quit my job and stay home with Riley 24/7, but instead I have to work more and see him less. I'm just glad that I got the time that I did with him. When Holden was Riley's age I was working and going to school. I was blessed to be able to stay home with Riley some. I also was able to take a 3 month maternity leave with Riley. I was back in school 2 weeks after Holden was born.

Can't think of much else that's going on right now. Hope everyone has a great day.

Thank you

Just wanted to thank everyone for their comments to my last post. The support from those of you who have been there means more than you could know. I want to send an extra special thank you to a mom who emailed me and let me know that she went through very similar things with her son (who was diagnosed at 3 1/2 ) when he started the pump. I really can't express how much your letter helped me to know that I'm not alone and that every thing will get better somehow.

Today has been so much better. His sugars haven't all been in range, but they were much closer to his range. He even had a few sugars that were in range, which hasn't happened in a while. I can just tell that he even feels better.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks to all of you. I just hope I can help someone else someday like you guys have helped me.

Aggghhhhh!!!!

I'm not sure how coherent this post will actually end up being. I'm so stressed that I don't want to think about anything, but a hundred things are swirling through my head.

It has been a very rough 18 days. I really don't like to post too many negatives. I at least like to touch on a few positives, but I'm not sure this post will have any positives in it.

I feel like I've reached my breaking point. I don't get stressed easily. I never have. I'm the type of person who feels like you take things as they come, you deal with them, and then you move on. I guess my problem now is there is no moving on. I can always see the end point, where things will get better. But, there is no end point with this disease. There is no point in the future where I can say for certain that things will be OK.

Everytime I feel like I can relax, just a little, diabetes throws me another curve ball.

Riley's sugars have been horrible, just horrible. I know this is to be expected when you first start the pump, but like I said, I can't see an endpoint to all of this. I know that when I do get them straight, everything will just change again.

My downfall all started, I think ,on Friday. I faxed Riley's sugars to the endo. I called and left a message to let her know that I had faxed them. I never heard from her. I didn't really push the issue over the weekend. We were doing about the same as always. So, first thing yesterday morning I faxed his sugars again along with a few questions. I also called the office and left a message to let her know I'd faxed the sugars and that I felt a little stuck at what to do next with his basals and carb. coverage. See, I've been bumping his basals up slightly every 3 days. When Dr. M talked to Michael last week she commented on what a good job I was doing adjusting the pump. I just felt that something else was wrong. His total daily dose of insulin has increased from 3 units a day to anywhere from 6.5 to 7 units a day. Most people need less insulin on the pump, not more. I know that it is feasible that he stopped honeymooning about the time that the pump started. I just felt like I kept increasing his basals and his carb coverage and his sugars were staying just about exactly the same. For example, his sugars 2 hours after meals are pretty much the same now at 1:35 carbs as it was when it was 1:50 carbs. The change should have lowered his sugars a little, right?

I must pause at this point and just let you know, I'm sick, sick, sick of hearing about how Adam Morrison has "flu-like symptoms" and he may not be able to play Thursday. You see, I live in a house full of boys. My TV is on ESPN most of the time. ESPN has mentioned at least 10, count them 10, times that it will take Morrison so much longer to recover because of his diabetes. I just don't want to hear it right now. He's an inspiration to many kids with diabetes. He's proof that you can do whatever anybody else can. Then, he gets sick and all they can talk about is how if he didn't have D, he would get better quicker. This is probably true, but I don't want to be faced with that reality now. I much prefer to put him at Super Hero status and pretend that D doesn't affect his life at all, but the stupid TV announcers won't let me!!

Ok, so where was I? Oh, yeah, I had faxed his sugars. Well, by the afternoon, I hadn't heard from Dr. M. So, I called her cell phone. Her message said that she would return calls within 30 minutes. I left a message pretty much like the one that I left earlier at the office. I also left several numbers where I could be reached.

Not long after, my mom called and said the Riley's pump was alarming. She said Riley came to her and said "My pump played music and then it tickled me" (his pump vibrates after it alarms) The pump said "Caution, no prime" (or something like that). I was in the middle of seeing a patient. I told the patient I had an emergency and would be back later. I went to my mom's and called Animas. The person I spoke with was very nice. About 2 minutes into our conversation, she was sending out a brand new pump. She couldn't figure out why the pump had pretty much reset itself. She said it may never happen again, but just to be sure they were going to send out a brand new one. I get the pump straight and head back to work and finish the visit with my patient.

Came home, had supper, still no call from Dr. M. So, Michael called and left another message on her cell phone. The same message was up there that she would return the call within 30 minutes. Still no call when we went to bed last night. I was starting to get concerned that something bad had happened to the Dr. Whenever I've called her cell phone before, she's called back usually within an hour. I know basal adjustment is not an emergency, but I did want to talk with her and see what direction to head in next. I just felt that the longer it took to talk to her, the longer his sugars would stay up.

7:30 AM, Dr. M called. No explanation of what took so long, she just made changes to his basals, carb. coverage, and ISF. Told me to wait 3-4 days and then we could tweak it some more. Now, don't get me wrong, I still love the endo. She is very knowledgeable, and she understands my fears about changing anything and has a way to calm me down and get me to feel better about what's going on with Riley. I guess I felt let down that when I needed her, she wasn't there.

Next, it's off to work. There was a big ordeal with my mom about not understanding the new carb. coverage. The pump will only let you change coverage every 4 hours. His breakfast coverage is higher than his mid-morning snack, so I had to show my mom how to go in and manually change his carb coverage for his morning snack. Anyway, Mom ended up calling me 5-6 times throughout the day. This is on top of the 5-6 times she had called me the day before. It's just trying to deal with work and home at the same time is a little difficult.

Riley's new pump arrived at 10 this morning. I was hoping to hold off on switching it until I got home. It was set change day anyway, so I figured I just do it all at the same time. At about 3:00, my mom called. The first words out of her mouth was "I think we have a problem." Great!! That was just what I wanted hear. She had checked Riley's sugar with our Freestyle Flash. (This, by the way, is a brand spanking new one. I just got it last week. I called the company and complained about the wide fluctuations and they sent me a new one.) Well, the Flash registered at 426. So, she used my dad's machine, 334. She used the Flash again and this time it was 320. That seemed more like it, but she checked his ketones and they were trace. Now, we've established that his sugar is high enough that he's spilling some ketones. My mom is freaking that the pump has just stopped working even though it hasn't alarmed again. Keep in mind, this is at 3:00 PM. I was on my way back in to the office. I had not had time to even think about eating lunch. It had been a very busy day at work and this was just not what I needed right then. I went to the office and told my supervisor that I needed to leave for the day.

I went to Mom's and spent a while setting up the new pump and then I changed his
site. We are back to using the Insets because Riley keeps complaining that the metal set hurts when he sits down.

That leads us to now. I was hoping Michael could help cook tonight because, well, my brain just does not want to work. He just called a few minutes ago to let me know he's just leaving work (45 minutes away). He's usually home by now.

Now, I must go and cook. My family must be fed. The clothes must be washed.

I just hope this new pump helps. I'm going to be mad (and a little relieved) if I find out that the pump has been the cause of all of these highs. I got an email or maybe a comment on another post where another parent said that they kept having high after high and finally convinced the pump company to send them a new pump. After, they started the new pump, the sugars evened out. That leads me to worry that now his basals will be too high and he'll drop too low.

Ok, really got to go. Must cook, must clean. Sorry to ramble so much. Thanks for listening.

Being the Parent of a Diabetic Child

Being the parent of a diabetic child means....

---awakening each day with a hope for a cure and then living the rest of the day as if there will never be one.

---being awakened suddenly at 2 AM with a feeling that something is wrong and when you check, your child's sugar is low. After you get it back up, you lie awake the rest of the night wondering what horrible things could have happened had you not woken up when you did.

---trying to have a conversation with someone, while eating and keeping an eye on every bite your child eats so you can bolus accordingly.

---feeling guilty for just wanting some time to yourself to not think about diabetes.

---never, ever sleeping through the night.

---feeling like you always have to be strong, but never feeling like you're strong enough.

---trying to teach your child how important it is to take care of himself while at the same time trying to teach him not to let diabetes consume his life.

---having to kiss your child and tell him how sorry you are for things that are beyond your control.

---crying tears of sorrow for what your child has to deal with on a daily basis and moments later tears of joy because he's alive and he's yours.

Feeling a little random

I felt the need to flee from talking about D today. So, I will once again regale you with some more random facts about me.

#1) My middle name is Elizabeth. For those of you who have emailed me, you might have thought that my middle (or last) name is Lane. But, no, that is what my husband has called me since the day we met, Penny Lane. He even has a tattoo on his left arm. It is barbed wire with a heart in the middle with the initials, PL in the heart. I'm not sure why he calls me Penny Lane, but we are both fans of The Beatles.

#2) Speaking of tattoos. I have one on the inside of my left ankle. It is a sunflower. I would take a picture of it for you, but the fur on my "winter legs" would probably scare you. Yeah, it's been a while since I've shaved.

#3) Two years ago my husband surprised me with a trip on our anniversary. I had arranged for my parents to keep the kids for the weekend, but we were just going to stay home. Michael called me on Friday afternoon and told me to pack, we were leaving for the weekend. I didn't know where we were going. We first went to Charleston, SC and then on to Savannah, Georgia. Two places I have always wanted to go. I particularly enjoyed Savannah. The houses are beautiful. We searched everywhere for the bench that Tom Hanks is sitting on in Forest Gump, but we never found it. I did take a picture of the house from "Midnight In the Garden of Good and Evil". It was very sweet and I'll never forget it.

#4) I have 2 cats and 2 dogs. The dogs are Grace and Elizabeth (we call her Lizzy). They are both almost 5 years old. One cat is named Skye and she is almost 8. My baby, though, is my 11 year old cat, Sadie. I absolutely love this cat. I tell people, she thinks this is her house, and she just lets us live here.

#5) There were only 15 people in my graduating class in high school. I went to a small private school. We were all very close. A lot of us had been in school together since Kindergarten. There were 4 of us that were pretty much always together. (Kathy, Heidi, Letitia, and me) Our PE teacher called us the "four dummies". You hardly ever saw one of us without seeing the other three. Our whole class was so close that we swore that we were going to get together every year, but this year will be year number 14, and we haven't gotten together yet. I would love to see everyone again, but I just can't get motivated to plan a reunion. ( Mindy, if you're reading this, Hi!)

OK, I hope I didn't bore you. I just didn't feel like talking about D today. I hope everyone has a nice day!