Tuesday, December 27, 2005

My big boy

My 14 year old started driver's ed. yesterday. I just can't believe it. I can't believe my baby is going to be behind the wheel of a car in a few months. ( He will be 15 in February) Yes, I said my baby. He will always be my baby. If I'm 100, he will still be my baby.

Holden and I have a somewhat different relationship than most boys his age have with their moms. You see, I was 17 when I had him. (insert gasp) We sort of grew up together. All we had was each other in the earlier years and that has made us really close. Just the other day he decided to share inside information with me about who in his class he thought had "done it". As I'm sitting there listening, I'm trying not to show that I'm freaking out about kids his age "doing it". Turns out, he only thinks one person in his class has actually done the deed. ( He goes to a small private school. There are 29 people in his class.) As he was sharing all this with me, I was holding back tears. He's growing up so quickly. In just over 3 years he will be leaving for college. I have to catch my breath every time I think about it. I want to crumble into a pile of tears when I think about him leaving. I try not to focus on it. I try to focus on the here and now. I try to do everything I can with him now. I've never missed a game. I hope I never will. He plays basketball and baseball. He's an excellent basketball player. He averages 17 points and 10 rebounds a game. (For those of you who may not know, NC is sort of basketball country-GO DUKE!!!)

Anyway, I don't know why I'm rambling on about this. I just can't believe how fast he's growing up. I feel like I"m going to blink my eyes and Riley will be in college. Now, don't even get me started on my fears about that. I was talking to my husband about it just the other day and I told him, I try not to worry about who will be there with him if his sugar drops in the middle of the night. By then, there may be a cure, and I dont want to waste my time worrying about nothing.

I used to say that Riley and I could never be as close as Holden and I. Doesn't mean I love Holden more, I just have a certain bond with him I was certain I could never have with Riley. Well, God proved me wrong. I have a different bond with Riley now, a bond cemented in carbs and insulin.


bingsy said...

Both pictures are so precious. I love the two of them in their Duke shirts with Riley smiling so happily alongside his brother. The other picture is one of the best pics I've seen of Riley. Too cute.

Vivian said...

Isn't it so hard when they grow up without your notice until one day you turn around and think where was I?
I totally am with you on the different bonds with the different kids, my problem is balancing them. hahaha
Great pics, you should be proud.

Penny Ratzlaff said...

Thanks, Ellen.

Anonymous said...

Riley looks so happy and I know he is, he has a loving and adoring mother and a big brother to look up to and a great father, not to mention grandaddy, grandmama, granny and uncles, aunts and cousins that are praying for him and for a cure for diabetes. The picture of Holden and Riley together is fabulous.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.