A Plethora of Pictures

It's been a long time since I've posted any pictures. So, I decided to bombard you guys. Plus, I promised Chris some holiday pictures.

We'll start with the summer.

It was filled with a lot of days spent at a local beach club.

Some T-ball

Some goofiness

A trip to Ocracoke which included seeing the wild ponies.

Riley's first ride on a ferry.

Of course he went low from the excitement.

And a dip in the ocean.

October brought a "celebration" of Riley's 3rd D anniversary with a trip to the movies and Riley's favorite restaurant.

As well as Holden's last school homecoming.

Next, Holden attended Snow Ball with his girlfriend of almost 3 years, Brittaney.

Riley's school Christmas party. (notice the ever-present sugar machine)

Next, came Santa.

Riley's stuff.

Holden's stuff.

Santa's stuff (which included water for the reindeer)

Playing the Wii...

Some more gifts...

"Stop looking at me swan!"

I recently wrote of the demise of Riley's beloved fish Nemo. This was Riley's ode to Nemo.

We've been home the last two days for snow days. I've been sick both days. This morning I got up and made Riley breakfast and went back to bed. When I got up he took me in his room to see what he had done for me. And, somehow, I started to feel better.

Pumpy the 8th

Riley's 8th pump will be delivered today.


Wednesday night it alarmed that the battery was low. It was a surprise since it hadn't been that long since I'd changed it.


I removed the battery cap and pulled out another wet, soggy battery. This is the same thing that happened last time.


I cleaned out the battery compartment and popped in a new battery. I went through all the rewind/prime stuff and the pump was working again.


I tucked Riley into bed and called Animas. A few minutes later I got a call from a very nice rep. She got me to unhook Riley and go through all the trouble-shooting stuff.


She had me inspect the pump and when I did I noticed several cracks in the battery compartment. That explained the wet battery. Riley wears his pump in the bath, so water had seeped in earlier that night at bath time.


She advised me not to use the pump and to go to our back up plan. But, as soon as I was off the phone I hooked Riley back up. Unless the thing dies I'm not going back to injections.


While we may have had 8 pumps in a little less than 3 years, there has only been one that completely died and we had to go back to injections for a day.


Before the lady got off the phone she went through the instructions about how we would receive the pump and how to return the old one. I just let her talk. I didn't tell her that I was a pro at getting new pumps and returning old ones.


We've had this pump longer than any one pump so far. I looked back at my post and we got this current pump in September of 2007. We've had this one long enough that the OK has worn off of the button.


Next March it will be time to renew the pump because the warranty will be expired. I just hope this one lasts until then and there won't be a Pumpy the 9th.

(While we're on numbers, I just noticed this is my 401st post. That's a lot of complaining about diabetes.)

My List and Motivations

I have a list of things I've been thinking about or jotting down since before the New Year started. I have things I want to do. Things I want to accomplish.



I thought maybe putting them in writing here would help keep me motivated. They are not really New Years resolutions as much as they are things I want to work on. Or is that what a New Year resolution is?



Here they are in no particular order:



1) Clean out all the closets in my house and get them organized. (How am I doing? I've gotten one organized and cleaned out. It's the one in my living room. I did it before the New Year even started. It was unreal how much junk had accumulated in that one closet. When I drug it all out it nearly filled the living room. Anyway, one down, many more to go. I'm motivated though. Whenever I open the living room closet to hang up a coat I smile. It's so nice to have it organized and know exactly where everything is.)



2) Clean out/ organize my kitchen cabinets and drawers. (I haven't even started on this one yet. My motivation is the same as above. When things are disorganized it adds to my already stressful life when I try to find something I need.)





3) Manage my money better. (I've started on this one already. I threw the credit cards away a long time ago. Most of my bills are automatically deducted from my checking account so I don't even have to think about them. But, we spend way too much money on food. I've come up with a budget and am going to try to stick to it. My plan is to pay off medical bills and such so we can really save up some money. I really, really want a house of my own. I know we won't have one until I learn to actually balance my check book once in a while. So far I have a budget and I've stuck to it. I even balanced my check book today. I've stopped using the debit card except for gas. Every thing else I pay cash. It makes it easier to keep up with everything. My motivation is saving for a house.)



4) Get Riley's A1C to 7.0% or less. (His last A1C was 7.8 which is the highest it's been in a long time. We've been as low as 6.6 before and I'd love to see that number again. I've already started on this. I have started logging his sugars at least every other day and making basal adjustments every 3-4 days or so. I've gone back to using Kevin's log sheet. I used it a long time ago, but just got out of the habit somehow. Seeing those sugars on a graph and pie chart really help me narrow down where I need to make adjustments. We see the endo again on the 23rd. I don't plan to see much of an improvement by then. But, by the next appointment in April I want to be well on the way to a 7.0. My motivation, of course, is a healthier Riley.)



5) Take a trip with Holden. (I've looked into a few things I think he might enjoy, but money is a factor, especially since I'm trying to save. I won't go into details of what I'd like to do just in case he reads this. My motivation is spending time with my big boy and getting in some bonding time before he goes away to college.)



6) Spend more time in prayer. (I've started on this one already too. I used to pray every night before sleep but often times ended up asleep instead of in prayer. I also have done little "dart" prayers throughout the day when certain things pop in my mind. Now, I have made it a habit to pray anytime I'm driving in the car. I turn off the radio and just pray. I have a prayer list and I pray for the things on that list every day. I add things here and there. Some of you guys are on that list for needs you have mentioned. I've always believed that prayer is a powerful thing. I believe that when people pray, things happen. I still pray several times a day whenever something pops in my mind. My motivation is to have a closer relationship with God.)



7) Make a chore chart and perform those chores on a daily basis. (Right now my house cleaning is mainly done on Saturdays. Of course I straighten up and do laundry every day, but the bulk of the cleaning is done on Saturday. I have a friend who cleans a different room of the house every night. This is where having a little house comes in handy. I haven't started on this one yet and probably won't until basketball season is over. My motivation is having more time to spend with my family on Saturdays.)



I think seven is quite enough. Of course, there are more things I'd like to do. I would love to lose about 20 pounds, but I really don't have the motivation for that right now. I'm trying to stick to things that are important enough to me that I know I'll at least try to do them.



As things happen I'll try to keep you guys updated.

Calling All PWD and Parents of PWD

I am working on a project and would love to get some input from you guys, the ones who live with Type 1 diabetes on a daily basis.

I want to know what you wish the school nurse knew. What would you like for them to know about you and your child? For those with diabetes what do you wish they knew about you?

I would also love to get some personal stories from parents or kids (or you guys who used to be kids with diabetes that are now adults with diabetes.) Do you have any good stories about your school nurse? Any bad ones?

Thanks for any input you can give me.

Please send me an email with your comments: pennylane5001@embarqmail.com

I may have more detailed questions in the future. Right now I'm looking for the direction I should take with my project.

Thanks for your help.

Goog Bye Old Friend

Last night after I tucked Riley into bed I asked Michael to go in and feed Nemo, Riley's fish.

Michael went into Riley's room and a few moments later I heard Riley crying. It wasn't his usual cry. This cry seemed more urgent.

I jumped up off the couch and ran into his room. When I got there I saw Michael with Riley in his arms. They were both looking at the fish bowl.

Nemo had died.

Riley got him for his birthday almost 3 years ago. His bowl stayed in Riley's room and Riley would talk to him from time to time.

I know it sounds strange, but Nemo was like part of the family. Anytime you went into Riley's room he'd swim over to the side of the bowl as if to see what was going on. If you got close enough sometimes he'd puff himself up to make himself look all big and bad.

Riley cried for a good solid 30 minutes last night. When his dad flushed him down the toilet Riley insisted on watching. When he sobbed, "Goodbye Nemo", I lost it.

I wasn't so much crying over the fish as I was crying because Riley was upset. I will miss him though.

Why We Blog

I was sitting in a meeting today with other school nurses.

The nurse next to me leaned over and said that her daughter is in daycare with a little girl who is on a pump.

She said the daycare told her that the little girl's sugar was in the 400s and the mom said to give her insulin and that was it.

The nurse went on to say that if it were her child she would have taken her to the ER.

It took all I could muster not to rip her a new one.

All I did was sneer at her and say, "It happens."

It's all I could say. I was so mad but, she's a co-worker and I do actually like her so I just let it go.

I think I might ask the lead nurse if I can do a little presentation to the school nurses about Type 1 diabetes.

If a nurse feels this way imagine what the teachers at Riley's school must say behind my back. He was in the upper 300s two days in a row at school .

I don't really know where I'm going with this and I don't really know what to do about it. Maybe we could all gather the whole world together and let them know?

I guess blogging is the closest we can come to that.

Answering My Own Questions

Thank you guys for your responses to my last post. They have really helped a lot. Mostly they have made me realize that I'm not alone and that maybe I'm not doing things so badly after all.

It was interesting to see how many of you eat cereal for breakfast. I've always heard that's a big no no (even though that's what Riley eats).

I thought I'd share my answers to the same questions.

1) What do you/your child eat for a typical breakfast? (I’m looking something relatively low carb that would be of interest to a 6 year old and doesn’t require a lot of time to fix. I barely get to work on time as it is.)

Riley used to eat cereal for breakfast. I’d switch the brand every once in a while, but not much. The cereal and milk usually ranged around 25-28 g carbs. The past few mornings he’s eaten mini sausage biscuits (24g total) and he’s been high at lunch and even higher a couple of hours later. I’m wondering if the fat and protein in the sausage is doing this. So, he ate cereal again this morning. I only switched to give him something different, but he complained and wanted cereal anyway.

2) How often do you typically change your basals? (I know this will vary greatly for everyone.)

I’d say it’s at least a couple of times a month. But, I think I should be doing it more often.

3) If you test 1- 1/2 hours after lunch and you’re in the 300s and your pump says you have enough insulin on board to cover the sugar do you override the pump and give insulin anyway? If so, how do you determine how much to give?

It depends on what Riley ate. Sometimes I override (like the last two days at school when he was in the 300s and the pump said not to give him any insulin). And, sometimes I wait and see if it comes down with the insulin he has on board. I have no formula for how much I give.

4) Do you or your child stick to a routine pretty much all of the time? (ex: breakfast , snack, lunch, etc at the same time every day.)

He is in a routine at school. On the weekend he’s not in as much routine. He used to be. He used to eat his meals and snacks at around the same time every day. Now I’ve gotten to the point that if he’s not hungry I don’t make him eat. He ate a much later supper than usual last night because he wasn’t ready to eat yet.

5) Do you count carbs by measuring with measuring cups or do you weigh your food to find out carbs?

I measure every single thing (except at restaurants). I don’t weigh but use measuring cups. Or if it’s chips or something like that I figure out how many carbs per chip and count them out one by one. I really need to invest in a scale.

6) Do you bolus before, during, or after meals?

Some of all. I prefer to bolus before if I know he’s going to eat everything. But, I never bolus until the food is in front of him and he’s getting ready to eat. If we’re at a buffet or something like that I’ll wait until after. Occasionally I’ll do it during because I’ll see that he likes it and is going to eat it all. He gets bloused after at school.

7) Do you log sugars every day?

No. I used to. I used to be obsessive about it. I’ve always said how important it is and I do believe it’s important, but just got out of the habit. It’s one of the things I’m working on for the New Year. I’m starting to use Kevin’s excel logbook again and I’m going to purchase a cord for the Freestyle Lite so I can just download his sugars onto the computer.

8) How long do you wait for a pattern before changing basals? (For example, I look for a three day pattern and make adjustments by that.) If you do this, do you wait 3 more days and if the numbers still aren’t responding adjust basals again? ( I feel like maybe I’m not being aggressive enough with the changes?)

Already said I wait for a three day pattern. I have increased again after another 3 days, but usually wait at least a week before making more changes. I really feel like I’m not being aggressive enough with my changes. I think changing every three days may be what I need to do until his sugars start doing better.

9) How much do you increase basals at one time? Do you do it by a certain percentage or just for one part of the day?

I usually see what part of the day he’s running high and change that first. I’ll change a couple of different basals at a time usually. I don’t change by any certain percentage. I used to increase by 0.025 but have found that’s not doing the trick anymore. So, now I go up by 0.05 at a time now.

10) Do you have different basal rates for different days (for example a weekday basal rate and a weekend basal rate)? If so do you use the weekend rates for long weekends and holidays?

Yes. Riley has a weekday rate and a weekend rate. When he’s not in school he’s on the weekend rate. For some reason at school he needs a big increase in his basal from 11 Am to 2 PM that he doesn’t need when he’s not in school. Riley also has 8 different basal rates in every day.

11) If you /your child is at a birthday party and you/their sugar is high do you/they skip the cake and goodies or eat anyway and bolus for the high too?

I let him eat the cake. There may have been once when I didn’t. I feel guilty about it every time though. I know it’s not what’s best for his body. But, it is probably what’s best for his mind.

12) Do you think I’m completely insane for wanting you to answer all these questions?

No comment. I don’t want to incriminate myself.

Help Me Please I'm at the End of My Rope

I cried about diabetes today for the first time in a long time. It came out of frustration with a disease that I just can’t figure out no matter how hard I try.

Riley’s sickness coupled with Prednisone over the Christmas holidays made it pretty much impossible to test basals like I wanted to. He’s run high, higher, and highest lately and I feel guilty that I’m not doing something right, that I’m not paying enough attention. His last A1C was 7.8, the highest it’s been in a long time. We have another appointment this month and I’m sure it’s still that high or higher.

You parents (and PWD) out there know where I’m coming from. It’s frustrating when your best just isn’t good enough. It makes you question if you’re doing the best at all.

I’m going to ask a few questions and I would love a response from you guys. I know that diabetes is very individualized and that what works for some may not work for others. I would still like to see your answers. They may point me in a direction I haven’t tried yet. I know that some of these questions will not pertain to people that are not on the pump. Just answer whatever questions you can. Please post any answers you have by comment or if you’d rather send them by email that would be fine too. (My email is in my profile.)

1) What do you/your child eat for a typical breakfast? (I’m looking something relatively low carb that would be of interest to a 6 year old and doesn’t require a lot of time to fix. I barely get to work on time as it is.)

2) How often do you typically change your basals? (I know this will vary greatly for everyone.)

3) If you test 1- 1/2 hours after lunch and you’re in the 300s and your pump says you have enough insulin on board to cover the sugar do you override the pump and give insulin anyway? If so, how do you determine how much to give?

4) Do you or your child stick to a routine pretty much all of the time? (ex: breakfast , snack, lunch, etc at the same time every day.)

5) Do you count carbs by measuring with measuring cups or do you weigh your food to find out carbs?

6) Do you bolus before, during, or after meals?

7) Do you log sugars every day?

8) How long do you wait for a pattern before changing basals? (For example, I look for a three day pattern and make adjustments by that.) If you do this, do you wait 3 more days and if the numbers still aren’t responding adjust basals again? ( I feel like maybe I’m not being aggressive enough with the changes?)

9) How much do you increase basals at one time? Do you do it by a certain percentage or just for one part of the day?

10) Do you have different basal rates for different days (for example a weekday basal rate and a weekend basal rate)? If so do you use the weekend rates for long weekends and holidays?

11) If you /your child is at a birthday party and you/their sugar is high do you/they skip the cake and goodies or eat anyway and bolus for the high too?

12) Do you think I’m completely insane for wanting you to answer all these questions?

Thank you in advance for any advice you can give.

Another Meme

I found this meme over at Allison's and couldn't help but participate.

Rules: Bold: Things that you have done.
Italics: Things you would like to do but never have.
Normal print: Things you have never done/would not like to do.

1. Started your own blog: On November 19, 2005, 2 weeks after Riley’s diagnosis

2. Slept under the stars: I went camping once when I was about 8 or 9. I didn’t really enjoy it and don’t plan to try it again.

3. Played in a band: Does Guitar Hero or Rock Band count?

4. Visited Hawaii: This is the #1 travel destination on my list.

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity: I did this several years ago when the town I lived in was ravaged by a flood. My house was fine, but three houses down the water was up to the ceiling. I went home every day after work to piles of soggy mattresses and soggy personal items on the side of the road. It was depressing. My church took up money for those affected by the flood. I gave more than I could afford. A few weeks later a totally unexpected check arrived in the mail for the exact amount I had given. God is good.

7. Been to Disneyland/world – I went to Disney World when I was 13. I would love to go back and take Riley some day. I always wanted to take Holden to0 but never did.

8. Climbed a mountain; sounds like too much work to me

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo (in the shower): I don’t sing in the shower. I save that for my car.

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris- Michael and I were talking about this just last night. I’ve never had any desire to visit Paris.

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea. – I think it would be beautiful.

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.

15. Adopted a child: I used to have this desire, but I can’t say that I do anymore.

16. Had food poisoning.

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty: I’ve never even been to New York.

18. Grown your own vegetables. : I’ve grown tomatoes before, but that’s it.

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France – Again, no desire to ever visit France.

20. Slept on an overnight train. – I’ve never even been on a train, but would love to experience an overnight train trip.

21. Had a pillow fight.

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill. - I’ve wanted to, I’ve just never done it. Call me too honest for my own good.

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb- I’ve petted one at a petting zoo before.

26. Gone skinny dipping.- I'm afraid my body has passed the point of no return on this one

27. Run a Marathon – Another thing that is just too much work.

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise – This is what Holden wants for graduation, a family cruise. He’s not getting it though. We just don’t have that kind of cash.

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community – Got stuck behind a horse and buggy too.

36. Taught yourself a new language.

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied. – When I first graduated from college and was still living with my parents while working full-time as a nurse. In other words it was a long, long time ago.

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke: I have a very small desire to do this. I really can’t sing but still think it would be fun. I’d have to be in the right company to do it.

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant

44. Visited Africa: This is number 2 on my list of places to visit. I want to go on an African safari.

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight. – I’ve done this many times. I live on the coast.

46. Been transported in an ambulance: When I was in a wreck when I was 18. I wasn’t really hurt all that badly, but they transported me anyway because my car was totaled.

47. Had your portrait painted.

48. Gone deep sea fishing.

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud. - I have two boys.

54. Gone to a drive-in theater. - I was a little girl but I have faint memories of it.

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business – I just don’t know what kind I want to start.

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching.

63. Gotten flowers for no reason- - thank you Michael

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma- I haven’t done it in a long time. I’m going to try to get back to donating regularly again. It’s such a simple thing to do and you can help save a life.

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London

77. Broken a bone- finger when I was 7 (I smashed it in a car door); hand when I was 18 (playing basketball), and another finger when I was 27 (trying to catch my dog by her collar)

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle- I don’t even want to be on a non-speeding motorcycle.

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person- It must be an awesome sight to behold.

80. Published a book- much like the business , I don’t know what I’d write about

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car- I’ve bought 4 brand new cars. ( 5 if you count Michael’s car which I help make payments on.)

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Read the entire Bible

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating- uh, gross

88. Had chickenpox- I was in kindergarten. I don’t remember it.

89. Saved someone’s life.- I’m a nurse. It comes with the job.

90. Sat on a jury- It was kind of interesting.

91. Met someone famous- I guess it depends on who I’m meeting.

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby. – two to be exact

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

Year in Review

January:

One of Holden's friends who he'd known almost his whole life got into a wreck and was unconscious for a while. He is also one of the youth at church. He turned out to be OK after a while. It took him a few days to completely wake up and he couldn't play basketball for several weeks due to a concussion. I'm so thankful that he turned out to be OK. He was 17 at the time.

Holden played 9 basketball games.

I had my yearly physical. I was found to have some "female problems" and would have to start taking monthly shots. I was not pleased.

February:

Holden played four more basketball games.

Holden turned 17. We celebrated a few days later with lasagna ( A rare treat at our house due to what it does to Riley's sugars.)

We had a Valentine's super at church. The men cooked for the women.

Riley went on a field trip to see a play. He rode a bus there. The teacher called me on the way to inform me that Riley's sugar was 42.

My Granny celebrated a birthday.

I had my first injection that I mentioned before. I didn't have any side effects for a while.

I attended a Teddy Bear Fair with Riley. It was another school field trip. I went because after the fair they went out to eat pizza. I knew I needed to be there to bolus for this very tricky food.

A girl that I had known since she was born was killed in a wreck. She was 21 years old. Her sister and I were the same age and always rode to school together growing up. When Holden started school she and he would ride together. Her mom and I took turns taking them and picking them up. I still think about her mother often. I know the holidays were especially hard for her.

Riley got the flu. Yes, he'd had his flu shot, but it didn't work. I was terrified that he'd end up in DKA but it turns out he didn't do so badly. He did miss almost a whole week of school though. The rest of us took pills to hopefully keep from getting the flu ourselves.

March:

Riley had been pumping for 2 years.

I got my second injection. By now I was having some side effects. (hot flashes)

Michael and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. I finally gave in and took a trip away from Riley. Although we were really only 2 hours away it was still hard to leave. It was the longest I'd been away from Riley and the farthest I'd been away from him since his diagnosis 2 1/2 years earlier. Michael and I had a great time and it was nice to get away for a little while.

I was lunch bunch mom at Riley's school. I showed up and monitored the kids while the teacher got a break. Not only did she get to eat her meal in quiet she also didn't have to worry about carbs and insulin for a change.

I attended a party of my cousin's son.

Riley started soccer practice. He had one game in March.

We had our spring revival at church.

I helped host a St. Patrick's Day party at Riley's school.

I attended Riley's Easter Egg Hunt at school.

Riley saw the endo. His A1C was 7.2.

We attended another Easter Egg Hunt at church.

Holden celebrated his re-birthday (the day he became a Christian.)

We ate Easter dinner at my Granny's.

Riley had blood work done to check for celiac disease.

April:

Riley had 8 soccer games.

Riley went to the dentist.

I got a kidney stone. I'd never had them before. It was very painful, but not as painful as child birth as I'd heard other people say.

I got another injection and had another ultra sound for my problems. The side effects were worse and it turns out the injections didn't actually fix the problem.

Michael had a birthday.

I attended another field trip with Riley to see the play Sleeping Beauty.

Holden attended the prom. Since he was a junior his class was in charge of holding the prom. Michael and I chaperoned. Michael was a valet. I think right about that time was when I started thinking about Holden becoming a senior and leaving and going off to college.

Michael started playing in an adult soccer league. Holden later started playing also.

Riley went to the doctor for a sinus infection.

Riley's school had their annual Spring Festival. He sang and then played some games.

Riley started T-ball practice.

May:

Riley had 4 T-ball games.

The family went to a local children's home to help clean up the grounds.

I helped paint the backdrop for Riley's kindergarten play. The play was held the next week. Riley was an adorable panda bear.

I provided a dessert for the teachers at Riley's school to show appreciation for all they do.

We had a mother's day supper at church. And, I cooked a mother's day supper for my mom.

My little man turned 6. We celebrated by going to a Japanese steakhouse. It's his favorite place to eat.

I helped decorate for Holden's athletic banquet which was held the next day. I was once again confronted with how old he's getting.

I once again helped out Riley's teacher and helped with lunch.

I attended Riley's end of the year party at our local beach club.

I quit my job at home health.

We attended Holden's academic banquet.

Riley went to the doctor twice. He was seen 3 times in 6 weeks for a sinus infection. The last round of antibiotics finally cleared it up.

We attended a birthday party for my cousin's little girl.

June:

I attended baccalaureate service at Holden's school. He was a marshal.

I attended graduation at Holden's school and cried thinking about next year.

I attended the graduation ceremony for Holden's friend who had gotten in the wreck in January.

I had my last day at my job that I had been at for 10 years. I cried all the way home.

I started my school nurse job.

Michael and I attended a wedding for one of his co-workers.

I helped with my church's Bible School.

I sold my piano that was given to me as a Christmas present when I was 9 years old. It was taking up too much room and we needed the money.

July:

My mom and dad celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary.

I had the whole month off because school nurses don't work in the summer!!

I had another ultra sound. It turns out the problem I have needs surgery. But, not immediate surgery. The doctor said it was up to me when I wanted it. He told me when I got tired of the pain to come in and we'd schedule it. (I haven't scheduled it yet.)

Riley went to the endo again. His A1C was 7.4.

I helped out with Bible School again.

My family and I attended a mission trip. We spent time at a couple of children's home as well as a nursing home.

We spent a day at the beach. Riley rode on a ferry for the first time.

August:

I took my certification test to become a school nurse.

I started back at my school nurse job.

My dad had surgery for a growth that was in his throat. The doctor informed us that he would send off a sample but he was pretty sure it was cancer.

Michael and I went and helped at a clean up day at our church.

I helped with Bible School again.

We took another weekend trip to the beach.

The kids went back to school. Holden was now officially a senior.

September:

My dad went to the doctor and got his test results: Stage 3 cancer of the throat. He was told he'd have to undergo radiation for 5-6 weeks.

Riley joined church and became a Christian.

A week later we rushed Riley to the emergency room because he was having trouble breathing. He was given an inhaler and placed on Prednisone which wreaked havoc on his sugars.

I found out that I passed my school nurse certification exam!! ( It was a HUGE relief.)

My daddy celebrated his 59th birthday. He got his markings for radiation on the same day.

Daddy found out that in addition to radiation he would be getting chemo also.

Daddy started his radiation and chemo.

Riley started soccer practice and games again.

We went back to the local children's home to help them clean up their grounds again.

We attended the local county fair.

Riley was baptised.

October:

Riley continued with soccer practice and games.

Holden took the SAT.

Riley's 3 year diabetes anniversary.

We took Holden to tour the college of his choice (almost 4 hours away from home).

We went to fall revival at our church.

We attended Fall Festival at Riley's school. I worked a booth helping kids paint pumpkins.

Holden started basketball practice.

Riley had another endo. appointment. His A1C was 7.8 (the highest it had been in a long time)

My daddy continued with chemo and radiation. It was making him sick. He couldn't eat. He couldn't talk. His hair was falling out. On top of all that, he got pneumonia and spent a week in the hospital.

We took Riley to Trunk or Treat at our church.

November:

Daddy finished up with his radiation and chemo!!

Michael and I went to a work/clean-up day at the kid's school.

Riley continued with soccer.

Holden started playing basketball. He dislocated his knee cap in the first game and had to sit out a couple of games.

Holden applied to college.

I attended a cousin's wedding.

I attended the funeral of my cousin's husband's dad.

I celebrated Thanksgiving at my Granny's house.

December:

Holden's basketball games continued.

Holden was accepted to the college of his choice. (Did I mention that it's almost 4 hours away?)

My mom celebrated her 58th birthday.

Riley attended 4 birthday parties in 1 week.

We took Riley to a local Christmas parade.

We attended a church Christmas supper as well as the church Christmas play.

Riley was plagued with wheezing again and was once again placed on Prednisone just in time for Christmas.

Michael and I went Christmas shopping.

I attended Riley's school Christmas party.

The kids and Michael and I all got out of school for 2 weeks.

My dad was declared cancer-free!!!!

We had a wonderful and blessed Christmas.



Wow. Looking back at all that I realize why I'm so tired all the time.

I wish each of you a very happy new year!!!!

Year End Meme

I'll post about Christmas later. (It was great, by the way.)

I want to end this year blogging like I have the last two years. I will post a sentence from one definitive post from each month.

January: Nice to Be Amongst the Living

"I started this blog to help other parents of kids with Type 1."

February: It Makes Me Put My Hand Over My Heart

"While standing for The National Anthem at one of Holden's basketball games last week I noticed that nearly every one was standing with their hand over their heart."

March: It's the (Seemingly) Little Things

"A lot of times with life it's not the big events or the times in your life that get the most attention that have the most significance."

April: Diabetes Burnout: What Do You Do?

"Everybody gets burned out sometimes."

May: Just Imagine

"It was Riley's bedtime."

June: And I'm Off...

"I'm officially off work for the summer."

July: How Much Life Has Changed Since Diagnosis

"Every couple of months or so we get a newsletter in the mail from the medical center where we got pump training."

August: Amen

"Riley's overheard prayer:"Dear God, Grandaddy is a good grandaddy."

September: Running At 120%

"Sunday night Riley had a stuffy nose."

October: Three Years Chained

"Three years ago today was the worst day of my entire life."

November: Hope, Belief, Pain, and Faith

"Today marks 3 years that I have been blogging."

December: Head or Heart (or Kidneys or Eyes Or...)

"Every parent wants what’s best for their child."

It Wasn't a One Time Thing

Back in September Riley ended up in the ER because he was having trouble breathing. He did a round of antibiotics and a round of Prednisone and used an inhaler as needed. After a few days he was better. The doctors didn't really have an explanation for what had happened. All they would say is "maybe it's a one time thing". It had all started with a stuffy nose.

Friday, Riley started with a stuffy nose again. By Sunday afternoon he was wheezing.

I gave him his inhaler and it helped to clear him up. But, after a few hours he was wheezing again. He needed his inhaler about every four hours, including twice in the middle of the night.

I took him to the doctor today. He's on Prednisone again (oh, joy). The doctor said I can give the inhaler every 2 hours if needed (and I've had to do that a few times). And, that if I have to continue to give it every 2 hours that I need to call back and they'll put Riley in the hospital.

As I write this Riley is jumping up and down on his mattress in the living room. (We are doing our annual tradition of sleeping in the living room under the Christmas tree lights.) He is wheezing and coughing (he had his inhaler less than an hour ago). When I tell him to calm down so he can breathe better he tells me he's trying to bring his sugar down.

45 minutes ago it was 375. I've increased his basal 120% like last time he was on Prednisone. I'm hoping it will work.

I'm also hoping that this Prednisone does it's job and I can stop using the inhaler so often and then stop using it at all.

This time instead of "maybe it's just a one time thing" I heard, "maybe he'll grow out of it".

I hope he "grows out of it" before Christmas.

1.9%

As is the usual with this blog I have poured out my pain and dispair in the last couple of posts. I started this blog to be a help to other parents going through the same thing. As I've said before, it became more of a help to me.



When I'm having a bad day D-wise I come here and vent. I talk about the highs and the lows. I speak of the pain this disease has caused me as well as my fears. Every once in a while you'll get an uplifting post from me, but not very often.



It's kind of like when you get good service at a restaurant, you appreciate it, but you don't say much about it. But, if you go to a restaurant and get horrible service you tell everyone you know.



When I'm getting horrible service with diabetes I write about it here.



98% of the time diabetes is way far in the back ground. It gets the time and attention it needs and deserves and then I move on. Occasionally, I get in a rut and the other 2% comes out in my posts.



Right now I'm very happy. For one, this is the last week of school before Christmas break. Since I am a school nurse now my whole family is pretty much on the same schedule. My kids, Michael, and I all get out 1/2 a day on Friday. Then, we don't have to go back to school until January 5th. I can't even convey in this post the excitement that brings to me.



Earlier today the teacher next door and I actually counted up the seconds we have left before Christmas break. It doesn't sound as long when you put it in seconds.



I can't wait to be at home for a couple of weeks with my family.



I'm somewhat happy diabetes-wise too. We've had a rough couple of months. Riley's sugars have been high and it seemed that no matter what I did they would stay that way. Now, he's starting to even out some. It has taken several weeks of increasing his basal to finally get to where we are now. I guess I should have been a little more aggressive with the increases, but I was trying to avoid lows too.



Riley is so excited about Christmas. I love to see the smile on his face and the glimmer in his eye every time we move the candy cane on Santa's beard to count down the days until Christmas.



Every day is exciting to him. I am trying to catch a little bit of the excitement myself, trying to see the world through his eyes.



I'm trying to let the little things go. I'm trying to focus on the good and pray my way through the bad. I'm learning to let the laundry pile up (didn't take too much persuasion for that) and instead spend time with my kids.



As far as Riley is concerned diabetes is in the background 99.9% of the time. I'm trying to learn from him how to get my other 1.9%

Fear

This post was inspired by a post written by George. He spoke about how he worries about having his leg amputated and how he worries he might have a heart attack in his sleep.

Hearing his fears brought mine bubbling up to the surface.

My biggest fear is having one of my children die before me. I pray almost every single day that God does not let either one of my children die before I do. I can't really think of anything worse that could happen to a parent.

Holden is seventeen. My fear for him stems from him being out on the road. I pray for his safety several times a day. Every time I hear his car pull into the driveway, music blaring, I say a silent prayer of thanks.

A parent worries about all of their children. We worry that they'll be safe and we worry that we're not screwing them up too badly.

But, when a chronic disease is brought into the mix, worry and fear take on a whole new dimension.

Early on in Riley's diagnosis I was fearful of a lot of things. I worried about him whenever he was not with me. I worried that he'd go low and no one would know what to do. I worried that I wasn't taking adequate care of him, that I wasn't capable of doing what was needed for him.

I didn't go to the movies for over 2 years after his diagnosis because I was afraid that my cell phone wouldn't pick up in the movie theater and that my mom might need me to ask me something about Riley's sugars and she wouldn't be able to reach me.

Those fears are still there to an extent, but not to the extent that they used to be.

I cried the whole summer before Riley started kindergarten. But, once he got there I realized that he was doing just fine. His teacher did an excellent job taking care of him. I learned to relax a little. I learned that I was not the only one who could take care of Riley and his diabetes.

I relaxed enough to go to the movies. Michael and I even went away for a weekend 2 1/2 years after Riley's diagnosis. I wouldn't do it earlier. I worried about being too far away from him. I worried that he would need me and I wouldn't be readily available.

Those fears have subsided a bit. But, there are still fears that have been there since day one and that are still there. I can't make them go away.

I realize that all of this may seem silly to many of you. You may call them irrational fears. Even if they are irrational, they are still my fears. They don't haunt my every waking moment. But, irrational or not, they are there.

My husband and I check Riley's sugar at least 2 times during the night while he's sleeping. Still, the first thing I do every morning when I get up is walk to Riley's bedroom door and listen for the sound of him breathing. If I can't hear him breathing I go into his room and place my hand on his chest. Once I find him still alive I take a deep breath and say a silent prayer of thanks.

Riley doesn't know I do this. I don't think Michael even knows I do this. But, I've done it every single morning for the last 3+ years. I learned of Dead in Bed Syndrome early on in Riley's diagnosis. And, try as I might, I can't get the thought of the horror of waking up in the morning to find your child dead out of my mind.

I guess maybe some parents of non-D kids might be able to relate to that a little. I think a lot of parents worry about SIDS when their children are babies. But, once they reach their first birthday that fear usually subsides.

I believe I'll have this fear forever.

I also worry about complications. Like I said, it's not an ever-present kind of thing. But, it's a fear that enters in and out of my thoughts, particularly when Riley's sugars have been high for a few days.

When I was doing research for Walk of Hope I came across this statistic: "By 20 years after diagnosis most people with Type 1 diabetes will have some form of complication".

It has haunted me ever since. Riley was diagnosed when he was 3. I can't bear the thought of my son having some complication from this disease by the time he's 23.

Here is another disturbing figure: 24% of type 1 diabetics will develop retinopathy (damage to the nerves in the eye caused by high blood sugars) after 5 years, almost 60% after 10 years and 100% after 20 years.

Again, when Riley's 23....

23, just getting out of college, just really starting life....

Fear can be crippling. But, it can also be motivating.

Sometimes the fear cripples me, sometimes it wins. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep or lock myself in the bathroom and sob because I"m overwhelmed with it all.

But, most of the time my fear motivates me. It motivates me to hold onto my sons a little tighter. It motivates me to log Riley's sugars. It motivates me to teach him a little at a time so that he can one day do all of this on his own.

But, most of all, it motivates me to help find a cure. The only way to get rid of these fears is to get rid of this disease.

That's exactly what I'm trying to do.

(**edit: Go read this post to hear just how real complications can be. While there take time to give Kate and Lance a hug or two.)

'Tis the Season (for giving to Faustman's research)

People tend to be a little more generous around this time of year. They seem to have the holiday spirit.

Are you feeling generous?

Thursday, December 18 there will be a diabetes walk at my son's school. All of the proceeds will be donated directly to Dr. Faustman's research at Massachusetts General Hospital.

My son attends a school that has about 320 kids. Of those 320, 5 of them have Type 1 diabetes. They range in age from 6-17.

If you'd like to help and donate to a very worthy cause email me and let me know and I'll tell you where to send the check. Or, if you'd like you can click here and donate on-line. If you choose the on-line option please email me (pennylane5001@embarqmail.com) and let me know your donation amount so I can add it to the walk total. Any amount is greatly appreciated.

It all adds up to a cure.

**edit: I just read the Faustman news letter!!! I read it with a huge grin on my face. I have the most hope I've had in a while. Click here to read the newsletter and have a few grins of your own.

An Opportune Low

Holden had another basketball game last night. As we stood in line to buy food Riley was eyeing some very delicious-looking cupcakes.

"Can I have one?"

"Let's see what your sugar is first."

I checked his sugar while standing in line: 63.

"Yes. I guess you can."

"Can I eat it first?"

"Yes, you need to go on and eat it to bring your sugar up"

Normally, he would get a juice box before he could eat but this particular cupcake was piled high with sugar laden icing. I knew he would eat the icing first. He always licks all the icing off first and eats the cake part last.

I rechecked him in 15 minutes: 93. He got a bolus for the cupcake and the cheeseburger he ate.

Two hours later he was 91. Since he still had insulin on board and we'd be at the game a while I told him he could have a snack. We got back in line and this time he eyed something covered in chocolate. I asked the person behind the counter what it was. It was peanut butter crackers covered in chocolate.

Riley ate two of them. I bolused accordingly and two hours later he was 88.

Even thought is sugar went low it was not dangerously low. He got to eat a few treats and his sugars responded rather favorably.

We needed a night like that.

Four

That's the number of birthday parties Riley attended this week. One was a party at school. The other three were all this weekend.

Things eaten at said parties:
cupcake, Doritos, cake, hot dog, potato chips, cookie, cake, peanut butter ball, sausage balls, Cheetos, crackers, cake, ice cream.

His sugars are still on the high side most days. I'm finding that blood sugar control has become much harder over the last several months. Riley's endo thinks that the "honeymoon" (what a stupid word for it) has finally ended for good. This means his pancreas doesn't help out at all anymore.

It just makes me want to cry. But, I won't. Past experience tells me it won't do any good.

Head or Heart (or kidneys, or eyes, or...)

Every parent wants what’s best for their child. You want them to grow up strong and healthy. You want them to have a strong and healthy body. You also want them to be mentally strong, not just smart, but mentally healthy too. You want them to have high self-esteem. You don’t want them to feel isolated or different.

The physical part isn’t too hard with most kids. You make sure they eat healthy. You make sure they brush their teeth at least twice a day. You take them to the doctor for regular check-ups.

The mental part is a little harder. But, most kids just want to be treated like everyone else. They want to belong, fit in. They don’t want to be singled out amongst their peers.

Throw diabetes into the mix and it complicates things a bit.

What do you do when keeping your child physically healthy is a detriment to them mentally?

Or, keeping them mentally healthy is a detriment to their physical health?

Parents of kids with diabetes are faced with this dilemma on a daily basis, usually several times a day.

It’s been wearing on me as of late.

Usually if Riley’s sugar is high he will take insulin and skip snack. But, what about when there’s a birthday party at school and his sugar is 350 and the main menu items are cupcakes and ice cream with a side of potato chips?

Should I make him skip the party to keep his body healthy? Or should I let him go on and eat knowing the food is going to send his sugar soaring even higher just so he won’t feel singled out?

I’ve done both. And, I’ve felt guilty about both.

It breaks my heart to think of him sitting at his desk watching everyone else eat their treats. But, it also bothers me to think that his sugar is already that high and, before going down, will probably go higher.

9 times out of 10 if peers are involved I let him go on and eat and just deal with the high later. There are enough things he has to do that make him stand out. I don’t want to add to that.

He’s the only one in his class who pulls out a blood sugar machine before he eats. He’s the only one who sometimes has to sit out at recess because his sugar is low. He’s the only one that the teacher counts his fries before he eats.

Yes, there’s enough already to make him feel different.

Lately, he’s had a lot of highs. I’m guessing he’s going through a growth spurt. I have been increasing basals on a weekly basis for the past several weeks. Still, he sees the 300s at least once a day.

I guess that’s why this has been weighing on me so much lately. When his sugars have been pretty much in range it’s easier to let him have cake and ice cream occasionally even if his sugar is high at the time.

But, now, he’s having all these highs….

It is a horrible feeling when you know whatever decision you make is going to impact your child in a negative way somehow. I’m constantly second-guessing myself. I feel guilty if I let him eat and I feel bad if I don’t.

I don’t know how to solve the problem. A cure, maybe. That would be nice. But, until then what do I do?

What do you think?

Our most difficult meal of the day, sugar-wise, has always been breakfast. For some reason, Riley’s carb coverage is the most at breakfast.

Riley eats the same breakfast every morning: ½ cup cereal, ¼ milk (total of 22g carbs). I know cereal is usually a no no for most PWD but Riley’s sugars usually do pretty well. Or, at least they do now.

For a while he ate a Go-tart every morning (25g of carbs). Yes, I know, lots of sugar, little to no protein, but he liked them, they were easy, and his sugars really did OK. Or, they did after a while.

Riley will eat the same cereal for a while until he gets tired of it and wants to change brands. His sugars do fine, after a while.

My point is this, I have found that when Riley switches cereal or he eats something different than he usually does for breakfast his sugar will be high 2 hours later. This will usually happen for 2-3 days. But, if we continue with the same breakfast, eventually, his sugars even out and are just fine 2 hours later.

Thoughts? Does his body get “used to” what he’s eating? Would it work with other meals?

Riley has been eating cereal every morning for a while. I was out of milk this morning, so he ate a Go Tart. He hasn’t had a Go Tart in a while. I totally expect his sugar to be high at his next check, when it is usually in range.

Does this happen with anyone else?